I thought I was bad at putting but Nic was worse. We had fun though, we always do. As we finished up, we decided not to let our balls go into oblivion on the 18th hole. We pocketed them instead. As we were walking back to drop off our putters, we ran into Declan and his girlfriend. So we gave our putters and golf balls to them – that'll teach the guy for not giving us a discount!
As we crossed the street back to McDonald's we were trying to decide if there was anything else we could do before calling Nic's mom, when a pickup truck pulled into the Mickey D's parking lot. It was Ben and a couple of his friends. I knew Ben vaguely but Nic knew him pretty well from the camp she volunteered at last summer. They yelled for us to come over, told us they were having a party, they were just here to pick up dinner. We jumped into the back of their truck without saying a word to each other.
They were kind of gawky, but respectable. “Before we take off” Nic announced, “You've got to promise to drop us back off here by 11.” Ben promised. However, when we got to Ben's the only people there were Ben's older sister and her boyfriend. Another thirty minutes went by and still no one else came, so I guessed they weren't really having a party. It was just us and them.
It was all right though, kinda fun, us kids were in the basement while his sister and boyfriend kept to the kitchen upstairs. The boys were pushing drinks on us the whole time, Nic and I kept saying no, although we kept thinking about it. Like we wanted to get drunk at this sort of “not” party. We broke down and had one drink which we called a social drink. The boys started doing whip-its, Nic and I had never even heard of them. The gases to make whip cream supposedly gave you a quick buzz that went away rather quickly, hopefully, undetectable by parents, as the effects didn't last. It took some coaxing but Nic tried one and then so did I. Right after though, Nic attempted to do the stairs and didn't quite make it. Then we both finally agreed to another beer.
One of Ben's friends came to sit next to me on the couch. We made small talk, and then he scooted closer and put his arm around me and planted a kiss right on my cheek. I pushed him away and told him to get lost. He placed himself in front of me and tried kissing me on the lips. That was all it took, I freaked out and I don't remember anything else besides crying, his sister trying to calm me down and then Nic. No one could touch me or I would start freaking out all over again. One minute I was on the couch all relaxed and the next I was a crazy person!
I couldn’t stop crying hysterically. After several attempts by his sister to calm me, Nic came over to me and in one fell swoop said, “I’m so sorry Addie, I am sorry, no one will touch you I promise. We'll get over this together, this was too soon. The two of us together, two are stronger than one, right?” She squeezed my hand and winked at me. And in that exact moment I stopped crying. I wiped my face with my sleeve “My grandma used to say that.”
“I know.” Nic replied.
I could hear his sister saying “Get her the hell out of here! Take her back where you found her, she’s crazy and has huge issues, take her home!”
They had me in the truck quicker than we could blink. On the way back to McDonald's, Nic asked everyone to never mention this to anyone, they all agreed pretty quickly. Nic hopped out of the back, I had both hands on the side of the truck ready to get out when the boy who had his arm around me earlier, that started me tumbling into my horribly embarrassing frenzy of delirium said “I wanna know if you wanna go on a date.....”
His friend chimed in and said “He's in love with you!” I finally got mad, I wanted to reach across the cab and smack'em, when I felt Nic put her hand on mine and said “Addie my mom's here.” I climbed out using the tire to step down and could feel my inner body still boiling from anger, like a pot about to boil over. I turned and apologized to everyone quickly for my actions and walked away and didn't look back.
We got in the car and her mom was totally silent the first couple of minutes. Then chimed in, “Have you been drinking? And smoking? You two reek of alcohol and cigarettes!” She was mad and even though we weren't smoking others had been.
Nic replied “Mom, Addie and I had one beer each and we won't ever again, it was gross, we went to a party at my friends Ben's house. It was horrible they were all drinking and smoking so we asked them to bring us back.”
She nudged me “Oh, yeah it was horrible.” I replied. She looked over at me and gave me a small smile.
“As long as you don't do it again and you tell me the truth, you aren't in trouble, but this is a warning. Another incident like this and I'll have to tell your parents Addie, and Nicole you'll be grounded.”
