"What is this?" I breathed, barely hearing my own voice.
"You know damn well what it is," he whispered into my neck. His voice breaking with emotion.
I tugged on his hair to pull him away from me so I could look into his eyes. They were still heated, still filled with so much love for me, but they held a hint of vulnerability.
"When?"
"Same time as the other one."
I raised my brows in question. "When you left?"
He nodded and lifted my hand to place a kiss in the center of my palm, "Same reminder."
"Of that something you wanted?" I asked.
He nodded again.
My voice wavered, knowing that my world was about to change once more. "And that something you wanted, but it was never the right time for is…"
He looked directly into my eyes and said, "You. It's always been you."
Chapter Eleven
"I'm scared today, more than I told you I was yesterday
Give me a moment to catch my breath
And hold me every second left."
Christina Perri 'Miles'
Being Enough
I opened my eyes to the warm sunlight filtering in through the window. That warmth crawling over my naked skin and making me stretch like a cat. My muscles felt glorious, the soreness from the night before a reminder of all the things Jack and I had shared throughout the small hours of the night.
After my discovery, Jack had taken me once more, but he had handed over the control and left me on top of him, holding my hips in his hands and guiding me to take him. He said words that I had only ever heard in my dreams and he had touched every inch of my body until he had me memorized.
I did the same.
It was the perfect way of showing our complete trust in each other, complete surrender.
I fell asleep in his arms, dreaming of the future with him until he woke me with his kisses and made love to me again and again.
It was like gravity pulling us together. Falling into each other until there was nothing else but us. It was a freedom I had never felt before.
Jack had set me free from myself.
I smiled into my pillow and rolled my body over, finding the bed empty and the sheets cool beside me. I didn't need to wonder where Jack was for very long because in the next moment, he was standing in the doorway in nothing but his boxer briefs carrying a tray piled with food.
"I wish I had a camera," he said with a smile.
"And why is that?" I smiled back.
"Because this is art. What I'm looking at right now is the most priceless image I have ever seen. You're beautiful in that bed, looking thoroughly loved by me."
I shifted and sat up, letting the sheet fall away from my breasts. The confidence I felt was euphoric and I wanted him to lose control again like he had just hours before. I felt beautiful, flawless. His eyes immediately dropped to my breasts and he licked his lips, barely catching the tray as it tipped.
"I wouldn't call it very thorough, Jack. I'm still able to move, aren't I?"
He blew out a breath and stepped forward, dropping the tray on the foot of the bed and continuing toward me. He knelt over me and kissed me hard, driving his fingers into my hair.
"I'm not even close to being done with you, Arianna. I just wanted to refuel so we didn't end up dying of hunger when the day is over," he pulled my bottom lip between his teeth and made me dizzy with desire before he pulled away and raked his hands through his hair. He was already hard and tenting his underwear and I couldn't hold back the giggle.
He grinned deviously and grabbed the tray, setting it between us.
"Eat quickly," he growled. "I'm done waiting to feel your body again."
Within minutes, Jack had moved the now empty tray onto the floor and was on top of me, pushing himself between my legs and sinking inside of me.
"This is exactly where I belong. Deep inside of you," he kissed my neck and thrust slowly in and out, his hands everywhere. "You're my home, Ari. My everything."
"Jack," I breathed, losing myself in his touch.
He groaned when I lifted my hips to meet his thrusts, then he was pulling out of me and flipping me onto my stomach. He gripped my hips and yanked me up to my knees before plunging into me again, his chest pressed tightly against my back. My breasts were covered with his hands and he filled me over and over, the position sending us both out of control.
He slowed when he felt me tighten around him and his hands moved to my back. I wanted to scream at him, but then I felt his fingers tracing the lines of my tattoo and I shivered as goose bumps trailed behind his touch.
"Do you know how much it means to me that I was the first to ink your beautiful skin? That I am the only one that has left something beautiful on your body?"
He drove deep, making my fingers curl tighter into the sheets as he pushed me forward. I couldn't speak, couldn't do anything but cry his name with each thrust. I had no idea how much it meant to him, but I knew how much it meant to me.
"Only me, Ari. No one else," his voice wavered. "I feel like a fucking king knowing you're mine. Knowing no one else will ever touch you this way." He moved a hand to cup the swell of my ass while his other hand slid around to my front and in between my legs. Just the anticipation of his touch made me wetter. He found that perfect spot that was begging for his attention and pinched as he thrust harder. "Only you. I'll only ever touch you like this. I'll only ever love you."
I was lost to the roaring in my ears as my release came fast and hard.
Before I closed my eyes and fell into a deep sleep, I finally responded, out of breath and completely sated. "Only you, Jack. Forever."
***
"I'm ready when you are, sweetheart. If you keep touching me, it's going to lead somewhere and I don't think your body will refuse me," Jack whispered into my hair as I traced the tattoo on his shoulder.
The world breaks everyone, and afterward, many are strong at the broken places.
I slid my fingers over the Dara knot just below those powerful words and leaned forward to kiss his shoulder.
