When Julianne woke up the next morning, the gray skies were still in full effect, and the gloom wouldn’t dissipate. That whole weekend—the weekend of the anniversary of Hannah Kahn’s death—it was unusually dark and drizzly for summertime in LA. Julianne, Chloe, and Dad sat around the living room in equally gray moods. They had watched old family videos and played three consecutive games of Trivial Pursuit (at which Chloe had thoroughly schooled Julianne and her father, three consecutive times), but the prevailing mood in the Kahn household was still listing toward melancholy.
“Who starred in the eponymous show about a newscaster in Minneapolis?” Chloe asked, yawning.
“Oh, even I know this one,” muttered Dad. “Mary Tyler Moore.”
“Chloe, do we really have to go through the additional cards?” Julianne whined. “We already played the game.”
“Do you have any better recreational suggestions?” Chloe countered, probably not meaning to sound quite so snippy. “Shall we do dramatic readings from the latest Publishers Weekly?” Chloe drawled, holding up a copy of their dad’s magazine. “Or should we watch another movie that we’ve all seen five times? Now that would be fun.”
Julianne looked at her sister and yawned. She curled her feet under her on the oversize couch and flopped back, peeling a split end in her hair. “I could always make popcorn. Or we could play Pictionary.”
“No Pictionary,” her father pleaded. “I’ve already been humiliated on the board game battlefield by one daughter today. I’m not going back for seconds.”
Unable to reach consensus, they drifted to separate parts of the house. Dad went into his studio and Chloe clomped upstairs, while Julianne stayed put in the living room.
Julianne kept watch out the window for a break in the unseasonably dreary weather. She had wrapped her painting in butcher paper and hidden it under her bed. She’d been hoping to give it to Dad and Chloe today, but her grand plan required sunshine. So she remained at her post in the window seat, looking out over the beach with a book in her lap.
At the first hint of sun, Jules jumped at her chance.
“Daaaad! Chloe! Come in here!” She knew her dad was getting things together for a meeting with his editor in New York next week, and Chloe was talking on the phone with one of her sorority sisters, but time was of the essence.
Julianne dashed upstairs, skipping every other step, and bounded into Chloe’s room, not caring in the slightest if she was interrupting an important phone call. “Chloe Elise Kahn, you have five minutes to get your butt downstairs and out onto the back deck!”
Chloe put her hand over the receiver and looked at Julianne, her hazel eyes questioning and mildly annoyed. “What’s wrong?” she mouthed.
“Nothing’s wrong, but it’s important.” Julianne wheedled.
“Now?” Chloe mouthed. “Really?”
“Really! Now go. Go, go, go! And get Dad on your way out.” Julianne pivoted on her heel and burst toward the hallway.
Before Chloe had a chance to argue, Julianne ran into her room and closed the door behind her. She got down on her hands and knees and wedged herself under her bed, reaching for the wrapped canvas. She finally got her hands around it and gently wiggled it out. Then she walked over to her white wicker bookshelves. Sharing space with dozens of art books and a complete collection of her dad’s children’s books were a half-dozen framed family photos. Julianne took her favorite down from the shelf. It was beginning to yellow and fold up around the edges with age. It was a shot of Julianne and her mother on the beach by their house, when Julianne was two or three. They had matching mother/daughter easels. Hannah had started a beautiful beachscape on hers, and Julianne’s easel was smeared with finger-paint—not to mention the paint all over her face, streaked on her bathing suit, and splashed on her little toddler bonnet. Her mother looked stunning—she was wearing a floppy hat and oversize sunglasses, with a paintbrush clenched between her teeth—and she was chasing after little Jules, who was about to make a mad dash for the water.
Julianne spent a minute with the photo, looking at herself, looking at her mom, before placing it gently back on the shelf. She picked up her canvas and headed downstairs.
When Julianne stepped outside, the sun was still shining and her father and sister were looking at her like she’d gone completely bonkers.
“Sweetie, are you all right?” her father said, breaking the ice.
