“Rin.”
She flinched at hearing the shortened version of her name again. He’d used the nickname for the first time on the night they’d kissed, and now it was nothing but a painful reminder of her idiocy, making her chest feel tight. “Please, don’t.”
“I was a dick.”
When he didn’t say anything more, a hollow laugh burst from her chest and she shook her head. “That’s it?”
“Pretty much,” he said with a heavy sigh.
She lifted her gaze back to his, and could see there was so much more behind those simple words that he wasn’t saying—things he wasn’t willing to give voice to—and there was no way in hell she was going down that road again. If she ever ended up in another relationship, it would have to be with someone who could actually talk to her. She didn’t have the freaking time or patience to have to pick through and decipher every single thing a man said or didn’t say. And, damn it, she shouldn’t have to.
Moving to her feet, she was ready to call it quits on the awkward-as-hell conversation and finally go inside—which was what she should have done in the first place—when he shocked the hell out of her by swiftly saying, “I want another chance.”
“What?” If there’d been a mirror in front of her, Karin was pretty sure she would be able to watch all the blood draining out of her face, while her eyes went wide from the shock.
“Fuck,” he growled, shoving one of his big, masculine hands back through his wet hair in a clear sign of frustration. “I didn’t mean to just blurt it out like that, but you look ready to bolt.”
“I am ready to bolt.” She blinked a few times as she stared into his guarded gaze, unable to believe this was actually happening. “What the hell, Paul? Is this some kind of sick joke?”
He clenched his jaw so hard that she could see the muscle there pulsing beneath his tanned skin, his nostrils flaring as he pulled in a harsh, ragged breath. “I know I fucked up. Badly. But that’s not going to happen again.”
She narrowed her eyes on him, so angry her voice was actually shaking as she said, “Damned straight it’s not. Because I’d have to be fucking crazy to agree to go out with you again. And I am one hundred percent sane, you giant jackass!”
A less confident man would have probably turned tail and run by then, but Paul just sucked in another deep breath and kept his gorgeous blue eyes locked tight with hers. “Just because I screwed up once doesn’t mean that I’ll do it again.”
“You screwed up twice, Paul. First by not having the balls to call me and cancel the date, and then by showing up with another woman before even talking to me. Both actions wreak of you being a self-centered prick.” She pulled in a deep, unsteady breath, then slowly let it out, her voice softer as she said, “No matter how you look at it, you’re not a safe bet.”
He started to argue, but she cut him off. “And before you say anything else, yes, I have to be safe. It’s not just me that I have to think about when it comes to what I do and who I spend my time with. My son is the biggest, most important part of my life.”
He looked genuinely shaken. “Christ. I would never do anything to hurt that little boy.”
“Not intentionally. I believe that. But he doesn’t need another man in his life who just walks away without a backward glance.”
Pain flashed through his shadowed gaze, the creases at the corners of his eyes deepening as he searched her expression. “Fuck, Rin. Is that really what you think of me?”
She shook her head again, her voice roughened by too many raw, painful emotions as she said, “One date, Paul. You walked away before we even had one date.”
His quiet response was thick with regret. “And you’re never going to let me forget it, are you?”
Setting her glass down on the small table that stood between the rattan chairs, she crossed her arms over her chest and looked him right in the eye. “Are you ready to talk to me and tell me what happened?”
Wariness filled his expression. “What do you mean?”
She lifted her chin, determined to say what needed to be said, even though the entire conversation was awkward and painful as hell. God, just being near the guy hurt. “Clearly, there was something that caused you to do a complete one-eighty on me,” she told him, surprised by how calm she sounded. “I deserve to know what it was.”
He opened his mouth, then closed it, the look falling over his face so shuttered, she felt like a door had just been shut on her.
“Yeah,” she whispered, snuffling a soft snort under her breath, “that’s what I thought.”
Without another word, Karin turned and headed back inside, careful not to look at him as she closed the French doors that led onto her balcony and shut her drapes. She locked all the doors, then checked in on Jase, who had been exhausted after his soccer practice and gone to bed early. With that all done, she still desperately needed a distraction, or else she knew she would sit and do an endless post-mortem on everything Paul had said, so she went into her home office and threw herself into work for a few hours, not stopping until she was so tired she could barely keep her eyes open. After a quick shower, she pulled on her favorite pair of pajamas and climbed into bed, the soft glow on her phone screen catching her eye as she leaned over to turn off the light.
When she saw who the messages were from, she bit her lip, tempted to just delete them without even reading what they said. But then her curiosity got the better of her, and Karin tapped on the first message.