He hummed deep, the vibration of it reaching my toes, then pulled me closer against him. Our bodies had been crushed together for hours and I would never get enough of him. I was made to be right there. Right by his side and him by mine. Hard to soft and everything in between.
I traced over the letters on his shoulder again, wondering how these words had come into his life. How someone as sure as Jack could have ever been broken by the world.
"I was devastated when I left," Jack said after a long stretch of silence, reading my mind and the questions I wanted to ask.
I felt my throat tightening as I looked up to his face and found him watching me lovingly. "You were?"
He easily shifted us until we were both on our sides facing each other, barely an inch apart. He combed his fingers through my hair and my eyelids turned heavy, soaking in the delightful massage.
"Of course I was. I left everything I had ever known behind. I had practically forced my family to leave the life they had established. I felt like the worst son in the entire world, but they tried so hard to understand." He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. I watched his lips as he spoke and felt a whole new rush of feelings for this man. "When I called Jake to let him know where we were, I asked how you were doing. We argued for a good ten minutes before he finally told me how upset you were. I thought I would never forgive myself for leaving without a goodbye. Without explaining."
"I hated you," I said and burrowed into his warm chest, remembering how I had spent days in my room holding back the anger. The times I felt my heart drop at the mere mention of Jack or his family.
"I know you did and I let you. I thought it was better that way," Jack stated with a shrug and kissed the tip of my nose. "I hadn't made a good life for myself. Jake and I were involved with some heavy shit and neither one of us felt worthy of our families. But you... you never once made either one of us feel any less for what we were
involved in. I couldn't stand the thought of bringing you down. You were always so strong when it came to your family and the people you loved. So loyal."
He sighed and kissed the top of my head, tightening his arms around me as he brushed his fingers over my heated skin. "I was broken up about all of it. The things I had done, the things I had almost done. The way I left. Leaving Jake to -" He stopped suddenly and cleared his throat. "Just everything."
"And now?" I asked.
"Now?" he repeated with a smile. "It all worked out, but not without trial. I'm stronger now because of it. I've learned what isn't worth giving up and I'll never make the same mistakes again. The world can break me again and again, but it won't break what I hold on to."
The world breaks everyone...
I didn't feel like my broken places had gotten any stronger over the last several weeks. I thought my determination would win out, but it hadn't. My trials had kept me scattered and I wasn't sure if I would ever be able to put myself back together even a little bit. Even with Jack's help.
"I don't feel strong," I whispered. "I don't feel strong at all."
Jack dropped his hand to my side, leisurely running his fingers over my tattoo, finding the raised skin of my scar and following its path. My chest tightened and I held my breath. Skin can heal only leaving scars behind. Scars that can be covered up with something beautiful. But the mind never stops remembering.
Jack's gaze was powerful, but tender, almost pleading. "You are strong, Ari. You're still here. After everything, you're right here. It's just going to take more time, but I'll be here and I swear I won't be letting you go."
"I know," I sniffed, feeling that pleasant warmth run through me at his words and the back and forth movement of his fingers. "But I just don't feel like I'll ever be me again, the girl you said you loved."
"Ari, I loved you then because of your light. I loved your smile and the way you smiled at everyone no matter what they did." He kissed the corners of my mouth. "Even when you were furious with someone, you smiled. I loved your innocence, how much you loved Jake despite his way of life. How much you still loved me." His fingers brushed the swell of my breast and I licked my lips, trying to listen and feel at the same time. "I left so you wouldn't end up in my darkness, so you could keep the Ari I loved."
"But I'm not the same person I was before, Jack. I don't think I can go back to that."
He gently pushed me back so he could look at me. "I love you even more now. You still have that light, it's just buried underneath the darkness you've seen. I love your strength. The Ari back then was tough, but she was vulnerable. She would have never had the guts to take life by the balls the way you do now." He paused, his wandering fingers finding my lips and tracing over them. I closed my eyes and tried to swallow past the lump in my throat.
"I love your smile even more now," he whispered huskily. "It's rare these days, but when you give it... God damn. It means something special. It means I'm doing something right for once." He leaned forward and kissed me, lazily moving his lips over mine. "I love you, Ari. No matter what happens, I love you and I'll never abandon you ever again. I'm here for the rest of your life. I'm here with you whether it's in darkness or light."
My eyes stung with the need to cry, but I was done crying. I just needed to know one thing before I threw myself and my baggage into his world. "Is it enough, though, Jack? Is it enough to hold me together? I don't know how long it will be until I can pull myself out of -"
He kissed me again before I could finish, crushing his lips to mine and dipping in to taste me. He had a habit of interrupting me this way, but I wasn't complaining. When he pulled away, he caught the tear that had fallen to my cheek. "It's everything I have ever wanted and more, Ari. It's you."
I savored his words, his tender touch on my body while we stayed in bed for another hour before reality caught up to us.
Jack eventually had to leave. We'd locked ourselves in my apartment for hours, but that didn't stop the rest of the world from turning. He had business to attend to at his gym and I was supposed to work out with Amanda tonight.
We all planned to go out to dinner afterward. Reggie and Molly were going to come with us and Jake was buying for reasons he wouldn't say. When Amanda came to pick me up, I found out it was because Jake wanted to celebrate.
