Starting my photography business over from scratch isn't easy. Nothing matters more right now than impressing them. Changing the name meant I could no longer rely on the word of mouth from past customers. I'm starting over.
I smile wide as I approach the couple and extend my hand.
"Sorry I'm late. I'm London," I say, trying to hide the fact that I'm basically panting.
"You're not late and I am so glad to finally meet you," the bride says, engulfing me in a hug. Her skinny arms squeeze me and I widen my eyes at the smiling groom behind her.
"I'm Jason," he offers when his fiancée doesn't let go and introduce to me.
We shake hands while I am still in a hug. I have been exchanging emails with Amanda for weeks now about the wedding and engagement photos. I guess that makes us best friends, judging by our embrace.
"Everyone, this is London, our photographer," she says to the family behind her. For their engagement photos, she wanted to include their immediate family as well.
"Nice to meet you all," I say as I untangle from her arms. "Let me setup and we will get started."
I step away from the group and try to find my calm as I dig through my camera bags. I pull out the lens I need and load a fresh SD card. I quickly play with the shutter speed and aperture until I get the right settings. All the things I like to have done before the clients show up.
The newly engaged couple is easy to photograph. It's a beautiful day on the beach. The sky is clear, the morning light hasn't turned too harsh yet, and the love in their eyes is obvious. It's my favorite thing in the world to photograph. Truth. Honesty.
Amanda is glowing and beautiful. Her eyes sparkle with excitement and love. To me, she is the color yellow. Bright. Happy. Impossible to ignore.
I have always associated people with colors. It's my way of classifying and organizing the people I know. Amanda is yellow. Her husband is a light blue. The pale color of the morning sky after the rain. Calm. Comforting and stable. Everyone I meet is color-coded in my mind.
"Let's get the family in there," I suggest after I take enough shots of the couple with the ocean as the backdrop. I'm getting bored.
The bride is an orphan, so his family is all she has. That was why she wanted them included in the engagement photos. To her, she is marrying the family, not just the man. They took her in, loved her as their own, and gave her somewhere to belong.
His parents join the couple. I fumble with the camera in my hands and lock eyes with his brother who arrived while we were shooting. He wears an amused grin as he joins the group. He isn't watching the family though. He is watching me.
"London, these are Jason's parents and his brother, Kane," Amanda introduces, gesturing to the group. "He gave me your card actually."
I nod and smile politely at them. I'm unable to look away from Kane because he hasn't looked away either. There's something familiar to him but I can't place his face.
He watches me like I'm the most fascinating thing on this beach. He must not see the girls in bikinis all over. They are far better to look at than me right now.
I pull my camera up to my face, shielding myself from the outside world. Through the viewfinder, I can just watch. I am the audience. I'm invisible. I see what they can't.
My instincts take over and I click away. I direct the family as though they are puppets. I tell them where to stand, how to pose. It's the only time in my life when I feel like I have complete and utter control. My subjects do as I say, when I say.
I move the posse all around the beach for the shots I want. They make a sand castle. I direct the others, but I am directing Kane. He watches me as I move, ducking and tilting my body to get the right angle. His attention throws me off and puts me on edge.
"Just the brothers now," I say. I'm in the zone, clicking and moving like it's my second nature.
Kane and Jason stand in my view, smiling and perfect for the camera. Kane has dark hair, dark eyes, and a one of those smiles that makes you think you missed something. It's like he knows a secret that you want to know. My job is to concentrate on Jason, but my attention is on his brother.
Because his attention is on me.
It's nerve-wracking being the center of someone's attention. It's rare that I ever am and I'm not sure how to handle it. I try to ignore his stare and do my job. It's like Kane can see through the camera, through the plates of glass and mirrors that stand between us. It makes me feel naked, even through the invisible wall I put up between what is real and what I choose to see.
When the sun is right above us, casting a bright and harsh light, I'm done for the day with hundreds of photographs that I can hand over later.
"I think we are all done here," I tell the couple. "I will email you this week, Amanda."
"Thank you," she says, her eyes glistening as she pulls me in for another tight hug.
There's always a bride who is over-emotional about everything. The one who is so in love that she can't believe her perfect day is actually coming. Those women cherish every moment leading up their wedding. They never realize that it's the days after the vows that matter the most.
I start to pack up my bags when I feel him standing behind me.
"You want help taking those to your car?" he asks. He doesn't really wait for an answer, grabbing the heaviest of my bags and throwing it over his shoulder like it's full of air.
"Thank you," I say, brushing the hair off my forehead that fell lose from my hair tie.
Kane follows me to the parking lot and we stop outside my car. I try to discreetly wipe my sweaty palms on my thighs.
I unlock the trunk and he loads my bags like they weigh nothing at all.
"See ya around, London."
He flashes one last smirk as he backs away from me.
During the ride home, I wonder what he knows that the rest of the world doesn't.
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