Everyone else came flooding into the living room, Kevin in the lead; my hands were shaking trying to hold my blouse shut tightly across my chest. I noticed buttons on the floor in front of me, I collected them and re-clutched my shirt. My hands were trembling, my wrists bruised and red, my head pounding, my neck all wet and I hurt all over. I wanted to feel my neck to see if it was split open, but I don't dare touch it without looking at it first. Everyone was looking at me, they seem puzzled like they had no idea what was going on. But how couldn't they? They had to know exactly what was going on. Kevin yelled “Logan get off the carpet!” He looked at me and exclaimed “What did you do Addie!” Like it was my fault, Logan headed into the kitchen and I ran into the basement and hid in the corner.
No one came down after me, I was alone. My hands and legs were still shaking, I let myself slump into the corner. I realized my whole body was trembling and I couldn't stop shaking even after I sat. There was extreme chaos upstairs. “We have to call 9-1-1?” someone shouted. “Who cares if he's bleeding send him home, get him out of here!” The tears started falling again, they felt like hot rivers of lava running down my face that burned and moved in slow motion. I could hear someone, I think Logan telling his side of the story but I couldn’t make out his words.
I heard someone coming down the stairs, I inched myself tightly into my corner. Oh please don't let it be Logan, please don't let it be him.... Kit came around the corner and up to me and put his hand out. As he helped me up my blouse fell open and I noticed my jeans were unbuttoned. I pulled my shirt down hoping Kit didn’t notice, and squeezed my blouse together, only two buttons were left on my blouse. My hands were still trembling so badly, I had a death grip on the other buttons in my other hand. I sat on the couch in the corner farthest from the stairs and grabbed my knees.
Kit grabbed a blanket and held it out to me; he must have thought I was cold because I was shivering. I didn't take the blanket I just held myself tightly in my corner and he covered me not saying a word. I slowly held out my hand balled in a fist and he slowly put his hand underneath mine and I wriggled the extra buttons into his hand. Kit crossed the room and sat, we just stared at each other. I gave my shirt another glance and noticed the pocket was torn a bit and it had a couple of blood stains on it. I squeezed myself into the utmost corner of the cool dark brown leather couch and pulled the blanket up to my chin. I wished I could disappear.
The last time I was this sore and trembled this hard was when my dad sprayed us in the driveway with the outside hose after losing Tori's boot in the ‘not quicksand’ we found. I tried to stop but I couldn't, the more I tried to stop the more I shook uncontrollably, just like that day.
I remember it being a cool fall day, just last year. The sun was out, the leaves were falling, my favorite time of year, my sister and I went hiking. After taking the “dirty slide” down to the ravine and heading north and then west, after a bit my sister got her foot caught in some mud and she started calling out to me that she was stuck. I ignored her at first, thought she was joking and kept walking, but the next time she yelled at me I knew by the tone of her voice that she needed help. I turned to look and she had one leg on the ground and one, well one I could only see her thigh and she was trying to grab something. I ran over and pulled her arm, she moved a little but there was suction or something pulling her back in, sucking her leg in so bad I couldn’t get her out. I grabbed her under her arms and pulled as hard as I could. Still she only budged inches. Tori grabbed a little tree branch behind me and I dug my heels in on the edge and then we pulled and pulled until we got her out. We were both laughing and fell to the ground when we noticed she was missing her boot. We tried digging it out by hand so we wouldn't get in trouble, but after many hours (at least it felt like hours) we gave up.
Our arms burning from digging, exhaustion started to set in. It seemed like we would never get home. It was the longest walk I had ever experienced. Especially because we knew we were in trouble unless we could get in the house undetected.
When we got home and to our detriment, our dad was outside and we were muddy head to toe, and Tori only had one boot, no hiding anything there. Our dad started yelling at us non-stop, we went to go in the house and he yelled “There is no way in hell you are tracking that mud into our house.” He took the hose out, pointed to the middle of the driveway, we trenched over to it while he sprayed us with the hose until we were unbelievably soaking wet and shaking uncontrollably from the intensely arctic cold water that seemed to come from our hose and the beautifully cool air now felt bitter. We were shivering so bad we couldn't stop, the sun wasn't helping. Tori's lips were a shade of purple; the same color our lips used to turn after eating a bowl of wild blackberries.
