by Paula Cox
In the dark of the room, I feel around for the phone I spotted earlier. Unlike last time, the Gravediggers hadn’t had time to disconnect my only way of communicating with anyone outside the burner phone (which was programmed to only call Breaker, Biggs, and a few other guys I have not met yet). I find the phone sitting on the bedside table. A red button flashes, but I’m just too desperate to call out to care what the light means.
I stand over the keypad, slowly putting in the number I have memorized off by heart. It’s been three years since I’ve called Eva. I hold my breath as the phone rings on the other line. I count each turn.
1… 2… 3… 4… 5…
Her overly bright and cheerful voice soon picks up. “Hey there! You’ve reached Eva Palakikio Ionesco. I can’t come to the phone right now. I’m probably out surfing or swimming, but feel free to leave me a message, and I’ll get back to you when I’m on dry land. Aloha!”
I pause as I listen to the beep urging me to talk. I wonder if she will know it is me from the way I am breathing or how my lips sort of buzz as I fight to push myself to say something, anything.
What can I say right now? How can I tell the truth when the truth is as terrible as the lie? I’m not sure how I would even begin to explain that I’ve been kidnapped by a motorcycle club for stealing their shit. And there isn’t any way I can tell her that I’ve been lost and running from our family for years. I don’t even know how to start making amends or if I even want to. All I want is to sit and talk.
All this flashes through my mind as I consider all my options. Finally, after a few seconds of awkward silence, I say the only thing I can think to say, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
I hang up, hands shaking, face stained with tears I forgot I could create. I brush them away as I look over my shoulder towards the door still thrown open from when I barged in here without a plan. I can still hear the guys screaming at one another, but by the shadows of the few overhead lights, it’s clear that most of them are heading back to their rooms to sleep it off.
There’s no sign of Breaker, though. Next door, I hear Biggs’ door slam shut. He turns on his television; blasting some movie channel. The TV and his drunken murmurs fill the silence of my room and the passageway outside.
I walk towards the door, looking out at the courtyard again. From here, I can see Breaker bent over low on the bench with a few guys handing him what looks like paper towels.
I approach him nice and slow, unsure of what to say. That look from earlier—the look that promised to take punishment into his own hands—still lingers in my mind as I tap him on the shoulder.
The man that turns around is a beaten and battered version of the person I’ve been riding with. The crook of his nose is pushed out slightly, and his cheek has a long cut from a ring or zipper. It oozes out onto the paper towel he holds to the skin. His lip is busted open as well, and fresh scratch marks from Wesley climb up his bare back, popping up like ivy on an old home.
I can’t help blurting out, “What the hell? What—”
“Don’t you look at me like that, Aimee,” Breaker seethes as he spits a bloody mixture onto the ground. “It’s not that bad. I’ve certainly had to deal with worse.” He points to a long scar under his arm, along the side of his torso. I can’t believe I haven’t noticed it before. The jagged lines, the marks of a stitch, make it clear that he was stabbed and that the knife was dragged along his side for him to bleed out.
He’s right; he’s had it worse.
I turn my head, unable to take it. I was never one for blood. My sister was the healer of the family. She was good with cuts from surfing or bruises from when I would ride my scooter around our neighborhood. Me, on the other hand, I’d faint if someone pricked a finger in front of me.
Breaker was a manifestation of my worst nightmare.
He senses my hesitation, which makes him laugh a little. “Oh good,” he says, with a cruel smile. “You’re going to be fun tonight if you can’t even look at me.”
I turn just quick enough to see him eyeing his friend Henry. He smiles again before shaking his head. “I guess I should make it official. I already told Biggs and some of the boys the news.”
“What?” I ask, confused at his sudden change. “What are you talking about? Make what official?”
But Breaker doesn’t care to answer me. He stands up slowly, using one of his guys to support him, and then heads off towards another group of younger riders fussing over someone in the center. The men part as he approaches, bowing their heads in reverence. They back off enough so that I get a good glimpse of Wesley—or what’s left of him.
He, like Breaker, sits with his hands in hands in his lap; crimson stained sheets of paper towel stuck on his face and arms. But there is a clear difference in the carnage. Wesley looks like he has been put in the dryer, spun on high, and taken out before the cycle finishes. His entire white t-shirt has been turned rust red with rings around the places where Breaker must have really taken out the most damage. There are even boot marks from where Breaker stomped on his chest and kicked at his side. Wesley cradles those spots with his arms wrapped in a bear hug around himself.
He barely registers a look when Breaker approaches. He turns his head slightly looking off towards the fire still burning in the pit. Breaker clears his throat first in an attempt to get some recognition, but there’s nothing.
In a booming voice, he has no choice but to go on, “Whatever is going on between us, it ends now. We’re brothers and brothers don’t kill each other over some pussy. I’m calling a truce, Wesley.”
Wesley doesn’t answer. He glances up towards one of the other men near him and nods, urging him to step in as a second.
