"No, Jack," I insisted and sat up, forcing his hand to fall away from me. I immediately missed his touch. "I wouldn't have listened and it would have just confused me more. Things happened the way they did for a reason and we can't go back. All we can do is move forward. Right?"
"Right," he grinned sadly and curled a piece of my hair around one of his fingers. "We can do it together, but you need to take care of yourself. This running yourself into the ground for no reason isn't going to work, Ari."
I sat up and wiped my face with my hands, trying to erase the tear stains from my cheeks. "It's for a reason, Jack. Now more than ever I need to do this. If he comes back, I need to be prepared. I need to stop him."
"You can't stop men like that. He'll try to turn us in anyway, but he won't be able to. He says he has eye witnesses, but they didn't see anything and he is playing you because we both know Jake didn't do it."
"And what if he has people ready to lie for him? What if he finds a way to put you both in prison? God, how can you be so sure? He will find out it was you, Jack. Then what?"
"It doesn't matter. I'm prepared to deal with the consequences but I'll never regret what I did."
"I can't watch that happen, Jack."
I was becoming hysterical thinking of the kind of power Roger had. It wasn't just Jake I had to worry about. I couldn't let him take Jack away from me, too. But Jack was being so fucking composed and accepting of it. Couldn't he see that I wouldn't survive it?
Jack was calm and kept his voice steady and matter of fact when he asked me, "How do you think you can stop it, Ari?"
I shook my head and stood to pace the room the way he had before. I couldn't hold still and the energy that I had been lacking was slowly seeping into my body.
" Baby, we'll find a way to -"
"I can't let him take you away from me, Jack," I shouted, stopping in my tracks to face him. "I'm not strong enough," I whispered, the lump in my throat growing once more.
Jack stood from the couch and in a few long strides he had me in his arms with my face pressed against his chest. The solid feel of him under my hands gave me a moment to take a breath.
"I'm not going anywhere," he said against my hair. "But that's not the point. When are you going to realize that you are strong. That you have been strong all along. You were strong enough to stay when you thought you needed to protect your brother. You were strong enough to go through every day when you didn't think you had a way out. You were strong enough to get away."
"No."
"Yes!" he exclaimed, pulling away far enough to take my shoulders in his hands so I couldn't go anywhere. "You are so fucking strong that I can barely understand why you have ever wanted me. I'm just a man, but you... you are the very thing this world strives to be. You are a goddess, a dream, and a piece of heaven all rolled into one gorgeous heart stopping package. God, you take my breath away and you think you are weak? Baby, just your smile is so achingly powerful. You bring men to their knees with your strength and I am on my knees right now, begging you to not only accept me for everything I have done, for everything I will do and for how much I need you, how much I desperately love you, but to accept yourself. I am begging you to open your eyes and see that strength. You don't have to bring my Ari back, but please, bring back the love in your eyes, the smile that makes this fucked up world worth it. Let this go."
His eyes were pleading, those blue green eyes that had always been sure about everything. Right in that moment, they weren't. It made the reasons to push him away that much clearer. This man would give up everything for me. I couldn't let him. I couldn't let him throw away the life he had made for himself because he was trying to protect me.
"And what happens when you and Jake leave me?" I sniffed, stepping away from him. "What happens when you both are gone and I'm alone? He'll come for me and how will I fight him?"
Jack hadn't thought about that. No one had because no one could imagine not being there to protect me. No one knew how completely alone I would be and how easy it would be for Roger to take me away and keep me away forever.
My fear of him was no longer the issue. It was the fear for my brother and the man I loved with every part of my soul that was taking over.
The tears had stopped and the step away from Jack had removed his touch so I was thinking clearer than I ever had before.
"Sweetheart -"
"I have to end it, Jack. Me. Not you, not Jake. ME. It's not about beating him, it's not even about fighting him. It's about facing him and facing what I haven't been brave enough to face. I can't do that with you if you aren't going to support it. I have to do this on my own Jack. It's the only way I'll be able to move on with my life and not feel the constant need to look over my shoulder. If I can't do this on my own, I'll never be whole. I'll never be able to give you everything I want to."
"But everything I want is just you, Ari," Jack said huskily.
"And I'm broken."
Jack opened his mouth to speak, shaking his head.
I covered his lips with my fingers. "Don't stop me. You don't have to be there. I'll find someone else to help me so you aren't involved, but I'm asking you, begging you not to stop me."
"Then let's go to the police," he said, ignoring my hand over his mouth. I stepped away from him and he reached for me, gripping my upper arms tightly. "You press charges for everything that bastard did to you. Let's put him away forever, consequences be damned. They will find him, Ari. I promise. I can't watch you destroy yourself. I can't watch you fill yourself with so much hate and I refuse to watch you deal with killing a man. Not when I can do something about it."
"Then you need to leave," I stated, the words barely leaving my mouth before I felt my knees buckle. Jack was the only thing holding me up and I fought for control.
It was the last thing I wanted. Jack leaving would never do me any good, but it would help him. It would help him avoid being ruined by me and by all the hatred I was holding onto.