Our mother appeared at the door in the garage. My dad yelled at us to strip and get in the shower, our mother said “They can't strip out here Sean! Girls come in the hallway and hand me your clothes. We stepped in on the carpet; my mom sent our dad upstairs to cool his temper. Tori and I were shaking so bad and our hands so cold it was hard to take off our sopping wet jeans; eventually we had to peel them off, it was worse than peeling an orange. After this long process, we high tailed it up the stairs in our undergarments and into the bathroom locking the door. We turned on the hot shower water like we normally do, but touching it felt like it sent needles into our hands, we turned it to lukewarm. To stop the shivering we each rinsed off first, then rotated not speaking; all you could hear were our teeth chattering.
That's how bad I was trembling but a warm shower wasn't going to help. I remembered having told our parents the whole story, boy was our dad mad. He had started yelling at us again, his voice became hoarser with each word. Then he said “There's no such thing as quicksand!” He went on and on how there was no such thing in our area! We obviously had no other answer for him other than quicksand. Duh! It was sucking her leg in and we couldn't pull her out. What else could it be?
“Fine.” he said, “Show me where.” We followed him to the shed where he got a shovel and he hauled us back out to the woods where he would dig up the boot. We found the exact sinking mud pit. Seeing it the second time we noticed it was actually marked pretty well with the roots of an uprooted tree at the base and plants that grew all around the edge of it but nothing in the middle and you could see where we struggled. There was a huge oak tree near it and the rest were all small skinny trees surrounding 'the little sinking mud pit.' Not quicksand according to my dad. If someone were to get stuck in the middle, I doubt you could get out.
Thank goodness Tori had been near the edge because it was a pretty big area, and our dad couldn't dig anywhere but at the edges. He dug and dug but the mud kept caving right back where he was digging. When he started sliding in and nothing to grab a hold of except for tiny little trees, my sister and I lent a hand hoping he didn't pull us in. He was turning red and starting to sweat and then he started to swear. This time he started shoveling the mud and flinging it further away. Still the hole kept filling back in. My sister and I were silent the entire time and didn’t move, unless we were lending him a hand to keep his balance or from falling in. We didn’t move or dare say a word or do anything to make him any angrier than he already was.
Another ten minutes went by, my dad was red as could be, he stood up rested his hand on the shovel for a minute, then slung it over his shoulder turned and started walking home. Tori and I just followed. You know he never found that boot and we never spoke of the incident or the “quicksand” again. We didn't even get grounded! I'd rather be there than here though, I'd rather be trembling because my dad hosed us, than because of the insane and grotesque encounter with Logan, I remembered him licking my neck and his hot breath on me and it made me cringe all over again.
Kevin snapped me out of my reverie, when he came running down the stairs and exclaimed “You aren't bleeding all over too are you?” he looked at me and spouted “Good!” and took off back upstairs.
I put my hand on my neck and felt it; it was
n’t wet anymore. I looked at my hand, no blood. Kit said with a quivering voice “There's a mark, no blood.” His voice sounded like a base instead of the alto he’s always been. I moved my hand slowly up to my forehead where there was a huge knot, I looked at Kit and he just shook his head referring that there was no blood there either. The tears just started rolling down my face again and I still couldn't stop shaking, the blanket wasn't really helping because I wasn't cold, I was actually warm. My body felt hot, my head throbbing, I couldn't move, I was exhausted.
I didn't want to move, but “I want to go home” escaped from me. Kit, not saying a word, got up and before he ascended the stairs I said “By the way,“ my voice crackling and deeper than normal “Another one of their friends was in the front yard.” Kit paused on the stair and looked at me, “What?” he asked.
