I looked at Tuesday and saw the same worried expression that Maura used to have. I wished I could do what Tuesday wanted from me. It would be so much easier to be that girl again, but I couldn’t.
I grabbed her hand, squeezing her fingers. “I can’t do it. Not after everything. I can’t.”
“Just for a little while?” she pleaded.
“I. Can’t. Not for anyone. Not for you and not for me. I don’t have it in me anymore.” The panic in her eyes made me want to say, Yes, I’ll play the game. I’ll swallow anything they shove at me, but it wasn’t an option. I couldn’t be small again. I didn’t want to be, and damn the consequences.
“I know you’re strong, but—”
“This isn’t me being strong. I’m too weak. I don’t care if it means my death. I’d rather die standing than continue living on my knees. At some point, it’s too much.”
I grabbed her shoulders, willing her to understand something that I wasn’t sure she could. No one could, not unless she’d lived my life.
“Baryn didn’t only break my leg that night.” I dropped my head, trying to keep it together. I took a ragged breath. “I’m done living on other people’s terms, even if that means it’s going to end badly for me.”
It wasn’t until I’d snapped that I realized how close to the brink I’d been for so long. In my desire to survive, I’d nearly lost myself completely to that sad and pathetic creature I’d become.
Surviving had cost too much. I’d rather die than be that person again. Even a hint of taking a step back toward that life made the thing inside me roar in anger.
Tuesday nodded. I watched as she came to terms with what I’d said. When tears welled in her eyes, I turned my attention back to the camp.
“I should’ve done more,” she said, a suspicious sniffle following.
“You did everything you could.” I squeezed her hand. “Don’t you dare cry.”
“I’m not.”
She definitely was, and I couldn’t look.
I trained my eyes on the camp, realizing how quiet the guys were. They were still a good distance away, but no one was speaking. Not even a whisper of conversation. There was no way they could hear us from over there, but I would’ve sworn they were somehow listening. I caught Koz’s profile, as if he wanted to turn toward us but didn’t.
“Come on,” I said, urging her back to the camp, where I knew she’d drop the subject. Koz would come and talk to her and pull her mind away from the horrors of the village. I’d never forget them, but maybe she could.
She dragged her hand over her face and we walked back. Callon didn’t say anything else about the food or eating, and I didn’t pursue it either. The silence was heavy, though.
Koz’s newest roast was finished and sectioned off to all. It was a good thing Callon had dropped the food fight, since there was no way I was going to be able to eat the amount of food Koz handed us. When I tried to hand Tuesday a piece of my meat, simply because I couldn’t get another bite down, she held up her hand. It had nothing to do with being afraid of what Callon would do. Her face was tinged a little green from too much food.
I was sitting there stuffed, as Zink ribbed Hess over some girl at some village that he’d gotten involved with. Apparently, the girl was going to be in a very bad mood when Hess saw her again, since he said he’d be returning in a week and it had been several months. Tuesday was smiling beside me, our conversation fading from thought.
Then Callon walked over to Koz and said, “We’re better off crossing the river on the north pass.”
River. Large rivers meant bridges. Bridges meant pirates. Everyone knew that the pirates controlled every water way in the Wilds. It just was. You were born knowing how to breathe and about the pirates.
The pirates were bad news in general, but even worse news for me. They were well known for taking extra coin to report the comings and goings of people to whomever was paying at the moment. Turrock had connections with the pirates, and there was no way he wouldn’t have gotten a pigeon to them by now. I might not be scarred, but I was still recognizable with this damn hair.
“Is that a large river we’re crossing?” As soon as I asked, Callon’s eyes shot to mine and narrowed.
“Yes. Is that a problem?” he asked, watching, waiting to sniff out something from my response.
He knew something was off with me. Or suspected. I wasn’t going to tell him either, not until I was strung up by my ankles and tortured.