"Arianna. Stop."
"Leave, Jack. Please."
He must have seen the resolve in my eyes because his hands fell to his sides and his lips pressed into a thin line. The redness in his eyes almost made me take it back.
Almost.
"I'll leave. I'll give you time to think this through, but I'm not going anywhere. You're mine and I'm not letting you go."
He reluctantly moved toward the door and I watched him go, holding onto my resolve as the door clicked shut. Minutes after he left I was still holding it in. I needed to distract myself or I would go after him and tell him that I would do whatever he wanted if he just promised to never let me go.
I hurried into the bathroom and turned on the shower. I still needed to meet Jake and the new artist he hired before the night was over and it was just the thing I needed to keep my mind off of the look on Jack's face when he realized what I was really doing.
I pulled my tank top over my head and stared at myself in the mirror. My eyes were red and dull from all the crying I had done and my face was pale, the dark circles under my eyes more pronounced in the bright light of the bathroom. I glanced down and caught sight of my tattoo.
The small branches peeked around my side and one of the lavender blossoms was visible the way I was facing the mirror.
The control I had was gone.
The reminder of what Jack had given me was the final straw and the realization that I had put him in a dangerous position made me move my feet. I didn't have time to look for my phone and if I knew Jack, he would be downstairs waiting for me. He wouldn't go far. Not now.
I ran to my front door, ignoring the fact that I was only in my sports bra and yoga pants. I had to get to Jack and tell him I was sorry, that I wanted him with me and that I would do things right this time. Because I wanted to.
I threw open the door and came to a grinding halt.
It was as if ice had been injected into my veins and the world around me crashed down.
"Hello, Arianna," Roger sneered as he
stared down at me across the threshold of my door.
I stumbled backwards, my foot catching on the other and tumbled to the floor, my eyes never leaving the man that had destroyed my life and was about to destroy my brother's life.
Roger calmly shut the door and flipped the deadbolt. I crawled backwards until there was enough distance to stand up. On automatic, I prepared myself for the blows that would come and the hateful words he would spit at me. Everything I had learned in the last few months seemed to fly out the window except for one thing.
My body could heal and my mind would never forget, but I could find a way to move on. Because I was strong and I was determined to not let Roger take anything else away from me.
I raised my chin in defiance and Roger frowned when I didn't try to run.
"Little Arianna has found some guts has she? I'm going to thoroughly enjoy showing you how big of a mistake that is."
"Fuck you."
"I'm planning on that as well, little one. Several times."
My stomach rolled and I fought to hold down the nausea. He wouldn't stop until I was dead and he had desecrated the very idea of me.
I wasn't ready when he lunged at me and in the next moment, I hit the ground hard with him on top of me. He flipped me over and pressed his knee into my back.
"You've covered up my work you little bitch!" he snarled. "No worries, though. I'll finish what I started until there isn't enough ink in the world to erase me."
I closed my eyes and forced myself to breathe.
No.
I wasn't going to let him win so easily. He was going to have to work harder to finish me.
Roger moved his knee off of my back and dropped his weight on top of me, pressing his vile erection in my backside and grinding himself against me.
"I bet you're even sweeter now with all that anger rushing through you. My mouth is watering at the thought of erasing that inked piece of shit from your mind. You think he showed you pleasure? I'm going to show you so much pain until the very idea of pleasure becomes nonexistent."
The first night of the self defense class came back to me. Jack had helped me practice this exact position. He had climbed on top of me and showed me how to use his own weight to get him off of me. I smiled at the thought. Roger had no idea what was coming to him. I was going to fight until my last breath knowing that he would never have me ever again. I wouldn't stop until one of us was dead.
I moved my arm above my head and leveraged myself to turn. He wasn't expecting it and that was the only reason it worked so perfectly. He was off of me and I was moving myself to stand. I kicked at him with all my might and connected with his ribs. A whoosh of air left him and I pulled back to kick again. He caught my ankle and twisted, forcing me back to the ground. He only took a few seconds to try to catch his breath but it was enough. I kicked my other leg and connected with his face, effectively crushing his nose.
Blood gushed and he cried out in pain, but I didn't stop. Lying on my side, I gripped his hair in my fingers and forced his head into one of my knees. I connected with the center of his forehead, throwing him into a daze while I searched for my phone. I spotted it on the table next to the front door and snatched it up before moving my shaking fingers to the deadbolt. I couldn't get a good grip on it and Roger was now on his knees, shaking the dizziness away. I unlocked my phone and dialed 911 before stepping toward him to kick him again.
It was a mistake. I remembered the things I needed to, but I ignored the one thing that the instructor had tried to drill into our heads.
Get away.
Roger was ready for me and the second the dispatcher answered the call he yanked me back down to the ground. I screamed and dropped the phone, the clatter of it hitting the ground registering before Roger's fist found my cheek.
"No!" I screamed. He pressed his knee between my legs and I clawed at his face, screaming my name to the dispatcher and praying she heard me. "Arianna West, above West Ink, please -"
Roger's hand wrapped around my throat, silencing me along with another punch to the face. The pain was excruciating and black spots filled my vision.
