“Darling, what is it?”
It took me a few moments to catch my breath, but Rhys was patient and didn’t let me go. He continued eyeing me with worry and sadness, hoping he could make it better in any way. But what he didn’t know was that he already had. I took a deep breath and looked at him, his thumbs grazing the sides of my face as he held my jaw.
“I thought I was going to lose you. I know you were upset, don’t tell me you weren’t, I saw it in your eyes just before you turned off the light…that’s why I left.”
“Ellie,” he rubbed my cheeks. “I’m not going anywhere, I understand. I’ve wanted to tell you for some time, but I waited because I knew it would be hard for you to hear no matter how good my intentions or how honest my affections were.”
“I’m sorry for leaving.”
“I knew what you were doing, and tried to make it seem like it wasn’t a big deal, but I worried that I had put too much pressure on you.”
“No, I’m just an emotional idiot,” I shrugged.
My eyes lingered on his and then I suggested making tea. He lifted his brow and had the strangest smirk as I approached the kitchen and put water to boil on the stove. He stood directly in front of me the entire time, making me wonder if maybe he was trying to get me to notice something different, but I couldn’t figure it out. And then as I turned and Rhys joined me behind the counter, I looked past him and saw what he’d been hiding.
In the corner of my small living room was a four-foot Christmas tree with lights, ornaments and a beautiful skirt. I turned to look at him with wide eyes and knew he’d put it there, having used the keys we had exchanged weeks before. He smiled and nodded, acknowledging the silent accusation that he’d made the sweet gesture.
When I approached the tree I saw that it also had a tartan angel and an additional Shakespeare ornament on it, as well as a frame with a picture of us from Thanksgiving. I turned back around in the same spot and met his eyes with my watery ones.
“You did this for me?” I asked, my voice cracking.
“Yeah,” he nodded boyishly.
I finally got a good look at him, and besides the small bags under his eyes he looked so good. I didn’t know if it was because I’d missed him so much, or if he was always that effortlessly handsome, but I couldn’t stop staring at him. He was beautiful, and I couldn’t even physically see his soul or heart. But I knew those were just as beautiful, because only a man like him could do something like that after my reaction on Sunday. It made me cry more and he slowly approached me after putting his mug down.
“Why are you crying now, love?”
“Because I’m mean to you, and you got me a tree, and decorated it.”
“I got it to cheer you up, because you told me you were sick…and I thought I’d upset you.”
“I know. You’re freaking perfect. I mess up, and then you cheer me up.”
“I’m not perfect…far from it. I just love you, Ellie Reed.”
I didn’t speak, but leaned into his shoulder as he swayed me from side to side to soothe me. “Thank you, Rhys.”
“You’re welcome. I figured since we’re here half the time we could add some cheer.”
“I love the tree, but that’s not what I meant.”
“What then?” he said, pulling away enough to look me in the eyes.
“For loving me so unconditionally.”
He chuckled softly and it vibrated deep in his chest. “Ellie, I couldn’t love you more if I tried.”
∞
Later that night, Rhys and I cuddled on the couch while watching Elf. He knew it would make me laugh and help me let go of my guilt, and it worked. Towards the end I was in such a better mood I was able to bring up the subject again. Lying on his lap, I turned over to look up at him.
“Rhys, you said you’ve loved me for some time. When did you know?”
He bit his lip and stared at the ceiling, contemplating my question.
“You know,” he said, looking down at me. “I think I’ve loved you a little bit since day one, as mad as that sounds. Each day, and touch or kiss, I just fell more deeply in love with you. But I became certain when you sneaked into my bed in Paris. I was sure by then, but when you came and held me, I knew I could never be without you again. I knew that you were willing to be happy with me, and move forward with me, and that you obviously loved me too, despite that you didn’t know it then. You had to love me then to be able to do something like that, especially after what you’d been through, because love requires unconditional trust. You had to trust that life would let you be happy and keep me, and I knew you were hopeful by doing that… that you were falling in love too, which made me undoubtedly love you.”
