There was also the rare opportunity of attending an opening night at the Queen’s theatre. I wasn’t about to let him ruin that for me, too. Watching him would be torturous, like dangling a carrot in front of a horse, something I couldn’t have. But I also looked forward to his performance. He had worked hard for it, and I knew it would be an experience. Ultimately, my decision came down to the lie that I’d be watching Rhys as Hamlet, not the person I thought he was. My denial was unbelievable.
Regardless, I remained confident, as I dressed in a tea-length ivory dress covered in embroidered blue flowers and vines. It was stunning, a left over from my rehearsal dinner that never happened. I also added more make-up and wore my chestnut hair in cascading waves. It was exciting to get dressed up for the show and anxiety inducing to think he might see me. I made the conscious effort to arrive as late as possible, getting to my seat only five minutes before the show. Obviously, Rhys wouldn’t see me beforehand, but I didn’t put it past him to have someone waiting for me. Thankfully no one was, and I relaxed as the lights dimmed and the curtain rose.
Rhys didn’t come out till scene two, and when he did the entire audience applauded thunderously. He looked handsome in his fitted, elegant costume, and I took advantage that I could admire him without his knowing. I wasn’t proud of it, though. The pre-Rhys Ellie would have been disgusted with how I stared at him and listened to his melodious voice, and not the lines I knew by heart. The lines I’d worked for and represented as my own, yet couldn’t care less for in that moment. I just wanted to take him in, to absorb the most vivid memory possible because I’d never be that close to him again.
He magnetically took charge of the stage and demanded the audience’s attention, a Shakespeare fan’s dream come true. We felt Hamlet’s struggle in our bones, so much so that I forgot about my own. At least until the scene we had practiced at the park came up. My emotions overpowered me as I reminisced, because while he was performing it in front of hundreds, it felt intimate like it was just the two of us. I hated that I had allowed a man into my heart that would forever change the way I read Hamlet.
Rhys moved around the stage and for the first time approached directly in front of my seat. The spotlight on him spilled onto me just enough to illuminate my face, and I started squirming, worried he would see me. He spoke to the audience, but it didn’t last as his eyes looked down and found mine.
I could see him recalling that I’d be sitting there, transforming from Hamlet back into the Rhys I knew. His blue eyes looked gloomy and heavy, lacking their usual luster that wasn’t part of his act. The same sadness from behind my door was all over his face, demonstrating how my forty-eight hours of shutting him out was taking a toll on him. He paused for a moment too long, his eyebrows lifting upon discovering me. As his shock set in and what seemed like relief, I presumed he didn’t expect to see me.
Ophelia began improvising. Too much time had passed in silence and panic rose in my throat. He needed to move, to focus, and take his eyes off of me, but he couldn’t move, paralyzed by the sight before him. I looked away, at the audience, and then directly at him, waving my hand slightly and mouthing, “Go!”
After a rough blink, Rhys came back to life and continued as if nothing happened. Meanwhile I was breathless, my heart drumming against my lungs and ribs, attempting to escape my chest. Something changed in his performance. I wasn’t sure if it was enthusiasm in the form of hope, or if I was watching with a different intensity. Watching him unknowingly was one thing, but his knowledge that I was in the audience made me tense. Yet his passion, the drive with which he showed off knowing I was there, was too captivating to ignore.
The curtain dropped for a twenty-five minute intermission and the crowd immediately stirred in their seats. When the lights came on, I rose to escape to the restroom before the line grew, but was stopped by an usher.
“Miss, you’re needed backstage.”
“At whose request?”
“I’m not sure, Miss,” he shrugged. “Just doing my job.”
I hoped it was for John or Michael, that it was work related, but the further backstage he led me, I knew it wasn’t. He left me at a door with Rhys’ name on it and I gave him an annoyed glare. He recoiled apologetically, “He made me swear I wouldn’t say.”
I shook my head, put my sweaty palm on the door, and pushed it open.
