A chorus of ‘amens’ sounded and everyone opened their eyes and lifted their heads. Patience was speechless. Shaun’s prayer was beautiful. She caught his gaze and tried to show him how proud she was of him with her smile. He lifted her hand and kissed it before letting go.
Todd said, “Thank you, Shaun. That was a beautiful thought.”
Love for him welled in her heart.
Then, a half smile slid across Todd’s formerly solemn face and he added, “Maybe you should write greeting cards.”
Everyone laughed and then started serving themselves and passing dishes.
****
Shaun was glad that Todd had made that joke and taken the focus off of him. He didn’t know where those words came from. He was not a good speaker and certainly not in a situation where he had to improvise.
But he’d felt the truth of them as he spoke them. Were they from his heart? From God?
Dinner and small talk went together. Shaun had no more time to wonder how those words and sentiments had come to him. He listened with interest to Patience’s story of how her aunt had fallen and she’d stayed to help take care of her.
“Will your aunt be all right, now that you’ve left?” Jenny asked.
“Her daughter came to pick her up so she could spend Thanksgiving with them,” Patience explained. Shaun noticed she’d sidestepped the real question.
He didn’t eat much and felt bad because his mother had gone to so much trouble, but they weren’t exactly a happy family. There were too many unresolved hurts and uncertain futures hovering between them all. His stomach had twisted into a knot, and he could only force so much food into it.
Of course his mother noticed. “Shaun, you’re hardly eating a thing.”
“I’m sorry, Mom. Everything tastes great, really.”
“Well then why...”
“Stop badgering him, Jenny.” Todd said. “He can hardly eat if he knows you’re watching him like a hawk.”
To Shaun’s surprise, his mother let the matter drop. If his father had made the same comment, she would have taken offense and an argument would have begun. But then again, the tone that Todd had used was far different from the one Shaun’s dad would have used.
After dinner, Todd insisted on clearing the table and doing the dishes. Patience offered to help.
“Well,” he replied, “I don’t really need the help, but why don’t you come into the kitchen and keep me company?”
The two disappeared, and Shaun was left alone with his mother. He’d come here to talk to her, to make peace with her, but now that the opportunity was at hand, no words came. He just didn’t know where to start.
And when it came right down to it, could he really do this? He was well aware of the anger and bitterness his heart still harbored.
His mother spoke, saving him from having to start the conversation. “The divorce is final. Your father and I are officially no longer married.”
He hoped she didn’t expect congratulations. “I didn’t know. I haven’t talked to Dad in a long time.”
“Honey, this is a small town. I know he told you he didn’t want to see you anymore.”
Shaun shrugged. “He’s never wanted to see me, not even when I was a kid. It’s a relief for both of us not to have to pretend anymore.”
“But...but I thought you were angry because I left him.”
“I’m angry because you lied to me. You had a whole secret life that I knew nothing about while I still told you everything.”
“I know. I guess your father’s rejection made us unusually close.”
“I mean, all the time you were telling me that I should wait with Patience and not get too serious too fast, you were running around with that guy and having an affair. I don’t even know if Todd’s the only one.”
His mother’s face went white. “Todd’s been the only one. We were friends for a long time before...before we were anything else.”
“Can I believe that?”
She took a step back, pain distorting her face for a moment. “I’ve never lied to you. I hid my relationship with Todd from you, that’s true. I didn’t plan to have an affair.”
“You aren’t going to tell me that it ‘just happened,’ are you?”
“No. I made a choice. You were growing up. I knew you’d be leaving soon. Your father was never there for me, but Todd always was. I tried to be the best mother and wife I could be, but when I saw that...” she paused, “saw that after all that, I was still going to end up alone, I couldn’t stand it. Todd had let me know that he was interested if I was ever ready to take our relationship further. The day after your eighteenth birthday, I told him I was ready.”
“The day after my birthday?” He wanted the truth from her, but he could live without details like this.
She shrugged. “You were graduating in a few months. You were already talking about moving out and getting a place of you own, about marrying Patience after she graduated the next year. Living with your father was like living alone but with cleaning and cooking for two. I’m sorry, but I needed something for myself. I couldn’t hold you back. A young man should be out on his own. A middle-aged woman doesn’t want to be alone any more. At least, this one didn’t.”
While he still abhorred the choices she’d made, her reasons touched his heart.
She straightened. “Anyway, that’s my explanation. I’m sorry I hurt you, and I know I made mistakes...but I hope you can forgive me.”
