by L. P. Maxa
He leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on my forehead. “Get some rest, Sweets. I’ll see you tomorrow.” He got up and went to my window, swinging one leg out into the dark night.
I stood, wringing my hands. “Beau, wait.” He was sitting on the ledge when he turned back to face me. I took a step in his direction. “I never stopped loving you either.” I swallowed, closing my eyes for a moment. When I opened them, he was standing right in front of me. He put his hands on my face, bringing his lips down on mine. I took a deep breath, inhaling his scent.
He pulled away too soon, smiling down at me. “Goodnight, Sweets.”
I wasn’t ready to give him my heart, not yet. But tonight had gone a long way in starting to heal the some of the hurt between us.
And being in his arms, feeling his lips against mine made me realize just how much of me he still owned.
Chapter Twenty
Beau
“Hey, you’re late for breakfast, bud.” My sister narrowed her eyes when I sauntered out to the picnic table in our backyard. She’d brought a shit ton of food from our house outside. Fruit, bagels, juice, muffins…it was an impressive spread for two people.
Despite her irritated tone, I couldn’t help but smile. “I’m not late, you’re early.” I never in a million years thought I’d get my girl back. And after last night, I knew I was well on my way. And I couldn’t stop grinning like a fool.
“You want to tell me what put that goofy grin on your handsome little face?”
She knew. I could tell by the now-playful tone of her voice. But I’d indulge her. “Halen.”
“You guys back together?” She cocked her head to the side in slight disbelief.
“We’re working on it.” I didn’t want to jinx anything. I was afraid—terrified, actually—that Halen would suddenly change her mind about us, about everything that had happened last night.
“She took you back a lot faster than I thought she would.” I didn’t bother to correct my sister as she shoveled blueberries in her mouth and then took a large bite of a cream-cheese-topped bagel. Halen hadn’t taken me back, per se. But she’d kissed me, admitted that she still loved me, and that was something. That was a big something.
“Stomach bug gone?” I hadn’t seen her eat this much in a couple days.
“Yeah.” She ate more berries. “I thought it’d take weeks of you groveling at Halen’s feet before she’d even begin to forgive you.”
“Me too.” I plucked a grape out of the fruit salad bowl in front of me. “Turns out all it took was me having an existential crisis at the dinner table.”
She chewed and swallowed. “Yeah, what the hell was that all about? And what’s going on with Evie? I feel way in the dark right now.” She drained her glass of orange juice and picked up a muffin.
“Apparently Evie is losing her shit. She’s failing some classes, washing cars in string bikinis, dating frat guys, getting tattoos, and taking Adderall to keep up with it all.” I nodded at the shock on my sister’s face. “I know. And that’s just Evie. Cash and Crue? Switching places so that no one notices that the male whore twin is no longer male whoring it up.”
“What?” This time she didn’t bother to swallow; she just talked around a mouth full of strawberries.
“Cash is pretending to be Crue and banging chicks left and right. It’s fucked up, and Cash is miserable. But we both know he’d do anything for his brother.” I put my elbows on the table and rested my head in my hands. “Last night, while Uncle Smith was talking, I realized something. Everything that’s fucked around here is because none of us want to disappoint the parents. They think life here is one way, and that we’re all these great, well-adjusted kids. But it’s not, and we aren’t.”
“Are you saying it’s their fault? Because that’s not fair. We choose to lie to them, all of us.”
“No, I’m not saying it’s their fault. What I’m saying is that it’s not surprising that we all fuck up so damn much.” I smiled. “Well, all of us except for you. You’re a freaking surgeon, you’re per—”
My sentence was cut off when my sister leaned over the side of the table and threw up every bit of the breakfast she’d just consumed. I wrinkled my nose and tried really hard not to gag while I waited for her to finish. That would be one really odd and sporadic stomach bug. Eventually she sat up and wiped her hand across her mouth. “Nobody is perfect, bud.”
I nodded, my smile weak. “How far along?”
“Five weeks? Maybe.” She took a sip of water and swished it around her mouth before spitting it on the ground. “I didn’t know until yesterday. I honestly thought I was sick.”
“The new guy?” She’d been weird when she mentioned him at the tank that first night we were back, but the baby couldn’t have been why if she’d just found out.
“Unfortunately, I don’t know.” She sighed and pushed her plate away. My eyes went wide and she nodded. “Yeah. So the breakup with the surgeon and the meeting of the new guy all happened in like a ten-day span. Now, I get to go home and tell the guy I like that either he or the guy I hate, knocked me up.” She pointed at herself. “See? Opposite of perfect right here.”
“You had sex with a guy that you hate? What the hell for?”
She winced. “I only started to hate him after I found him banging this hot new plastics surgeon. I mean, I’d already started to dislike him before he cheated on me, but that really pushed me over the edge.”
“Landry. Fuck.” I reached across the table and took her hand in mine. “What about the new guy?”
“It’s new.” She laughed a little under her breath. “He’s pretty great, but this is a lot to take in at the beginning of a relationship.”
“I’m here for you, okay? Whatever you need, I’m here. I can come help you after the baby is born. I can do birthing classes, I can—”
“Thank you.” She squeezed my hand. “You’re a good man, you know that?”
