She became pregnant.
She became pregnant on purpose.
She stopped taking her pills.
He never stopped using condoms.
She sometimes put pin-size holes in the condoms.
Still, she never became pregnant.
Either the condoms held, or he was shooting blanks.
She then lubed herself one day with baby oil before making love to him.
She knew that baby oil practically destroyed condoms.
One day the condom broke.
Six weeks later she was pregnant.
Pregnancy put a smile on her face.
It put a look of despair on his.
Shortly after that the arguments started. The word sabotage was used. It had already been on his mind, but one day he had the audacity to say it. It was one of the most heated arguments they ever had. At the high point of the argument, she confessed her transgression. It was a confession that she now knew should have never left her lips. That was a secret that she should’ve taken with her to the grave. She would never forget the hurt in his eyes that day.
His five-year plan was in ruins. At the very least, severely delayed; compromised. He confessed his five-year plan was not just for him, but for them. He wanted a baby; but not now; not two years into his five-year plan. He wanted to be a father one day, but not now, not this way, not . . . unmarried. He confessed all this to her. She was unmoved by his words.
“Marry me, then,” she said.
“I’m not ready. We’re not ready.”
“You mean you aren’t ready.”
“Okay then, I’m not ready, now what?”
“Why not?”
“I want to be in a better position financially if I’m going to be a father. I want my child to have more than what I had as a child. I want money to be no object. I want to be more financially secure.”
“It’s not like we’re struggling now!”
“No, but it’s not what I anticipated. It’s not something I’m ready for. Korie, you know that I have a plan . . . a five-year plan and—”
“Fuck your five-year plan!” she heard herself say. “You can’t plan life!”
“No, but you can obviously plan an unwanted pregnancy!”
“I love you!” she screamed.
“Love doesn’t trap people! Love doesn’t sabotage; love should be patient.”
“Fuck patience! I want us! I want our lifestyle back! I want things back to the way they were when we first began dating! I want you to be with me!”
“What about our future, Korie? What about my career?”
“Being pregnant doesn’t mean you can’t have those things.”
“No, it just means that it will take longer for me to have the things that I want.”
On and on into the night they fought. Harsh things were said. By the morning neither was sure they wanted to be with the other. They both began to think that perhaps they weren’t soul mates. Weeks after that, two people that were very much in love were strangers to one another living under the same roof.
The tension in the air was as thick as black smoke. The animosity burned the very essence of the air they breathed. They would each come home and simply not speak to one another. He would go in one room and she would go to the other. Both would stay out late some nights, and neither called the other to inquire when the other would be home. They both thought it was the beginning of the end. Neither of them, however, was bold enough to say it.
A few weeks after that, Korie miscarried.
With her first words to him in months, she blamed him.
He blamed her.
She said it was the stress he put her under.
He said perhaps it wasn’t meant to be.
She went back to the room she was in.
He went back to his home office, where he slept most days.
They returned to their mutual corners like prizefighters—neither won, both seemed to have lost and lost big.
She cried at night. She didn’t let him hear her, but she cried each and every night after losing the baby.
He lay awake at night staring at the ceiling and sighing with a heavy heart. He wondered, Was he wrong to not want to struggle? He wondered, Was he wrong to deny himself happiness? He loved Korie. He wanted to give her the world. He lay in bed at night and wished each night that he could fast-forward time so she could see that he was right. They could have everything their hearts desired if she was patient.
She lay awake at night crying herself to sleep at times. She reminisced about the way things once were, and the way that things could be; struggle or not. She too wished that she could fast-forward time so he could see that struggle wasn’t so bad. She wanted him to see that she was right, that they could make it on what they made.
They both wondered what could have been. They wondered how life would be different with a little one. They both wished, they both wondered, but neither said anything to the other. Their love life was in limbo. They seemed no longer like a couple so much as they were two people in the same household who simply . . . coexisted.
One day Korie came home and everything he owned was gone. He left a check on the counter and a letter. She sarcastically wondered how giving her that check would affect his beloved five-year plan. She read the note.
Korie,
We want different things. It’s obvious that we are on two different paths. I always hoped that no matter what path I took, you would be there by my side. This isn’t good-bye forever, but it is good-bye for now. Sweetheart, I work as hard as I do today to prepare for a better tomorrow. I know you think it’s okay to struggle. I don’t. There’s nothing romantic about struggle. I know our parents struggled and they made it. I don’t want the life they had. I want much more. I deserve more. You deserve more. I’m hurt that you decided to become pregnant. Starting a family is something that should be mutually agreed upon. Korie, I’m not ready for all that yet. I need to work on my career. That needs to be my focus right now. I can’t be distracted by the drama in our relationship. I shouldn’t wonder in the back of my mind if you and I are on the same page, or be anxious when I make love to you and wonder if you are trying to sabotage things. Perhaps we’ll find our way back into one another’s lives. I do want to spend the rest of my life with you, but only after I’m successful—only AFTER my five-year plan. I’m sorry. The rent is paid for the remainder of the year. The check on the table should be enough for you to make ends meet. My number won’t change and you can feel free to call me anytime, day or night.
