Table of Contents
Cover
Title Page
Copyright
Playlist
Dedication
Prologue
One
Two
Three
Four
Five
Six
Seven
Eight
Nine
Ten
Eleven
Twelve
Thirteen
Fourteen
Fifteen
Sixteen
Seventeen
Eighteen
Nineteen
Twenty
Twenty One
Twenty Two
Twenty Three
Twenty Four
Twenty Five
Twenty Six
Twenty Seven
Twenty Eight
Twenty Nine
Thirty
Thirty One
Thirty Two
Thirty Three
Epilogue
Follow the Author
Irrevocable
Fated
Version 1F
ISBN 978-1535258746
Copyright © A. S. Roberts
All Rights Reserved Worldwide
Any unauthorised reprint or use of this material is prohibited. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form, or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without the express permission of the author.
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, organisations and places or events are either a product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or locations is entirely coincidental.
I am an English author and write in British English.
Image copyright©2016
Edited by Karen J.
Proofreading by The fireball fillies.
Beta read by The fireball fillies.
Cover art by M A Bussiere.
Formatting by Stacey Mosteller.
All songs, song titles mentioned in this novel are the property of the respective songwriters and copyright holders.
Playlist
Spotify
As always, this is dedicated to my long-suffering husband and our fantastic boys!
Love you all xxx
This book is also dedicated to my friends, supporters and allies in this writing world. Behind every successful woman is a tribe of other successful women, who have her back. So this is dedicated to Debi, Crystal, Jen, Sheri, Sarah, Debbie, Kirsty, Tammi, Mel, Stacey, CJ, Melody, RJ and Karen. Thank you for having my back and wanting to know Nathan and Bella’s story, even when I wasn’t quite certain of it myself.
To all of you who fell in love with Nathan and Bella in Fated.
This is for you xx
BELLA
Six months previously
The sight that met my eyes was only to be expected. I couldn’t remember having ever looked worse.
Well maybe only once before.
I fumbled around with my thick, long blonde hair, finally settling on just scraping it back, out of my washed-out, pasty-looking face and I secured it up with a hair tie. The red rims of my blue eyes, were only being counterbalanced by the huge dark circles that made me look like one of the walking dead, but that’s how I felt, so it was hardly surprising. I could tell myself that it was the overhead light creating this hideous ensemble, but I knew a lie when it hit me smack in the face. Gone was the Chanel-suited front I usually wore; this was the emotionally exposed me.
I really had to compose myself and go tell the beautiful man I had fallen for, we couldn't be together, not now, not ever. I was the strong one normally who always gave those who meant something to me the advice they needed, whether they wanted it or not!
I had to use that strength of character now, to walk away.
Who was I kidding? He was going to see right through me.
I knew one thing and one thing only. If I didn't do a really good job of this, he wouldn't let me go. He would come after me. With the decision I had recently made, that was the last thing we both needed.
In order to take control of my life in the future, I needed to confront my past. Hiding and running away just wasn’t working for me anymore. Nathan was always in the media spotlight, he certainly didn't need my sordid past invading his life.
So, there was the problem I was facing. How do you convince the person you could see yourself with forever, who made every hair on your body stand on end just by being in the same room, who made your very broken heart flutter like it had wings… that you felt none of these things, and never had or would, with him?
I sure as hell didn't know. The panic inside me was beginning to build. This was precisely why I hadn’t wanted to let him in. I had fought with every fibre of my being to keep him out, to just be his fuck buddy.
Fuck buddy was all I had to offer.
Nathan deserved someone who was whole. Ioan Antonescu had ruined me for anyone else and that was precisely why I needed to go back home, to confront my past. My cracked and damaged outer shell was never going to be good enough for someone like him, he warranted more and I had realised it too bloody late. The notorious playboy wanted all of me. The only problem was, I no longer had all of me to give. I had been broken into pieces and wasn’t sure I would ever be whole again.
My eyes rested once again on the image in my mirror, I inhaled a huge breath and gripped the sink unit until my knuckles went white.
‘You can do this, Bella… he deserves better than the crappy history of your life coming back to the surface.’ I wasn’t sure who I was trying to convince, but it wasn't bloody well working on me.
My thoughts were broken by the image of my gorgeous bestie, Frankie, appearing in the doorway of my bathroom. ‘OK… well I’m off to Alex’s apartment, if you’re sure you don’t need me? Just come knocking or text me if and when you want me… OK?’ Her arms came around me, as she tried to squeeze some much needed strength into me. I clasped her arms tightly for a minute or two. The look on her face spoke volumes, it always conveyed her every thought, and it communicated a mixture of love and pity, along with the fact that she felt so bloody useless. We had been best friends since secondary school and we knew each other’s deepest secrets.
‘Right, I’m off.’ I spoke the words with more conviction than I felt and released the hold she had on me, moving away quickly.
