The seven band members each sold a hundred tickets at two dollars apiece. The church hall could only seat one hundred persons, so Alice crossed her fingers, hoping that seven hundred persons would not show up. She knew that most of the sales were pity sales but she vacillated between worrying that nobody would show up at all and that more people would show up than they had seats to accommodate.
She practiced with the band every opportunity she got and spent even more time with Carson. They were both doing most of the duets because their voices blended so well. They had chosen as their signature song "Love Lift Us Up Where We Belong" and practiced it for hours on end until they knew it by heart. They had even gotten the proper lyrics from the back of a CD case. There was no room for mistakes. Carson would wait for her after school and they would practice for hours. They did so all week.
"It doesn't feel like Christmas is a day away," Alice said to Carson. They were once more practicing but this time they were at church sitting on the back porch, waiting for the rest of the guys to come by. It was late evening and chilly. The church grounds were quiet except for two ladies, who were decorating the church for a Christmas wedding the following morning.
"What?" Carson grinned. "The time is so cool in the nights that I sleep under three sheets."
"I mean…" Alice said pausing, "I hardly hear any carols or anything. It's different this year."
"Because this year you are a working woman," Carson said. "All the little Christmas things are passing you by. Want us to go to grand market downtown tonight and window shop? That should put you in the mood."
"Nah." Alice shook her head. "I prefer hanging out with you in the quiet without the crowds." She did not look at him when she said it and he did not say anything either. He just sat there. She could actually hear the rustling of the grass as the wind passed through it. The grass had become untamable from November, and the gardener had allowed it to grow. With such a large expanse of grass, the furry brown things growing on top of it actually looked like flowers.
She peeked at Carson and saw that he was looking at her; his thick level brows had a furrow in the middle. He was frowning at her fiercely when she caught him looking at her.
"I like spending time with you too Alice—too much. I should find somebody my own age to hang out with."
Alice got up. "You better not dare do that, Carson Bell. You are mine." The passionate plea escaped her mouth before she could suppress it.
Carson got up as well. He towered over her. "Is that so? If I am yours, kiss me then."
"Are you serious?" Alice swallowed.
Carson shrugged. "Sure, why not?"
Alice stood on the top step so that she was nose to nose with him. She was looking straight into his eyes. She put her hand on his chest. She could feel it pounding almost as hard as hers. She closed her eyes and placed her lips on his. They stood like that for a while until Carson placed his arms around her and hugged her to him opening his lips under hers and exploring her mouth.
The feeling was inexplicable. Suddenly, it felt as if her skin got extra sensitive; making her jittery and then she became breathless and had a trembling feeling in her belly and legs.
"Ehem!" They broke apart when they heard someone clear their throat near the bottom of the porch. It was Pastor Keen. He was frowning at them.
"Obviously, you two should not be left alone," he said, shaking his finger at them. "Follow me."
Alice was still feeling shivery inside, but she also felt embarrassed. She did not know where to look—at Pastor Keen's retreating back or at Carson.
Carson put his hand in hers before she could step down. "You are mine too." He whispered. She looked back at him. "Yup, we just branded each other forever." He grinned.
Chapter Five
Carson drove toward the Apple Motel, turning at the sign with the giant red delicious apple. When Alice had called earlier in the day, he had wanted to punish her a little, by telling her that if she wanted to see him, she would have to show up at his office instead of him going to see her, but he knew how much that would hurt Mia, so he did not try to play hard ball. Mia was already down and out. She barely gave him a glance when he left her with the Foster's, who were willing to keep her for the evening. He knew that she knew he was going to see Alice. Her body language was shouting Betrayer at him.
He parked in the motel's parking lot and stopped to admire the mini mango tree with its red mangos in the nicely landscaped garden. The place should be called the Mango Motel, he thought. He was dithering, trying to prolong the moments before he would see Alice again, touch her again, and breathe in her perfume. It had been ten years. Spending ten more minutes to try to gather his thoughts would not matter much.
