by Day Leitao
* * *
Darian didn’t go to the academy the next day. He was taken to a lift field instead. Lifts were the flying machines Darian had learned to fear, and later respect, in his village. Darian was going to learn how to pilot them. In a way he was happy; he would get a more important position and be one step closer to being able to make a difference for good. Or so he hoped.
7
Wrestling with feelings
Darian’s day had been a lot less tiring than usual. He had dinner with his father, then went to his room. He was going to read and study. Three knocks on the door startled him. He thought it might be Cayla, but he didn’t want to get his hopes up. Maybe it was his brother, but Sian didn’t knock like that.
Darian opened the door and his heart raced. Cayla stood there, hair loose, wearing a summer dress and sandals.
“Do you want to go for a walk?” she asked.
“Sure.”
He followed her. She walked in a different direction this time. They descended stairs and came to a door to a different garden. It didn’t have trees but beautiful flowers. It was also encircled by high walls.
She asked, “It was your brother, wasn’t it? Who sent me the message not to see you anymore?”
“It was. But I think he was just trying to protect me.”
She chuckled. “You believe that? He’s a prick and he’s obviously jealous of you.”
“Leave my brother. One thing doesn’t have anything to do with the other.”
“I hope one brother doesn’t have anything to do with the other. You’re not like him, are you?”
“I don’t know him well.” There was a question he had to ask. “But is he right? Will your father get angry if he sees you with me?”
“These are our private gardens. I’m allowed to come here as much as I want.”
Allowed. There was something unpleasant about that. “Do you usually bring a friend with you?”
She squinted and stared at him. “What do you think?”
He shrugged. “You could come with your sister, a friend, I don’t know.”
“Oh, that. No. I’m the lonely type. And I never had a friend like you, if that’s what you’re asking.”
What kind of friend? He held the question, and said, “I don’t want you to get in trouble.”
She looked straight at him with challenging eyes. “I don’t care. Now you—is it that you don’t want me to get in trouble or are you afraid? If you’re afraid, you can go.”
“I’m not afraid.”
She smiled. “Good.” She pointed to a flowerless patch of grass. “I’ve been dying to practice more wrestling.”
That was what she wanted? Darian hid his disappointment as well as he could. After the ball, after what she’d told him, after the way she’d looked at him, he had expected something different. But that wasn’t even the problem. Since he started to think about her, well, in that way, he didn’t think he would be able to grab her and go to the ground without thinking stuff he shouldn’t be thinking. And there he was thinking right now. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Cayla, I know you’re good at it and you want to get better, but I don’t think you should—”
“It’s that now? Why? Because now you know I’m the princess? You’re going to treat me like some kind of fragile flower? I thought you were different.”
“You’re not a fragile flower and I’m not treating you like one.”
“Then what is it? I’m not good enough for you to practice with?”
“You are, but… Anyways, I’m done with the fighting. I’m learning to pilot now.”
“Great. Who cares if she wants to learn self-defense? Who cares what she thinks? I’m done with it and I don’t care.”
“What about you? You want a practice buddy, find a practice buddy. Don’t pretend to…” He stopped.
“To what?”
“To be my friend.”
“Friends do things together.”
Darian swallowed. He hoped she had no idea of the things he wished they did together. “We can talk.”
“We can find a middle ground—how’s that? We practice a little, then do whatever you want. You were helping me. It’s not fair.”
“It’s not that. I swear. It’s just that you are a girl and I’m a guy, and… I don’t want to, uh, be touching you. It could be inappropriate.”
She sighed and said, “Darian, it’s me and you. Nothing’s inappropriate.”
Her tone was sweeter than ever, but she must have had no idea what he’d been thinking. In a way, he felt bad, as if he were crossing a mental line he shouldn’t cross, but on the other hand, she was the one who’d started. I like to see you shirtless. Well, what did she expect? He took a deep breath and shoved away those thoughts.
Cayla asked, “What’s wrong?”
Darian decided to ask as much as he could. “You don’t see anything wrong in me touching you?”
She rolled her eyes. “Why would I?” She looked down and seemed hurt. “You’re being weird.” She shook her hands in front of her. “Fine then. Don’t touch me. What a horrible thing that would be.” She sounded angry. She turned around and started walking away.
He rushed towards her and put a hand on her shoulder. “Hey, hey, not that. Stay. I was just trying to be respectful. That was all.”
She turned and looked at him. “Why did you change?”
“I didn’t. I just missed you. It’s just…” He stopped, unsure of what to say.
“It’s what?”
He closed his eyes. He wasn’t sure how she saw him. Did she see him as a friend only? A practice buddy? Maybe she didn’t even realize he was a boy. Maybe that was why she thought he was so different from other guys. Maybe she didn’t expect him to think about her that way. But then, sometimes he thought she liked him the same way he liked her, and that she liked to tease him. Either way, he didn’t want to upset her.
“You know what? I was being silly. I learned a lot with you and I respect you as an adversary. Of course we can practice.”