“Breaker, man, Wesley does…”
Breaker cuts the strawman off, placing a hand up to his face as he takes another step closer to Wesley. He leans down and taunts, “I didn’t know Wesley was too chicken shit to answer for himself. A real man wouldn’t be a little bitch about this and just shake the other’s hand.” He stretches out a hand full of bloody, cut knuckles, but Wesley doesn’t take it.
This time, Breaker kneels slightly as he whispers in towards Wesley, in a voice so stern and forceful you could feel it rolling out of his mouth like thunder in the night, “You will take my hand, and you will call a truce. I rank over you by so many positions. I could get your patch tonight if I wanted to. So if you want to stay a Gravedigger and keep this brotherhood, you’ll stop fucking with me and agree to some peace. Do you hear me?”
Slowly, Wesley unwraps the arm around his side, wipes it on the black slacks, and then gives it to Breaker. They don’t bob their hands or pull each other in like I’ve seen them do in other situations requiring handshakes. Neither moves, but it’s done for now. The tension between the two groups of men seems to dissipate with their words.
Breaker goes to turn back towards the motel rooms when Henry catches him by his shoulder. He whispers something into his ear and gestures towards the group. Breaker takes a glimpse at me with those brown eyes firing in the glow of the night. Henry pats him on the shoulder and pulls away. Breaker seems impossibly taller; his chest is wider, and his jaw higher. Whatever he said, Henry just unleashed some new version of him, and his stare is directed straight at me.
“There’s something else I need to say here and now while I’ve got a group present.”
Breaker leans over and pulls me in by my hips. I fall into him, landing with my arms outstretched around his chest and hips. But he doesn’t push me away; instead, he holds me tighter as he announces, “I’m making it official. This girl, Aimee, she’s my woman.”
My mind goes blank. Did he just… claim me?
I stand away from him, but my feet are fixed in my place. He clears his throat as he continues on, completely ignoring my shocked glare. “For those of you that don’t know, that means you are not allowed to mess with her, touch her, or proposition her without my permission. And I give none of you permission. I expect you all to stick to the
brotherhood, or you know what comes to you.”
“What about Biggs?” someone in the crowd speaks up. I too have the same question. “What does he say about you making that girl your old lady when rumor is she’s a whore and a thief?”
Well, the guy got the first part wrong. I have yet to spread my legs for any of these backwater men, and I have zero plans to do so, despite all my tequila-induced flirting.
“Biggs has given his blessing. And he and Henry will be the ones making sure that the deed is done.”
My stomach drops. The deed? From what little I know about motorcycle clubs, I do know a few things about old ladies. For one, they are usually treated like cattle. A guy claims one, brings her into the club, and then pimps her out when he’s tired of her. She stays in the circle long enough to be used and abused. Sometimes, when they’re older, they get cut loose, but for the most part, they spend their lives as slaves to whatever the new club leadership wants from them.
In other cases, these women live somewhat healthy lives. They get married, they have kids, and they defend their men. I’ve met some of these girls out on the road. They’re usually at the bar cleaning up after some fight or hosting some charity event for clean groups. They’re the lucky ones, even if they’re being held hostage.
But when Breaker says the word, “deed,” it reminds me of what a woman, clearly a club girl, once told me while sharing shots at a dive bar in California. Club men claim their women by dominating them. They go by the rule that whoever fucks them first, keeps them first.
While the Gravediggers may be unique in some ways, I can’t imagine they are in this way.
I swallow hard as I look up towards Breaker. He avoids my eyes, but he walks straight towards my motel room. He pauses in the doorway before gesturing towards me and Henry, who stands behind me with a smug smile.
My bare feet tread softly on the ground, dragging along the way. I’ve never felt so much doom and uncertainty in my life. The contents of my stomach, mostly booze, do somersaults and wild backflips as I think about what is going to happen in that bedroom. I’m about to be claimed by the one man who I would rather run from and the one motorcycle club who wants to hold me hostage.
Chapter Six
Breaker
“Okay, so, you all know the drill, right?” I ask, a bit cautious. I’ve never put a claim on a woman before. I’ve always been on the other side of the door—vouching for the brother inside the room who is otherwise getting the deed done.
“Yeah. I’ve done it before. I’ll sit outside. You tell me when you’re done. I trust that you know how to do the, uh, rest.” Henry smacks me in the shoulder, forgetting that I was just in a massive fistfight with some young punk. I wince in pain but say nothing of it. I gotta focus on what’s about to happen here.
“This shouldn’t take long,” I find myself saying. “I just want to get it over with.”
“Sounds like a guy eager to fuck a chick like that,” he says as he rolls his eyes and looks into the motel room.
Aimee is sitting on the edge of the bed; her back slumped over her knees, and her hands resting in front. She’s biting that top lip to pieces.
“Just do what you’re supposed to do,” I snap. “Biggs said he’ll listen in as my second. But with that TV blasting, she’s going to have to scream real loud for him to hear anything.”