Julianne looked back and forth between her father and Chloe. “I’m sorry for being such a drama queen, but I have something for you guys, and it is really important that I show it to you while the sun is still shining, or it just wouldn’t be right.”
She handed the wrapped canvas to her father, who took a seat next to Chloe on the deck. As Dad and Chloe unwrapped the brown paper together, Julianne watched the corners of her father’s mouth curl up in a sad smile. Chloe was grinning from ear to ear.
“Oh my God! It’s amazing. It’s beyond amazing,” she gushed.
“Mom started this before she got sick and I wanted you guys to have it.” Julianne gestured to the beach beyond the deck. “Now we’ll always have Mom and we’ll always have our beach.”
“Julianne, it’s so different from your other collaborations with your mother,” her father observed, sounding pleased that his little girl had grown up to have such artistic range.
Jules nodded. “I guess so. It was really hard for me, actually. But I think it turned out okay.”
“It turned out better than okay,” Chloe gushed. “And like you said, we’ll always have the beach, just as Mom saw it.” Even though an undertone of sadness gripped all three of them, the Kahns shared a warm smile.
Julianne walked over to her father and threw her arms around his shoulders and said, “I’m glad you like it, Dad.”
As the beginnings of tears collected in the corners of Edward Kahn’s eyes, he hugged his daughter back and whispered, “Thank you.”
Chapter Eighteen
The music at the Fishtail was pumping at earsplitting volume and Julianne felt her body shaking in time with the bass. She and Remi had been out for hours. It felt so good to just hang out and be a couple without stressing over who might be watching. Even if they technically were the only ones who knew they were out as a couple. After work, they’d headed to happy hour with some of the guys from the crew, at a bar farther down the boardwalk. After happy hour, Mitch and Hunter in tow, they’d stopped by the Mean Bean to pick up Lucy and head over to the Fishtail to meet more friends from school. So many weeks of relative isolation had left Julianne beyond excited to be out on the town with her friends and her amazing new (secret) boyfriend. She wished Kat were there—she was sure that Kat and Remi would totally hit it off—but then they’d have some time to hang out together when Kat got back from Madrid in a few weeks.
Julianne surveyed the scene at the Fishtail. It was her favorite kind of boardwalk party, high energy and low key at the same time. Hunter, Mitch, and Remi were standing against the boardwalk railing, talking about colleges, while Lucy and Jules were perched on top of a picnic table, watching the scene unfold. Down on the beach there were a few clusters of night swimmers and kids playing volleyball, but most of the action was contained on the boardwalk. The waves were rolling into shore and they could hear the breeze blowing the palm trees. Seagulls were winging their way across the horizon.
“I love summer.” Jules sighed, taking a sip of the piña colada she was sharing with Lucy.
“I know, right?” Lucy agreed. “I just wish it would last longer. I can’t even start thinking about school—I have too much to do before then.”
As they spoke, Justin Timberlake’s voice came thumping out of the speakers. Jules grabbed her friend’s hand and pulled Lucy down from the table. “Don’t think, then!” she shouted over the music. “Just dance!”
The girls laughed as they jumped up and down, winding their bodies to the beat. “Way to bring sexy back!” Julianne laughed at Lucy, who was dropping it all the way down to th
e floor.
“Um, I don’t think sexy ever left…” Lucy joked back, jabbing Julianne with her elbow. “Speaking of which, I’m going to go introduce myself to those guys over there.” She headed off to chat with a group of cute guys Jules vaguely recognized from school, who were shooting pool by the outdoor bar. Looking around the party, Julianne couldn’t help but notice that several other girls were admiring her boyfriend, and she laughed to herself. Then she looked down at her outfit—a Proenza Schouler tank top with a deep V-neck and funky buttons, a swingy skirt, and turquoise open-toed Seychelles slip-ons—and felt pretty hot herself. Her hair was curly, wild, and blowing in the ocean breeze. Julianne tossed her head back and tried to soak everything in, waiting a long minute before heading down the boardwalk to catch up with Lucy. She glanced behind and caught Remi full-on staring at her. Maybe forced separation could be a little fun.
