by T. K. Rapp
She looked at me like I was covered in shit.
“Are you okay?” I asked.
“I thought that would be different,” she admitted, her tone bland.
“Different? How?”
“Less brother-like and more shaky-knees.”
“Is that your way of saying I’m a bad kisser?” I teased.
She shook her head and stepped closer. “Let’s try it one more time.”
There was nothing wrong with her lips, and there was certainly nothing wrong with her body. Emma was attractive, but I’d just never looked at her like that. She’d worked at String Beans since my parents owned the place and the few times I’d met her back then, she’d always seemed familiar…like a friend I’d known forever.
When we parted for the second time, that was all it took, and whatever Emma might have felt for me dissipated.
The next day at work, she walked into my office and confessed that she’d harbored a crush on me since the day we met.
“And now?”
“No offense, but the thought of kissing you, or dating you, makes my skin crawl.”
“No. Nothing offensive about that at all,” I laughed.
“You know what I mean,” she said, slapping at my arm. “You’re cute as hell, but I think you’re like…”
“A brother?” I filled in for her.
“Yes! Exactly! So this is okay? We’re not gonna be weird and I don’t have to quit?”
“Please don’t quit,” I laughed. “Not when inventory is around the corner.”
“Try not to be too heartbroken, okay? I’m tough to lose.” She winked. She started to leave the office, but turned around again and looked at me. “I have to ask, because I know that Vi talked to you about me.”
“What’s the question?”
“I know she feels more than she’s letting on. I could see it the day she talked to me about you. She gave me some really great advice. I’m just curious…why don’t you do the things she told me to do?”
“Like?”
“Tell her how you feel, Wyatt. Spell it out so there’s no way that she can say she didn’t know. Put it out there and then you won’t have any regrets.”
“I thought I did that already.”
Emma looked at me and rolled her eyes as she reached the door. “You two are stupid and impossible. I think you might be perfect for each other.”
“What do you know about the guy she was with?” Busy asked, freeing me of my thoughts.
“Only that his name is Owen,” I answered.
“So what did Owen look like?” she asked.
“He was really cute. And he seemed to be into her,” Emma said.
“Thanks for that,” I muttered.
“Anytime.” She grinned and walked away to get more work done.
Chapter 22
I hung up the phone and powered it down before shoving the device into my pocket. I didn’t want to be tempted to drunk-dial again. I stopped one of the waitresses and chugged two bottles of water and refused any more alcohol. There was no way I was going to make that mistake again.
I stood outside in the somewhat-fresh air for a while and tried to sober up. The hours of drinking had taken their toll on my ability to think clearly, and if I’d just listened to that nagging voice in the back of my head…the one that sounded a lot like my mom…I wouldn’t have called Wyatt.
“Stupid alcohol,” I mumbled under my breath.
“What was that?” Dani asked causing me to jump.
“Where did you come from?”
“I lost so I let someone else have my seat. I think Jo’s just about done. Where’s Callie?”
I pointed to the blonde who was still talking to Jake near the exit.
“Jo,” I called out. “Hurry up and lose your money so we can go.”
She was in the middle of a hand and flipped me off but it turned into a fist pump as she stood up.
“She won,” I said. Dani and I walked over, with Callie and Jake following close behind. The four of us looked to see that she’d won almost two hundred dollars.
“Come with me to cash out,” she ordered as she walked to the cage.
After she retrieved her winnings, the four of us walked into the night, mesmerized by the lights flickering all around us. Callie and Jake had made plans to meet up at the hotel, so she would be busy the rest of the night.
“What do you think of Vegas, Cal?” I asked.
Callie and Jolie were walking arm in arm, while Dani and I trailed behind them the same way. “Awesome!”
I leaned my head on Dani’s shoulder and laughed. “This was fun. Exactly what I needed.”
The memory of the phone call came back to me, but I shoved it back, refusing to panic over making a fool of myself.
“Yeah it was,” she answered. “I’m so glad we did this.”
“Me too.”
We walked a ways, looking around at the people and occasionally stopping for a selfie. As we were waiting for the water show at the Bellagio, Dani looked at me, a trace of panic in her eyes.
I stepped forward and grabbed her arm. “Are you okay?”
She shook her head sadly before making eye contact with me. “What happens if it doesn’t work out with Tabor?”
“What do you mean? Is something wrong?”
“No,” she muttered. “But there was nothing wrong with you and Will either.”
I started laughing and she gaped at me with wide eyes.
“I’m sorry, but that’s insane. You and Tabor are great together. You have nothing to worry about.”
“But I thought the same thing about you and Will.”
“Yeah, but one, I was young—too young. And if you ever tell my parents I said that, I’ll kill you. And two, I was the only one trying. I loved Will, I always will, but he never loved me enough. What you and Tabor have is good. Don’t look at my marriage as the litmus test for all marriages… I sure as hell can’t. If I did, I’d never get back out there.”
“Then why aren’t you giving this Wyatt guy a chance? Or anyone else, for that matter?”
“Not you too,” I groaned.
“What?” she asked. “He sounds perfect. Why aren’t you going for it?”
