He nods, completely understanding. “Don’t get me wrong, you’re hot and all, but I’m not interested in dating you. You seem more like Slade’s kind of girl and I don’t want to get between whatever fucked up tension seems to be between you, but what I’m saying is that…”
I raise an impatient brow. “You’re down to fuck?”
He grins wide and almost comes across as sheepish. “Yeah.”
“You realize that’s a big fucking no from me.”
“Yeah, I thought it was worth a shot,” he mutters, “but hey, I can be a friend if you wanna, you know…talk about all that bullshit you just unloaded back there. It seems like you’ve got a shitload more to say.”
I give him a tight smile, feeling a pure genuineness coming from him which apparently is rare around here. “Thanks, but I think I’ve already said way more than I ever intended.”
“Alright,” he says, walking backward toward the basketball courts, sensing we’re done here. “If you ever change your mind…”
“Don’t count on it.”
Damian chuckles and then winks before turning around and breaking into a jog. I follow his movements and once again, find Slade gaze on mine, tearing right down into my soul.
Refusing to give him any more of me, I turn and leave, desperate for the day to come to an end.
Chapter 18
The rest of the week thankfully went by uneventfully, except for the rumors that quickly spread. I’d hardly made it to lunch before the whole school knew more about me than even I knew about myself. The rumors took off like wildfire and just as they always do, the story got twisted.
At first, it was pretty straight but by the end of the day, Lucien had a whole army of children hiding in his basement and Blake and I were the lucky ones who got out.
I’ve now made it to late Friday afternoon and rumor has it that the SWAT team is executing their raid to free all the kidnapped children tomorrow. You got to love high school. There’s nothing quite like it.
Slade hasn’t spoken a word to me since the whole basketball court thing and to be honest, I feel disappointed by it. I was waiting for some sort of explanation or even a snide comment, but nothing. It’s as though he’s completely shut down and I don’t understand it. I could be going insane here, but I think I miss his taunts. I miss the way he keeps me looking around corners and over my shoulder. I miss the adrenalin of my heart racing whenever he comes too close.
Slade was my drug to avoid thinking about the pain, but this week, my drug has been out of commission leaving the pain to shine through bright and clear. Though I have to give it to him, he’s worked some kind of miracle within me because the pain doesn’t seem to hurt so bad anymore.
Shay and Ben went out to visit friends who just had a baby boy and after Blake strides out the door without so much of a wave goodbye, I retreat to my bedroom. I’ve been doing heaps of art this week. It’s been my only escape and I’ve never been so thankful for it.
I push through the door of my room, more than ready to put this week to bed when I find a body sitting in my desk chair. Maze stares up at me and my face instantly falls. “Before you say anything, just hear me out,” she begs, holding her hands up. “I came to apologize properly, and well, despite how tough you think you are, you need a friend.”
“Okay, sure. Well, let me know if you find anyone who matches that description.”
“I can be a friend,” she tells me with a pout. “I fucked up so bad, but I miss you. What we had going was cool and I hate that I screwed it all up for a bit of dick. You know how chatty I get, especially when I’m nervous and when tequila is added to the mix, I couldn’t stop myself. You’d only just told me about your parents and it was heavy, you know. It was sitting on my mind for ages and then it all just splurted out at the wrong time.”
“You betrayed my trust,” I tell her, realizing that she’s right. I do need a friend. I’m freaking lonely here, but I’m not sure that she’s the one to fill that role. Apart from having Damian winking way too often and Blake being his usual self, I’ve got no one.
“I know I did and it makes me sick,” she says with big puppy-dog eyes. “Haven’t you hated me enough? Or maybe you could still hate me but let me make it up to you? I promise, I really do mean well by you.”
I look at the girl who caused me so much pain and question if I’ll ever be able to trust her again and quickly realize that the answer is no. I never will, I’ll never be able to share pieces of myself with her again. She’ll never be that tight friend I was hoping she’d be, but she could be something. She could take away the sting of the loneliness, at least until I find someone worthy of true friendship.
I swallow back, wondering if I’m going to regret this decision, but hope to God that this doesn’t come back to bite me on the ass.
“Fine,” I let out a groan, “but you’re on probation. One tiny little fuck up and you’re out.”
“Oh, thank God,” she says, visible relief taking over her features. “I was so sure you were going to make me squeeze back out the window or perform some ridiculous task as punishment.”
My brow raises in interest. I’m down for ridiculous tasks.
“You know,” she continues as though this is a two-way conversation. “When Slade and I…you know, the second you barged in and barged back out, he practically threw me aside. It’s almost as though he got what he came for and then was done. Neither of us even got close to finishing.”
I narrow my eyes on her. “Bullshit.”
“Yeah,” she scoffs. “Trust me, I was disappointed too. That boy has a reputation for all sorts of things but not finishing what he started wasn’t one of them. I had to go home and finish the job myself.”
I scrunch my face up. “I don’t want to hear about what you get up to when you’re all alone. You’re probably into some weird fetish.”
She grins wide. “I mean…”
“Stop. I don’t want to know.”
Maze shrugs her shoulder and gets up from the desk chair. “Your loss,” she chuckles, making her way across my room and rummaging through my clothes. “Oh, you’ve gone shopping.”