I love you
He left. He wasn’t man enough to say what had to be said to her face. He took the coward’s way out. Bastard, she thought. He left. She never saw him again. She never called and neither did he. There was no good-bye, no explanation; she didn’t even get to express her side of the story. He left her in the worst way that a man could leave a woman. For that, for a time, she hated him.
She got off of the interstate and headed to Bolingbrook, Illinois. The house that she pulled in front of this time was smaller than the Underwoods’ home but was still quite magnificent from the driveway. The home had been sold just a few days ago to a young Hispanic couple. The home was listed at 900,000 dollars. The listing said that it had four bedrooms, three and half bathrooms, and was about five thousand square feet. The home was two stories tall. It had hardwood floors, window treatments, and a huge family room, den, kitchen, and a full basement. The appliances were stainless steel. It had granite countertops and there was a golf course off in the distance to the rear of the home. The best feature of all? It was empty. The couple she was meeting with wanted to start with all new furniture.
Korie got out of her car and was greeted by a beautiful woman named Maria Santiago and her husband, William. The couple was all smiles and quite excited to see her. This was yet another referral that came from Jayna. The Santiagos were customers of Jayna’s firm, and they did quite well for themselves by investing.
“Ms. Dillon?” Mrs. S
antiago asked.
“Yep, that’s me.” Korie said, smiling from behind her designer shades.
“I’m so excited to show you my home.”
“I’m very excited to see it.”
“Please . . . come in.”
Mrs. Santiago asked Korie to make her home look like something you would see on MTV’s Cribs. Korie stated she would do her best. Mrs. Santiago wanted tips on each room in the house, and Mr. Santiago wanted to know what Korie’s fee was. Korie stated her fee was 2000 dollars to decorate their home. Of course, the cost of the furniture and furnishings would be paid for by the Santiagos. When Mr. Santiago didn’t question her price, Korie knew that she was in business. One thing that she loved to do these days was spend someone else’s money.
Korie and Mrs. Santiago walked through the house and in each room Korie gave her decorating ideas. Mrs. Santiago confessed that as soon as the house was complete she wanted to have a huge dinner party.
With a dinner party in mind, Korie explained that rather than have a huge gathering in one area, perhaps the thing to do was stage the house in small gatherings throughout. She suggested occasional chairs around the house, two sofas facing one another in one room, with a single chair at either end. This way up to four conversations could take place at once.
Korie walked into the living room, which was huge, and explained that formal living rooms tended to be symmetrical. She suggested one large painting to anchor the space. Because the couple was Hispanic, Korie suggested an oil copy of a work by Goya: La Gallina Ciega, an amazing period painting that was two dimensional, but would perfectly accent the Santiagos living-room wall. The painting would match the upholstery of the furniture that Korie planned to buy and would harmonize the setting.
Korie suggested ottomans, footrests, and tables where her guests could put their drinks.
Mrs. Santiago inquired about color schemes and what color to paint the walls. Korie explained the walls should remain neutral, that white or neutral walls, ceilings, curtains, and woodwork made a perfect backdrop for dramatic evenings and comfortable days. She explained that the trick to a successful event was mostly about staging and lighting, whether it was letting in natural light or making use of a fireplace. She explained that accent lighting, dimmers, and even candles strategically placed, could go a long way.
Korie could see that Mr. Santiago was feeling left out so she then looked at the room that would be his office. She explained that her vision for his office was a grand cherrywood desk, with bookcases on the walls to the right and left of the entrance.
She stated rather than have two executive chairs in front of the desk, he could have two very nice recliners. His chair, of course, would be top of the line. For him she suggested a chair that cost 500 dollars. Mr. Santiago expressed he wanted the most expensive and comfortable chair on the market. When Korie explained that chair would be the Aresline Xten, Mr. Santiago said that he wanted one.
When she explained that chair cost one and a half million dollars, Mr. Santiago laughed and said that he would take the 500-dollar chair.
Korie asked how much was the budget that the Santiagos were looking at to decorate their new home. Mr. Santiago said no more than fifty thousand. Korie shook his hand and stated that she and Mrs. Santiago would begin shopping right away. She broke out her laptop and cell phone and as Mrs. Santiago agreed on styles, Korie began making orders.
Korie shopped for Mrs. Santiago online for most of the afternoon. She made all types of phone calls and vendors that she had business relationships with. Each agreed to give her a five percent commission on the money that her clients spent. It was like a double fee for Korie and she loved the money that she made.
