by T. K. Rapp
“Good to know.”
Kirk was adjusting his guitar and I sat next to him. He covered the microphone with his hand and leaned toward me so only I could hear.
“Just like we did it the first time.”
I nodded and began to strum the guitar to familiarize myself with the chords. I was buying myself time. I knew the song well; I’d never forgotten it. One doesn’t easily forget the words they once bled.
I never imagined
That you would look at me
I took you as you were
Knowing it’s how it had to be.
I can be your shadow
Just show me where to hide
I’ll turn and look the other way
Ignoring all your lies.
Broken, battered, bruised
Your heart has seen its share
I’ll fix it all
You’ll never know I’m there.
To you it’s all a game
How long will I go along?
I can’t take much more
You’ve shredded my soul
There’s nothing left to give.
You let me be your shadow
There’s no more light to share.
You looked the other way
And I’m no longer there.
It’s just a shadow.
It was hot, blinding, and terrifying on the stage. But it was also exhilarating. As people began to sing along to the lyrics that we had written together, something inside me burst with pride.
When the song ended, the place exploded with applause and cheers. Kirk and the guys thanked the crowd for coming out and then he pulled me off the stage with him. We got to the side, I punched his arm playfully.
“What was that for?” he asked, rubbing the spot I’d hit.
“Oh. You know,” I said.
“Tell me you didn’t love it,” he teased.
“I was not ready for that,” I answered.
“That wasn’t an answer.”
“Okay…it was amazing. But I still hate you.”
“Sorry, Vi, but there was no way I was going to sing our song knowing you were out there.”
“That was awesome,” Josh said, wrapping an arm around my shoulder. “You’re a natural.”
I was about to respond with some self-deprecating comment when I heard Callie and Jolie calling my name.
“Over here,” I called back.
Jolie rushed over and hugged me, the biggest smile I could remember seeing spread across her face. “You are in so much trouble,” she said when she let me go.
“Yeah…I figured.”
She turned around to hug Kirk and Josh, and introduced Connor to our friends.
“Callie,” I said, reaching for her hand and dragging her closer. “This is Kirk Mead. And he’s an ass, but I promised you an intro. And this is Dallas and James.”
Kirk thanked the guys for coming out and then returned his attention to Callie. He was overly flirtatious, but she didn’t seem to mind.
Jolie was the only one who knew how far Kirk and I went back. And even knowing that he kept in touch with Will somehow made me feel better about where I was in my life. They mentioned that he might be performing at a couple of shows with them and I was happy for him.
Callie enjoyed the concert more than anyone. She was flirting with Kirk and he seemed to like her too. But he was no stranger to women. I didn’t want to burst her bubble and tell her that he used the same lines in every town. Something told me she was smarter than she let on.
Chapter 25
It was almost one when we got back to Dallas and Wyatt’s apartment. I had planned on going back to my place, but Jolie and Connor were catching up and I didn’t want to be around for that. Being her roommate in college was enough, and I doubted that anything had changed.
Dallas and James ended their night when we left the bar, and he insisted that I go back with him and hang out at his place. It was times like that that I was grateful to have friends to help me out in a bind. We walked into his room and Dallas grabbed a T-shirt and shorts and tossed them at me. I was eager to get out of my outfit, especially since the smell of smoke emanated from my pores. I thought about sneaking in a shower after Dallas was done, but I liked my soap and shampoo.
“I really hoped that he’d change his mind,” I told Dallas when I looked down the short hallway at Wyatt’s door, which was shut.
Saturday nights at String Beans were pretty busy with scheduled performances, so I wasn’t surprised that he’d declined the invitation. I was relieved, in fact, because I wouldn’t have to see him and Emma together. It would take me a while to get used to it, but at some point, I was certain things with Wyatt and I would get back to normal.
“He’s not here,” Dallas said.
“Yeah. I figured. He’s probably busy at the shop.”
“Not really,” he answered. “I mean, I’m sure it’s busy there, but Wyatt wasn’t working tonight.”
“Really? That’s surprising.”
“He had other plans, Vi,” Dallas said bluntly.
“Oh.”
“Oh? That’s all you have to say?”
“What am I supposed to say?” I asked curiously.
Dallas rolled his eyes and shook his head. “You know, I thought you were this woman who was fearless. I mean, you moved out here where you knew no one and started all over again. And at first, the whole ‘I’m staying single to find myself’ was admirable, but I realize all of it was a lie.”
“What are you talking about?”
“You’re scared. And I get it.”
“I’m not scared. Wyatt is seeing someone, and sure, it sucks, but that’s okay. I’m the one that pushed him into it.”
“And why was that again?”
“Because…because I didn’t want him to wait around.”
“And why is that? Because you’re not worth waiting for? Do you have that low of an opinion of yourself?”
“Of course not,” I argued. “I felt like I was giving him false hope that there could be something. And then there was Emma.”