I stayed quiet, staring at the features of his face. I observed his laugh lines I admired so much, his thin pink lips that made all the nerves in my body tingle and gave me the sincerest words. Rhys didn’t have the typical long and sexy lashes girls might love, but he didn’t need them. His irises were filled with freckles of color and revealed the deepest levels of his heart.
I caressed his face and said, “You know what I love about you? I love that you know me better than myself. I’ve never understood how you’ve managed to do that, but I love knowing that you do. I’m sorry again… I know I’m not always the easiest to love.”
“You’re wrong,” he said, putting his fingertip on my nose and then dragging it to my lips. It lingered there, rubbing my lower lip seductively. “Loving you is the most natural thing I’ve ever done. I think that’s why I pushed you those first weeks. I don’t want you to apologize for who you are anymore, or for how your heart deals with things, because it’s that exact heart, in its exact form that I love. All I need is for you to communicate, and to continue telling me those three words, because they make my heart soar.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
The night before the show, Rhys and I went to dinner and picked up our garments. After settling in, he brought out a box from his closet and gave me an exquisite set of diamond drop earrings and an extravagant diamond necklace. It was something I could never wear in public, but they were perfectly complementary to my gown, and Rhys confessed that he worked with Earl while making the selection.
I worried he had bought it before he explained that it was borrowed, but that he would purchase them if I became attached. Of course I refused; I didn’t need them to sit in the closet unused. I would have tons of photos in them, with him by my side, and that was more than enough. He seemed disappointed that I refused them, and I hoped he hadn’t bought me similar things for Christmas, but Rhys set my mind at ease when he said he knew me better than that.
The morning of the Evening Standard Awards, Rhys’ colleagues, Maddie and Chloe arrived and immediately took me upstairs to style me. Maddie worked on my hair and Chloe painted my nails before starting my makeup. It was nice getting pampered, but it also left me feeling uncomfortably entitled since I wasn’t used to it. I knew that if I wanted a life with Rhys, I would have to get accustomed to the lifestyle, and it helped that Maddie and Chloe were the sweetest girls.
Over the next few hours we shared girl talk that I wasn’t aware I missed. Whenever I spoke with Anne we discussed our problems and it made me realize I needed to relax and just enjoy time with my friend. The girls and I discussed books, makeup brands, travel destinations, and it was effortlessly enjoyable. I opted out of mentioning Aaron, still practicing my fierce protectiveness over his memory.
Halfway through the day, Rhys texted Maddie to come downstairs and get something. It bothered me that I hadn’t heard from him throughout the day, but considered he was trying to make our reunion special. When Maddie returned with an iPod and a note attached to it, I grew guilty.
I can’t wait to see you and have you on my arm tonight. Every time this song comes into my shuffle, I think of you, Love. XO
I pressed play allowing the song to fill the room and immediately wanted to dance. Chloe and Maddie started shimmying to the beat of Michael Jackson
’s Rock My World, and Chloe shouted over the music, “I love this song!” I explained that Rhys often gave me songs and they found it adorable. Rhys knew what I needed, that I would be nervous. That was his way of staying close while also giving me a chance to surprise him with my dress. I texted him with a huge smile on my face.
Me: I love this song and you. You know, you rock my world, too.
Rhys: You have since that first day… Almost ready? I’m not feeling very patient…
Me: Almost, it’ll be worth it.
Rhys: You never disappoint, gorgeous.
Me: You’re making me blush like crazy, stop…but really, don’t stop.
Rhys: No plans to, love.
I put my phone away after that because Chloe needed to finish my eye makeup. They faced me away from the mirror so I couldn’t see, but nothing could have prepared me for how gorgeous my waterfall braid looked with long waves down my back, or how formal, yet natural my makeup appeared. I knew I would easily blend in amongst celebrities and models because they’d done a great job.