“They must be planning a party. I saw someone in the front yard when… after…. I mean.. when you came upstairs for me.” My voice didn't sound like me in my head. I could hear every one of his footsteps as he made his way to the first floor, they rang in my head and loneliness hit me like a ton of bricks. Maybe it was the sense of my security that just disappeared that made me feel feeble.
I was sitting on the couch alone, not sure I liked being alone, but I didn't want anyone's company either. What I wouldn’t give to be at home. What I would give if I could wake up and this was all a dream.
Kevin came down the stairs again and spat out words like venom “You hurt Logan bad, he might need stitches!” He startled me so badly I thought my heart skipped a beat, I just stared at him and didn’t speak. He stared back “You don't even care that you hurt him. What am I supposed to do now? I can't even believe Logan said he still likes you, you're a cold bitch!” His sister was behind him and started pleading with me not to tell their parents. Although, I didn’t really hear what else they said, it all seemed garbled and their voices sounded like they were in a tunnel. The words “He likes me” were just ringing in my head. “I just want all of them to leave.” I said half to myself. The two of them heard my whispered voice and Lucy cried out “Why should my friend leave she didn't do anything!” My head was too heavy to hold up so I put my face on my hands and knees.
“Leave me alone” was all I could utter.
My head spinning, my mouth was dry and I just wanted to go home. Kevin started yelling at Lucy, Tori came downstairs and couldn't help but get in the mix. I just wanted them all to go away; I slouched further into the couch and let my head fall back into my knees and put my hands over my ears.
Tori sat next to me and asked if I needed to call mom and dad? I shook my head no and said “I don't think so. “ Kit came down and sat on the stairs.
“Should we go to the bathroom and check your head and your… well, everything and make sure you're okay? “ Tori asked. “Oh, look your shirt is ripped, but not bad we can fix it. Can you stand?” She helped me off the couch, I slowly stood up, she was checking my jeans; they were unbuttoned. I thought I fastened them but my hands were trembling so badly I must not have gotten it latched. She looked up at me slowly and held my gaze for a while. She started looking me over again. As we entered the basement bathroom Tori stated, ”You have some blood stains on your shirt and jeans but just small dots, I think it's from Logan though. I don't think you're bleeding. Are you?” I shook my head. “Sit.” She said pointing to the toilet, closing and locking the door behind her. I let go of my shirt finally. “You're missing buttons too!” Tori said more excitedly. “I had no idea, I thought Logan was just joking around, I mean I didn't know, but I should've checked on you or not left.” She said shaking her head. “I'm sorry. Are you okay? She asked slowly as if I may not have caught everything.
She found a clean washcloth and rinsed it with warm water; she wiped off my face and then my neck, arms and hands. She rolled my sleeves down so my bruised wrists weren't visible. “Are you sure you're okay?” she asked again turning my wrists to evaluate the marks on them before buttoning my sleeves. I had on my heather red shirt; it wasn’t red though it looked pink because of the “heathering.” It used to be one of my favorite shirts but now I couldn’t wait to take it off. I replied with “I think so” my voice still raspy and unfamiliar.
“Let's get you some ice packs and aspirin.”
“... and water please.” My voice pricked, from my throat being so parched.
They were all silent when we came out of the bathroom, so silent you could hear a pin drop. Lucy's friend and Logan were present. Logan was holding an ice pack and towel over his right eye. I stopped. When I looked into his eyes they looked normal, dark but normal.
Tori said “What the hell are they still doing here?” I was frozen in the doorway still holding my shirt shut. She looked at them and barked “Go home or I'm calling the police! And if your other friend is still lingering outside get him outta here too!”
Kevin started in “Logan might need stitches! The bleeding won’t stop and I can't just send him home!”
“Sure you can!” Tori retorted “Get all your friends out of here including the guy in your front yard! Now!”
“What guy in the front yard? You're delusional! Your sister started a fight with my friend and now you’re lying about us inviting other people over, next you'll say we’re having a party!” Kevin yelled. Then Lucy chimed in and then Kit. Everyone was talking or yelling all at once, I couldn't hear anyone and I just started to cry again.