We sat together in comfortable silence for a few minutes. I kept eating and Landry nibbled on a dry bagel and slowly drank water. Pregnant. My sister was pregnant. Just thinking the word made the memories come flooding back. Halen’s face when she told me about the baby, Halen’s face when she told me we’d lost it. “Hey. You need to be careful when you tell Hales, okay? It’s still so hard on—”
“I know, I’ve already thought about that. I’m going to wait until I see my doctor back home. I was going to maybe invite her out to visit. That way she can cry if she needs to. She can process and hurt and feel whatever she wants to without her parents watching the whole time.”
There we go again, hiding the truth. Always hiding our truths from everyone but each other. I swear I used to think we were special, that we were smart and we were clever. But fuck if I wasn’t sure anymore. “You going to tell mom and dad?”
“When I’m ready.” She shot me an older sister glare, telling me to keep my mouth shut.
I sighed. “Don’t you think that this is part of our problem? We hide everything from the parents, all of us. I’m honestly starting to think that the secrets we keep aren’t healthy.”
“Didn’t seem to bother you when it was your secrets we were keeping. When we were all busting our asses to cover for you and Halen.” She took another small sip of water, watching me over the rim of her glass.
“That’s not fair.”
She raised an eyebrow. “Really? What’s not fair about it? You weren’t ready to tell them. You were scared of their reaction. It’s the same with the rest of us. Me, Cash, Crue, Avory, Evie. We’re all right where you used to be. Afraid to disappoint the people we love, afraid to be less than in any of their eyes.”
“But look what that did, look what happened to me and Hales. If we’d been honest from the beginning, maybe we wouldn’t have spent two years apart. Maybe I’d have never hurt her, hurt myself.” I knew I was right. I knew that all the lies weren’t healthy and they were all going to blow up in our faces one day.
“It doesn’t matte
r, Beau. These aren’t your truths to tell. It’s not your job to save us. It’s not your job to determine what’s right for someone else. I mean, isn’t that what actually went wrong between you and Halen? You thought you knew best, when you didn’t.” She reached out and took my hand in hers, trying to ease the sting. “It’s us against the world, bud. That’s the way they raised us to be.”
“I don’t think they meant kids against the adults, Landry.”
She shrugged. “Well, they should have been more specific.”
“You sound like a child.”
She stood up and towered over me. “And you sound like a self-righteous brat.” She pointed in my face. “It’s not your place to out any of us. If we…if they aren’t ready to come clean, then all you can do is stand beside them and help them make it through. Do you hear me? We’re there for each other, no matter what. Just because you—”
I closed my eyes as Landry leaned over and started puking again. I got up and slowly walked around the table. When she was done, I handed her a napkin that I’d dipped in her cool water glass. “Come on.” I put my arm around her and she rested her head on my shoulder. “How about a movie before we have to head to the memorial?” She nodded and I kissed her forehead. “I’m here, I’m right here, right beside you.”
We went inside and hid in the media room upstairs, making it as dark as possible. We put on some old vampire movie that she said made her happy. I didn’t pay much attention to the awkward couple on the screen, or all the times they almost died. My mind was on everyone else, all my cousins. Halen.
I knew that Landry was partly right. It wasn’t my place to out anyone. It wasn’t my place to tell their truths.
As far as my own?
I needed to talk to the person who shared them with me.
Chapter Twenty-One
Halen
I woke up to the sun shining in through my large window, the curtains still moved back and out of the way from Beau leaving last night. I stretched my arms over my head, smiling despite some of my lingering reservations. I did still love him, and I was glad I’d told him, especially after he’d been so completely honest with me. But I couldn’t deny that I was still scared, still wary when it came to a future with Beau. I also couldn’t deny that I wanted one.
“Hey, sleepy head.” Avory stuck her head inside my door, a huge grin on her face.
I looked over at the clock beside my bed. “It’s only eight-thirty. What are you even doing up?”
She lowered her voice. “Crue just left.” She came in my room and plopped down on my bed. “Can I ask you something?”
I sighed, pulling the covers up under my chin. “Always.”
She lay down next to me, turning on her side. “What happened between you and Beau? I know you dated, I know he left. But why? Was it the parents?” She wore a worried expression.
I bit my lips, trying to decide what I should share with my younger sister. She didn’t know about what we went through two years ago, and a big part of me wanted to keep her in the dark. Keep that pain away from her. But another part of me wanted to be honest. Wanted to warn her about how terribly things could go wrong.
“We were together for almost a year before I got pregnant.” Her eyes went wide at my admission, but she didn’t interrupt. “We were in love. We were planning on moving off the compound and getting our own place. I’d applied to graduate early.” I rested my hand over my stomach under the covers and out of her eyesight. “I had a miscarriage at eleven weeks. Beau left seven days later.”
Her eyes narrowed. “He left you after you lost the baby?”
“He did.” I sent her a sad smile. “He thought he was doing what was best for me. He thought he was too old for me and that I’d live a happier, fuller life without him. That he had dragged me down. Plus, he thought lying to our parents was wrong.”