When he finally reached the reception desk and enquired about Alice, the receptionist took her time to answer, smiling at him broadly. "She's in Room 302, near the poolside. She is expecting you."
Carson gave her a brief smile, hoping to transmit the "Keep off. I am married." message that he had been sending for years, then headed to the poolside.
She had given her name as Alice Bell. Somehow that made him happy. She had left but had not quite managed to leave him behind. His footsteps faltered as he entered the pool area. He came to a halt when he saw her. She was standing by the poolside, pensively looking out at the sea.
She had not changed much, except for her hair. It was shorter and so thick that a little breeze whipped it across her face, covering her from view. She felt his stare and turned around, pulling back her hair.
"Carson." She gasped, staring at the muscular hunky guy, who was standing a few feet from her and drinking her in. It was Carson but an even better version of the man she had left behind. He walked closer to her, not saying a word and she looked at his bulging biceps in the black muscle shirt and swallowed. This guy was the stuff of dreams, the kind of guy that women drooled over and wondered what it would be like to be with; and she had left him!
She swallowed again and dragged her eyes up to his face. His eyes were eating her alive, filled with questions, accusations and pain. She avoided his eyes and looked at him generally instead. His head was cleanly shaven. It added a little menace to the handsome. She liked that.
They stared at each other for minutes. Carson had a sense of mounting incredulity. He did not hate her; this was the woman that he loved. He had loved her from her childhood and had not had eyes for anyone else. She had vulnerability stamped on her features. Her pink lips were trembling. He resisted the urge to put his lips on them to stop them from trembling. The feelings for Alice that were in storage came back in a trickle and then in a flood until he could not look at her anymore.
"Are we going to talk out here?" he asked huskily.
Alice looked around. There was that guy Herb at the poolside watching them with unabashed curiosity.
"No, er, let's go to my room." She led the way and Carson walked behind her. He did not realized how wound up he was until he was sitting in Alice's room. He exhaled loudly.
Looking around, he could see her suitcase in the corner. There was just one. So, she wasn't planning on staying long. Somehow, that depressed him.
She sat across from him, folding her hands in her lap, her halter neckline summer dress gave him a little glimpse of the top of her breasts and he hastily looked away.
"Er...how've you been?" Alice asked. She was staring at him cautiously.
What did she expect: that he would drag her out of her seat; shake her like a rag doll; demand that she tell him why she left without saying a proper goodbye; and why she never saw it fit to contact him over the past ten years?
Carson pretty much felt like doing that but he knew he could not. He could not hurt her, even though he saw the tense line of her body as she held herself, expecting some kind of recrimination. He would not give in to the urge to put a finger on Alice. If he did, God knew it would not be for shaking her. He would start to kiss her and then drag her to the bed and make love to her—as he had wanted to for y
ears. Sitting and staring at her was wreaking havoc on his mind, his heart, and his lower anatomy. He had to restrain himself mentally.
"Carson?" Alice asked shakily. "I know it has been a while, but I...I am not sorry that I left," she said huskily. "I am sorry I left you because I've missed you through the years. I've missed you so much but I didn't think I could live here again and I had to get away. I knew if I hadn't gotten out when I did, you would have stopped me, and if you did, I would be irreparably broken."
Carson nodded. "But ten years Alice? Come on. You left at the end of 1999, at a time when everybody was saying that the world would end. Did you time it that way? Because my world came to an end; and it took a hell of a long time to come alive again. I really had no time to grieve. I had a business to build and a child to take care of. I did not have the luxury of running away."
Alice hung her head. "I am sorry." She sniffed.
Carson said gently. "I don't want to make you cry..."
"You were always a hundred times better than me." Alice looked up at him with tears in her eyes. "If it weren't for you, I don't know what I would do, Carson, or where I'd be. When I left, I knew that Mia would be in good hands. I knew that you all would be better without me."