The worst moment of my life had arrived. I had thought that I would never say that again, after what had happened when I was fifteen, but here it was… something worse. The heady realisation hit me.
Wasn’t that just a turn up for the books?
I wiped my sweaty hands down the front of my leggings and knocked hesitantly on Nathan’s door.
The heavy door swung quickly open, almost as though he had been waiting there for me all night. The spicy sandalwood smell of him invaded my nostrils, with an immediate and devastating effect. The pounding rock music he had obviously been listening to permeated my soul, I felt his pain right there in the music.
‘Darlin,’ his deep voice cracked slightly, like he was dehydrated. I watched his finger press the button on his remote, reducing the volume of the music so we could talk.
I couldn't meet his gaze and kept my eyes firmly downwards, looking at his bare feet and old faded blue jeans. Nathan’s hand moved in an open gesture, indicating that I should enter his apartment. I brushed past him trying to make as little contact as possible. It had been deliberate on his part, creating such a small gap, and it left me little choice but for our bodies to make a connection in some way. That brief touch, and the reverberation of every nerve in my body as
it sung with the meeting, caused my eyes to sting with the pressure of my withheld emotions. I became more aware of the shuddering breaths I was beginning to take.
My heart pounded strongly as I made my way over to my favourite place in his apartment, the large picture windows of the penthouse. The views of Central Park were simply amazing and I cast my eyes down to the city below, just trying to steady my already spiralling emotions.
‘Drink?’ I heard from just behind me. I shook my head. I could laugh at his flawless manners, even in this extremely fucked up scenario, but I was sure my laughs would turn to hysteria, so I didn’t dare.
Nathan had obviously moved nearer to me now; I could sense him there. I lifted my gaze and found his deep hazel eyes staring back at me in the reflection of the window, and I really didn't like what I saw. Never before had I seen such pain fill those normally dancing flirtatious eyes, and knowing I was the cause of it was literally tearing me up from the inside out.
I wasn't proud, that was for certain. I just needed to keep reminding myself this was for the best, in the long run. I was doing it with the best of intentions.
‘I’d ask you how you are, but I can see,’ he offered.
I watched in the reflection as he shoved his hands deep inside his jeans pockets. I knew it would push them down slightly and his white t-shirt would lift, baring the skin I so loved to touch. I wasn't going to look there, I just couldn’t.
‘Come on then, let’s get it goddamn over with, Bella… I can see right through you. I know what the fuck is coming next,’ he nodded slightly.
I wasn’t sure, as I was still staring at his reflection in the glass and not the man himself, but I thought I saw his face change with that statement and his expression altered to something I hadn't witnessed before. It was as if he had slipped a mask on over his head, and pulled the elastic tightly to mould to his skin.
‘We can’t be together, you and I… I don't love you… We agreed when all this started, it was just to give in to the lust we had for each other… it was never supposed to become bloody serious.’ The words tripped over each other in their haste to come out of my mouth.
Talking only to Nathan’s reflection in the window was the coward’s way out. I knew it and so did he.
‘I won’t fucking believe anything you say, unless you turn around and at least have the fucking decency. TO. SAY. IT. TO. MY. FACE.’
I heard the words but hesitated, once I turned he would be able to see the real me, not the false act I was trying to portray. Holding my breath, I wiped the few silent tears off my cheeks and I spun around, slowly lifting my eyes to his. As our eyes finally connected, I shuddered with the contact. I realised for the first time that he had always been able to see the real me, so what I needed to say was going to hurt us even more than I had first thought.
‘I’m sorry… I just don’t think of you like that. We’re like ships passing in the night. I didn’t ask for you to fall in love with me,’ I started my multitude of lies. A silence filled the large room, both of us reluctant to break our connection with any more words, until finally he spoke.
‘So at what fucking goddamn point are you going to tell me the truth, huh?’ The volume of his voice had started to rise again.
I watched as he ran his left hand through his unruly dirty-blond hair, and then crossed his arms in front of his chest. The feeling of panic was bubbling up inside me again. Standing by the window was beginning to feel like an extremely bad idea, positioning myself next to something so cold and exposed was making all my senses latch on to the tall figure in front of me, I could feel the heat radiating off him in his controlled anger.
‘I don’t have anything more to say… only I’m sorry it’s come to this.’
‘You’re sorry, huh?’
I nodded at him, trying to convince him of the declaration I had just made.
‘The one thing I can’t cope with, Bella is not being told the truth… I KNOW you’re lying… I KNOW you love me, even if you won’t FUCKING admit it to yourself.’ His face came closer and closer to mine, until I could taste his minty breath just by licking my lips. ‘When all is said and done, I won’t fucking fight for someone who is too chicken shit to fight for me… for us… I won’t have… any more fucking lies in my life.’