“But you didn’t live a happier life without him.”
I shook my head. “No, I didn’t. I couldn’t seem to get over him. I couldn’t stop thinking about him. It took me a long time to let go of Beau and what we’d lost.”
“And then he came home.”
“And then he came home.” I rested my hands under my chin. “Seeing him was hard. It brought back a lot of memories I’d wanted to stay buried.”
“Do you still love him?”
“Very much.” I gave her a half smile. “But love is never the problem, is it? Loving someone doesn’t take much thought, much effort. It’s as easy as breathing when it’s the right person. It’s everything else that causes problems. Your family, your expectations, your ego, your sense of right and wrong.”
“I love Crue.”
“I know you do.” And I did. As much as I wanted to write them off as lust-driven teenagers because it would be easier to stomach, I knew she loved him. Crue was wild and free and uninhibited. He wanted her so fiercely, like he could never get his fill. I wasn’t sure why she’d come in here, why she’d asked about Beau and me. I didn’t know what answers she was expecting or what she needed to hear.
She got up and announced, “I’m going to go take a shower.”
And I guess she wasn’t ready to share. “I’m here, Avory. If you ever need to talk or…I’m here.” She nodded as she pulled the door closed. I wanted more for my sister. I wanted her to have a happily ever after without all the sad parts in between. If Crue was her future, then I wished them the best and I’d do anything in my power to help them make it. I picked up my phone from my nightstand. I had a text from Cash.
Cash: You good?
I couldn’t help but smile. He was such a noble guy. He deserved someone as wonderful as him, as kind, as compassionate. I prayed that one day he would find her.
Me: I’m good. Want to meet up early and have a cocktail before the memorial?
Our parents didn’t condone underage drinking on a regular basis. Uncle Smith and Aunt Dilly didn’t condone it ever. But most of us did it anyway, especially when we were together like this.
Cash: Hell yeah. And you better dress accordingly.
I snorted at his response. We’d all known exactly what Uncle Smith had meant last night. We each had a small section in our closets that consisted of dresses and shoes that cost more than most people’s mortgages. None of us wore that stuff often; we were more of a jeans and t-shirt type of family. I got up and headed into my large walk-in closet and went all the way to the back. I pulled out a custom dress made from a vintage Rolling Stones album cover. It was short, hitting the middle of my thighs. I grabbed a pair of black, knee-high Louboutin boots, and a handful of long necklaces from a dish on my dresser. My whole outfit probably cost close to a small car, which was ridiculous considering that the jeans I’d had on yesterday came from Hollister.
Normally, my parents would never let me leave the house in something so short, something so revealing. But this was what the press would want to see and this was the image that we showed when we were out as a family.
And none of us had ever bothered to ask why.
***
Around two that afternoon, the whole crew had started to gather at the pool house. Avory was wearing sky-high black booties with a tiny leather skirt, carrying a vintage Alexander McQueen skull clutch. Crue was at her side, looking the part as well, a scarf hanging out of the back pocket of his black skinny jeans.
Cash came up and handed me a chilled glass of Prosecco as his twin topped off his Coke with some Crown from an engraved silver flask.
The ‘rents wanted rocker-chic wild child? They were getting it today.
Everyone was here except for Beau and Landry. My stomach was in knots at the thought of seeing him again. Last night, we’d said so much. Admitted deeply held feelings to each other. We’d taken a huge step in the direction of reconciling. And I was nervous.
“Holy fuck, Sweets.” I bit my cheek to hide my smile when I heard Beau come up behind me. He put his on hand on my hip and his mouth to my ear as I tried not to shiver. “You look so damn good.”
He licked his lips, staring at my bare thighs. “I’m really regretting last night.” I choked on the sip of wine I’d just taken. What? He must have seen the instant hurt on my face because his eyes got big. “No, Hales. No. Not like that.” He leaned forward again, his hand automatically going back to my hip. “I mean I regret leaving last night. You look so fucking sexy right now. All I want to do is—”
“Okay, everyone, the cars will be here any minute.” My dad spoke loudly, getting the room’s attention and cutting off whatever Beau had been about to say. “We have two limos, so we’ll split up.”
Crue downed the rest of his drink in a way that made it obvious it contained alcohol. “Can we do kids in one and adults in the other?”
My Uncle Luke made a get real face. “Absolutely not.” He held his hand out. “And give me the flask.” Crue rolled his eyes but did what he was told. I was almost positive that Cash had an identical one shoved in the pocket of his black, studded blazer.
Beau spoke quietly next to me. “All I meant was, you look edible. I didn’t mean to scare you. Last night was—”
“Okay, we’ll have the Conner and Matthews families in the first limo, the Cole and James families in the second.” Again, Beau was interrupted by a dad, this time his own. “Once we get downtown, it’s going to be utter chaos. The media is all over this memorial. We’ve gotten a big section of the street blocked off, but long-lens cameras are going to be trained on us entering and exiting the venue.”
“Not to mention the members of the press we’ve allowed to attend.” Uncle Smith spoke up. He pointed in our direction; all the older kids were standing off to one side. “So, please, don’t do anything that your mothers wouldn’t want to see on YouTube.”