“I promise.” Nic said. “Me too,” I mumbled.
The rest of the ride back to Nic's house, was quiet, she kept looking at me nervously like I'd lose it any second. I felt weird. She turned to me in the car and whispered “What was he thinking?” she shook her head in disgust. I wasn't quite sure if she was talking about Logan or the boy from McDonald's and I didn't care. I didn't say a word.
When we got to Nic's room she closed and locked her door. Looking at the floor ashamed of my behavior, I told her “I don't even remember anything. I don't know what happened. I remember crying upstairs, but I don't even remember going upstairs. I’m sorry.”
Nic's voice cracked, “Don’t apologize, you were due, you needed to cry it out…. It was a delayed reaction.” She paused, “you ran up the stairs screaming. You went on and on about how you didn't provoke him, it wasn't your fault. You asked if we thought it was your fault, I think it had to do with that night that you told me about.” A long time passed before she started again “You also asked if you should tell someone. Thank goodness you told me what was going on so I at least had a clue, not sure I helped but at least I had an idea.” She cleared her throat “You kept repeating, ‘I didn't ask for it, he started it, I didn't start it and it wasn't my fault.’ And you're right Addie..... It wasn't your fault and you didn't start it, nor did you deserve it. If you need to tell your parents I'll go with you.”
I laid down and starred at the ceiling in silence. We never spoke of that moment or the incident again, either of them.
So with all that, why did I wake up at 3:17a.m. again? I had a dream of receiving several red roses. Why? I could see it if I dreamt about getting a red “A” sewn on my sweater. But roses?
CHAPTER 4
When I woke Sunday, I tried to think of other things, to think of other subjects, normal things. I wanted to smother those other memories and make 'em go away. I tried thinking of something that made me happy and my mind started to wander a bit when my thoughts turned to Storm, him holding my hand at the wake and kissing me. I day dreamed of him saving me from Logan, as soon as Logan knocked me to the floor Storm was there saving me from that dreadful night. And when that guy tried kissing me on the couch Storm was there too. I had a lot of time to think of Storm and I was coming around to actually liking him, of course it was me making him into my knight in shining armor. The reality of it was he had a girlfriend and he kissed me while he had a girlfriend, so I need to smother him too, the thoughts of Storm and thinking he's boyfriend material.
That week at school, I noticed he had a great smile and beautiful eyes, and even though someone can become more attractive the more you know them, he really was attractive. In history class, Storm drew a picture of Jesus on the cross and gave it to me. We happened to be talking about religion that week in class. I thought it was a really good picture too. Because of his drawing, I thought we had a lot more in common and he was growing on me. By the following weekend I was very happy about the aspect of knowing Storm. I thought about the time we dated in eighth grade and then about the kiss after the wake, it was weird, not the kiss itself, but weird because he did it.
Maybe he would never go out with me again, anyway. Still, maybe he just kissed me to show me what I'm missing and now he thinks he has the upper hand. Quit wasting my time thinking about him, he has a girlfriend; maybe I'm over analyzing the whole situation. Maybe I just wanted any old boy
friend, a protector, someone I could trust and rely on. I spent way too much time this week thinking about him and it took me twice as long to get my homework done. I decided I would focus on getting a boyfriend, not that it will happen but I'll give it a whirl.
That night I watched a Bruce Lee movie and dreamt I knew Karate. Maybe it was time I learned some self-defense, maybe if I had, Logan wouldn't have gotten me pinned down. When I think of the incident I picture every scenario of what I should have done to have avoided the whole mess.
In my dream, Bruce Lee was my teacher and we were training in the field across the ravine. After, we started running that same wolf from my dream before began following us. I ran up the dirty slide and the wolf stopped mid-way, his eyes were glowing.