She smiled. “Phew. I was starting to think you were bitten by a bug or something. You’d start to say: my dear princess Cayla, even the stars envy your beauty.”
That annoyed him. “Who said that?”
She shrugged. “I told you everyone says stuff like that. Not necessarily that, but just as idiotic.”
He still felt hurt. “And I can’t think you’re pretty?”
“You can.” That emphasis. Wow, that emphasis. “You’d never say anything idiotic or make it the center of our conversation.”
He laughed. “Well, your hair is like the night sky, your eyes like the stars, and your smile is a half-moon illuminating the night. Like it?”
She burst out laughing. “Charming. I’m going to fall in love just because you noticed my hair is black.”
“You should. I’m so poetic.”
She shook her head and then looked away. “I’d only fall in love with someone who respects me as an equal, not a pretty prize.” She glanced at him.
He caught his breath. He wasn’t sure if she meant she could fall in love with him, if she’d fallen in love already, or if she was explaining what it would take for her to fall in love. Regardless, the hint was clear.
He walked to the path of grass she’d pointed out. “How do you want to start?”
She followed him and smiled. “Now you’re interested. What a change.”
“I told you, I was being stupid.”
“Are you going to touch me like a flower?”
He decided to be straightforward. “I’ll touch you however you want.”
She laughed.
“What?” He asked.
“You sound funny.”
Great. Maybe she did see him as only her stupid practice buddy. “You’re going to mock me now?”
“No. Not that. It’s just… You sounded like…” She looked down.
“I’m talking about wrestling, in case it wasn’t clear. Cause that’s all you
care about, right?”
She squinted. “Still on that?”
He shook his head. “I’m just saying it’s something important to you. I still think you should learn different combat techniques.”
“But I do. Odell teaches me.”
His heart beat faster. “Who’s Odell?”
She rolled her eyes. “My father’s counselor. He’s my teacher. He’s old and he’s ugly. You aren’t jealous, are you?”
He shrugged. “Why would I be?”
She looked away. “No reason.”
“If you know the answer you don’t have to ask.”
“I didn’t know it was obvious.” Cayla squinted. “Thanks for clarifying.”
She seemed mad, but this game of push and pull had left him confused. It was better to focus on practicing. “How do you want to start? Any special move?”
“No. I think I’ve got it. I doubt you can throw me on the ground.”
“You’re daring me?”
She smiled. “Maybe. Maybe that’s why you don’t want to practice. You don’t want to lose to a girl.”
“There’s nothing to that. You’re strong and you’re good.”
“Well, I’m sick of you taking it easy on me. I want to beat you fair and square.” She was definitely in a mood to tease and test him.
“As you wish, princess.”
“My title is not an offense.”
“I meant none.”
She tilted her head. “I’m waiting. Take me down.”
Darian advanced. He knew she was going to try to trip him with her right leg. Maybe he had been taking it easy on her—he could predict her moves. He jumped to his right and tried to trip her left leg, but she had predicted that as well. She stood sideways and pushed him. He grabbed her left arm and pulled her beneath him. He was lying on top of her, pinning her arms. “Like this?”
She smiled. “Impressive.”
“Do you want a rematch?”
She smiled. “No hurry.”
No hurry. Cayla was nuts. First she’d been teasing him to wrestle her and now she seemed happy where she was.
Where she was. Their positions dawned on him and he felt her body beneath him. Her eyes met his in surprise, then relaxed, opening wide—a lake his own eyes dove into. He loosened his grip on her wrists and slid his hands from her arms to her waist. She put her arms around him.
He’d never been so close to a girl before, but he didn’t feel awkward or afraid. It felt right, natural. It felt good to feel her close to him, to see her looking at him like that. He wanted to relish each moment.
She touched his face and he turned and started to kiss her wrist. She closed her eyes and smiled. He then kissed her cheek and kept kissing, slowly making his way to her lips. He’d been dreaming of kissing her for a while now, but he’d never imagined it would be like this or that they would be so close. She liked him. Him. His lips reached the corner of her mouth. She turned her head and their lips met.
The kiss never came.
Darian heard a loud boom. He raised his head to see what had caused it and saw five soldiers jumping down from the walls, guns pointed at them.
“Arrest him!” a man said. It was one of the high-ranking commanders Darian had seen at the ball. By his side, looking away, a person Darian could not believe was there: Sian.
Two soldiers grabbed Darian, while two others held Cayla.
Darian shouted, “Don’t touch her!”
Sian whispered in his ear, “Be silent or it will be worse.”
“I won’t,” Darian said.
His brother put a cloth with a strong smell in front of his nose and everything went dark. The last image in Darian’s mind was Cayla, looking at him, fearful and worried.
Darian woke up in a cell. He was sitting on a chair and his hands and feet were in shackles. He heard a voice say, “He woke up.”
The door to his cell opened, and he saw that army commander and Sian by his side.