I was going to fall into unconsciousness. Then what?
He wasn't going to stop until he had ruined me beyond repair.
I fought to stay conscious, I swung out at him, barely grazing his face but my fist slipped in the blood still pouring out of his nose and he was able to lock my arm down, the force almost pulling my shoulder out of socket.
Desperation.
Terror.
Jack.
Those were the last thoughts I remember before Roger squeezed my throat even tighter.
"Welcome back, you little bitch."
Then there was nothing but darkness.
Chapter Thirteen
"I can take so much, til I've had enough."
Christina Perri 'Human'
Remembering
"Ari, let's go honey."
My body tensed, my heart thudded hard against my chest, and I wished for the millionth time that I could turn back time. Staring at my pale face in the mirror only made the anxiety heighten to levels I could never show if I wanted to make it through the night without incident.
"Ari! Come on."
Roger's voice was never like honey, never smooth and sweet, but it had once made my toes curl when it was rough like that. This night, however, it made the hair on the back of my neck stand up, freezing my muscles for a few seconds as the horrid sensation traveled down my skin. I forced myself to shake it off. It wasn't going to help if I started off the night making him late for dinner.
I quickly slipped on my shoes and straightened my dress. I grabbed some earrings off of the dresser and hurried out of the room while attempting to put them on. They had been a gift from Roger for my 21st birthday. He had given them to me to wear that night when I went out with my friends. Each, a princess cut diamond with rubies surrounding it, were a reminder of better days… the last good day.
"It's about time," Roger bit out as he shrugged on his jacket. I froze, feet in front of him. I had forgotten to grab my jacket from the closet and it would only make him mad if I went back to get it. I glanced out the window at the crisp night that I knew would only get colder.
Roger looked over at me impatiently, then his eyes roamed down my body and back up, sending another shiver down my spine and bringing on the now familiar nausea I felt whenever he leered at me.
"Mmmm, you look hot. That dress…" he trailed off, licking his lips.
I should have felt flattered, sexy, but I felt dirty and violated. He had plans tonight, of that I had no doubt, and I wouldn't get through the night if I was reminded how thoroughly he carried out his plans.
"You look very handsome, Roger." I cursed my shaky voice, but played it off by biting my bottom lip seductively and crossing my fingers that he would assume it was from being turned on.
He nodded his head and his eyes landed on the earrings. "Rubies… I should have gotten emeralds. Rubies make you look pale."
My hand absently reached up and tugged on my ear, gently touching the rough edges of the stones. "I love them, but whatever you think is best, honey."
With that, he turned away and opened the front door. I only took a second to decide I could survive without a jacket. The adrenaline I knew I would feel the rest of the night would keep me warm enough.
By the time we arrived at the restaurant, my nerves were a heap of chaos and my eyes couldn't stay focused. It was going well so far, but public places always made me twitchy. No telling who we would run into and I prayed it wasn't anyone I knew.
We were seated quickly thanks to Roger's blatant flirting with the hostess that I easily ignored.
Whatever kept him happy.
I played with the idea of somehow talking the pretty hostess into taking him to a back room and making him as satisfied as possible. It wouldn't have been the first time I did something like that, but it would be the first time I planned an escape at the same time. If he was distra
cted long enough, I could catch a cab and get out of there with the little money I had found in his pockets over the last few weeks. I could get far enough away, a safe distance, then call my family. Anyone to help.
"Arianna, pay attention," Roger whispered harshly.
I lifted my eyes and realized I had been staring wildly at the white table cloth in front of me. The irritation on his face made me curse myself for being so careless.
Deep breaths, Ari. Keep your head.
"Ari."
I closed my eyes and welcomed the swirling blackness behind my eyelids.
"Ari."
The voice calling my name wasn't Roger's. He wouldn't sound like that in a million years. There was emotion in it, softness with the anxiety.
"Ari, baby. Open your eyes."
Jack.
I tried to lift my eyelids, but they felt glued down. Suddenly, the calming darkness was no longer peaceful, no longer a haven for my troubled mind. I used every ounce of strength I had and channeled it to my eyes.
Open!
A warmth spread from the palm of my hand to my wrist. His warmth. I would know the feel of his touch anywhere.
OPEN!
My head buzzed as I fought harder.
Finally, some movement, but it wasn't what I had been working towards. I was still at the table with the bright white table cloth, the twinkling lights around the centerpiece reminding me of that night. Reminding me that Jack wasn't really here.
"Arianna?"
I turned my head at the sound of a woman's voice to see my old friend, Amy Shaw, hovering over our table. A quick glance at Roger proved that the tension I had felt slamming into me was more than just irritation. It was suspicion.
"Oh my God! Arianna West, it has been so long since I've seen you. You just disappeared off the face of the earth. How are you doing?"
To be honest, it was really nice to see my once best friend looking so happy to see me. The fear that this would cause shit for me at the end of the night outweighed the nice, however, and made this very, very bad.
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