When I got to school on Monday, to my surprise I saw Storm in the hallway before first period and he came up and chatted with me and gave me a peck on the cheek and said “Catch ya later”. I thought holy crap, pining over him all weekend may not have been a waste of time. If he gave me a kiss like that he can’t be all that serious about his girlfriend. I was going to have to find out more about this Shelby girl and see if maybe they broke up. ...or find out if he's just messing with me.
I had decided to wear my white jeans today because there weren’t many more days I could wear them, probably none. And I wore my favorite striped colored tee that looked really good with them. Lo and behold when I got to Algebra, my third period class I sat down in the middle row, middle seat, like I usually did and a girl to the left of me one seat back tapped my arm to get my attention. Class hadn’t started yet and it was noisy. She scooted her chair really close to me and said “I think you sat on something.” She paused “Your jeans are dirty in the back…..” she had a longer pause. “I think its blood, I think you got your period.”
My face had to turn all sorts of shades of red. Could it be that I finally got it, I thought you were supposed to get a warning of cramps or spotting or something, but no, not me of course. It happened today because I decided to wear my white jeans after Labor Day. I looked back at her and said “Really, crap I had no idea.”
She said “Stay there,” like I was going to go anywhere at this point.
She got up; she had long black straight shiny hair and was very slim, her jeans so tight I’m not sure how she got them on. She whispered something to the teacher and came back to my desk and said “Grab your books, come with me.” She handed me her jacket “Tie this around your waist.” I quickly tied the long sleeved rain jacket around my waist and got up hoping nothing was showing. She made me go first, I stopped outside the class and she pointed right, so I turned right went up the stairs, we were headed toward the nurses office.
She introduced herself as we were walking and….she said “Hi I'm Shelby, the jacket is covering everything perfectly, don’t worry I know just what to do. This happened to me the first week of school, just tell the nurse you are very upset and embarrassed and she’ll let you go home.” She said quickly and with a great big grin. “Really?” I replied. I was mortified and embarrassed and to top it off my mind was going two-forty. This was Storm’s girlfriend…. does she know who I am? Has Storm ever told her about me? Does she know he kissed me? Couldn’t I have worn blue jeans today or black for that matter? White pants were definitely out of the question for me for a while…. Dude this was Shelby the girl I was supposed to find out more about!
“Thank you so much.” I said as calmly as possible. “I'm Addie, Addie Gellar. I wondered how long I had been walking around like this.” And I put my hand out to shake hers. It couldn't have been too long because I went to the bathroom just after first period and no signs then, I calculated in my head. The nurse was on the phone when we got to her door, we waited a minute outside. Shelby was a fast talker, and she talked a lot, she was telling me about her classes. I read the name plate outside the door, Nurse Melinda.
When the nurse was off the phone she waved Shelby in and asked “What can I do for you today Shelby?” with a great big smile. The nurse was older, I am not good with ages but she had to be in her fifties, she was a little chubby but still had a nice shape with salt and pepper hair. I walked in behind Shelby and she replied “My new girlfriend Addie is sick just like I was the last time I was here,” and she gave the nurse a wink.
The nurse stayed in her chair and winked back “I'm so sorry to hear about that Addie, would you like me to call your parents to come pick you up?” Wow was that easy, I didn’t even have to grovel or anything. I just shook my head yes and smiled.
Nurse Melinda asked Shelby if she needed a note to get back into class. Shelby replied, “Yes, please.” As she was writing up a note, I turned to Shelby and said on the down low “Thank you so much for helping me out – I wonder how many others noticed and didn’t say a thing to me – I wish I knew so I could spite them later.” We both giggled.
The nurse handed Shelby a note and off she went, “See ya tomorrow” she said as she walked out the door. The Nurse pointed to her chair and I said “I don’t really want to sit because I have actually leaked through my pants.” She said “Go ahead and sit I will take care of everything.” So I sat on my knees. “Now Addie what is your last name?” I told her “Gellar G - E - L - L - A – R”
“What is your home phone number or a number I can reach an adult that can help you out like a mom, aunt, guardian or grandmother, I am asking for a female due to the nature of the illness. She gave me a wink, “it may be more comfortable for you this way.”