“Don’t get me started on that,” he said. “Forget Emma. Leave her out of the equation for a minute.”
“But she is the equation,” I reminded him.
Dallas raised a brow and pursed his lips in an effort to silence me. I felt myself shrink a fraction at his admonition and waited for him to speak.
“How do you really feel about Wyatt? If you could have your way, and Emma wasn’t around…because I’m pretty sure that by the time you get around to admitting it, you’ll be too late.”
“According to you, I’m already too late,” I said, recalling the detail that he was out. Probably on a date. Or sleeping over.
It’s almost one in the morning and he’s still gone.
“And if you weren’t?”
“But I am.”
“Why are you so stubborn?”
“Why are you so annoying?” I shot back.
“Have you admitted to anyone what you feel for him?”
“That is none of your business.”
He watched me and then rolled his eyes. I knew Dallas was growing tired of me; I was growing tired of me.
“Oh for fuck’s sake, you haven’t even admitted it to yourself?”
“What’s there to admit?”
Dallas got up from his bed and grabbed some clean clothes. He looked over at me and gave me a disappointed look.
“I’m gonna get cleaned up and we can continue this discussion. You are sleeping here, right?”
“Yeah. I’m just gonna go get a phone charger from my place.”
He didn’t say anything else as he disappeared into the bathroom. I was left alone in his room thinking about what he had asked. While I loved him for caring, I was equally irritated that he was calling me out.
I know what I feel for Wyatt. At least I think I do.
Admitting my feelings out loud to others was tough, but I’d sort of told Dani and Jo. Right? I suppose admi
tting it to myself was proving equally difficult. I hadn’t given myself time to really consider what Wyatt meant to me beyond friendship, and I refused to go after him and risk stringing him along when I wasn’t sure what I truly wanted.
Was I as pathetic as Dallas made it seem?
Yes.
I thought about the first time I met Wyatt and the way my heart had raced. He was arrogant, but not too arrogant, and ridiculously charming. I remembered the way he went out of his way to flirt with me and how he made me smile. Even if he slightly aggravated me. And even I couldn’t deny that he was very good-looking. Hell, I wasn’t the only one who noticed.
But it was the way he pushed himself into my life, determined to be my friend, if nothing else, that made me tear up. Wyatt didn’t care how he had me; he just wanted to be something to me. He’d tried more in the three months that we knew each other than Will had in our three years of marriage.
I walked out of their apartment, making the short trek to my own, when I heard someone coming up the stairs. I panicked and rushed to my door and tried to open it, but it was locked and I recalled leaving the key in my purse in Dallas’s room. As I glanced over my shoulder, I saw Wyatt’s feet at the landing and turned quickly, pressing my body against the door as I muttered Jolie’s name.
“Open the door,” I muttered.
Shit! I don’t want to see him.
I knocked softly, whispering loudly to Jolie, “Let me in.” But I knew it was no use.
“Are you okay?” Wyatt asked from down the hall. Even knowing he was there, I still startled at the sound of his voice.
“Yeah,” I managed to say, inhaling deeply. “Jolie and her ex are in there and I need my stuff.”
“Why are you out here?”
“Because they’re in there,” I huffed, hitching my thumb at the door. “I’m staying in Dallas’s room tonight. I hope that’s not a problem.”
“Why would it be a problem?”
I looked around him and noticed it was just Wyatt.
“How was the concert?”
“You missed a hell of a show,” I said, forcing a smile. “It was great.”
“That’s good.”
He walked to his apartment and I followed, standing behind him as he opened the door.
“How was your date?” I asked.
He stopped with his hand on the knob and looked over his shoulder at me. “Date?”
“Date. Two people, out together. Usually involves dinner or something like that,” I said to him.
“Then I guess you and I had a few of those,” he said. The times we’d spent alone flashed quickly through my thoughts and I felt sad.
“Did you have fun?” I asked.
Wyatt turned and leaned against the doorframe with an odd look on his face.
“On your date...did you have fun?”
“Because I didn’t go out with everyone, that means I had a date?”
“Well, yeah. I mean, Dallas said that’s why you didn’t come with us tonight.”
“Actually, I was working,” he said, his brows pinching together. “He knew that.”
“But he said…” I didn’t finish because I knew what Dallas was up to.
“He said I was on a date,” Wyatt muttered to himself, realizing Dallas’ game.
“Something like that,” I said. It was then that comments from the other night became clear to me and cocked my head to the side and studied his face for a moment. “Then why didn’t you come with us?”
“I think you know why.”
He held the door open for me, and I walked inside and stood in the living room. Dallas had invited me over—I didn’t need Wyatt’s permission—but I still felt I needed to be respectful of his space.
The sound of water coming from the bathroom reminded me that Dallas was still in the shower, and I wanted to disappear into his room. As much as everyone thought I was avoiding Wyatt, it turned out that he was avoiding me. He had admitted as much in the hallway.
