“You’ll see,” he laughed. “I’m very hard to get rid of.”
I took one look at him, hearing his laugh that was only half genuine and turned towards the TV. There was a hint of sadness in his eyes and I knew Rhys better than he thought. Initially, I’d worried his acting would sneak into our relationship, but after a few short weeks I knew the real man; he was saddened by my issues and hesitation, the hint of it deep in his crystal irises. I had to give him something, meet him in the middle, and prove that my broken and fearful heart did actually want him there.
I turned back and met his eyes. “Rhys?”
“Hmm?”
“You think you’d mind staying here when I’m not sick?”
Rhys smiled, one that met his eyes and melted the somberness that lingered in them. Shaking his head slowly he said, “I don’t think I’d mind that at all, actually.”
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
One week after our first sleepover, Rhys took me on the simplest, coolest date. As always it was shaded in mystery and all he told me was to dress in comfortable clothes and walking shoes, and to be ready by 4:30 p.m. It was our first Saturday date; one of the nights he’d given to the understudy long ago. I wondered why he’d picked that significant date or if was just a random choosing, but when I saw what he had planned, I learned nothing was random with Rhys.
Since we often stayed in, I rarely experienced fans around him, but that night we rode the Tube and he wore sunglasses and a baseball cap to blend in. Some suspected it was him, staring blatantly, but no one questioned it. When we got off at Waterloo station, I knew after a year of riding the Tube that we were near the Thames, facing Elizabeth Tower, or Big Ben. We started walking towards the river, the London eye directly ahead, and I was taken aback to see he had chosen such a touristy area. Then as we reached the wheel, he stopped.
“We have to wait here a few minutes,” he said, shuffling in place. He seemed anxious, unable to sit still and kept looking around in the crowd.
“What?” I asked, searching the area for a clue as to what he was looking for.
“Any minute now,” he said. He hadn’t mentioned we were meeting anyone, and I hoped we weren’t. I wanted him to myself. Then he smiled at something behind me and raised his hand in a wave. “Ah, here! That’s mine!” he said.
Out of the crowd came a young gentleman carrying a pizza box and a canvas bag with wine and plastic glasses. Rhys paid him, took the food, and gestured with his head for me to follow him. I was so confused, only to continue misunderstanding when he asked me to hold the box before he shook the wheel attendant’s hand.
The attendant stopped the wheel and opened the bubble, signaling for us to enter. I looked at Rhys with questioning eyes, but he didn’t let on. Playfully he said, “Well, get in,” and pushed me gently. I started laughing nervously, mumbling to myself, but followed orders and entered the attraction. I turned expecting tourists to join us, but the attendant closed the capsule and it began moving.
“Wait, is this our date?” I asked, watching him put the pizza in the center of the seating area.
“Yes, darling. I rented it for the night. There’s a super moon rising and we’re watching it from here.”
“There’s a super moon tonight?” He nodded, smiling at me. “We get to watch from inside the Eye?”
“Yup,” he said, opening the bottle.
I grinned at him, beaming at the unique things he managed to spoil me with. “Thank you, Rhys.”
“You don’t have to thank me.”
I approached him then, hugging and kissing him spontaneously, first on his mouth and then trailing along his jaw before nestling my head into his neck. “I do have to thank you, you see. You take really good care of me and make me so happy.”
“So, I’m succeeding?” he asked, rubbing my back slowly.
I leaned back so he could see my face. “With the highest marks.”
He grinned widely, slightly cocky, “I’d love to hold you all night, but our food will get cold.”
We rotated a few times as we ate our pizza, the wheel stopping for other capsules to vacate before cycling again. With two slices left in the box, Rhys asked, “Have you ever seen a super moon?”
“No, have you?” Rhys shook his head.
“I like sharing all these firsts together.”
“Everything’s better together, hmm?”