“STOP IT!” Stop yelling at each other!” Tori shouted “The only way we're going to clean up this mess is to have all guests leave the house.” She eyeballed Logan and Lucy's friend and pointed toward the stairs. “We need to make sure the house is in good shape, no blood, nothing broken and we'll re-vacuum the carpet so they cannot tell anyone's been in the living room. Everyone will leave Addie alone, if she chooses to tell, that is up to her!” She put her hand up before Kevin and Lucy even got another word out. “Kit go get Addie some water, Lucy find a needle and thread. Kevin get her an ice pack and a couple aspirin.”
They didn't move. They all just stood there with their mouths opened, come to think of it so was mine. Tori never took charge like that over here; sure she was really bossy at home but never anywhere else. “What are you looking at? Move! Or I'll tell our parents!” she yelled. It made me jump but they all hopped to it. Tori turned to me with such empathy in her eyes and said “I am so sorry Addie, I am sorry; no one will touch you now I promise.” She intertwined her fingers in mine. The two of us need to stick together, two are better than one” and she gave me a wink. In that short moment I thought I saw a flash of my grandmother in her and I stopped shaking.
“So we aren't going to tell anyone what happened?” I asked Tori. She put her arm around me. “That’s entirely up to you or if you want me too…” Kevin had come down with a towel and a baggie filled with ice. He moved his hand toward us and shook it impatiently. “So are you gonna keep your mouth shut? You know you started the whole thing. If you wouldn't have teased Logan none of this would have happened.” Kevin said defensively.
Tori stepped right in front of him and said “Your friend is an asshole and if you or your friend come near my sister again, or any of us for that matter, I’ll sic my boyfriend and his friends on the two of you! Now back off Kevin or I'll be the one to tell our parents!”
Tori was great, she turned to me and said “This isn't your fault” Tori repeated it a couple of times. As I tried to speak my voice kept cracking. “I just want to go home and I never want to come back.” Tori agreed, but turned to Kevin and said “You forgot the aspirin.”
As the Monaham's and Kit appeared back in the basement each retrieving what Tori had asked for, everyone was silent. I know they wanted to know if I was going to tell. I just wanted to go home. No more talking, I wanted to be left alone. No one spoke another word the rest of the night. Tori sewed my buttons back on and fixed my shirt up pretty good considering. I started to shiver again even with the blanket, I thought it was from the exhaustion startin
g to set in. Even so Kit got my jacket, it helped cover up my shirt. Tori fixed my bangs to cover the bump on my head. Everything looked fine on the outside.
A week passed and I never spoke of the incident to anyone, not Tori, Kit, my parents and not even a word to Nic. My brother and sister never brought it up, and I'm sure the Monaham's didn't either. If Logan needed stitches, I'm sure he lied about why he needed them, because if anyone ever found out what really happened I'm sure Logan and the Monaham's would be in monumental trouble.
That was until the Friday after my incident, my mom called me into the basement. She was putting clothes into the wash. I saw the shirt I wore that night and I felt a wave of heat flush through my body. She was holding my shirt above the washer. She started saying something that I couldn't hear. Then she dropped it in, next was my bra. I could see that the lace was still torn and hanging off of one side, I forgot to fix it. My body got warmer and warmer, I felt sick and light-headed. My mom knew something happened, she was going to ask me about it. What do I say? Then, I felt a faint pang of relief and my eyes welled up. I could finally tell my mom.
“Addie,” my mom said loudly. “Addie are you feeling okay? You're very pale and why are you crying.” She dropped my bra in the wash and I felt myself exhale. She stepped toward me and I flinched. She said “I am just going to feel your head Addie, are you getting sick?”
“I’m a little tired mom and my eyes are burning.” Burning eyes in our house was a tell-tale sign for too much chlorine from swimming but my voice had cracked too. “What did you call me for?”
“Never mind sweetie, you go lie down.”
I went to bed and cried myself to sleep.
That night I had a dream; it was about me and a wolf running peacefully in the ravine behind us. When I ran up the dirty slide and turned to wait for the wolf he was gone. It wasn’t unpleasant but unusual, plus, my dream didn’t wake me.
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