“So the show was good tonight?” he finally asked. He walked to the refrigerator and grabbed a water bottle. He held another up, silently asking if I wanted one, but I declined.
“It was amazing. I haven’t seen Josh and Kirk in a while, and really barely got to talk to them tonight. If you’re around tomorrow, maybe you can meet Kirk. He’s great.”
“Won’t your friend from the club be jealous?”
“Who are you talking about?”
Wyatt rolled his eyes and walked to the couch as he effectively dismissed me.
“No. What are you talking about?” I demanded, walking toward the couch.
His back was to me, but I could see by the way he shook his head that he was tired of the conversation. “The guy you were with the other night. You know, after you told me that you’re not ready to be with anyone?” he asked.
“Owen?” I said his name with such disdain, though I didn’t dislike the guy—just his forward nature. “I met him that night.”
“Wouldn’t know it by the way you two were acting.”
“I don’t owe you any explanation, Wyatt. If I recall, you’re seeing someone.”
“Then why did you call me when you were in Vegas?”
I didn’t respond right away because I’d tried so hard to block that drunken memory.
“It was an accident,” I lied.
“An accident, huh?”
“Okay not an accident…I was drunk and bored, trying to find someone to talk to,” I said.
“Drunk and bored,” he repeated more to himself. “That’s always nice to hear.”
“It doesn’t matter why I called…I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t mean to interrupt your evening.”
“My evening wasn’t interrupted.”
“Good to know,” I said as I started to walk toward Dallas’s room.
“You’re the one who wanted me to find someone. You even went so far as to orchestrate something to get me away from you because you’re still married?”
“I’m not married,” I said so quickly that the words lingered in the silence between us. I was frozen in place, unable to say anything else from the shock of my own revelation. Unable to look at him, I took a tentative step down the hallway when I heard Wyatt walking toward me. I didn’t stop until I felt his hand on my arm. I shook my head and tried to remove myself from his grasp.
“What do you mean not married?” he asked softly. That one revelation shifted the tone in our exchange, but I found it hard to look at him.
“Nothing. It’s not important. I should get some sleep. It’s late.”
“You’re the one who said we’re friends, right?”
“Yeah,” I scoffed. “Friends.”
“Then tell me what’s going on.”
I sighed and turned to face him. He dropped his hold of me and I moved to the opposite hallway wall. He was still standing in the same place, waiting for my response, and I finally looked into his eyes.
“I had Mr. Bateman file the divorce papers for me. Assuming Will doesn’t contest anything, it’ll be final by the end of the month.”
“When did you do this?” he asked. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“You’ve been a little busy,” I told him.
“After everything, you don’t think this is news I’d like to hear?”
“I couldn’t tell you, Earp. You’re finally seeing someone and…”
He stepped forward and hesitated for only a moment before pressing his lips to mine. What should have been an incredibly romantic moment, and something I would have liked any other time, was horrible. I didn’t return the kiss. I didn’t hold him or moan blissfully against his lips. Nothing. Because it was completely wrong. My hands pushed against his chest and he stumbled backward.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
“I can’t believe you did that. After everything you know about me…you did that?”
Before he could stop me, I turned, walked to the door and I grabbed my purse on the way out. I didn’t know where
I was going, especially dressed in nothing but a T-shirt and shorts, but going to my place wasn’t really an option. And I couldn’t stay there—not with what Wyatt had just done.
“Vi,” he called out. “Wait.”
I turned to look at him and saw someone staring at me that I’d never seen before.
“I was disappointed with myself for not speaking up and telling you that I did want you. For letting you go. But it doesn’t come close to the disappointment I feel right now looking at you. Emma deserves better than you.”
I closed the door behind me and rushed toward the stairs. I could hear him calling my name, but I hurried to the doors that led outside. When I stepped through the glass doors, I realized it was still raining, and at one in the morning, nothing was open. I couldn’t go back to my place and my car was parked farther down the road.
The bookstore had a nook with an extended awning that I decided to take cover under it until I figured out where I was going for the night.
“Shit,” I muttered to myself. “I should have gone to Callie’s.”
“Vi!” I heard him call out.
I peeked around the corner and saw him looking in the opposite direction.
“Viola!”
As I stood outside, avoiding the rain, I weighed my options. I pulled out my cell and punched out a text to Callie.
Me: Are you awake?
I stared at the phone hoping to see the three dots that told me she was texting back, but I saw nothing.
“C’mon, Cal,” I groaned quietly.
“Damn it,” I heard Wyatt say to himself.
He was closer than I thought, and tucked myself into the nook a little tighter. I was looking down at a puddle when his feet appeared in my view.
“Why did you run off like that?” he asked.
“Why do you think?”
I moved past him to walk back to the building when he reached for my hand. I hated myself for how much I liked that feeling, but still tried to pull it away. He tightened his grip and I ran my free hand through my hair to move it from my face.