Carson resisted the urge to hug her. This was Alice. Being this close could spell trouble.
"So what did you do during your ten-year break and what are you planning to do now?" Carson asked curiously. There had to be a reason she was here.
"I er...I went to my Aunt Corrette in New York, and I stayed with her for six months." She shrugged. "I did a hairdressing course and got my own station in a salon there. I got my own customers and decided to move on after a couple of years, rented my own shop and then expanded."
Carson nodded. "I knew you had it in you."
"Thanks... er... I see you did well for yourself as well." Alice looked down at her hands.
"Yep. God has really blessed me and I've had good friends, and support."
"If anyone deserves to be blessed, you do," Alice said. "So...have you moved on with anyone?"
Carson leaned forward in his seat. "Moved on? No. I can’t. You see I made these vows to this woman named Alice Murray, and until she lets me go, there's no moving on. Besides, I haven't had the time. I haven't made the time, don't want to."
Alice looked at him, her mouth forming an "O" in surprise. "I thought you would have found somebody else, you know. You were always the guy everyone wanted to be with."
Carson shrugged at the compliment. "And you were always the only girl I wanted to be with. So have you moved on? Is that why you are here, to finally dissolve this marriage?"
"No, I haven't met anybody worth mentioning. I just thought I should do the mature thing and initiate a divorce, you know. I had to see you one last time, though…say a proper goodbye." She laughed uncomfortably.
Even though he had mentioned it first, when she said "divorce", the word slammed Carson, punching him squarely in the solar plexus. He was not prepared to hear her say it. Would it take him another ten years to see the light? He wondered. He was floundering around in his subconscious, trying to come up with some witty comeback to show how blasé he was about the whole divorce thing but he could not find one. The word destroyed hope—hope he didn't even know he was holding onto where she was concerned. He only managed a groan.
"Carson?" Alice got up out of her seat and slowly crawled on her knees over to where he was sitting. She looked up at him, her eyes concerned. "I don't know what to say." She touched his knee.
Carson pulled her up roughly and stood up. "Listen to me!" he gritted out, "There is so much a man can take, Alice, only so much."
Alice was looking at him with fascination. His eyes were like fiery darts. His touch scorched her soul, doing strange things to her nervous system.
"Don't look at me like that," Carson said huskily. "Don't do this to me."
He moved away from her and turned toward the window. It was night and the pool area was well lit. Several persons were out there. He could hear the tinkling of laughter out there and he resented the faceless people for being happy enough to laugh. He was filled with turmoil and so many topsy-turvy emotions that he could not name.
"Carson," Alice whispered, her hand wrapped around his tensely held back.
Carson turned around and looked into her face. He was lost. He knew it. She knew it. This had been inevitable as soon as he had followed her into the room. They had to talk but he could not think of anything to say right now. He inhaled her scent: Coconut Breeze.
"This is not how..." He did not finish his sentence. The rest of it was smothered against her lips. Alice's arms circled his neck as he bent to scoop her into his arms. He carried her into the bedroom. A band of moonlight streamed through the blinds, making a striped pattern on the bed.
He set Alice down on her feet next to the bed, letting her slide against his body. Just that feeling made him shudder. His mouth traced the length of her throat, his lips settling at the pulse that beat there.
"Stop me!" Carson said, a pleading huskiness in his voice.
"No." Alice clutched him closer. "I just want to feel loved again. I need this." Her eyes were filled with tears and Carson placed a hand on her lips.
He had been waiting for this for so long. Ten years without her—torture. The bed creaked beneath his weight as he lowered himself on it, taking her with him. Their bodies slid together, softness against muscle and so much heat and need. It felt familiar and yet new. His hands stroked her, relearning every curve. Alice's hands explored his body with a boldness that she had never shown before. He wanted this to never end. Carson clutched her body to his, it did not matter, it was Alice and he loved his wife.
