by Day Leitao
“No.”
“What do you want to do?”
“Look at the stars.”
“Darian, how old are you?”
Funny how it was the first time she had asked him. “I turned fourteen five months ago.” He wished he could forget that day. “You?”
She laughed. “You’re younger than me! I’m fourteen and seven months.”
“Just a little. And it doesn’t matter, does it?”
She was silent for a moment. “I guess it doesn’t. And you really don’t know who I am?”
“Why? Did you give me a fake name?”
She laughed. “That’s my real name. You don’t care who my father is?”
“Why? You want to talk about him?”
She hesitated. “Not really.” Then she laughed. “I have to get used to the idea that you’re younger than me! And shorter.”
“Just a little.”
He lay with his back on the grass, staring at the sky. Cayla turned sideways and rested her head on her hand, her long dark hair touching the ground. “But it doesn’t matter, right?”
“Nothing matters.” He reached out with his hand and touched her hair. It was thick and soft. She looked at him with soft dark eyes. For a moment he thought he wanted to kiss her, but he pushed the thought away. He didn’t want to lose Cayla as a friend. But still, he passed his hands through her hair as they looked at each other. She was so pretty. Just looking at her made him happy.
They walked back to the castle. Darian now knew his way, so she left him at the beginning of his hallway. As he walked to his room, a person moved out of the shadows.
Sian.
“Hello, little brother.”
“I thought you lived in the military complex.”
“I do. Builds character. Of course, you don’t need any of that. But this is not why I’m here. You’re playing with fire, little brother. You need to be more cautious.”
“About what?”
Sian shook his head. “It’s worse than I thought.”
“Whatever you want to tell me—tell me.”
“The girl. Do you have any idea what you’re doing?”
Darian was puzzled that his brother would have a problem with that. “She’s my friend.”
“Friends don’t spend time alone together in the evening.”
“Maybe if I didn’t train all day—”
“Whatever. But be careful. Nobody can catch you.”
“Why?”
Sian snorted. “I don’t know if you’re a mad genius, if you’re dumb, or if you’re just pathetic. You don’t know who she is?”
“Her father works in the castle.”
He nodded. “Indeed. That’s a way to put it. And what is it you like about her? Her entitled attitude? Her bony face?”
“You won’t insult her.” He had raised his right hand in a fist.
Sian took Darian’s hand and lowered it. “Chill. You like her. Great for you. If she feels the same, even greater, but please be careful.”
“She’s my friend, that’s all.”
“Thanks for clarifying: you are pathetic.”
“You like to offend me, I got it. Anything else?”
“Her father. He won’t be happy if he hears she’s been lying on the grass with you.”
“What are you suggesting?”
“Nothing. But her father might suggest something.”
“Who’s her father?”
Sian rolled his eyes. “I’ll leave that up to you to figure out. But please try to find a more discreet place to… be friends. Or something bad could happen.”
Darian didn’t like his brother’s tone or what he was suggesting. “Is this a threat?”
“Of course not. It’s a warning.” He patted Darian’s shoulder, then took a deep breath. “I won’t be around for the next few days. Please make sure you stay alive and unharmed. Keep your head down and you will be fine. I think your wrestling days are over.” He mussed Darian’s hair. “Bye, little brother.”
What had his brother meant? Her father? Who could her father be? Cayla wore simple dresses, walked barefoot, and climbed trees. She was fierce, free, and spontaneous. But then, she did also spend her time studying. Maybe her father was someone important. That could be. He would ask her about it the next evening.
But Cayla didn’t knock on his door the next evening, or the following evening, or the following after that. Finally, on the fifth day, Darian received a message. It said, Sorry. I can’t see you. People are watching.
Darian crumpled the paper in his hands. This had to have his brother’s hand. It was weird Sometimes he thought Sian was kind and even cared about him, but sometimes, he only saw hatred and jealousy. And why? Because he had lived with their mother? Because his father had asked him to live in the castle? All things which Darian had no control over. He tried to understand his brother, but sometimes it was hard. Why keep him from seeing Cayla? What difference did it make to him?
Darian’s only solace is that he started making friends at the academy. He realized people had avoided him in the beginning for fear of his father and brother, but now having learned he was, for the most part, normal, were able to relax in front of him. But he still missed Cayla. She came to his thoughts often, especially when he was alone. It was getting hard to think about her as only a friend. He remembered her lying beside him, couldn’t help the feelings that came to him, and couldn’t stop thinking about it.
5
The Ball
“I can’t dance,” Darian said. His father had just announced that the family had been invited to a ball at the castle the following evening to honor visitors from Arlenia.
Sian laughed. It was one of the few dinners he had been to. “Don’t you do some hocus pocus dancing? For magic or something? Maybe you could adapt it.”
Keen gave a hard glance towards his older son.
Sian looked down. “It was a joke.”
“It is not funny,” Keen said. “You know we’re fighting against it.”
Sian repressed a chuckle. “Because magic is so threatening.”
“Laugh all you want. It menaces peace.”
Sian sat up. “But we’re here to talk about the ball, right?” He pointed to Darian. “I can teach him to dance.”