Rhys was standing in front of a mirror and caught my eyes in it. He turned around quickly as they widened and whispered a shaky “Hi.” Then without filter he added, “I’ve missed you,” and started rubbing his hands together, unsure what to do with them. I imagined he wanted to reach out and grab mine, but it wasn’t a moment for closeness, and he could read it in my eyes.
Instead, he reached over and grabbed some red roses surrounded by whimsical purple flowers. “These are for your help. I’m so grateful to you,” he paused catching his breath. “I can’t believe you’re here. Why haven’t I heard from you?”
All his thoughts poured out at once exposing a flustered version of him I had yet to witness. I smiled softly. The flowers were exquisite and it was a sweet gesture, but it wasn’t the gesture I wanted from him. “Thank you, these are beautiful. Something came up with my parents,” I lied, wanting to avoid confrontation since he had to continue performing.
“Okay, we can talk later. I just… I’ve been worried about you. You shouldn’t shut me out,” he hesitated, took one step toward me and then retreated upon noticing my wince. “What do you think of the show?”
“You’re really good,” I said sincerely, but Rhys noted my lack of conviction. His brows wrinkled together as he studied me. Squinting his eyes and pursing his lips, he focused for a moment before speaking.
“Is everything all right?”
“Yeah, it’s fine,” I shrugged, answering too quickly.
“You’re lying.” He took a step forward and searched my eyes. “Is it something with Aaron? Are you upset?”
I chose half honesty in hopes he’d let me leave. “I’m upset, but it’s not about Aaron. Don’t worry. I’m sure you want to rest before the break ends. Thanks for the flowers.” I started rushing out of the room as calmly as possible, but Rhys grabbed my wrist and gently yanked me back towards him. He continued holding my hand, reacquainting himself with the feel of my trembling fingers looped with his. “Are you upset with me? Have I done something to offend you, Ellie?”
Hearing his voice whisper my name was like a familiar caress on my cheek and I couldn’t resist putting my walls down one more time. My hand remembered that he wasn’t mine and didn’t want to be, so I jerked it out and held nothing back. “I thought you said there was no one…when I asked you, you said there wasn’t anyone special in your life.”
Stunned, he stepped back, feeling the emptiness in his hand. “There hasn’t been, Ellie.”
“Then who were you referring to on the news?”
Tears swelled in my eyes and the tension in his face melted away as he realized what was going on. He looked at me with sympathy that slowly turned into a sly smile.
“Dear girl,” he said grabbing my hand again as I watched his thumb affectionately rub the top of my knuckles. In spite of my anger, it felt so right, so at home in his palm. I enjoyed the warmth and savored my drug as long as he’d let me. When I looked up at his face, the corners of his mouth were slightly raised and he was staring at me, light shining in his glassy eyes.
He sighed and whispered, “Darling, why I was referring to you,” he smirked irresistibly. “It’s been you since the minute you waved at me in that meeting room. I wanted to confuse the media, but I thought you’d get the hint.”
I stared at him dumbfounded; positive I had misheard him. I tried processing his words slowly, but couldn’t focus with his hand in mine, and yet, I didn’t want to let it go. Pointing at myself, I asked, “I’m the someone special?”
Rhys nodded and his smile became more prominent as he watched me piece the puzzle in my mind. That’s why he wanted me to w
atch it. That’s why he got me flowers. That’s why he was looking at me in that way. My chest hurt and my eyes stung; I thought about all the moments we’d been together, the ones that felt different, the same ones I’d doubted. I remembered how peculiar he acted on the way to the airport.
“Wait,” my eyes shot up. “Am I the casting director you were talking about?”
He nodded, cocky pleasure flooding his features. A multitude of emotions rushed through me: confusion, doubt, hope. I felt foolish, the most embarrassed of my life, only to have elation bursting in my heart through my ribcage. It was as though I was floating away like a cloud in the sky, only to have fear sink it deep in my gut.
Rhys had been observing each thought crossing my eyes, and he grabbed my other hand to bring me out of my tempest of thoughts.