“The pirates will charge, won’t they? It’ll be expensive. Why don’t we swim across?” It wasn’t a completely crazy suggestion. People who didn’t have coin did do that. You wanted to cross a slice of water more than a mile wide, you’d better be ready to pay.
“The water is freezing right now. Why would we?” Tuesday shook her head so fast she might’ve given herself whiplash.
She couldn’t swim, but neither could I. We’d have to figure it out. That sink-or-swim saying didn’t come from nowhere. At least some of the people must’ve swum, or the saying would’ve been closer to hey, fuckers, you’re going to sink. Still, a breakdown of the people who managed to swim in any given scenario would’ve been helpful.
“I’ll pay them,” Callon said.
I didn’t say anything else, afraid to give myself up.
When Callon walked to the other side of the camp, Tuesday whispered, “It’ll be okay.”
I could see Callon turn his head slightly toward us. Instead of telling her Turrock would follow me until he had my bones in his hands, I only nodded.
Something ripped me from sleep, if drifting with one eye open could be called that.
Tuesday gripped my arm. “What was that?”
“I don’t know.” I immediately looked around to see if the guys were up.
They weren’t just awake but standing and alert, all staring at a spot in the trees.
Callon glanced at me and put a finger to his lips before he walked into the trees.
A low growl rumbled from somewhere in the dark, and I grabbed the stick I slept with.
“Was that a beast?” Tuesday whispered.
My heart thudded as Tuesday’s fingers made holes in my arm.
“Shhhh,” I said. If it was a beast, I didn’t want to lure it right to us. It hadn’t liked the way I tasted or smelled last time, but that didn’t mean its standards wouldn’t drop if it was hungry.
“It’s clear,” Callon said, walking back into the camp. “There was someone there, but it looks like he ran off. He might’ve been trailing us.”
Callon looked at me, and then three other stares followed suit, in lesser intensity. Why were they looking at me? It might’ve been my fault, but they didn’t know that.
Callon stopped in front of me. “Is there any reason someone would be following you?”
“Not that I know of.”
Tuesday said nothing, and I held my breath, afraid Callon would question her next. There had never been a worse liar born than Tuesday. Even something close to the truth would trip her up. Growing up together, before Baryn and Turrock had taken more involvement in my life, Maura had always questioned Tuesday first, and for a reason.
Callon walked away, but I knew he wasn’t letting it go. I was just getting a short reprieve.
“I heard growling. Do you think there’s a beast out there?” Tuesday asked.
“If there is, he already got his meal. We’re probably fine.” The beast wasn’t my biggest concern anymore.
11
I dipped my hands into the water and brought them up to my face.
Tuesday kneeled beside me, doing the same.
“It’s going to be okay.” Her emphasis was on the word “okay,” and the way she wouldn’t look up, screamed she thought it was going to be an epic disaster.
I, on the other hand, was staring at her. There was absolutely nothing okay about the coming situation. “There’s no way he hasn’t sent word to the pirates. No way. It’s been days.”
“Turrock might not
have had time.” She sat back on her heels, pausing. “Maybe.” She shrugged, and then shrugged again. If she moved her shoulders one more time, she was going to be in seizure territory.
I splashed some more water on my face, trying to use it to clear my head of the panic that wanted to suck every rational thought out.
I shook the water off my hands. “He would’ve sent a pigeon to the closest posts. You’ve seen how fast those little suckers can fly.”
“They won’t recognize you without the scars.” She shrugged again.
She was going to need a branch to bite down on soon.
I grabbed a hank of white-blond hair and held it up. “Have you ever seen a shade like this before? Because I haven’t, and I’m pretty sure it’s going to be on the list of things he mentions.” My finger went to my eyes. “Or these? I almost look like an alien. They’re going to notice me. Everyone notices me—always.”
Tuesday didn’t argue and—thankfully—didn’t shrug again. She bit her lower lip as she sat there. Now that she’d stopped trying to convince me it was okay, I felt even worse. I’d been secretly hoping she was right and would find a way to win the argument.