The commander said, “You’re under severe accusations, boy. You’re lucky your brother cares for you. He wants you to have a clean, painless death.”
Sian looked away, his face a mask.
“What accusations?” Darian asked.
The commander laughed. “If you don’t know what you did, I’m not going to tell you.”
Darian hated to ask this question, but he had to: “Where’s my father?”
The commander laughed. “Your father? He disowned you and won’t be involved.”
“What about Cayla?”
Sian shook his head. But what did Darian care?
The commander said, “She claims you were assaulting her, the king’s daughter. The penalty is death. We’ll see about the clean death later.”
The commander and Sian left. Darian had a hard time believing Cayla would accuse him, but then, he had no idea what she was going through, and if she had to make up lies to save herself. Who knows, they could have tortured her. The thought filled him with dread.
It was hard to believe his life would end like this and that he would never do anything meaningful. But then, his life had been nothing but emptiness since his mother had died. The one bright spot had been Cayla. He’d die thinking about the moment they had looked into each other’s eyes. His only regret was that they had never kissed.
And Sian—how could he have betrayed him like this? All this time, pretending to help him when in fact he wanted to catch him. He hoped his death would make his brother happy.
It was hard to sleep when he could not lie down, but he eventually dozed off. He had the impression that he saw his brother in the middle of the night, but he wasn’t sure. At some point, someone shook his shoulder.
Darian opened his eyes and saw a bald man in a long robe. It took him some time to realize it was the king’s counselor. He had keys and opened Darian’s shackles. The door of the cell was open.
The man said, “I’m Odell and I come as a friend. I’m here to help you.”
“You also want to give me a clean death?”
“I said I come as a friend. I’m Cayla’s teacher. She’s almost like a daughter to me, so you’ll understand my concern.”
“How is she?”
“She threatened to kill herself.”
“No.”
“Her father told her to go ahead. I think she was bluffing, but I told her I’d help you.”
“Don’t let anything happen to her.” He looked down. “I didn’t do anything. We didn’t do anything.”
“I know.”
“Tell the king, then!”
“It’s not that simple— we’ll have to be diplomatic—but first there’s something I want from you.”
“What?”
“The truth—if you’re willing to give it to me. I want to make sure I can trust you.”
Darian shrugged. “You can ask anything you want—”
“It’s… more complicated than that. I have a potion. It will make you tell the truth.”
“Aren’t potions forbidden?”
“Sometimes we need extreme measures.”
“And you want me to drink it, so you can question me?”
“Yes.”
Darian shrugged. “I have nothing to hide.”
“You’re quite confident! But see, I must warn you: this potion can be quite unsettling. You may say things even you weren’t aware of. And there’s more: you must not fight it or it could suffocate and kill you.”
This sounded dangerous. “And what do I get if I drink it and answer your questions?”
“You don’t have to drink it. I’ll save your life anyway. I just want to know if I should make her forget you.”
“I’ll drink it.” Darian looked around. The cell door was open and the hall was silent. “Where’s everybody?”
“I made them sleep for a while. We’ll need privacy.” He invited Darian to a table in a corner. He hadn’t seen it because it was behind his chair. There was water and bread. Odell said, “Eat and drink, but not too much, or you m
ight feel sick.”
Darian drank some water and ate some pieces of bread. He was starving, but he wanted to do this potion thing and maybe find a way to survive. Odell was strange but he seemed concerned about Cayla, and it was true she’d mentioned that he was teaching her to fight. Plus, Darian knew he’d done nothing wrong and was eager at having a chance to prove his innocence.
Odell took a flask and handed it to Darian. The man said, “Drink slowly and relax. Don’t fight it.”
The drink was thick and viscous. It wasn’t even liquid, it was more like a paste, and tasted horrible.
“You can drink some water,” Odell said.
Darian drank, to help him swallow. What was that thing?
“How do you feel?” Odell asked.
“Afraid,” Darian said. He’d meant to say he felt normal.
“Good, good,” Odell said. “Now, I’m going to start asking questions. Just relax and say whatever comes to mind. Don’t try to control or fight what you’re saying. You will say things you might think are lies. Don’t fight it. You will answer my questions and say nothing else. I’m bringing out the truth within you. The truth is coming out.” He snapped his fingers. “What’s your name?”
“Darian.”
“And your full name?”
“We don’t use them where I come from.”
“Where were you born?”
That was easy—his village—but he said something else. “I don’t know.”
“How come?”
“My mother was on the run and I’m not sure if the story she told me about my childhood is true.” Darian felt as if there was a stranger within him answering the questions.
Odell nodded. “How long have you known Cayla?”
The stranger within him didn’t say anything odd this time. “Since my first night at the castle. Five months ago.”
“How did you meet her?”
“I felt something calling me. I left my room and then stumbled on her.” What?
“Did you know she was the princess?”
“Yes and no.” Bizarre answer.
Odell raised his eyebrows. “How come?”
“I knew she was the princess, but I convinced myself she wasn’t.” Another bizarre answer.