“You’ve been on my mind nonstop since you left, and then I couldn’t understand why you didn’t answer me. I’m so sorry for confusing you, but I would really love to celebrate with you after the show and then we can talk some more. Can we do that, please?”
Still in shock, I stared quietly just as the theatre’s ten-minute warning bell rang.
“Ellie, please. If you don’t say yes, I won’t finish the play. I won’t go back out there!” He laughed, but I could tell he was serious.
“As friends?” I whispered.
Rhys gave me my favorite boyish smile, the one that said I knew better. “Will you come if I say yes… would you believe me now that you know my heart’s desire?”
He was so devilishly handsome in his costume and his eyes exuded a remarkable tenderness. I knew I’d remember that moment forever. I thought of Aaron, Max’s advice, and my dream. Focusing back on Rhys, leaving my thoughts in my mind and nodded. “Okay.”
He squeezed my hands again and bit his lower lip as his eyes closed for a second. When they opened, happiness poured out from them and he said, “Okay.” He nodded. “I’ll come and get you after the show.”
∞
The show continued and if I thought he performed better after seeing me in the audience, I had no idea what was coming. There was confidence and passion in his portrayal, and I couldn’t believe the difference in his skill when he was in a better place. Rhys encapsulated Hamlet’s emotions so well I found it difficult to watch the prince’s death. Although I knew it was an act, it still disturbed me, leaving me to beg the universe and any higher power in existence to let me keep Rhys. To promise that I wouldn’t lose him if I put my heart out there. To give me a real shot at happiness.
The curtain fell after his death and the audience stood to clap, continuing loudly as the curtain rose for the cast to come out and take a bow. Rhys ended up directly in front of me and winked at me. I blushed and prayed no one else noticed as they bowed twice more and left the stage.
Before I left his dressing room, he told me to wait at my seat for him. So as the theatre emptied, I waited for the last few to leave and relaxed. Since I couldn’t look much when I came in, I took in my surroundings and appreciated the marvel of it all. The theatre was beautiful, with a stage framed in intricate carvings made of wood and gold varnish, contrasting well against the deep-red curtain that added to its brilliance.
I turned to face the back, enjoying the peaceful quiet and I noticed the rest of the audience had finally left. I grew nervous, and turned around to take my seat again to see Rhys standing there, enjoying the view.
“You scared me!” I whispered with my hand on my chest.
“I’m sorry!” he said with a little laugh.
I looked around the theatre and said, “It’s so beautiful.”
“Yes, she is,” he murmured.
I’d been looking away, but when my gaze returned to him I saw he was looking at me, not the room. He smiled when I understood his meaning and added, “I just need to change and then we can go through the back. I’ll be quick, okay?”
I nodded, and fifteen minutes later the tapping of his shoes caused my eyes to shoot back onstage. I had been texting Anne about James and Rhys while I waited, but I left it to finish later. Rhys sat at the edge of the stage and hopped off to stand before me. His endearing smile was cute, but something in the curl of his lips told me he was nervous. He took a deep breath and reached out his hand. “Ready?”
After leading me backstage and through a door behind the theatre, Rhys opened a door to a Jaguar where Bruce was waiting. He joined me in the backseat, but didn’t tell Bruce where we were going, and I wondered if he’d planned ahead. I didn’t say anything, but I could feel Rhys’ eyes on me in the dark and see the hint of his smile bend up his lips. We were sitting close enough for our thighs to touch and his leg muscles were moving against mine. The energy between us was effervescent, and my emotions caused a whirlwind of elation and confusion.
I started panicking; was it a date? Were we starting a relationship? The last time I had to think about those things was in high school. I’d never dated as an adult and I suddenly became a nervous wreck, second-guessing every move. This was what I wanted, yet I dreaded it and not for the reason I expected. I was vulnerable.
Fifteen minutes later we walked into a French restaurant and were seated in the center, where we would have been on display had the restaurant not been vacant. Our server brought us water and menus, then left. Rhys was so nervous, his jaw sharp and his cheekbones protruding as if he’d been holding his breath. And it was quiet, too quiet really. I looked over my menu and caught him staring at me.