I nodded, and it was. I couldn’t believe I had allowed myself to be alone for so long. The longer I was with Rhys, the more I realized how stupid I’d been; how I’d never want Aaron to have done that. But I still missed him. Sometimes, out of habit, I’d think of Aaron’s hand in mine when I felt Rhys’. It only happened early on, and I had to remind myself that the man before me wasn’t ever going to be Aaron, and that way okay because he made me incredibly happy. He made the hole in my heart feel a little bit smaller because he made my heart swell.
Later that night, after witnessing the most gorgeous example of nature’s wonder, Rhys dropped me off and sent me another song via text.
Rhys: I had such a great night with you. Here’s another song for us. Whenever We’re Together-Josh Radin
∞
But like in every relationship, things weren’t always perfect just because we were together. The following week, Rhys had asked me to meet him for lunch at the theatre. With my courses, the show, and the rehearsals, we’d become experts in taking advantage of any second we could spend together, on top of his sleeping on my couch at least twice a week.
Rhys introduced me to his cast mates as his girlfriend, a term he called me opening night that now held so much meaning. After some small talk he quickly tugged me to his dressing room where I hadn’t been since that evening. I had been so nervous, so cautious, and I felt the same way in that moment because there was hunger in his eyes.
He opened the door and yanked me in. Closing it behind us, he gently pinned me against the door. Rhys possessed my mouth with a new yearning, incomparable to his temperate and charming kisses. After he’d taken care of me, and regularly stayed over, we’d grown closer and so had our affections. I had gained confidence in myself and in us as a couple, and it allowed me to feel comfortable with him while growing attached.
We kissed against the door promiscuously, our mouths open, his lips on my neck, my lips and cheeks. It was fervent and he wasn’t restraining himself only to be brought back to reality by the voices trailing outside. He separated our mouths, both red and puffy and said, “Sorry. This week’s been torture without you.”
“Mine too,” I agreed, catching my breath.
He stared at me with uncertain emotion, thoughts racing in his eyes that he didn’t share, and then he shook his head at me. But it wasn’t at what I’d said; he was really nodding to himself, answering some silent remark or question. “Rehearsal ended early, so we’ll have a longer lunch. I’d love to spend it in here…” he winked. “But I’m starving.”
Walking hand in hand, we headed to a nearby sushi place we both loved. Down the road a couple of fans noticed Rhys and the Spanish-speaking girls followed us, calling his name nonstop. Rhys turned, not wanting to ignore them, and we stopped for photos and autographs. It was awkward and uncomfortable seeing all the girls fawning over him, looking at my boyfriend like he was a piece of meat. I wondered if that’s what I looked like when I gazed at him and I couldn’t stand it any longer, surprising myself with my extent of jealously.
I let go of his hand and bunched mine together. “Why don’t you take your time and meet me at the restaurant?”
He looked down at his newly empty hand, and something sad entered his eyes. “You don’t want to just wait for me? It’ll be quick,” he said, pleading with me. He looked at his hand again in disappointment.
“No,” I paused. “It’s okay, don’t worry.” And then I turned and started walking before he could say another word.
I wasn’t ready to have my picture taken, to show up on every social media platform with rude comments, and considerin
g how some of the girls were looking at me, I knew it was inevitable. I had let go of his hand abruptly, perhaps too aggressively in my rush to escape, but I admit I panicked.
It felt as though I had waited forever for him, and then about fifteen minutes later he spotted me in the back, still looking discontented. Instead of joining me, he acknowledged me quickly and walked to the restroom. When he returned we sat in tense silence and I felt berated, like a child in the corner. He had no choice but to look at me after ten minutes of staring at his phone.
“Rhys?” I whispered with a shaky voice.
“Hmm?” he hummed. His face was tight and his smile was nonexistent.
“Everything okay?”
“Why do you ask that?” He leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms.
“You seem upset. Did something happen after I left?”
“No, not after you left.”
“Then…” I paused staring at his squinted eyes, noticing their usual joy was extinguished. “Why are you acting differently?”
“I’m not, Ellie.”
