CHAPTER 23
So? That’s what the arched eyebrow, the slack in the jaw-line, that turn just that sly dip of his head – but mostly the restrained wink: she knew he forced himself not to wink, this is what made her … no, forced her, no twisted her: Yeah, twisted! … in her own mind: THE END – once of Courting, now of Coupling … but this time …
March she calls him; not words, they didn’t need words.
He had no words for her: "You’re nothing!" is all echo in his flesh. And it is into this nothingness that he flings … but this time: "You’re just a dick?" amused?
"Yeah," lasciviously; wickedly, as Badly as he could enflesh the feeling, the sound, the scream of his lungs.
So, she took his dick. Knowing why it was only a dick. "You’ve a bigger dick than Xer!" … and it is all her Play. All her way.
March is screaming upon her: words and sounds and slaps and grunts and growls so fierce, so out of control, so abandoned that it is the effect of glossolalia: there is a break-through into the divine, the sacred, the Holy of Holies … "I parted the curtain and there was nothing."
As Zav touches her, the code is ultimately broken: not that she had had any doubts, just that it was a confirmation: finality.
He has been kissing her for hours: as if all time is but one hour.
"I love you" was translated into more acts of adoration than she could number.
"I adore you," need not be spoken.
It was in such a moment that she heard her Sister call-forth, "Exult me!"
Knowing in that coded phrase their un-pregnant selves.
Deciphering what was in the Four-Square, but then not.
What would Zav had made of it? Any more than Xer would have?
There had never been a scintilla of breath where she had not been in both worlds: In Africa and Now. She had no concern about the others: not a concern in terms of March’s world – no need for balancing columns, for a zero-sum: no, she had become pregnant: which was her allowing herself to become unbalanced, chaotic, damaged, altered, abused, transformed, jilted … Lilith laughs: Lan laughs: Cilla laughs: Priscilla laughs.
"You don’t get it, do you?" With-holding "idiot, numb-skull," and other "Fool!" accolades.
"Put it away!" Almost wanting to laugh; it was all too silly.
"No, bud, I won’t," as he wags it about as it hardens and he pushes it this way, that way, stroking it; always with eyes upon his Brother.
Zav wants to say, We’re too old for this! … but there have been the dreams: Where did it come from but the dreams? blurting out: "You’re dead, fellow, March is dead!"
Mark ignites as the judgment is rendered.
The Embrace gathers. "Why are we together?"
Had it been this simple question which all had truly not faced?
"In truth, has the asking prevented us from doing?
Lilith had no need for words which she did not know nor would not have known if heard from an Ancient One: apostasy, heresy, blasphemy, damnation – certainly not Damnation!
"I don’t want to be your friend."
Zav listened.
"I won’t be." Stated forthrightly, not petulantly.
Xer hammered his right temple with the butt of his hand.
"I never have been."
Mark ignores her.
"Sister," to the one not-Big.
"Sister, why are we together?"
The Embrace ceased to be. Not that it disappeared. Oh, no, one of the First Truths of this now nominated "Ultimate Ascension" – being not Ultimate as they ultimately grasped! – is that nothing disappears: all is Present: what is termed Past and Future is what is simply forgotten or ignored or, more Truthfully, simply not robustly seen: not peered into.
"So?"
"Just one look?" issued on wings of hopefulness; of delightful expectation; of sacral awesomeness.
"Ha!" she laughs: a sonic boom, just one.
PART 3: COMMUNING
Intimates: A Journey Towards Sacred Sexuality Page 32