by Love, Kristy
We talked on the phone for a few more minutes, then set up a time to talk again. Jax and I spent the rest of the evening close to each other, but not really talking. We had too much to process.
Will
JAX, RY, AND I WERE HANGING out at a pizza place that had just opened. I had just smeared pizza sauce across Ry’s face and Jax was laughing so hard I thought he was going to explode. His face was red and he had tears streaming down his face. Ry laughed and snorted, which caused Jax to erupt into another round of laughter. I looked at them, laughing.
Jax finally stopped laughing. “Ry, that was hilarious. Between your face being the same shade as the pizza sauce and the snorting, it was the greatest thing I have ever seen.”
“Shut up, Jax,” she said.
“You’re beautiful. Don’t let him get to you,” I said. She smiled at me.
“Thanks.” She leaned into me, smiling sweetly at me.
“Cut that shit out now, Will. Seriously.” Jax pointed a slice of pizza at me.
“Cut what shit out, Jax?” I asked. Jax stopped, his eyes bugging out of his head. Ryanne’s head whipped around and she looked at me, eyes wide.
“Oh, my God. You just swore,” Ryanne said, her voice breathy.
Jax shook his head like he was trying to clear his mind. “Stop, Will. Just stop. Never swear again. It was like watching Liv walk in with a beer and a hooker. Just don’t.”
I laughed at Jax’s visual.
“Yeah, don’t swear, Will,” Ry said. She wrinkled her nose. “You’re too adorable to swear.”
I held my hands up in surrender. “Message received.”
“That was fucking weird,” Jax said.
I laughed again. “Maybe you should try swearing less, Jax. You swear more than anyone I’ve ever met in my life.”
“Yeah, right. Me? Not swear? Never. That’s like asking Ry not to be a girl and you not to follow her around like a lovesick puppy.”
I picked cheese off my slice of pizza and threw it at him. It landed on his forehead and made a satisfying splat noise. Ry dissolved into laughter next to me and I chuckled. Jax wiped the cheese off his forehead.
“I’m going to let that slide. Once.”
“All right, tough guy.” He glared at me before laughing. I casually scooped some more cheese off my pizza and looked at him. His eyes narrowed as he watched me, shooting me a warning glare. I flung it at him and it splattered against his shirt. Ryanne was laughing so hard now that she had tears streaming down her face and she was having trouble breathing. Jax tried to look angry for a few minutes before he laughed, shaking his head in disbelief. I laughed as well.
Things had continued to be amazing and I was amazed this was my life. Jax and I had less than two weeks left before we were officially done with high school. I had secured a job at a video game store and Jax was working with a landscaping company delivering mulch and other bulk items. Ry was still going to work at Cucina Bella.
Ry and Jax were talking to their mother a few times a week. Ry wasn’t quite ready to meet her face-to-face, but she really liked getting to know her. There was a lightness around her now, like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. Apparently things weren’t going well with Jax’s dad, but she didn’t like to talk about that. Jax was ready to completely forgive their mom and have her fully involved in his life. He had talked about moving in with her, but he was trying to decide what to do. As for me, I was happy to see my two best friends so happy.
I was ready for whatever life would bring my way.
Today was Ry’s birthday. She told me repeatedly she didn’t want a surprise party. Jax and I debated throwing her one to get her back for both of our surprise parties, but we thought it would be overkill. Three surprise parties in a year was a bit much, so we planned a small gathering at my house instead.
Jax: Got the cake and ice cream. Is Court getting the Chinese?
Will: Yeah, Court should be here any minute. Aunt Liv is already here. Mel is with Court. Ry is at home fixing her hair or something.
Jax: She should have that done! Doesn’t she understand she’s ruining everything? Damn, that woman.
Will: She can do whatever she wants. It’s her 20th birthday.
Jax: Just fucking with you. I like that you defend my sister.
I rolled my eyes and shoved my phone in my pocket. Jax was really supportive of Ry and I dating, which still surprised me, especially since he was so against it in the beginning. He said he liked the fact that he didn’t have to worry about beating me up since he knew I’d treat her right. He still thought it was weird at times, but, for the most part, he was fine with it.
“William, get your skinny ass over here and help me with this damned food,” Courtney yelled. She slammed the door behind her and I went over to the door. She had two bags of food and so did Melanie. I grabbed all the bags and put them on the table. I already had all the plates and silverware set out. “Thanks for the help, jail bait.”
I bit my tongue. I knew it was a joke for Courtney, but in some ways it still stung to think I wasn’t worthy of Ry. “No problem, Court. I’m here to help.”
Courtney came up to me and wrapped her arms around me, shocked didn’t even begin to describe how I felt. “I know I give you a hard time, Will, but I’m so glad you found my little Ry. She needed someone to show her how she deserved to be treated.”
I patted her back, uncomfortable, but glad over what she said. “I’m glad I found her too.”
“Enough with the sappy stuff. Where’s Ry?” Court said.
“She should be here any moment.” No sooner had the words left my mouth, than Ryanne came in.