“You are…”
“It’s fine,” he said sighing, beginning to play with the sugar packets.
Another waitress, a young female who obviously knew Rhys, brought our drinks to the table. She looked at me for a moment, analyzing who I was and why he was with me, and I finally stood up to the cold looks I was receiving from every angle. “I’m actually not staying.” After grabbing my blazer and purse, I began walking out of the restaurant to hear Rhys mumble something to the waitress. Making my way to the nearest tube station, Rhys caught up to me and yanked my wrist back.
I turned around and shouted, “Let go!” and the level of sternness in my voice stunned him.
“Why are you leaving?”
“Are you clueless? I don’t think you’re that daft.”
“Darling…” he whispered, reuniting our hands.
I separated them and said, “Don’t. I have to go.”
I walked away from him knowing that with each step I was distancing myself from him physically and emotionally. A piece of my heart crumbled as I stepped into the tube station, and I remembered that I wouldn’t see him again until Sunday when we were to leave for Paris, if we even ended up going after that.
Rhys had never been so cold, so remote, but it seemed something about my leaving his side really bothered him. I didn’t understand why, all I’d done was walk ahead to gain some breathing room. There had to be more to it. I didn’t go straight home because as much as I missed him, I knew I might find him waiting. I needed more time, so I went to Daunt Books and spent over an hour browsing new titles.
The evening passed excruciatingly slow, with silence from his end, yet I managed to check my phone despite its lack of notifications. I showered, got ready for bed, and obsessed over the moment, replaying it second by second to figure out what went wrong. After tossing and turning for an hour, I took out a new book and started reading. An hour later I awoke with the book on my chest and knocking at the door.
There he was; his head hung, his face solemn and pensive as he stood waiting for me. His sad eyes shot up to mine when I opened, and I realized how much I missed him. You always miss someone more when you’re unhappy. But he didn’t seem to miss me, at least it didn’t seem like it, and then I worried that maybe he had come to end things; that he had come to his senses and realized I was too much work.
“Can I come in?” he whispered and I moved aside.
I watched him slowly walk to my sofa and sit to look back at me. “Ellie, come sit with me.”
I hesitated. He noticed and seemed dejected from the caution I took to join him. I kept thinking, he’s here to dump you and I started scratching my arms and rubbing my hands meticulously.
“Darling, come here,” he said, his tone softer, and in using my pet name I assumed things couldn’t be that bad. He wouldn’t call me that unless he still cared, right? Or maybe it was habit, the way you revert to calling your parents mommy and daddy. I tightened my robe and joined him on the opposite end of the sofa.
He didn’t grab my hands, though I think he wanted to. Rhys looked away and back at me a few times before speaking, seeming to wrestle with his heart and mind. “I’m sorry for how I acted earlier. I suspect that’s why you left.”
“Yes.”
“I need to ask you something…”
“Okay,” I mumbled, staring at my lap afraid of losing happiness I had only just gotten used to.
“You want to be with me, right?” My face dropped, all my features saddening upon his inquiry. He detected it and instantly leaned over, placing his hand on my thigh. “Relax, Ellie. I just need you to answer me.”
“How can you ask me that?” I said, shaking my head, not sure if I was more angry or saddened. “I know things are complicated with me, but I’m trying. I’m the happiest I’ve been in years. How can you not know that?”
“I thought I did, but…” he looked away again. “Today you let me go and rushed off like you were ashamed to be seen with me.”
I put my hand on my face. “Rhys, I freaked out because those girls were following us and I’m not ready to be hated all over the Internet. You’re used to it, I’m not.”
“So you’re not embarrassed to be seen with me?”
“What is there to be embarrassed about? Girls would kill to be by your side. I’m just lucky to be the one you’ve chosen, not because you’re rich and famous, but because your heart knows no bounds.”
He processed my admission, nodding to himself and pursing his lips for a beat, and after a moment the tiny glint of happiness returned to his eyes. They became glassy as he stared at his hands in his lap, but then the sadness returned when he looked at me.