As I looked in the full-length mirror, I couldn’t help thinking that’s how I may have felt on my wedding day, had it happened. I became emotional, wondering if Aaron could see me, probably admiring me as he had for our prom night. He picked me up and saw me coming out the front door that night and shouted, “Oh my god! I can’t even handle how incredible you look right now!”
He had yelled it so loudly, all the neighbors outside heard him and then he kept repeating it. I was mortified, but I also loved how proud he was that I was his. I wondered how Rhys would react upon seeing me; He had big shoes to fill, ones he had already made his own, and I had the feeling he wouldn’t disappoint. Maddie and Chloe helped zip me into my dress and stared at me through my reflection.
“Do you like it?” Chloe asked.
“I can’t wait for him to see it,” I admitted. “Thank you both so much.”
They helped me put my shoes on, too, when I realized the corset on my dress prevented me from reaching my feet. I added the jewelry Rhys got me and after hearing them say goodbye to him downstairs, I texted him again.
Me: Can I come downstairs?
Rhys: Yes, please hurry :)
I looked in the mirror once more, feeling out of breath and nervous. He had always made me giddy, but I knew that night was a huge step for both of us. He would be showing me off publicly, on purpose, and I’d be willingly accepting his entire life. As I began my descent, I saw Rhys’ back as he sipped wine in the kitchen. He placed the wine glass down and turned slowly as my heels tapped the wooden steps. I continued, and halfway down our eyes finally met. When he saw me his mouth formed a small O shape and his eyes protruded slightly. Quietly and intently, Rhys stared at me for a long while as he absorbed my appearance.
He first looked over my face and saw the elegant job Chloe had done, accentuating my cheekbones and my brown eyes. Then I noticed how his eyes slowly made their way down my body, and admired the black corset shape that lead to sheer layers of purple and blue colored strokes on the skirt. Just as quickly his eyes returned to mine and he’d been so quiet I couldn’t help asking, “Do you like it?”
Rhys blinked twice, clearing himself from a daze and said, “Dear girl,” he paused, taking an exaggerated, but contented breath. “I pictured this in those early weeks; what it would be like to share this part of my life with you, but seeing it in reality,” he gestured with his long fingers and shook his head, “I can’t believe it. Never could I do justice to this sight in my mind. You are beautiful.”
Each word made my blush stronger and my lungs more desperate for air. I thought of Aaron and prom night again and how similar he and Rhys were. But that night I discovered one major difference: Aaron was always loud and grasped people’s attention, and I adored it, but Rhys was so refined and calm, instead giving the attention to me. He was rarely rash with his words, meticulously planning them out to assure he expressed each part of his heart, mind and soul. Sometimes it worried me how quiet he was, but that night I realized he was telling me exactly what he wanted to, just as he had every other time we’d been together.
I continued walking down as he dreamily watched me and at the bottom step he grabbed my hand and pressed it to his mouth before spinning me around once.
“Truly, you look phenomenal.”
“You look stunning yourself,’ I said, finally taking him in.
He was dressed in a tailored single breast tuxedo with a bow tie and a small white handkerchief in his pocket. The tux was fitted tightly, perfectly contouring the muscles and sleekness of his legs and I loved how tall he would look beside me despite my three-inch heels. “Actually Rhys, you look really sexy.”
He expressed amusement , turning to hide the red in his cheeks that, combined with his black suit, made his blue eyes burst in color. Then he admitted, “I feel rather comfortable knowing you’ll be with me all night. These shows were always so lonely. I see friends and such, but never had a partner. I love you, you know?”
“I love you, too.”
The image of Rhys walking the red carpet alone, smiling at hundreds of people taking his pictures and putting on a show for them, made me sad. I imagined him surrounded by friends and colleagues yet feeling as if he were alone in the room and it reminded me of myself. I had walked through London in similar fashion, living as if everything was right and in reality it was all wrong. It made taking a chance on him worth it, and I didn’t want to be anywhere but by his side that night.
Bruce drove us to the show and Rhys held my hand the whole way as if we were glued together. My palms grew sweaty and feeling embarrassed I pulled away, but he grabbed them again.