Melanie and Courtney squealed and jumped on Ry, hugging her and fussing over her, like they hadn’t seen her earlier for Ry’s birthday lunch.
“Happy birthday, bitch!” Court yelled, throwing her arms around Ry’s neck and squeezing her.
“Happy birthday,” Melanie said, hugging both of them. I chuckled to myself and Ry caught my eye and grinned. I smiled back. When she finally broke free of Court and Mel, she came over to me and hugged me.
“Happy birthday, Ry,” I whispered in her ear as she squeezed me to her.
Jax burst through the door with a slew of curse words and laughter. I took the cake off him and put the ice cream in the freezer. Aunt Liv came in and we all sat down to eat. I watched everyone talking, laughing, eating, and I smiled.
This was how life was meant to be.
My life was full.
After cake and ice cream, everyone went their separate ways. I dragged Ry outside and we sat on the porch, enjoying the warmer weather.
“Thanks for planning all that for me. It was nice.”
“I’m glad you liked it. I’ll be right back.”
She had said she didn’t want any gifts, but I wanted to give her something special. I wanted to give her something that would show her how much I loved her and thought about her constantly. I went inside and up to my room, getting the box out of a drawer. Opening it, I looked down at the charm bracelet that was inside, each charm meant something special to our relationship—popcorn, an inner-tube, a penguin, a movie reel, a snowman, a cabin, a golf club, and a charm that said “I love you”.
Back outside, I handed her the box. “I know we normally don’t give gifts to each other, but I wanted you to have this.” She looked between the box and me, her eyes wide. I smiled, hoping it would spur her into action. She unwrapped it slowly, like she wanted to savor the moment and she kept looking up at me. When she pulled the bracelet out, she gasped and her eyes filled with tears.
“Oh, Will, I love it.” She inspected each charm, commenting about a few and laughing at others. She handed me the bracelet and I placed it on her wrist. “Thank you so much, Will. It’s beautiful.”
“You’re welcome.” I pulled her over onto my lap and nestled my face into her neck.
We spent the rest of the night sitting outside and talking.
I was officially graduating high
school.
I stood and looked at myself in the mirror, wearing a dark blue billowing robe and a cap with a blue and yellow tassel. A mixture of relief, anticipation, and anxiety coursed through my body. Someone slapped me hard on the shoulder and I turned. Jax was grinning widely in his own cap and gown.
“It’s finally fucking over, man,” he said, slapping me again.
We were called to line up and we proceeded out to our graduation ceremony. The ceremony flew by and the next thing I knew, I had a diploma in my hand and Ryanne was running toward me, jumping in my arms and holding onto me tight, her legs around my waist.
“Congratulations,” she said before kissing me.
“Whoa, slow down,” Jax said, sauntering up behind us. “There are children here.”
Ryanne dropped her legs down and went to her brother, pulling him into a hug. “I’m so proud of you, Jax.” Tears glistened in her eyes as she held her brother tight.
“Thanks.” He looked down and shuffled his feet, obviously uncomfortable with her attention, but happy.
Aunt Liv came up and gave Jax and I hugs and congratulations. The only person missing, of course, was Jax’s dad. I found out that Jax’s dad had told Ry and Jax to move out. He was putting the house up for sale and he wanted them out by the time school started. He said he was being generous by giving them the summer to figure out what they were doing. Apparently, he wasn’t happy about Jax and Ry talking to their mother. Once again, Jax’s dad had proven what a jerk he really was.
We went out to eat at The Grinning Banana Leaf to celebrate our graduation and the beginning of summer. Jax, Ryanne, Aunt Liv and I were all seated at a table. This group had become my family. I loved my parents and always would. They were crucial in raising me and helping to shape me into the man I had become. I learned a lot from them and I was thankful for them. But I hadn’t chosen them. I chose these people seated around me, and that was powerful.
After dinner, Ryanne and I went back to my house. Aunt Liv had to go to work after dinner and Jax was going to a party. When we were in my house, she grabbed me by the hand and pulled me into the living room. “What do you want to do now?” she asked, smiling suggestively.
“We could watch a movie or something.” I smiled at her.
“We could.” She bit her lip and I pulled her close, bringing our lips together, tasting her. I craved her all the time. She hopped up and I carried her upstairs to my room. We kissed the entire way. We stole moments every chance we got, but no matter how many times I was inside her, it wasn’t enough. I always needed more of her.
We were a tangle of limbs, enjoying being with each other, when Ry smiled at me. “Do you have anything you want to do this summer?”
“You.” I smiled.
She shoved my shoulder. “Other than me.”
“Whatever you want to do. I just want to be with you.” And it was true.
She pulled the blanket around us and snuggled closer as we both fell asleep.
Happy.
Together.
“We have something we need to talk about, Will,” Aunt Liv said, suddenly serious. My stomach dropped, worried about what she’d say. We sat at the kitchen table and I grabbed a napkin, folding it as I waited for her to talk. “Now that you’re eighteen and out of high school, I can finally tell you.” She smiled at me and I raised an eyebrow, wondering what was going on. “Your parents had a sizable life insurance policy and you were the beneficiary. Plus, with your parents’ retirement accounts, selling the house, the car, and everything else, you have a decent amount of money.”