Shaun turned away from her for a minute, trying to process the scene they’d just lived. “I made a lot of mistakes, too, Mom,” he finally said. “I should have come to talk to you a long time ago instead of letting all the anger build inside of me like I did. That’s why Patience left me. I took everything out on her.”
“But she’s back now, right?”
Shaun shrugged. “For how long?”
“But...”
“Anyway, Mom, this is about you and me. I want to forgive you. I just don’t know if I can do it all at once. It’s hard to let go of everything. But I’m going to start working on it.”
Her face lit up, and she wrapped him in a hug again. This time Shaun hugged her back, and he felt something ease inside him as he did so. Isaac was right. Forgiveness was a miraculous thing.
TITLE
Orchard Hill: volume three
Chapter 5
Back in the truck, Patience rested her head on the window. She was tired and she had a lot to think about. “It’s time for me to call it a day.”
“All right. Wait until you see our new place. It’s actually better than the old one.”
“I’ll see it tomorrow.”
“But I thought you wanted to go home?”
She realized what the problem was. “Shaun, I’m staying at my parents’ house.”
“What? But I thought...”
“You’ve shown me a lot today, and I’m really impressed.”
“Then what’s the problem?” She knew the edge that was creeping into his voice was a sure sign that Shaun’s temper was rising.
“But I need to think things over, to sort them out in my head.”
She tensed, waiting for him to explode.
Instead he was silent. She watched his face as they went from street light to street light.
“Do we need to go back to the church so you can get your car?”
“Yes, please.” That was it? Some perverse part of her needed to test this new Shaun. He seemed too good to be true. “You aren’t mad at me?”
“I’m impatient and frustrated. I’ve been waiting for you to come back for months. But I do want you to be sure. If you feel better staying at your parents for now, well, at least we’re in the same town.”
Relief brought a smile to her face. “Thank you for understanding.”
“You’re welcome,” he replied gruffly.
Though it only took them a few more minutes to reach the church parking lot, Patience was almost asleep when they pulled up next to her car.
“Patience, we’re here,” Shaun said in a voice unusually soft and gentle.
“Yes, I’m awaked.” She sat up straighter and rubbed her eyes.
“Are you awake enough to drive? Because if you aren’t we can get your stuff, and I’ll take you home. We can pick up your car tomorrow.”
“I’m tired, but I think I’m capable of driving six blocks.”
“Patience…” He paused.
“What is it?”
“You’re all right, aren’t you? I mean, everything is fine with the baby and with...with you, right?”
His uncertainty touched her. “Yes, Shaun, we’re both healthy, but I do get tired more easily than I normally do.”
Shaun wrapped her in his arms and held her close, with a tenderness she hadn’t felt from him in a long time. It brought tears to her eyes.
“I don’t want you to have to go through this pregnancy all alone. If you come back, I promise I’ll take care of you.”
She couldn’t speak around the lump that rose in her throat. A sound that was half a laugh and half a sob escaped her, and she hugged Shaun tightly. She turned her face up to his, and he kissed her eyelids and feathered kisses across her cheeks and nose before finally claiming her mouth.
Patience melted into him, wanting to absorb his warmth, his strength. She gave a little cry of disappointment when he broke away. He climbed out of the truck and came around to her side to lift her down. Then he kissed her again.
Breaking away, he opened her car door and motioned for her to get in. “Go on,” he said, “while I still have the strength to let you go.”
Part of her wished he wouldn’t let her go. She was suddenly reminded of how much she missed having him beside her as she slept. But this was for the baby, Patience told herself. She needed to be sure of him for the baby’s sake. “I love you, Shaun” she said before letting go and getting into the car.
“I love you, too,” he told her, and then he shut the door.
****
Patience tried to slip in quietly, but her parents were waiting to pounce. “Where have you been?” her father demanded. “We’ve been worried sick.”
“I’m sorry. Shaun and I went to his mother’s house for Thanksgiving dinner. I had my cell phone with me. You could have called.”
“You could have called,” her father countered.
“What was that boy thinking, taking you there anyway?” asked her mother. “That woman is living with a man who isn’t her husband.”
“I know. Shaun wanted to make peace with her tonight, I think.”
“Make peace with her? Why would he want to do that?”
“Because it’s the Christian thing to do, don’t you think?” Patience was too tired for this conversation. “Dad, will you help me with my bags, please? I’d really like to go to bed. I’m exhausted.”
“Now, you just wait one minute, young lady. We need to sit down and discuss what you’re going to do. First of all, are you thinking of keeping this baby?”