“What?” I asked, assuming the worst.
“You look so achingly beautiful tonight. Your dress is lovely, and I can’t stop staring at your hair. It’s gorgeous.”
My cheeks burned with an incinerating heat, and while I was pleased, my timidity probably didn’t express that. “Thank you,” I whispered.
Rhys heard me and suppressed his smile. I knew I was coming across as cold, so I took a deep breath and hid behind my menu again to collect myself. The waiter returned and after they discussed wines, he poured us two glasses. Then he asked if we were ready to order, took my menu, and left me without my hiding place.
I couldn’t decide if it was worse for him to continue watching with complete adoration, or if my heart would break should he look away. I hadn’t felt desired in so long; men had looked and flirted even, but not the way Rhys did. With his eyes on me, I was alive and thriving.
Desperate for distraction I asked, “Why is the restaurant empty?”
“I went to secondary with the owner. He owed me a favor.”
“We’re you going to come alone?”
“What?” he asked, perplexed. “No. Why?”
“What if I had said no?”
“Then I would have owed him significantly,” he laughed, embarrassed to be caught. “He closed early for me and would’ve lost business.” Rhys paused and squinted at me. “Does it bother you that I hoped and made these plans?”
“No,” I shook my head. Lifting my brows I added, “It took guts though.”
He smirked mischievously. “Well, I didn’t know what was wrong, but I hoped if we spoke, that you’d come.” He paused again. “Ellie, I know this is new but why are you so nervous?”
“I don’t know. This is crazy.”
“Why? It’s still me, the same Rhys from the park, the boat, my house… you weren’t nervous there.”
I snorted, “Yes, I was! I just hid it better. Now there’s this added level of intensity. It’s different.”
“But I think this is something you want too, is it not?” I nodded and he leaned forward onto his hand. “ Because I really want this.”
I sighed deeply and looked away. “I do too. I’m just…”
“Afraid?” he asked. I looked back at him and nodded. “I know you want this. The thought of someone else caused you to ignore me.” He paused when I winced at the memory. “I’ve grown to care for you these last few weeks and I can’t bear the thought of not seeing you again.”
Rhys placed his hand atop mine and looped his thumb under
my palm. “I don’t just want this for myself. I mean, selfishly, yes, you’re all I think about, but I want this for you. I want the opportunity to show you that you can be happy again.”
My hand twitched under his and he smiled, taking it as a sign to continue. “I want to care for you, and I want you to know that I respect your love for Aaron, his place in your life. I don’t want to replace him nor do I think I ever could. Just please,” he squeezed my hand, “give me a chance. Let me be yours.”
Embarrassingly, my eyes filled with tears knowing that I was at a crossroads. If I said yes, I’d be allowing myself to live again, to love and breathe. If I said no, I’d stay miserable and alone, and would have made the biggest mistake of my life. Before me was a man offering me his heart, one that accepted all the cracks and bruises that came with mine. He was a man that was sensitive to my needs and my emotions, and wanted me in spite of it all. He was my second chance at life, and I would have been an idiot to say no, which is why I didn’t.
I took my hand out from under his, and quick disappointment crossed his face, but dissipated when I replaced it on top of his and squeezed back. “I’m terrified, absolutely terrified, but…I want this. I want you, Rhys.”
Rhys flipped his hand over and wove his fingers through mine. Leaning forward he said, “You have nothing to be afraid of with me. I’ll take good care of your heart, I promise.”
Wiping the tears in my eyes I nodded and said, “okay.”
“I have to say, I’m sorry you thought there was someone else. I really thought you’d understand and I’m an idiot for going about it that way, but there hasn’t been anyone for a long while, until you.” I agreed. “And I hope you know with my status I don’t date easily. It takes a lot to meet someone worth committing to, but I don’t casually date. I’d like it to be just us.”
For Both Are Infinite (Hearts in London Book 1) Page 13