“Because, I can’t do the ‘we’ until I fix the ‘me.’”
“Will you stop it? You sound like a damn fortune cookie. How do you feel about him?”
“He’s great,” I admitted. “I think that’s what really freaks me out. The idea of going from a marriage to a relationship so soon scares me.”
“So soon? Vi, it’s been what—nine, ten months?”
I’d been so focused on the failure part, and how to move on, that I never took time to appreciate that I’d spent the better part of a year working on me. I didn’t jump into anything for fear of being alone. I was alone, and I survived.
“Is everything okay?” Jolie asked.
“Yeah, it’s great,” I said.
Dani wrapped her arm around me and hugged me tightly. “So what are you going to do about the guy?”
“Nothing,” I answered. She looked stunned and disappointed and I laughed. “He’s with someone else, and that’s okay. I love Wyatt and I just want him to be happy.”
“You love him?” she asked, her mouth agape.
“As a friend,” I answered quickly.
“As a friend,” she repeated. “Well that’s something to build on.”
“I think Wyatt and I will always be friends. Maybe this thing with Emma will be perfect for him. I just have to hope that I’ll find someone and not let fear keep me from trying.”
“What about the guy from last night?” Jolie asked over her shoulder as we continued to walk.
“Brother-kisser?” I asked. “No way. Why don’t you go out with him?”
“I can’t,” she said.
“Can’t?” Dani and I sped up to catch Callie and Jolie. “Why not?”
“Connor.”
“Your ex?” Dani asked. “I thought you two ende
d things before you even moved to L.A.”
“Hold up,” I said, moving to the side and pulling them along with me. We stood under a neon sign and I looked between the two of them. “You are both terrible. You give me hell about not sharing stuff, but apparently I’m the one in the dark here. Can someone fill me in?”
“At first, I didn’t say anything because you were all upset over Will. And then I was over him… You even saw me going out on dates,” Jolie said.
“Was it serious?”
“You know me, I never get too serious,” she answered. “But there was something about him that was perfect for me.”
“I’m sure there was,” Callie said crassly.
“Not like that. He’s not like the guys I usually date. He’s funny, and hardworking, and I guess I just fell for him.”
“So why did you break up?” I asked. “How long were you even dating?”
“Just a few months. Like I said, I didn’t want to talk about my new relationship when your marriage was falling apart.”
“What kind of friend do you think I am that I wouldn’t want you to be happy?” I asked. I gave her a hug and pulled away to look her in the eyes. “You’re my best friend. You can always come to me.”
“I know,” she said softly.
“Where is Connor now?” Dani asked. “I thought he lived in your old building back in Wyoming.”
“Yeah, but he’s supposed to be in L.A. for work next week and he asked if he could see me.”
“And you said?”
“Yes.” She smiled. “He’s staying an extra day just for me.”
“I’ll do my best to make myself scarce.” I turned to Callie and nudged her arm. “You’ll let me stay with you Friday night, right?”
“Sure. Maybe we can go out or something.”
“No,” Jolie said. “I want you to meet him. Both of you.”
“Are you sure?”
She nodded and started sharing more details about the man who’d captured her attention—and more surprisingly, her heart.
When we finally got back to the hotel, I felt slightly better but my head was spinning. I wasn’t sure if it was due to the alcohol or knowing what a mistake it had been to call Wyatt. The regret weighed so heavily on my mind that once in our suite, I quickly changed my clothes and tried to get to sleep before anyone thought to ask what was on my mind.
Callie and Jake met up in the lobby and she promised to text to let me know she was okay. I felt a strange protectiveness over her, but stopped short of the lecturing and mothering. She was a grown woman and didn’t need me monitoring her activities. Still, I worried.
Unfortunately, my mind wouldn’t shut off, so I was still awake when Dani decided to go to bed. I felt a slight shift in the bed as she climbed in next to me, but I squeezed my eyes a little tighter. My back was to her so I knew she couldn’t tell if I was actually sleeping anyway.
“Vi,” she whispered. “Are you awake?”
“Hm?” I mumbled.
“Sorry,” she said, her tone still hushed. “Go back to sleep… It’s nothing.”
I didn’t say anything else and assumed she’d fallen asleep as well, but then I heard her speak again.
“He wasn’t the right one.”
I didn’t know which he she was referring to and I didn’t want to ask. If she meant Will, I was in agreement, but if she was talking about Wyatt…that was a whole other story. I didn’t know if he was “the right one,” but I knew he was, at the very least, one of the good ones.
It was the last thing I heard her say, and instead of questioning it any more, I prayed for sleep to come to me quickly.
***
Dani was a restless sleeper. If she wasn’t kicking me, she was talking in her sleep or trying to snuggle with me.
I felt like I’d been asleep for minutes, but from the time on the nightstand, it had been more like two hours. Frustrated that I couldn’t go back to sleep, I walked to stand in front of the hotel window, looking at the city below. It was the early morning hours and people still flooded the streets as cars maneuvered their way around. Even the lights flashing all around were enough to hypnotize me, but I had too many thoughts to allow myself to be lulled to sleep.