I smiled back, I was definitely more comfortable calling a female, like a man would understand, but the only person I could call was my mom anyway. I gave her my home phone number. She continued “This happens to lots of girls every year. I don't want you to feel bad or be embarrassed. It happened to me a few times myself when I was in high school.” She put her hand on top of mine which was resting on the desk and gave it a little rub. She handed me the phone “Why don't you talk to your mom.”
That night I had a weird dream that woke me up, I felt panicked and wonky, like it actually happened to me, it seemed so real. It was 3:17a.m., this was becoming a habit. It took me a minute to get my bearings; I had another dream “not” about me. Again, this one started out being me but then I was watching the event unravel. I have noticed the last two dreams I had that came true had something white in them. The white object was usually the main object of the dream. The girl in the field had on a white outfit, the man on the pay phone had on a white trench coat and tonight there was a white pickup truck, not that this one has come true yet but if it does then my point will be proven. I made a mental note; these items are not likely to be white in the reality version but are labeled white as the significant part of the story. The fact that I have been waking up at 3:17a.m. may be a factor as well.
In this dream, I was driving a white pick-up truck, it was unusually cold, the heater was on and it was raining. I put my wipers on, I could hardly see, visibility was rough. We were speeding up Route 77, north, toward Cleveland. We were on a bridge near an exit before the turnpike and we were in the left lane stuck behind a smaller black car that was moving slowly and wouldn't move over, so we started to pass on the right. As we were passing, the truck's rear end slipped right then left, we swerved to miss hitting the small black car and the truck did a 180! I wasn’t driving anymore I was now watching. I watched as the truck spun out, and I saw two silhouettes in the cab. I couldn't see their faces as it was all a blur, but I got the feeling I knew them, they felt familiar. They spun to the edge of the highway, hit gravel and debris, and the truck started rolling down the man-made hill. I saw hands pressed on the window. The truck rolled onto its side and then over and over again.
The small black car took its time changing lanes and then finally pulled off to the side of the road. He backed up a bit and I saw him open his door and jogged back toward the truck. The truck laid upside down, its wheels still spinning and that's when I woke up. I wrote it all down just like Nic and I planned, dated it too
.
The next day I didn't want to go to school afraid everyone would tease me about my incident, I was sure the rumor was all over school by now. I walked in expecting the heckling to begin immediately. Someone smiled and said the usual "Hi" in passing, no weird looks from anyone, or name calling either. I realized Declan didn't say a word to me about it on the bus either.
Declan hadn't mentioned a thing to me this morning on the bus; not even that he thought it may have been someone else. So maybe no one knew, then again, maybe only half the school knew by now. Grin and bear it, I told myself. I'm sure I'd hear something in first period, no pun intended. I got to class and sat down quickly vowing never to wear white jeans again.
Class started and class ended and not one word about yesterday’s incident. Algebra came, I saw Shelby and she didn't even bring it up, she acted as though we were new friends and that nothing ever happened. Shelby must not have told a soul! I guess she is a new friend, except for the fact that she is dating Storm. From here on out I will put Storm and Shelby in my head as a 'couple' and as friends.
I have clean clothes, a clean start and a new friend. It’s all good, I'm just a freshman in high school and no one knew anything had happened to me. While I'm on a new kick, I vow to stay out of trouble, I will never drink again or do whip its. I am a clean, honest person that's going to stay out of trouble.
We were going to have our first football rally today; I guess they have them on Fridays before home games. Before the rally all the freshman girls met in the gym first, we were wrangled there fifteen minutes prior to the real assembly. The teachers warned us to stay away from the senior boys, that they would all be interested in the freshman girls to try and “score.” They didn't use the word score but that's what they meant. They told us not to feel pressured to have sex with a boy and if you did there were safe sex measures to take. If you were thinking about having sex you should talk to your parents – ew! All of us had to take a “Health” class this year too. Of course, they warned us not to buy an elevator pass, because there's no such thing and a few other such rules. It was a little embarrassing but not so bad in a group.
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