Maze throws a handful of clothes over her head and they fall to the bed behind her. “What are you waiting for?” she questions, looking back over her shoulder. “Get dressed. It’s Friday night, we’re going to a party.”
“Seriously?” I groan, studying the choices she pulled out of the closet and cringing at her awful taste.
“Yes, seriously,” she says, walking back to the bed and looking over the outfits she picked out with a proud smile. “No offense, but your badass, can’t touch me reputation that you worked so hard on has gone way down this week. Everyone thinks you’re this broken girl who needs a big cuddle and the only way to show them who you really are is to go out there and prove to those bitches that you’re the motherfucking boss bitch.”
My body straightens as my chin raises. I may never be able to trust this girl again and I may also be extremely salty about her betrayal, but the girl ain’t wrong. “Yeah. You’re right. I am a motherfucking boss bitch.”
“Exactly, now get your ass dressed and this time, at least spend a whole thirty seconds on your hair.”
I grin back at her, wondering how over the past three minutes she’s gone from the girl I want to hate to the one building me up and making me feel something again. I walk toward my closet, disregarding everything she pulled out and start fresh.
Four minutes later, we walk out the door, Maze looking fierce and me feeling like I’ve finally got my groove back.
----------
We pull up at the party to a small house and I’m somewhat pleased to see that it’s not as packed as the last party we went to, though that could have something to do with the fact that it was at Damian’s place and apart from Slade, he’s the most popular guy at school.
“Whose place is this?” I ask as Maze hooks her arm through mine and pulls me along to the open front door. “It’s Nessa’s. I think
someone said it was her birthday or something like that. She hardly ever has parties so it’s kind of a big deal. All the snoops are showing up.”
“I bet,” I laugh, glancing around the front yard to see a handful of kids from school who generally keep to themselves. I guess not a lot can be said about curiosity. It’s plain and simple; if you dangle something in front of someone’s face, they’re bound to go for it.
As we walk through the small home, it becomes pretty clear that the majority of the guests here are all seniors but there’s one junior who stands out like dog’s balls. Blake stands out the back, drinking among a bunch of the guys on his team. Slade and Damian aren’t with him so I’m not too worried, but I still have a hard time watching him write himself off like that.
It’s been a tough week for both Blake and I. A lot of rumors and nosey bitches have been trying to pry information out of us that has brought up a whole bunch of shitty memories. I’ll leave Blake alone tonight, I can understand his need to let loose.
Maze leads me over to the drinks table and starts reaching for a canned soda. “No Tequila tonight?” I grin.
“Hell no,” she laughs. “I was throwing that up for two days after that party. I don’t think I’ll ever drink it again.”
“Speak for yourself,” I say, reaching across her until my fingers are curling around the neck of the bottle. If I’m going to spend my night with a girl I’m not quite sure I want to hate or not, then I’m probably going to need this. “Just don’t let me screw Damian on the dancefloor. I don’t think I could come back from that a second time.”
“What’s going on with you two?” she asks as we walk out the backdoor to have a good look around.
“Who? Me and Damian?” I gawk, thrown off by her question. “Nothing. We danced at his party, got a little too handsy with each other and then we didn’t screw because his bed was already occupied and that’s about the extent of it,” I lie.
“Really?” she grunts, making me wonder if she’s digging for information to betray me with. “That’s it? Because he’s been extra flirty with you. Don’t act like I don’t see all the winks and hooded eyes he’s been throwing your way.”
“Seriously, nothing’s going on. He wants me to be his next barbie doll that he can bend into all different positions but I told him no.”
“What?” she demands, outraged. “Girl, that was the stupidest thing I think you’ve ever done. Do you have any idea how good it would be with him? Like seriously, he’s all about the no-strings-attached sex. You would have had it so good.”
“Nah, that’s not for me. I’ve already done the no-strings-attached sex thing and soon enough, someone is bound to attach strings.”
“True.”
We walk towards a small bonfire and just as we’re about to sit down around it, Nessa steps in front of me. “Umm, hi,” she says awkwardly, looking at the ground.
My brows drop down in suspicion as I look over her. What could she possibly want? “Can I help you?”
“I, uh…I owe you an apology.”
My brows shoot right back up as I stare at her in surprise. “Umm, what?” I question, wondering if I heard her correctly.
“I’ve been an A-class bitch about your parents. I’m really sorry. If I’d known it were true, I never would have said anything like that. I feel awful about it.”
“You should,” I comment, darkly. “Do you have any idea what it feels like to have someone accuse you of lying about something like that? To witness your mother being stabbed to death, to see the blood splattered over the walls and floors and to then have some bitch girl who doesn’t know shit, use it as bait against you? Are you kidding me? What kind of awful person does that?”
Her eyes grow watery and the devil inside of me rejoices. “I didn’t know,” she says as a single tear falls down her cheek. “I swear, I thought you were lying.”