I moved from kneeling to sitting on my ass. Desperation drained all the energy from my limbs so my brain had more fuel to panic with.
She sucked in a loud breath. “I’ve got an idea.”
My attention snapped back to her. “What? Is it good?”
Tuesday didn’t usually lack for ideas. It was the caliber that was typically the problem.
“It’s something.” When her face puckered at her own idea, I knew it wouldn’t be some genius anomaly.
I racked my brain and still had nothing. “Give it over. Desperate times and all that.”
We made our way back from the stream, as if everything were normal. Koz looked first, followed by Hess, then Zink. Callon, with his back to us, noticed all the attention, groaned, and shook his head before turning around.
I gave Tuesday’s arm a squeeze before we continued on. If she didn’t speak, we might be able to pull it off. If she talked, we’d be sunk for sure.
“What?” I barked, as if nothing were amiss. All the while, my fingers wanted to reach up and scratch my head. Who knew mud would be so itchy when it was caked on your head?
It didn’t do anything for my eyes, but at least my hair didn’t shine like a beacon in the dark. Tuesday had done it too. We’d decided it would look more natural if both of our heads were covered.
Callon shook his head again but otherwise ignored us. Zink glanced at the rest of his buddies, judging whether anyone was prepared to comment.
When no one said anything, he spat out, “Why are your heads covered in mud?”
I shrugged. “It’s good for body. We do this once a month—sometimes more. You’re a guy, so of course you haven’t heard about mud.”
“That’s garbage.” Zink’s upper lip rose, like he smelled bullshit.
Tuesday’s eyes flared. That was her I’m going crack under pressure look.
Mine shot to Koz and then back to her. You want that man, hold it together!
She nodded, with a bit of a flinch mixed in. Still, she appeared to have shored up her walls. For now. When Tuesday was going to blow, though, she usually blew.
“Zink, let it go,” Koz said, then glanced at Tuesday with a small smile.
Zink caught the look passing between Koz and Tuesday and found something more disgusting to him than heads full of mud. He made a noise like he was going to be sick.
“I’ll be back,” he said, heading for the stream.
We gathered our things and were on the road soon after, with no more talk of mud.
We’d only been walking a few hours, according to the sun, when the bridge came into view. Two men stood by its entrance, on the horizon. They were still tiny dots, but they were definitely pirates.
I turned to Tuesday and moved my eyes upward, in the direction of my hair. Hopefully it was holding up better than hers, which had left a trail of flaked dirt as she walked, some still on her shoulders.
Her mouth twisted to the side and she held out her hand, giving me a so-so wave. A clump of dried dirt fell in front of my face, making the question obsolete.
Tuesday leaned in. “Next to Callon, Koz is the biggest. Callon will probably do most of the talking, though, so stand behind Koz.”
I completely agreed.
Callon stopped and looked back to where Tuesday and I had slowed our pace to talk, as if he had some sort of sixth sense we’d fallen behind. The way he was staring, it was as if he knew something was coming.
He looked calm but he didn’t seem calm. If I could’ve risked saying it aloud, I would’ve hashed it out with Tuesday. She probably would’ve told me I was crazy because Callon wasn’t doing anything in particular that read high alert. It was more of a feeling I was picking up on, as if he had super-powerful pheromones that were drifting in the air. It sounded way too crazy even to me.
Tuesday and I picked up our pace at the same time. Guilty consciences probably thought the same way. Callon stood there waiting for us to catch up. The other guys seemed to decide it was a good idea to wait for us too.
“You two, stay with the group but toward the back.” Callon turned toward Koz and looked at him for a second too long.
Koz gave the slightest nod, barely a movement at all, but it seemed to be plenty for Callon. Callon turned and walked forward.
Only two pirates stood in the front of the bridge, but there were probably backups nearby. There was talk enough of it in the village, how people had tried to pass without paying, not realizing how many pirates were lying in wait. It made sense. People never knew how many men were hiding, so the pirates didn’t need as many. Everyone always suspected there were more. You never knew until you tried to screw them out of their fare.