*****
His phone was ringing somewhere in the tangled sheets. It was eleven o'clock in the night. He jumped up.
"Stay." Alice whispered hoarsely.
"No." Carson said, kissing her on the shoulders. "I have responsibilities. I left Mia with the neighbors."
He jumped out of bed, pulling on his clothes in a hurry, ignoring the ringing phone until he was in some semblance of order.
"Daddy, are you coming to get me?" Mia was sobbing in his ears.
"Baby, I'll be right there. I am on my way," he said to his sobbing child.
"I have to go." he looked at Alice. "My daughter has developed severe insecurities since you got back."
Alice closed her eyes and swallowed.
"We have to talk about her some time," Carson said, fishing his car keys from his pants pocket. "And we have to talk about this. What we just did here was not goodbye Alice. It was something else but not goodbye."
"Suppose I don't want to talk about this. Suppose I just want to be."
"How long were you planning to stay?" Carson asked. His body stiffened in anticipation of her answer.
"A month." Alice cracked her eyes and looked at him.
"We'll talk tomorrow," Carson said. "Here's my number." He jotted down a cell number on his business card. "Call me. Maybe we can have lunch somewhere, preferably far from a room."
He strode to the room door.
"Come lock up after me."
Alice got up out of bed draping the sheet around her.
Carson shook his head. "Too late for that." He admired her tousled hair and her bee-stung lips. They had gotten pretty wild. They had both had a decade of longing stored up.
Alice walked closer and closer to him and then stood in front of him. "Bye, Carson."
"No," Carson said softly, "Good night, Alice."
He stepped out into the balmy night air and headed to the parking lot. What they just did would not make a breakup any easier, not that he wanted a break from her.
He started the car and backed out of the parking lot. It was impossible not to feel tossed around in a maelstrom of sensations but of course, Alice had always managed to do that to him.
Chapter Six
September 1996
Every year they had a song t
hat they sang together. They usually referred to it as "our song". This year it was Last Night by Az Yet. Of course, they could not perform it in church because it was too erotic. Besides, Pastor Keen would ban them from ever performing again. He would probably take back the instruments and return them to the church basement.
"Maybe we can perform it at a wedding," Alice said to Carson, jokingly.
Carson shook his head. "No."
He was lying in his bed and Alice was lying on Xavier's. "Do you think Pastor Keen is... er... acting like himself?" Alice asked, looking at Carson.
"What do you mean?" Carson asked. "He passed through the neighborhood last week. He stopped by here and he seemed fine. I thought he stopped by your place. Do you think he is sick or something?"
"It might be nothing," Alice shrugged. She was playing with one of his smaller wrenches, throwing it in the air, and then catching it. "No, I didn't see him when he stopped by. Blue was there though. Blue hates Pastor Keen, and no, I don't think he is sick as in cough and sniffles sick." She chuckled and then changed the subject.
"I wish Mama would let me relax my hair."
Carson chuckled. "Why?"
"Because it would be so much easier to handle. I must be the only girl in my class with natural hair."
"Your hair's beautiful, Alice," Carson said wearily. Alice had hit sixteen and had developed a vain streak. She was always asking him how she looked, and if he thought that she was better looking than almost every girl he saw. It was his fault for having a girlfriend, who was also his best friend.
She was dressed in khaki shorts and a tight t-shirt, her lithe firm body arching towards his. She was unconsciously being seductive and it was taking every inch of will power to keep from jumping on Alice. He closed his eyes.
She had literally turned into a vixen overnight, constantly flirting with him, asking him provocative questions. It was as if she were daring him to do something about it. She was straining all the self-control that his eighteen-year-old body could muster every time she came by and casually posed and pouted her way through a conversation. But he had to face facts—most of the guys in his neighborhood were fathers by eighteen. Most of them had two or three children with different women and sat at the street corner, doing nothing all day.
Going Solo (New Song) Page 4