He uncrossed his arms suddenly. The movement caused my eyes to leave his and to focus on his muscular, tattooed forearms. I watched as he held his clenched fist over the top of his heart, it was clenched so tightly it made his wrist bulge against the antique leather wrist cuffs that he always wore. It was like he was singing the national anthem in anger. He hit his chest as he started to speak again.
‘Know this, Bella, I know that part of me will always love you and the moment you can tell me the truth about what’s going on in your life and open up to me, I will be there for you. Just… don’t leave it too fucking late, darlin.’ He reached out to me as he traced along my collarbone with his index finger. I trembled with the emotion I felt, in the gentlest of touches. It was so hard trying to control the fact that I wanted so desperately to be in his arms.
Breaking away quickly, I fled the small space I had been standing in and the apartment. Not able to stomach watching him in pain anymore, pain that I had caused him. Knowing that if I stayed, we would end up back in his bed. I quickly found myself next-door and in my bedroom. I threw myself down onto the floor, gripped the carpet with both hands and I screamed, like a wild animal in pain.
Finally, I felt Frankie fall to her knees beside me, she held me in her arms cradling me, rocking me, trying so hard to comfort me.
The only thought in my head was, “how late is too late?”
BELLA
PRESENT DAY
The feelings of relief and excitement rushed over me as I stood waiting by the luggage carousel. I was watching the pieces of luggage go around and around almost to the point of being mesmerised, and I studied the expressions of the happy people either arriving on holiday, or back home, their joviality was catching.
It was great to finally allow myself to feel again, happiness and excitement surged through me. I had spent too long living with only the feelings of hate and anger coursing through my blood stream. Taking a big cleansing breath of American air and closing my eyes, I relaxed, as much as was possible.
I was back!
In my head, I was punching my fist into the air.
Truth be told my heart hadn’t left this country, even though my body had fled to the UK six months previously.
It would be so good to see Frankie. Just thinking about my bestie put a smile firmly on my face, and a feeling of contentment washed over me. The excitement was building for her wedding in a week’s time to Alex Blackmore. He was so good for her, she deserved a man like him, not many people find their sort of love. That man was besotted with her and would move heaven and earth to make sure she was happy. After all she had been through she deserved all the happiness he could give her, and I was his biggest cheerleader.
My timing couldn’t have been better. Frankie had held off as long as Alex would let her, as it had been touch and go whether I was going to make it back in time for the wedding. My investigations had come to a climax and my evidence had been turned in to the police. My part was over and done with, well at least for now.
Just then, I spotted the orange strap on my black case. I moved myself into the right spot, and hauled it off the conveyer belt and onto the trolley. Moving the trolley as quickly as I could around the swarm of people, I headed towards the exit, just making a very quick pit stop at the ladies’.
I didn’t need to go, but just wanted to check how I looked. I glanced up and down quickly in the full-length mirror. I knew to expect heat at this time of year, so after running a brush through my thick mane of hair, I swept it up into a messy bun. My makeup was fairly natural and needed no tweaking, luckily. I smoothed my hands over my navy and white striped T-shirt and navy Capri pants, trying absentmindedly to brush away the creases.
I hadn
't flown into East Hampton airport before, and the layout was completely new to me. A phone call just a couple of days ago from Frankie had told me to expect Edwards, one of their drivers and part of their security team and I was even looking forward to seeing him. My family was back in the UK, but America was where I felt most comfortable and I was looking forward to moving on with my life. I only had a couple of concerns, and one of them was the very sexy brother of the groom, Nathan Blackmore. I knew I wasn’t here just for the wedding. I wondered if I could convince him that it wasn’t too late for us?
The sun was hot and bright as I walked out of the terminal building. Having been in Europe for a few months my eyes were no longer used to such intensity, but as my sunglasses were sitting fashionably on top of my head, all it took was a quick flick of my wrist to have them in place and shielding my eyes.
My ballet pumps made barely any noise at all as I dragged my huge, luckily wheeled, suitcase behind me. I had never been able to bring a minimal amount of clothing, no I was one of those girls that packed everything, including the kitchen sink, just in case. I glanced around at the awaiting vehicles, but my survey was broken by the shout of my name.
‘Bella… over here,’ came the deep voice I instantly recognised, but didn’t expect.
My eyes fell onto the extremely tall and broad figure of a man leaning against a Range Rover. I smiled and waved back quickly, watching as he peeled his lithe body away from the vehicle and strode over to me. One hand running through his black hair and the other pushed slightly into the waistband of his shorts.
What was it about these Blackmore men?
I took him in as he came closer to me and I watched, as did all the other women, as he walked past them without him even giving them a sideward glance. Alex was dressed casually in grey cargo shorts and a white fitted polo, which was undone at the neck, the collar was untidy in a ridiculously sexy way, and the cuffs of the T-shirt gripped tightly around the well-defined muscles on his arms. The casual relaxed image topped off by the leather sliders on his feet.
Inevitable Page 1