Before leaving the Santiago home, Korie spent about 35,000 dollars. Mrs. Santiago told Korie that she was sure she could get another 50,000 out of her husband and to come back next weekend. Mr. Santiago gave Korie her fee up front. On top of that Mrs. Santiago gave her another thousand. Korie was making a name for herself as an interior designer. Although her fee was only 2,000 dollars, her tips were generally anywhere between 2,000 and 5,000 dollars. Korie was beginning to make nice money hand over fist.
By the time she finished shopping she was exhausted. She loved her job. She loved spending someone else’s money, but it could prove to be draining. She got back into her car to head home and once again her thoughts were about him. This time she wasn’t thinking about what could have been. This time, she was thinking to herself that in a way, he was the reason for her success.
Back when they were dating they used to watch television together. They would watch HGTV, the DIY Network, and anything dealing with home and gardens. They would also watch cooking shows, fashion shows, and any and everything that had something to do with one of her two dreams, sewing or interior design. As they would watch TV he would sometimes comment to her that perhaps she should go back to school for fashion design.
Always back to school. Why does every conversation lead to going back to college? she thought.
If he didn’t mention fashion design he would mention business classes. If not business classes, then marketing classes. If Korie didn’t blink at any of those ideas, he would offer to buy her tickets to some seminar where some man somewhere who was supposed to be someone’s expert, was giving an entrepreneurial class.
He always told her that he was trying to be supportive. She always told him that she thought he was telling her that he felt she wasn’t good enough—as is.
She knew that he was trying in some way to get her as engaged and excited about something as he was his precious five-year plan. Korie refused to buy into it. To her, nothing was more important than being together, one day getting married, and starting a family. Looking back, perhaps he was right. Perhaps they were on two different paths.
Still, the plans that he laid out for her on her laptop were great. He advised her on how she should begin to start up her business, what classes to take at Kennedy King College, and also how to go into each project as if she were decorating her own brand-new home.
He had a separate plan for her if she decided she was going to simply be a seamstress. He had a plan where he agreed he would finance the mother of all sewing machines, materials, and even laid out a plan so she could be a limited partnership that had financing options and could accept credit cards.
He laid out a plan where parents of potential promgoers could pay all year round the year before senior prom and finance the dress that they wanted for as little as forty-five dollars a month. When Korie thought about it, he did have her back, and it seemed that he saw the potential she had long before she saw it herself.
When Korie got laid off from her job two years ago, she was at a loss as to what she might do for a living. After all, she was a hard worker and had a reputation for her work ethic, but it seemed that the company didn’t care about her hard work after all, even after eight years of service.
They did give her a great severance package, however. Rather than wallow in pity or try to find a job out here during one of the worst economic times on record, she thought long and hard about investing in a product she thought to be priceless . . . herself. Rather than take her hard-work ethic to another employer to make that company rich, she decided to work for the fairest employer she could find. She decided to work for someone who would acknowledge all her hard work. She decided to work for the one person who could pull the very best out of her. Korie went into business for herself.
She started off small. She started off with friends, then church members, and then family, friends of family, and colleagues of Jayna. From there she made a small name for herself and tried her best to be someone other than a local businesswoman. One day while fooling around on her laptop, she came across the plans that he typed up for her more than two years prior to her layoff. She looked at the plans that he laid out and had an aha moment.
She took a business class.
She took a few marketing classes.
She did some resear
ch.
She traveled to a number of entrepreneurial workshops, and she even went back to Kennedy King College to get her associate’s. She didn’t finish because work became more and more demanding as her business began to grow. She was blessed that she was always able to find work; she was blessed that people liked her taste in clothes, furnishings, and accessories. When Korie began to truly market herself and throw herself into her business, she began to thrive.
She purchased a Web site. She took before-and-after photos of the homes that she decorated. She even got business cards, T-shirts, pens, and a million marketing tools to help spread her name around Chicago.
Before she knew it, she was on her way to being one of the hottest names in interior design in some circles of the city. She understood what he meant by pursuing his dream. She still thought there was no reason that they couldn’t have done so together.
It dawned on her that had she had a baby, chances were she would not be the professional businesswoman she was now. It also dawned on her that having a baby at that time would have compromised his dreams considerably or at the very least slowed him down.
She wanted to call him and tell him that she now understood what he meant, but her pride wouldn’t let her. Her pride still called him a coward because of the way that he left. She felt he wasn’t man enough to see things through. As far as Korie was concerned, he still had a special place in her heart, but he jumped ship. For that, she thought to herself, he can burn in hell.
Korie got home, undressed and jumped in the tub. She had a good day, but it was a Calgon day, nonetheless. She made herself a bubble bath, poured a glass of wine, and relaxed in the tub while reading a new novel by Brenda Hampton. She just started the second chapter when her cell phone began ringing.
Second Time Around Page 7