Darian glared at his brother. “Like you taught me how to wrestle?”
Keen ignored Darian and nodded to his older son. “Do that, Sian. Find him a dance teacher. And a tailor. You two must look like princes.”
“I will, father,” Sian said.
Keen nodded. “Very well. You are dismissed.”
Darian hadn’t finished eating, but he left. Sometimes his father spoke to him as if he were speaking to an inferior in the army. It was still jarring.
As the boys walked out the door, Sian said, “Talk about last minute invite. How inconsiderate.” He looked at Darian. “You don’t really need me to teach you how to dance, do you?”
“Of course not.”
“Well, since you don’t know anything, I’ll give you a tip: hold the girl’s hand and do whatever she wants. That’s apparently also great advice for a relationship.”
“What do you know about it?”
“Nothing. I can’t settle my heart.” He put his hand on his chest and made an exaggeratedly sad face. “So many choices.” He smiled. “I’m kidding. Love is for fools. But we could go to Siphoria tomorrow. I’ll get you a nice suit.”
Darian hadn’t forgotten Sian’s hand in separating him from Cayla. “There’s a tailor in the castle. And I have to train tomorrow.”
“I don’t know if you noticed, but it was an order.”
“What? Now you’re going to tell me what to do?”
“Not me. Our father. You can disobey him at your own risk. But I was told to get you a nice suit and I will. Not a piece of crap from the tailor here.”
“And I can just skip training?”
“You’ll train with me. In Siphoria.” He laughed. “Don’t forget I’m still in char
ge of your training, little brother.”
The next day Darian waited for Sian in his room. His brother arrived wearing a brown overcoat. Darian wore his army uniform.
Sian laughed when he saw him. “You’re not going to Siphoria like that, are you?”
“I don’t have any other clothes.”
“That’s a tragedy! Is that why you meet your friend in your night clothes? I thought you were going for an intimate look.”
“I don’t care about clothes.”
“Girls do, little brother.”
“What do you care about it? The only girl I was friends with was Cayla and you separated us.”
Sian nodded. “Of course. I’m protecting you. You need to find a secret place to meet, that’s all.”
The matter-of-fact confession surprised Darian. “So it was you. What did you do?”
Sian lowered his voice. “I sent her a note. I told her people were watching. That was all. It was the same thing I did to you. I’m a nice future brother-in-law.”
“Sian, we aren’t—”
“I know you aren’t together yet. These things, they take time, patience, persistence, resilience, whatever. I’m going to confess I have no clue. I don’t have time for that nonsense.”
“So don’t try to meddle in stuff you don’t understand.”
Sian smiled. “So now you admit you’re interested in her? You figured who she is?”
“How could I? Thanks to you I never saw her again.”
Sian raised an eyebrow. “Really? I thought you knew.”
Darian took a deep breath and spoke with the calmest voice he could muster. “Aren't you going to tell me?”
Sian chuckled. “Are you kidding me? And ruin the surprise?”
The calm was gone. “Surprise? How?” Darian thought for a moment. “Wait. Is she going to the ball?”
“I don’t have foresight abilities, and if I did, it would be forbidden. But yes, there’s a good chance she’ll be there. One more reason to get a terrific suit.” He looked him up and down. “And some civilian clothes to walk in the city. I’ll get you some.”
It was the first time Darian walked inside the city, away from the military complex. His overcoat was ugly, but it was true that it allowed him to blend in more easily. Many people, from all walks of life, knew his brother—soldiers guarding the city, merchants, passersby… As much as Darian was angry with Sian for separating him from Cayla, there was something pleasant about walking alongside him. Darian was reminded that he still had a bit of his family intact, that he wasn’t alone in the world. In a way, he hoped he could get to know his brother, and that they could one day bridge their differences. Of course, his brother would first have to stop meddling with Darian’s friendships.
At the tailor, there were too many choices of fabrics, styles, and things Darian had never seen. Sian insisted, and Darian let him choose his outfit. But then his brother chose a red velvet suit: exaggerated and flamboyant just like Sian. Nothing like Darian. He would have picked something black or blue.
Sian chose a dark brown suit for himself and tried to justify the choices “People don’t know you, so you’ll want to make a good first impression. Plus, it doesn’t hurt to look dashing for your friend.”
“That’s all nice and neat, but I would rather spend time alone with her and make an impression without worrying about how I’m dressed.”
“I understand. I just want you alive. That’s all. Unlike some people, I care about my family.”
“Are you talking about our mother?”
His smug smile left his face. “We don’t share a mother. And I was talking about me.”
As the time for the ball approached, Darian started to think that letting his brother choose a suit had been a terrible idea. That red was too flashy. Worse, the suit looked hot. He wished he could hide in his bedroom or that Cayla would knock on his door wearing whatever. He wanted to lie on the grass with her, touch her hair, let her touch his.
An actual knock awoke him from his daydream, and he ran to the door wondering if it was her.
It wasn’t.
It was Sian. “I know being late is fashionable and makes an impression, but our father wants us there now.”
Darian got dressed quickly. When he came out, his brother looked him up and down with a happy smile. Maybe he was just proud of his own choice—or was there something more?