"Celebrate what?" I asked, hoping I hadn't missed something important going on with him or the shop.
Amanda started laughing hysterically. "Oh God, you really have been clueless. I thought Jake was exaggerating."
"What?"
"He's celebrating you and Jack finally coming to your senses and getting together."
"He knows?! I haven't even spoken to him today."
She kept laughing as we pulled into the lot at Milestone. "He didn't need to be told. He lives on the other side of your wall, Ari."
Mortification.
It was the only feeling I could register as Amanda climbed out of the car, still laughing her ass off at my expense.
How did my brother even know that me and Jack getting together was a possibility? Had Jack told him how he felt about me?
Once my cheeks cooled down, I exited the car and took a deep breath. Looking up at the darkening sky, I thought of facing Jake. My own brother, hearing me and Jack...
I shook my head. "Shit."
I looked toward Milestone, the brick building beckoning to me knowing that Jack was on the inside waiting for me. A cold chill spread over the back of my neck and I turned around to look across the street. There were several people walking down the street, cars driving by, nothing out of the ordinary.
I rolled my neck on my shoulders and tried to compose myself. I must have been more upset than I originally thought.
I ran to catch up to Amanda at the front door. "So, he knew all along?"
She rolled her eyes and faced me. "Sweetie, we all did. We were just waiting for you."
I moved around in a haze after that, coming to the realization that I had been so deeply buried in my shit that I couldn't see outside of it. Roger had taken more time away from me and he wasn't even around. I hated him even more for the life he had ruined.
As we stepped inside the gym, it suddenly felt like all eyes were on me. The broken girl that Jack had left so long ago. The little sister that had been through hell and was trying to get her life back together. Everyone knew bits and pieces about my life and it was in that moment that I wished we could have kept the whole thing a secret for just a little bit longer. I had no idea if Jack even wanted people to know about us. We had talked about so much, but not that. I just wanted it for myself, for just a little longer.
Amanda found a bench and we both sat down as we readied for our work out. She was eyeing me warily, but it didn't stop her from giggling every time she saw the confusion on my face.
"Hello, ladies."
I looked up from my shoes to find Jack standing in front of us, a tight black t-shirt clinging to his perfect torso and his jeans hanging off of his hips in that way that made my mouth water. God, he was beautiful.
"Hey, Jack," Amanda said enthusiastically. "You look well rested."
Jack shook his head at his sister as she giggled some more. I looked back down at my shoes and the movement drew his gaze. My cheeks burned and my stomach fluttered with the force of his stare. He just waited. Patiently.
Needless to say, it didn't take long for me to meet his eyes.
"Hey Jack."
"Ari," he grinned.
He reached for my hand and I slid back on the bench, looking around the room and finding a few pairs of eyes on us.
Jack frowned, his brows furrowing with confusion. "Everything okay?"
"Yeah," I replied casually and distracted myself with tying my hair into a braid.
Jack stepped closer, effectively trapping me between him and the bench. I kept my eyes down and tried to ignore the giggles coming from Amanda.
"What's with the distance?"
I finally looked up at him
and blushed once more at his piercing gaze. "I, um, I'm not sure if it's a good idea for everyone to see you with me. We didn't talk about it, but I mean, I'm in a bad situation and I don't want to drag you -"
Jack's lips were against mine in the next moment, swallowing my words and cutting off all rational thought to my brain. I vaguely heard the sound of whistling and cheers around us and lost myself in his arms as he lifted me off the bench to stand.
It was only when Amanda cleared her throat behind him that he pulled away, leaving me breathless and panting. My cheeks were hot with embarrassment, but my body was vibrating with the need for more, whether that was in front of everyone or not. You could say I got his point.
Jack lifted my chin with his fingers, moving his thumb over my swollen lips as he looked down at me with a smirk. "I don't care if you are in a bad situation. I'm by your side through the whole thing and I'll be damned if no one knows you are finally mine." His lips pulled up into a smile before he leaned forward and lightly pressed his lips to my ear. "You obviously need a refresher on how much you mean to me. How much I want you."
He nibbled at that spot where my neck meets my shoulder and caught me when both of my knees gave out. He knew how to touch the places on my body that made me lose my mind.
"Damn, Jack. Do you really have to do that kind of shit in front of me?" Amanda whined. "Get a room. Better yet, get an office and close the blinds," she said before she walked away.
Jack's eyes lit with a heated gleam. "My sister always has the best ideas," he chuckled and grabbed my hand.
Pulling me up the stairs to his office, I still felt eyes on me, but when I looked, every single pair was matched with a grin as they watched us ascend those stairs to the most private room in the whole gym. Jack locked the door behind us. The blinds were already closed and he wasted no time.
He was on me in a flash. Kissing me back into oblivion as we tore at each other's clothes, stumbling over sloppy kisses and touches until I was naked and bent over his desk with my face against a pile of invoices and he was plunging into me.
"I want everyone to know, Ari," he growled. "I want every person within a five hundred mile radius to know without a doubt that you are mine."
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