“I feel a bit like a prick. I’m sorry for how I treated you. I didn’t consider how hard it might be for you.” He paused to grab my hand, quietly asking if it was okay; I squeezed in confirmation. “This comes with my territory. I know it’s crazy, but I can’t do anything about it except promise you have nothing to fear when I’m with you. I don’t mean physically, I mean as yours.”
My eyes glistened with tears and I tried looking away to contain my emotions, but Rhys caught on. “What’s wrong?”
“I thought you were going to end things,” I admitted.
Rhys scooted closer to me on the couch and whispered in my ear, “I’m going to mess up every now and then, so will you, but please don’t doubt me.”
He planted his lips softly on mine and we both forgave each other. We talked about pictures and how eventually they would be everywhere; that I had to understand it was an unfortunate consequence to his fame. I told him my main concern was Aaron and that they may publish information about him, or his parents, and I never wanted his memory tarnished. Rhys understood and told me that we’d be careful for as long as we could, but couldn’t stop living because of it. I let it go that night, but the thought stayed with me for months and each time I saw my picture being taken, I still thought back to Aaron and prayed they’d never touch him.
∞
The Saturday before Paris, I’d been video chatting with my mother who was ecstatic I was finally taking a trip. She brought up Thanksgiving and Christmas, asking which one I’d be going home for. I hadn’t really considered it, especially since I’d just been home and was busy with Rhys, but I always went home for one. I told her Thanksgiving was more likely than Christmas, secretly hoping to do something with him for the holiday in London. My mother suggested I invite Rhys for Thanksgiving, but I wasn’t sure how I felt about that or how he would feel. Going to Paris was one thing, going home to meet my parents was another; I told her I’d get back to her.
Rhys texted me later that night to ensure I was ready for our trip, and he sent me another song.
Rhys: Happy two months, the best ones of my life. Latch - Disclosure and Sam Smith
Me: Best two months? I doubt that, you’ve done some pretty amazing things.
Rhys: Hands down, best ones…
yet.
I played the song while I finished packing and we listened to it on the train to Paris the following morning. During the two-hour ride, Rhys confessed that he thought I would have been harder to win over. That he had been adamant about Paris because he hoped I’d fall for him surrounded by the city of love.
“I don’t know what’s worse: your subtle implication that I’m easy, or that you think I need Paris to fall for you.”
“You know what I mean,’ he shoved.
And I did. For a week I had been looking forward to five uninterrupted days with my boyfriend. I was also thrilled to be traveling to a new place, and thanks to Rhys’ persistence, I was finally fulfilling the goal I’d set when I moved. The bullet train was amazing; so fast it created a loud smacking noise when passing another train. It took about two hours to arrive in Paris and when we descended some people recognized Rhys, but he just waved them off and started looking for our driver.
Driving through Paris was surreal; the city lovely and lit by the autumn sun looked exactly like it did in photos and films: extremely chic and quintessentially French. The buildings were charming, surrounded by picturesque cafés and women walking their stylish dogs, and the more I took it in, the more I couldn’t wait to see his place.
His apartment was within walking distance to the Eiffel Tower and had to be expensive. My suspicions were confirmed when we took the elevator to the top floor and it opened only after Rhys stuck a key inside. The doors split and left us inside of the apartment that took up the entire floor.
It wasn’t overly large, but quaint and modern like his house. Nothing seemed over the top except for the large, three paned window that faced the Tower. My jaw dropped as I took it in, and I could see him watching me in the corner of my eye, a tiny pleased smirk on his lips.
Rhys walked me around and showed me the kitchen, with its cabinets that matched the dark wood floors, wrapped into a small family room. He left his bag by the elevator, but carried mine and led me to his room first. His room also had a view of the tower, and though it wasn’t a huge space, it was the biggest in the apartment with its own fireplace. Afterward, he took me to my room, which adjoined the last guest room with the bathroom in the middle.
For Both Are Infinite (Hearts in London Book 1) Page 19