“What?” I was completely shocked. My parents had never said anything about money. We had never lived like we had a lot of it, just what we absolutely needed. That had always been enough.
“You have enough to live on for a very, very long time. In fact, I think you have enough for your kids to live on as well.”
I sat back in my chair, shocked.
“Now, I still think you should work part-time while you further your education, but it won’t be a struggle. You’ll be able to pay for college without going into debt and enough for a long time after.”
“That’s good news. I mean, I want to go to school no matter what, but it’s nice not to worry about debt and all that.”
She smiled, relief relaxing her features. “Yeah, it’s a good thing. I’m glad you’re going to keep going to school.”
“How much money are we talking about?”
“Almost two million.”
My eyes widened and my heart stopped.“Aunt Liv, take some of the money and pay off your house and your car.”
“Will, I can’t do that. That’s your money and it’s for you to take care of yourself.”
I sat forward and covered her hand with my own. “You took me in when I had no one else. You took care of me, even when it was a challenge. When I was struggling, you got me the help I needed and never complained. You’ve been amazing and you’ve worked so hard to make sure my life was good after everything that happened. I want to do something for you to show you how much you mean to me.”
She hopped up from the table and engulfed me in her arms. “You are such an amazing man, Will. I’m so lucky to be your aunt.” Her voice was thick with tears.
“I’m lucky that you’re my aunt.”
Aunt Liv paid off her house and her car, thanking me repeatedly, and I bought myself a used Toyota, then pretended the money wasn’t there. It was there for school and emergencies, but other than that, it didn’t matter. The only things that mattered to me were the people I loved and I had all of them.
Life was good.
Ryanne
Two months later
“Court, it’s not drinking time, it’s work time.”
I was struggling with boxes while Courtney was sitting on the couch with a freshly unpacked wine glass and an entire bottle of red wine on the coffee table in front of her.
“It’s always time for drinking. There’s Messed Up Monday, Black Out Tuesday, Wines-day Wednesday, Thirsty Thursday, Fucked Up Friday and Sloshed Sunday.”
I laughed. “What about Saturday?”
“Like anyone needs an excuse to drink on Saturday,” she scoffed. “Get the boxes unpacked, bitch.”
“You’re supposed to be helping me!” I yelled. I dropped one of her boxes on the ground.
“I wonder if we could promise sexual favors to your boyfriend and brother and get them to do all the work for us.” I watched the liquid slosh around in the glass, afraid it was going to spill on our new-to-us couch.
“If this is how it’s going to go, I can already tell you are going to be the worst roommate in the history of roommates.” I picked up a box of clothes and stomped back to my room.
I had decided to get an apartment off campus. The house I had grown up in was days away from closing, and it felt like I was closing a chapter in my life. I had officially lost the only dad I had ever known, but I had gained a mother I had always desperately craved.
Originally, Will, Jax and I talked about getting an apartment together, but Will and Jax thought that would be too weird. Courtney jumped in and said we should make it a bitchin’ girl pad, her words, not mine. The lease on her apartment was almost up and she wanted to move anyway. I thought it was a great idea. At least at the time.
We started classes in two days and I wanted to have as much unpacked as possible. The problem was, Courtney was easily distracted. I placed the box next to my closet.
“Where do you want this box, Ry?” Will said, carrying a large box.
“Over by the closet somewhere.”
He put the box down next to the other box and came over, wrapping his arms around me. “It’ll be weird visiting you here.”
“It’ll be weird not having you living right next door.” I rested my cheek against his chest.
“I think it’ll be good. We won’t have my aunt around all the time, and I can leave Jax back at the dorm.”
“Courtney will still be here.”
I hugged him and relaxed, knowing he was right. I needed to have faith in him, myself, and us.
“There are a couple more boxes down in the truck. Jax and I will finish bringing them up, then we have to get going.” I was reluctant to let him go, though I knew I had to.
When all the boxes were in our apartment, Will kissed my forehead. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
I watched him walk down the stairs and closed the apartment door. Looking around at the various boxes, I sighed, feeling overwhelmed. Everything felt new and slightly scary.
“Welcome home!” Courtney squealed and threw her arms around me. “This is going to be the best year ever.”
“I think so too.” I smiled. Things would work out.
As long as I had my best friend, my brother, and my love, life would be good
If you’re struggling with self-harm, depression, or anxiety, please get help. Cutting can quickly go too far. Millions of people suffer with depression, anxiety, or another mental health issue.
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When I was growing up and dreamed of being an author, I always thought I would sit down and write for a couple days and then it would be a best seller. I didn’t realize that it would involve so many people committed to helping me realize my dream. And each of these people were instrumental in this book being published. Every single one of them is special to me. Words on an acknowledgement page aren’t enough. These people deserve so much more.