I still can’t believe Biggs gave me permission to do this. It was reluctant, but I didn’t have a better option at the moment. If I was going to protect her, like I would do any other property I own, I had to mark my territory. I think Biggs understood that part in his own, twisted way.
Henry laughs to himself as he puffs on a hand-rolled cigarette. “If the rumors are true,” he says after taking an extra-long drag, “she’ll be screaming all night long. I wouldn’t worry about Biggs or me hearing any bit of that action.”
“I don’t know,” I reply, still unsure, as my hands run through my sweaty hair, “She’s not like the other bitches this club keeps around. She’s a fucking spoiled brat. It wouldn’t surprise me if she resisted the entire time.”
“She’ll get there. Girls like that come around once you show ‘em one hell of a good time. You know I wouldn’t have won over Martha if it hadn’t been for this gigantic di—”
I cut him off with a smirk. “Martha ain’t yours, you ass,” I say. “You haven’t claimed her yet. She just screws with you for free rides home.” I walk forward into the doorway of the room, only looking back to joke, “You better watch out, though. I heard she was stepping out with Marcus, and we all know he ain’t clean.”
The heavy wood door begins to ease shut as Henry throws back, “You watch your goddamn mouth, Breaker!”
When it closes all the way, the air seems to get sucked out with it, leaving just Aimee and me in this contained bubble. Neither of us moves nor speaks. We just look at one another, trying to anticipate the next move.
Finally, she stands and begins to pace. Her feet practically make skid marks in the carpet. I can tell she’s working herself up to something by the way her fists pop open and close at the sides of her bare thighs.
After a few minutes, she charges at me, her finger wagging in the air as she presses her body into mine. I’m corned into the wall as she shouts, “You know I don’t want this. I don’t belong to any man. You can’t just fucking claim something that doesn’t want to be claimed.”
I grab her arms, pushing them down to her side. And at this moment, I do the only thing I can think of doing. I kiss her. Hard. My head lowered, I crush my lips onto hers. I kiss her so hard, her head and body fly backward towards the bed. She falls down onto her back, with me still holding on as tight as I can without hurting her.
Aimee struggles under my weight, attempting to roll around and free her head. Her small fists beat into my chest until I have to hold her down once again.
When I break for air, she pants, “What the hell was that? Did you not just hear what I said to you…?”
I kiss her again, this time gentler. I open my lips slightly, allowing her thick lips to fall into mine. She softens beneath me. Her arms sink into the bed with her hands unfolding until she finds a blanket to hold on to. Her head tilts upwards as she moves with me.
Together, we begin to rock.
I hate how much I love the feeling of her body underneath me—the softness of her tanned skin, the curves of her round tits resting against my chest, and the bare, smooth leg hitching up against my hips. Girls like her were never my type. I went with ones covered in tattoos—blonde bimbos whose only appeal was to bounce up and down on my cock until I exploded inside of them.
But Aimee is something more. She has this life in her that makes me want to explore it.
I find myself pulling away. I push up on my arms so that I still hold control over her.
As low as possible, I whisper, “I’m not into forcing you to do anything. You’re not going to get that from me. But if you don’t do this… if you don’t submit to me... those fools are going to come at you until you don’t have a choice.”
“Breaker, I…” She loses track of her words as she looks towards the door.
“No, Aimee,” I say as firm as I can, “You don’t understand. Me claiming you tonight is the only way you’re going to make it out alive. You don’t have to like me. Hell if I care a damn about you. But tonight, we have to act like something is going on between us, or Biggs won’t sign off on it. Do you get my drift?”
“Can’t we just, I don’t know, fake it? I can scream. We can move the bed around… you know.” She gestures towards the still made bed.
“I’m a Gravedigger, Aimee. I don’t lie to my fucking men because it’s more convenient for me. We do this the right way, or I throw you back to the dogs, and you can handle them on your own.”
She closes her eyes for a second. I feel her chest caving in, taking deep, long breaths. I don’t blame her for thinking this over. I’m having second thoughts as well.
This isn’t just a f
uck for me. This is me attaching myself to a girl who does nothing but hurt herself by being disobedient.
“Will you hurt me?” she asks, her voice growing quiet.
She doesn’t bother to meet my eyes again. But I cup my hand around her chin to force her head up. Her eyes flutter open in surprise.
“I will never hurt you unless you give me a reason to. Do I need to prove that to you?”
Aimee doesn’t answer. Instead, she closes her eyes again and wraps her hands around the white, thick comforter. I lean back down on her, holding myself up so I can watch her reaction to my hand resting on her knee, swirling around her kneecap. She lets out a small gasp and a giggle.
Of course, she’s ticklish.
My fingers travel up her leg, past her thigh, to the line of her silk panties, and then back down again. She tries to hide a sly smile, but it’s written all over her face how much she loves to be teased. Each time I repeat the motion, I knead her skin, pressing a bit harder until my entire hand wraps around her legs.