After a few hours, the party began to wind down, with couples strolling off in pairs and kids riding off on their bikes in every direction. Julianne and Lucy were dancing with some of Lucy’s co-workers from the Mean Bean and a few of the younger guys from the site, when Remi walked over and slid his arm around Jules’s waist.
“Ready to head out?” he whispered into her curls. She nodded and looked to her friends, who all looked ready to call it a night. Together, still bobbing their heads to the music, they all headed home.
Mitch and Hunter drifted away from the group first, to go meet up with some of the other guys from the cross-country team for a poker game; then Lucy’s co-workers left one by one. As Lucy, Julianne, and Remi made their way down the beach toward Lucy’s grandparents’ house, Lucy leaned over and tipsily stage-whispered in Julianne’s ear, “So, is this the boyfriend?”
“Huh?” Julianne was confused.
“The guy you were telling me about at the art store,” Lucy clarified louder. “The hottie you’ve had your eye on all summer?”
Julianne blushed, even in the darkness. Even perfectly sober, subtlety had never been Lucy’s strong point. “Yup. He’s the one.”
“You’re right, Jules. He’s cute—really cute!” Lucy giggled. “Oh my gosh, I almost missed my house.” Lucy looked up sheepishly before dashing off for home. “Good night, you guys! Nice to meet you, Remi,” she practically cooed.
Remi finally slipped his hand into Julianne’s, and they walked the rest of the way down the beach together, stopping to sit down in the sand when they reached the stretch of beach between their two houses. Half an hour later, Julianne and Remi were lying on their backs, looking up at the stars. The weather had stayed clear all night, despite a threat of rain, and the sky was absolutely the most intense shade of navy blue that Julianne had ever seen. Normally, she would have been trying to figure out exactly how to mix the color of the sky, how to capture it. Tonight, however, she was too distracted by Remi’s hand resting on her stomach. Her entire body felt like it had been hit by lightning. As soon as Remi touched her skin, there wasn’t a single part of her that wasn’t hypercharged and tingling. It was almost as though she needed to either stay perfectly still or risk her entire body bursting into flames.
Remi rolled over and propped his head up on Julianne’s stomach. “What are you thinking, Jules?” He kissed her belly button, and Julianne felt her skin ignite again.
Julianne ran her fingers through Remi’s brown hair, which was getting scruffier by the day. “I’m thinking about the sky. Can you figure out what color that is?”
Remi stared up and tried in earnest for a few minutes to figure it out. “Nope. Can’t say I can. But I also don’t think that’s what you were thinking about. Try again?”
Julianne laughed softly and continued playing with his hair. It wasn’t as soft as it looked, but it was surprisingly fluffy. Downy, almost. She thought she would be perfectly content just weaving her fingers in and out of it all night. She looked down and saw that Remi’s big eyes were staring up at her, filled with a mix of curiosity and expectation. “Are you actually still asking me?”
Remi nodded.
“You’re really going to make me say it?”
Remi nodded again.
“Okay, fine.” Julianne rolled her eyes. “I was thinking about your hair, okay?”
Even Remi looked a little surprised at this one. “What?” Julianne challenged. “You have very nice hair; it’s a very interesting texture.”
Remi rolled back over and buried his face against Julianne’s stomach. “I love dating an artist,” he mumbled, laughing. Julianne sat up, like she’d been hit with a sudden inspiration. Jolted by the movement, Remi shot up after her. “Hey!” Julianne squealed. “I have a good idea.”
“What?” he asked gamely.
“How about you come here and kiss me?” She grinned.
“You don’t need to ask me twice.” Remi pulled himself up from the ground with a laugh.