I had shut my phone down earlier that night, so I grabbed my phone and powered it on to check my email. There was nothing that couldn’t wait, so I sat in silence for a while. The evening conversations echoed in my mind—all the things I did wrong and the things I could have done better.
Most of my friends knew that I’d filed the divorce papers, but there was still someone I needed to share the news with. I wasn’t sure how it would be received, but I felt I owed it to him to hear it from me first.
“Vi? Is that you?” his voice asked urgently. “Are you okay?”
“Hey, Will. I’m fine, sorry to call so late, but I figured you’d be up anyway. Are you busy?”
“Just sitting here at the bar. Let me get someone to cover me so I can go outside, just a sec,” he said.
Silence fell over the phone and I took the opportunity to go into the living room so as not to wake Dani. As I settled on the couch, pulling my knees to my chest, I heard his voice speaking again.
“You there?”
“Yeah. I’m here.”
“Where is here?” he asked.
“Actually, I’m in Vegas with Jo, Dani, and another friend,” I answered.
“Tell them I said hi…unless they hate me…then don’t say anything.” He sounded sad, perhaps resigned, regarding his fate amongst my friends. They’d been as much his friends as they were mine. But their loyalty would always be to me first.
“They don’t hate you,” I told him truthfully. “They hate what you did, but not you.”
“That’s something, I guess. So are you having fun in Sin City?”
“You know me, I love this place.”
“I remember,” he laughed. “Did you see any shows or anything?”
“Nah, just drank a little too much today,” I answered.
“Does this mean you’re drunk-dialing me?” he asked in that flirtatious tone I knew well.
“Afraid not,” I muttered.
“Damn,” he muttered playfully and I felt my smile appear. Will was always able to make me do that, even when I was mad at him. I couldn’t allow myself to get lost in thoughts of him, so I sat up straighter and cleared my throat.
“I know it’s late, but I needed to call.”
“You sound pretty serious. Is everything okay?”
“It’s getting better. Every day is another good one.”
“Okay then…what’s going on?”
“I wanted to give you a heads-up that you’ll be getting some papers from me soon…I filed for divorce.”
Will was quiet, and I was about to ask if he was still there when I heard his heavy sigh.
“It’s been almost a year, Will. Nothing’s changed, and it just seemed like the right thing to do. For both of us.”
“This isn’t what I wanted, Vi.”
“I don’t think it’s what either of us wanted. I married you assuming it was forever, and I loved you more than you will ever know.”
“Loved…past tense?”
“I’ll always love you. But I have to do this. For both of us.”
“I just want you to be happy, Vi. And I’m really sorry that I fucked up so bad.”
“I know you are.”
“Then maybe there’s a chance,” he said, and I could hear the hope in his voice.
“I don’t know, Will. There are some things that can be fixed, but I’m not sure we’re one of them.”
“I think we can fix this,” he argued.
“I didn’t call to argue. I just thought I’d let you know, and if you wanted to get your own lawyer to look over the papers, I understand. It’s all pretty simple, and I didn’t ask for anything.”
“I—gotta go, they need me inside. I love you, Vi.”
Before I could respond—and I didn’t know how to, an
yway—he hung up, and that was it. In that moment, I realized that chapter of my life was coming to a close; and while I didn’t know what came next, it had to be better than what I’d had.
Chapter 23
We walked into String Beans on a hectic Thursday evening. Wyatt was nowhere to be seen, but Emma and Busy were taking orders and running around. Emma gave me a friendly wave and I forced myself to return it. I couldn’t hate her, or even be angry with her. She had Wyatt, and while it sucked that I was missing out because of my own issues, at least she had a shot with him.
Our friends felt the strain of the awkwardness between us, mostly because I’d made it a point to not go to String Beans. Period.
Avoidance had become something I was familiar and comfortable with. But I knew the time would come when I’d have to face the music. I didn’t think it would be on open mic night and because my friends were forcing me out. Dallas had talked all of us into going because James was going to be there and he wanted us to meet him. I found it hard to deny that request because I would be the asshole.
As we looked around, I spotted Dallas in the back corner and noticed Wyatt with him. I slowed my steps, but Jolie gave me a gentle push from behind.
“Hey,” I said, a little too enthusiastically.
It’d been several days since the Vegas fiasco, but I’d continued keeping an eye out so I didn’t run the risk of seeing Wyatt. I’d humiliated myself that night and I wished I could remember everything I’d said. As it was, the only thing I was certain of was that I lacked the ability to keep my damn mouth shut.
“Hey,” he answered back as he stood up. He smiled and gave Callie and Jolie hugs before looking at me. His face was unreadable, though he did acknowledge that I was there… At least he was more mature than me.
I could feel three pairs of eyes watching us, so I stepped forward and pulled him into a strained hug. I fought the urge to close my eyes and inhale the smell of his cologne, which was sure to be mixed with coffee beans, before letting him go. And there was Emma. I refused to put her in the position Will had put me in… I wouldn’t be the other woman or make her feel the way I’d felt.
“I better get over there to help them out,” he said when he let go.