Patience was shocked. “Of course. Why wouldn’t I?”
“Well, you’re alone. Your father and I will help all we can, but a single mother with no education beyond high school will have a difficult time of it. Maybe you should consider adoption.”
“The manager at the bank told me just last week that they’d be glad to have you back,” her dad offered. Patience had worked there until her flight to her aunt’s. “But tellers don’t make a lot of money. Do you think you could support yourself and the baby with that?”
Patience held up her hands. “Aren’t you forgetting about Shaun?”
“Well, yes, you’re right,” her mother considered. “He will have to pay child support, but still...”
Her parents loved her and they meant well, Patience reminded herself. “I wouldn’t discount the fact that Shaun and I might reconcile. I was very impressed with the changes he seems to have made. I really think he’s back on track. And now he’s even become a Christian.” The fact that Shaun’s family never went to church had been the biggest objection her parents had when she told them she wanted to marry Shaun. She’d heard the whole “unequally yoked” speech about a hundred times. Part of her thought she went ahead and married him just so she could get away from lectures like this.
Her parents exchanged glances. Her father spoke, but it was clear they were of the same opinion. “But sweetheart, how long will it last? Are you sure he isn’t just putting on a good show to get you back?”
“What if he’s not, and I turn my back on him? What if I lose a chance at being truly happy and building a family with my baby’s father? Do you think I can afford not even to consider going back to Shaun?”
“But there could be someone so much better for you out there, someone who could give you so much more...”
Patience didn’t feel as if she lived up to her name right now. “Mom, Dad, it’s my decision. If I want to give Shaun another chance, then I will. I came home tonight so I could have some peace to think and pray about it, not so you can lecture me and try to bully me into doing what you want.”
Patience left them and went upstairs to her room. She wished she could run up the stairs, stomp all the way to her room and slam the door so hard that it echoed throughout the house. She was too tired for such expressions of anger though.
Once she’d reached her room, she realized that she didn’t have her suitcases. She was ready to go to sleep in her clothes, without benefit of brushing her teeth first, when her father brought up her luggage.
“I realize you’re tired tonight,” he said as he set down the bags, “but we have to discuss this tomorrow.”
“I need to discuss this with Shaun, Dad.”
“Believe me, Patience, you’d be better off without him. He’ll never amount to anything, just like that father of his.”
She was too tired to yell, but she answered her father as forcefully as she could. “Shaun is nothing like his father.”
“In the morning, when you’ve had a good night’s sleep, you’ll feel more like talking about it.”
She sighed in defeat. “Sure, Dad. Thanks for bringing up my luggage.”
“I love you, and so does your mom.”
“I know. I love you both, too.”
****
After Patience left, Shaun walked over to Isaac’s and told him about his talk with his mother. Isaac didn’t say much, but Shaun knew he was pleased.
On the way home, Shaun stopped to put gas in his truck. As he was unscrewing the gas cap, another vehicle pulled up to the opposite side of the pump. It was his father’s truck. Shaun watched him step down from the cab. He saw his father’s face as he recognized his son, paused and then began filling his gas tank without a hint of acknowledgement.
It was the last straw. In a day that had unexpectedly turned out to be an emotional roller coaster ride, Shaun felt himself hurtling toward another hill.
He’d successfully navigated through Patience’s return, the shock of finding out he was going to become a father and the ordeal of forgiving his mother. It hadn’t been easy, but he’d done it. For weeks he’d told himself that he didn’t care if his father had disowned him. Now, he knew it was a lie. He did care that one of the people who should have been most important in his life could cast him aside so easily. He cared that there was so little between them.
Shaun tried to remember all the “skills” he had learned to manage his temper. As he waited for the tank to fill, he counted to ten. He breathed deeply. He even said a desperate prayer. But none of it worked.
“Hello, Dad,” he said suddenly, sharply. His father looked around in surprise. “Did you have a nice Thanksgiving?” He knew he should be ashamed at the sarcastic tone he heard in his voice, but he wasn’t. He was beyond caring about that.
“Mom invited me over to her house for dinner.”
Still no response.
He would have thought his emotions would be exhausted by this time, but, once again, Shaun was filled with the anger that
seemed to simmer below the surface of him so often these days. He thought about what his mother had told him about her fear of being alone and went from simmering to boiling in a heartbeat.
“She made a feast. There was more food than the table could hold. You remember what a great cook she is, don’t you? Oh, wait. You never cared for her food, did you? If you had, I guess you would have given her a compliment on it once in a while.”
Orchard Hill Volume Three Page 15