They walked together to the ball. Despite its appearance, the suit was not hot. In fact, it kept him cool and didn’t prickle or bother him in any way. If anything, he should be feeling comfortable, if it weren’t for the fact he was wearing bright red.
They walked through long corridors he had never seen and eventually came to a huge hall with white marble walls and columns. Sian whispered, “Whatever happens, don’t do anything stupid.” What a pointless thing to say. What can one do at a ball?
There were many people there, all well-dressed. The women wore impressive puffy dresses. He looked around to see if he found Cayla in one of them, but didn’t see her. On a platform in the corner, sat the King and his entourage. It was the first time Darian saw him in person. He looked much younger and friendlier than Darian had expected. His face was warm and friendly. How deceiving. He sat on a throne beside a beautiful blond woman—his wife. Nobody was allowed to say she was the queen, because the King was the only king. A tall, bald man stood beside him—the king’s counselor. On the king’s other side there were two smaller thrones where his two daughters sat. The younger princess wore a puffy blue dress. The older princess wore a shiny white dress that didn’t shine as much as her black hair.
Darian stopped. The princess looked sideways and he couldn’t see her face. That hair. But it couldn’t be… The princess turned and looked at him. A smile of recognition lit her face. She was happy to see him.
The world stopped while Darian tried to catch his breath. The princess was gorgeous, but it was uncanny, as if she were Cayla’s strange doppelganger, not the girl he considered his friend. She wore large earrings and a choker necklace with a white stone. While they looked beautiful on her, they just didn’t fit with his idea of Cayla. And what was she doing sitting there by the evil king?
Darian stopped and remembered: royal quarters, her surprise when he didn’t recognize her, the secret garden… It should have been obvious, if only he could have accepted that the mysterious girl who reminded him of home was not someone normal like him. But why wouldn’t she tell him? He looked away, feeling betrayed. The beautiful girl sitting by the king looked like a girly girl, not someone who would climb trees and fight like a boy. Now, Darian had no problem with girly girls, but that wasn’t Cayla.
Darian didn’t make eye contact again, but from the corner of his eye, he noticed the way she followed his movements. He walked with his brother to a table near General Keen. Sian was probably having the chuckle of his life, but didn’t show it. He introduced Darian to some high-ranking people from the army. There were also some rich merchants and the prince and attendants from Arlenia. Darian sat, thinking the bright red was perfect. He looked the way he felt—like a fool.
A band started playing. They had instruments Darian had never seen before that played music different from the music he had grown up with in his village. Men and women went to the center of the room, held hands and moved in little steps to one side and then the other. That was supposed to be dancing, even though it looked nothing like it. Darian thought it was boring.
He avoided looking at Cayla, but he glanced sometimes. She sat on her small throne. A young man, the prince of Arlenia, approached her. She smiled, and they got up. Cayla glanced at Darian before going to the middle of the hall with the young prince. They were dancing. He was holding her hands. Her hands. Darian hated that ball.
Sian sat beside him and whispered, “You can also ask her to dance, you know? It’s allowed.”
“I don’t know how to dance.”
“So don’t glare at them, brother, it’s getting obvious.”
&
nbsp; Sian laughed and got up to mingle. He moved among groups of older men, younger men, and women. Some girls pointed at Darian. Meanwhile, a couple girls approached Darian and asked him to dance. He refused politely, explaining he didn’t know how to dance.
When Sian came back he said, “You are indeed dashing, little brother. All the girls are asking who you are.”
“And what did you tell them?”
“I’m telling them you’re my grumpy little brother and they should have me instead.”
“Don’t they get angry?”
“Some do. Some think it’s a good idea.” He laughed. “Then I have to explain I don’t want to offend any of them by choosing only one and they all get angry in the end.”
Darian rolled his eyes. He looked around and saw Cayla dancing. It was her fourth dance. At least each had been with a different man. She had stopped glancing at Darian and now just ignored him.
Sian glanced in her direction, then back at his brother. “You know, if you don’t go talk to her, she won’t come talk to you.”
Darian shrugged. “What’s the difference? If she’s not supposed to be seen with me, maybe it’s better that way.”
“She’s not supposed to be seen alone with you. This is a ball. Everyone talks to everyone. It’s different.”
“She’s obviously too busy to pay attention to me.”
“Well, if you don’t pay attention to her, she’ll sure be too busy, little brother.”
Sian got up. Darian felt relieved. He wasn’t sure if his brother meant to help him or was just trying to annoy him. As for Darian’s clothes, there were indeed many eyes on him, but he wondered whether that was the good kind of attention. Anyways, the attention everyone was giving Cayla didn’t make him feel good at all.
What was it that bothered him so much about seeing Cayla in a pretty dress, dancing with handsome young men, even a prince from another kingdom? Was it seeing other eyes on her? Seeing them touching her hands? Her hands. Even Darian had never held her hands like that.
Ugh. Darian wasn’t jealous. He shouldn’t be jealous. He knew it was wrong. Cayla was free to dance with whoever she wanted, to talk with any and all handsome young men, and to smile at whoever she wished. If she liked him, it wouldn’t make a difference. If Darian only knew that she liked him.