“Have you ever considered I’m nervous and need you to calm me?”
“You’re nervous?” I asked in the dark. “Why? You go to these all the time.”
“Yes, but this is my first time nominated, and the first time I have taken someone I love. I’m quite anxious.”
“Don’t be,” I squeezed his hand. “I’m here for you.”
∞
Being in the car with Rhys and Bruce was the last normal moment I can remember from that night until we returned to the back seat. From the second we stepped out of the car it seemed cameras were going off nonstop and it felt eerily like a hectic circus with trainers yelling at us. Their voices were loud, as were the sounds of other cars, and the ambiance was chaotic despite how excessively coordinated it was. We were continually led by Noah, Rhys’ publicist, to the next interviewer in a rhythmic dance, but I felt like a fish swimming upstream. Noah and Rhys did their best to keep me comfortable, especially when Rhys posed for photos on his own. He only left me to complete interviews, and sometimes other media crew would call at me aggressively. Noah suggested I ignore them; that they were used to it, but it still made me uncomfortable.
One of the last interviewers must have asked Rhys about me because he turned around and nodded before looking back at them with a smile. He didn’t tell me what they asked, and when he finished he put his hand on the small of my back and led me onward.
Before the theatre there were a group of photographers getting last minute red carpet shots, and there, Rhys looped his arm through mine and forced me to pose with him. When his intention became clear, I battled mortification and complete ecstasy, the latter winning when I realized he was showing me off to the entire world. He leaned in and whispered, “Come closer, I want them to see how you own me, that there isn’t a chance for anyone else.”
His claim sent me into a frenzy, and I kissed him, taking his demand a step further and linking our mouths in one long, dream-like kiss. I could see all the lights bursting through my closed eyelids, but what I felt was his heartbeat in his neck, wildly throbbing. I knew the photo would be published worldwide, that our last shred of privacy would be a thing of the past, but I too wanted the world to know he was mine just as much as I was his.
We continued inside and Noah escorted us to our assigned seats. At our table t
here were no cameras, no one shouting, but I was still anxious to see so many celebrities mingling. I saw Minnie Driver, Judi Dench, the Beckhams, and Patrick Stewart; it was surreal and I wished Anne could’ve been there to experience it. Rhys introduced me to some of his famous friends as they passed our table, but his attention always drew back to me as if I were the most important thing to him.
The award show experience was much slower than it seemed on television. We didn’t have commercials to help pass the time, and both Rhys and I became impatient waiting for his category. He stayed close, telling me he wanted to be alone with me, and he continually rubbed his thumb inside my palm to the point that I had to tell him to stop. I noticed he became most tense just before his category as a cameraman set up beside him for the listing of the nominees. In the minutes before going back on air, I put my hand on his shoulder and squeezed it affectionately to have him look back with a subtle smile.
The following moments occurred so quickly; I’d later have to re-watch it on YouTube to remember it perfectly. Charlize Theron and Michael Fassbender, of all people, listed the men nominated and announced Rhys as the winner. When we heard his name we both stood still, and then Rhys turned towards me with his jaw dropped into the sexiest grin. He wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed me quickly, and before he let me go he spoke into my ear, “I am so glad you are here with me for this.”
On stage, Rhys hugged Fassbender and Charlize and then took the award from them graciously. Approaching the microphone he took a silly, deep breath and said, “Wow!” to which the crowd laughed. After one more breath he stumbled into his speech.
“Goodness, you always picture this moment attending acting classes, but now I realize nothing can truly prepare you for it. I’ve always wanted to perform Shakespeare on the West End, and I did quite a bit growing up and at RADA, but waited until the selective moment to do it at this level. I had been offered it before but it never felt right. Perhaps I was meant to play Hamlet this specific year in which I took on many other personal roles. This year I not only became Hamlet, but a student, a friend, an actor through and through, and most of all someone’s love.”
For Both Are Infinite (Hearts in London Book 1) Page 26