Soon they were rolling over each other in the sand, laughing and kissing the kind of slow, greedy kisses that go on for days. They kissed like they were trying to breathe each other’s air. Julianne felt Remi’s tongue in her mouth, soft but insistent, like he was determined to find out more, but willing to take all the time in the world to do it. She ran her hands up and down his spine, tracing the muscles of his back. Jules remembered her surprise at seeing him in his towel in the trailer and blushed. Julianne hadn’t been surprised at all by what a great kisser he was—not even the first time they’d kissed at the party—but she was pleasantly surprised that every single time they kissed, it got better and better. Julianne’s tank top had slid up around her rib cage, and Remi bent to kiss her stomach and run his fingers along her sternum. She buried her face in his neck, and was kissing the side of his jawbone. Then she heard something moving farther up the beach.
She nudged Remi and hissed urgently, “Someone’s coming.” Remi’s already-huge eyes grew as big as Frisbees as he catapulted himself at least five feet away from her. “Nice air!” she whispered, grinning up to his standing figure.
Remi pointed to his sweater, which was sitting to Jules’s left. A minute ago, it had been tucked under her head while they looked at the sky. “Toss it somewhere!” Remi whispered, before subtly blowing her a kiss and taking off down the beach as though he were out for a night run. Julianne smoothed down her shirt and hair and tucked her legs under her, staring out at the ocean. Absentmindedly, she began making piles of sand around her legs, transferring little bits from one pile to the other and back again.
The footsteps got closer, and Julianne was aching to turn around and see who had busted up her make-out session with Remi, but she was afraid of blowing her cover.
Chapter Nineteen
When the footsteps were directly behind her, Julianne tossed a casual glance over her shoulder just in time to see Chloe slide down next to her. Chloe’s coffee-colored hair was pulled into a high, tight ponytail, and she was wearing her teal Kappa Delta T-shirt and a pair of light blue seagull-printed pajama pants.
Chloe’s eyes scanned the beach and Julianne thought she saw her sister squint at the sight of the figure that was now a few hundred yards down the beach, moving at a steady jog. But if Chloe saw anyone, she didn’t say anything. She just pulled her legs up to her chest and turned her head toward Julianne.
“Cute outfit,” Chloe said.
“Thanks.” Julianne smiled at her sister.
“Nice to know that even without my styling you, you can come up with something nice.” Chloe giggled. “So, was the Fishtail hopping?”
“Oh, Chloe, it was ridiculous, totally packed.” Jules leaned in to fill her sister in on that night’s party. “There was an awesome DJ and a ton of cute guys—even some we didn’t already know.” She laughed at the closeness of their town. “I think Lucy got, like, three new phone numbers.”
Chloe laughed. “And you? Did you add anything to your little black book?”
“Not so much. I wasn’t really there looking, if you know what I mean,” Julianne answered.
“I
have absolutely no idea what you mean. These days, I’m always looking!”
“Well, the Fishtail was an awesome place to look tonight,” Julianne conceded. “Everyone was dancing. There was so much energy. Some freshman girls followed Mitch and Hunter around all night, just giggling at them. It was hilarious. Every time we turned around, there they were. But they never said a word!”
“Oh man.” Chloe laughed. “Do you remember when that was us? Watching senior guys pass by in the hallway at school and just totally losing it?”
“I know! Mitch even went up and asked them their names, and they just giggled and ran away.” Julianne leaned in closer to her sister, still laughing. “I thought Lucy was going to make them name tags or something.”
“It sounds like it was fun.” Chloe sighed. “Much better than filling out charts all night.”
“You’ll have to come with us next time. It’ll be great!” Julianne promised.
Julianne linked her arm through her sister’s. She couldn’t have been happier to be sitting on the beach with her best friend in the world after a fabulous night, with one glaring exception. She felt gross not telling Chloe about Remi. Right now, they were the two most important people on Earth to her, and she would have loved it if they could somehow get along. She had a feeling they would, if Chloe could forget he was a Moore. Save for some pilfered Halloween candy when she was eight, Julianne had never hidden anything from her sister before. It made her feel dirty.
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