I’d seen enough pirates coming in and out of the village doing business that I knew these guys had been around for a while. Pirates got a new inch of tattoos for every year they were part of the gang. These two had full sleeves.
As we moved forward, I kept my head down. My hair might be camouflaged, but if anyone looked at my eyes, I was surely done for.
Callon stopped in front of the larger one, digging into his pocket, presumably for gold coin to pay them. I couldn’t see how much he retrieved, because that was above my line of vision, staring down at the dirt as I was.
“Six heads, six coins,” Callon said.
I shifted, trying to stay in Koz’s shadow as he fidgeted, shifted, and generally wouldn’t stay the fuck still. Tuesday kept shifting with Koz, trying to fill in the gaps he left. It was a workout for sure, and not worth the effort. She was barely any larger than me.
I should’ve gotten behind Zink. That fucker wouldn’t budge in a hurricane. His stillness was freakish, but worth emulating.
“You five can pass, but I need to see that one,” the pirate said.
Tuesday edged back, nearly stepping on my toes in her effort to block me from view.
The jig was up. I was already on the radar. I knew which one of us he was talking about. I was surrounded by four scary guys that looked like a hell of a bigger threat than I was. Who did he look at? Me, less than half their size and with biceps the size of walnuts, not oranges. The messenger pigeon might as well have landed on top of my head and been pecking at my scalp.
Now what? Would Callon throw me to the wolves? He still didn’t know the deal with the witch. I still didn’t know if what she’d done to Callon would hold up.
At least I could make a run for it with two solid legs. I might be small, but before I was injured, I’d been fast. It was one of the reasons Baryn had broken my leg the first time and refused to let it be set. That had slowed me down a lot.
“I paid your fee. Be smart. Take your coin and be happy for it. That’s all you’re getting.” Callon’s voice sounded lower than normal, almost growly.
I should’ve known he wouldn’t back down. It had nothing to do with m
e. He was an alpha to his core. Even if he didn’t want me with him, he’d still insist on keeping me before he’d let this goon dictate what he should do.
Koz shifted slightly in front of me and then stopped moving, finally. He reached out and pushed Tuesday behind him, beside me. Good thing he was a big guy, because it was getting a little crowded back here.
“Look, I gotta check her out. If I let her stroll across this bridge without doing that, I’m dead. Let me get a look and then we’ll let you pass,” the pirate said.
Tuesday, shoulder to shoulder with me, whispered, “Should we run?”
“Only if it gets bad and there’s no other choice. There’ll be men in the woods.” I’d thought Tuesday would know that, but then again, she hadn’t been around Baryn as much. I’d heard a lot when I’d been “knocked out.”
Hess edged in on our left and Zink moved in to our right, closing ranks around us. Okay, they were gearing up for a fight. This was a good sign.
Just when I’d thought they were going to protect us—or try—Callon told the pirate, “Give me a minute.”
He was changing his mind. I should’ve known. My blood felt like it was draining from my body, my heart stuttering and dying.
This was it. The pirates would drag me back. Would the spell the witch concocted work? I didn’t even know if running would help. Maybe Callon would deliver me back himself, and then they’d find a way to fix what Hera had done.
Tuesday grabbed my hand and squeezed it until my fingers lost blood supply. She thought we were screwed, too.
“Stay near Koz,” I said, knowing things were about to turn ugly. “He might save you.” If she came with me, it definitely wouldn’t end well. At least one of us would get a better life.
“No,” she said, squeezing my fingers even harder.
I was going to argue, but we were out of time. Hess moved out of the way to let Callon into the protective ring they’d formed around us. Holding on to Tuesday’s hand, I only had one option. Run.
I lunged toward the trees, pulling Tuesday with me. I wasn’t getting handed over, and damn if I’d let them get her. Callon’s hand wrapped around my other forearm before I could get more than a couple of feet.
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