I scoff. “Because people just lie about their parents’ murder.” Her face breaks and I feel her meltdown coming along so I speed this up. After all, it’s her party and I’m not exactly ready to go home yet. There’s a nice flow of Tequila pumping through my veins and I haven’t had a chance to shake my ass yet. “Look,” I say with a sigh. “I don’t like you, not even close. You’re a bitch and clearly, someone who needs to learn a thing or two about morals. I don’t forgive you for what you said or the pain those comments caused, but it takes a big person to come and stand before me and apologize, especially considering I could beat the shit out of you. So, I respect you for that.”
Nessa nods and she goes to walk away, realizing that not much more will be said here. “Don’t think I’ve forgotten about that bullshit in the cafeteria either,” I call behind her, feeling somewhat accomplished.
“Woah,” Maze says, pulling me down next to her by the fire. “Do you have any idea what a big deal that was? She must really feel like shit because she never apologizes to anyone.”
I watch after her as she slinks away and I realize that, despite the bullshit between us, I kind of like the girl. Don’t get me wrong, she’s a complete bitch but in a weird way, she’s my kind of people. There might just be a possibility of a friendship there after all. You know, considering she doesn’t cross any more lines. She’s strong and has balls and that’s what I like in a friend.
Maze and I sit for a while and I keep my eye on Blake. In the half an hour that we’ve been sitting down, he’s torn through three beers and with each new bottle he opens, my stomach twists. He’s a big fucking boy and I sure as hell won’t be carrying his drunk ass home, so he’s going to have to ease up soon.
I watch the fire, feeling like the wild flames are somewhat like my life. Unpredictable, deadly, and scorching hot. I zone out as Maze chats about some guy she met through Robbie McDowell and my spidey-senses instantly go on high-alert. Is she seriously that moronic to be interested in a dude that she met through our local drug dealer?
I shake my head but keep listening. It’s her life, her heart, and her body. She can do with it what she likes.
My mind goes to Slade and I realize that over the past few weeks, he’s really beginning to occupy a lot of my time. Not to mention, the insane number of drawings I have of him shoved in the back of my underwear drawer. The smart side of me keeps telling me that I draw him purely because he has a great facial structure. He’s interesting and all the sharp lines create a spectacular artwork, but the moronic side of me, the one that’s similar to Maze right now, is saying it’s because this connection between us is something real, something worth exploring.
Fuck, no. I need to hate him.
He was texting my rapist, most likely giving him updates on me, telling him all sorts of information that I’m desperate to keep hidden.
A shadow appears behind the fire and I raise my head, sucking in a breath with his wicked beauty.
There he is.
My body instantly reacts and a fire burns deep within me. What is it about him and why the hell do I feel like running straight through this damn fire to get to him? Is it insane to want to throw myself up into his arms and wrap my legs around him, refusing to let go? Why do I need to be close to him? He’s a monster.
I notice in the same second that Maze sits up a little straighter and eyes him over the fire and the big question I’ve been asking myself all night becomes very fucking clear. This friendship between me and Maze is never going to work. She’s way too interested in Slade. This whole thing has just been some sort of sham to get closer to him, and luckily for her, it was working. But not anymore. I need to cut my loss before it’s too late.
Slade’s eyes lock on mine over the fire, just as they always do and within moments, my bullshit drama with Maze is completely forgotten. She fades into the background just like everyone else and all that exists is him.
He strides toward me and I raise my eyes as he stops on the other side of the fire, keeping a good distance. There’s an odd hollowness beneath his eyes that I’ve never seen before and I watch as he raises a bottle to h
is lips and takes a quick swig. “Can we talk?” he asks, looking down at me on the hard ground.
I study him for a quick moment, feeling the dread seeping into me. Why does he sound so miserable? So nice?
I push up off the ground and walk around the fire hesitantly. I can’t have him being nice, that doesn’t work for me. I need his anger. I thrive on it.
“What?” I ask, looking up at him, feeling myself begin to panic.
“Can we go somewhere?”
I take a slow, deep breath, trying to put this off for as long as I can and then seeing his pained expression, I nod. He starts leading me away. “I think you and me got off on the wrong foot.”
I stop walking, not nearly ready for him to wave the white flag. Desperation to hold onto the anger pulses through me and I find myself looking up at him in a panic. “Please, don’t.”
“Don’t what?” he asks, confused. “Make things right?”
“Exactly that…I can’t,” I struggle to find the words that won’t make me sound like I’ve gone completely insane, but the desperation is tearing at me and shows in my voice, killing me as I know he sees it. “I need you to hate me. It’s the only way.”
“Only way? What the hell are you talking about?”
“Please, just don’t. You make the pain go away.”
“What?”
“HEY,” a familiar voice says moments before Blake forces his way between us and pushes Slade back a few steps. “Leave her alone.”
Slade catches himself but his eyes come back to mine, even more confused about what I just said.
Blake’s outburst has people from everywhere desperate to see if there’s about to be another showdown. They race in to form a circle around us and I groan, wishing this could all just end.
I sense Maze at my back and Damian forcing his way into the circle.
Seeing Slade’s stare, Blake glances down at me and sees the tears brimming in my eyes. He snaps. “What the fuck did you do to her?” he demands, getting into Slade’s face. “She was doing so much better before she met you.”
Ugly Girl: Aston Creek High (Book 1) Page 16