Paul: 1) Tonight was the first time I’ve seen you without make-up, and you were fucking gorgeous.
Paul: 2) I know you don’t trust me, but I’m going to change that.
Paul: 3) Because I’m not giving up.
“What the hell?” she whispered to herself, hating that there was a tiny part of her, buried deep inside, that was trembling with excitement over his bold declaration. What in God’s name was wrong with her, that he could still affect her so easily? Where was her stupid backbone?
And how on earth could one man have so much freaking confidence?
And why did she have to find it so damned attractive?
Who in the hell did he think he was?
Setting her phone back down, she buried her head in her pillow, determined to put him out of her churning thoughts. But as she drifted off to sleep, it was Paul Cartwright’s crooked, sexy smile that filled her dreams, his deep, husky voice saying, “I want another chance.”
Over and over and over.
The echo of it still rang in her ears as Karin opened her eyes the following morning, and as she lifted her palms to her face, grinding the heels of her hands against her eyes, all she could think was Shit. I’m so screwed.
Then she lifted one hand high into the air, and flipped that bitch named Fate the bird.
Chapter Four
May
Sitting next to Natalie in front of another one of Chris and Sophie’s roaring bonfires, Karin couldn’t believe she’d actually let her cousin set her up with one of the medical doctors he knew from work. But after three weeks of trying to stay strong in her resolve to ignore Paul Cartwright—which wasn’t easy, seeing as how he’d started regularly texting her, even leaving a few voicemails to his unanswered calls, and kept somehow running into her whenever he was over to hang out with Sean and Natalie, which seemed to be often—she’d finally agreed to go out with Dr. James Cross in the hopes that he might be so awesome, she could stop thinking about a certain sexy detective 24/7.
Unfortunately, her plan didn’t seem to be working. And when Paul had finally shown up an hour ago, alone, he’d looked angry as fuck that she was there with another man. That should have made her feel better, but it didn’t. Instead, she just kept feeling more and more like she’d somehow made a mistake.
Jase was with her parents, who’d been thrilled to have him for the night again, so it’d seemed like the perfect time to finally bite the bullet and agree to the set-up with James. The weather was great, she would have the comfort of being surrounded b
y her friends, and when Sophie had shown her a photo of the doctor, there’d been no denying that he was handsome. Not to mention tall, blond and surprisingly easy-going. She’d enjoyed talking with him while they’d sat around the fire, drinks perched in the sand beside their feet and their dinner plates balanced on their legs while they scarfed down Chris’s amazing fish tacos. Not the most graceful of first-date foods, but James had just laughed when he managed to dribble hot sauce down the front of his white polo shirt, and she’d liked that he wasn’t obsessive about his looks, the way her ex had always been.
As the night wore on, though, James drank more and more, which would have been fine, if she didn’t know he was planning on driving home at the end of the night. She wouldn’t judge that he liked to let loose on a Friday night, but the fact that he was doing it on their first date, no matter how casual it was—and when he was driving—didn’t sit well with her. At all.
“Hey, Karrrinnn,” he said as he walked over to her and Natalie. “You”—he paused to belch behind a fist—“need anything?”
I must be cursed when it comes to men, she thought, cringing at the way he was slurring nearly every word. “Thanks, James, but I’m good.”
He gave her a wide, sloppy-looking smile, his green eyes glazed. “Just give me a shout if you change your mind,” he said, then turned and headed back over to the group of guys he’d been drinking with. Somewhere along the way, he’d obviously decided that it was more fun to drink with his friends from work who had shown up than to hang out with her, and she couldn’t help but wonder if it was because she’d passed on doing shots with him. As she watched him slam back another one, she sighed, knowing she was going to have to ask Chris to help her out. No way in hell was she letting James get behind the wheel and cause an accident, and her cousin and Sophie were so focused on getting everyone fed, she wasn’t sure Chris had even clocked on to what was happening.
“I’m not sure if you’ve noticed,” Natalie murmured in a wry drawl, “but your date seems to have devolved into a Jaeger-for-brains frat boy.”
“Trust me, I noticed.”
“What the hell was Chris thinking?”
She gave a baffled shrug. “I don’t think they’ve ever hung out much outside of work, so he probably didn’t realize just how hard the guy likes to party.”
“Still, as douchey as he’s turned out to be, there was one good thing to come out of the set-up.”
She arched a brow as she looked over at Nat. “What’s that?”
Natalie smirked. “Did you see the look on Paul’s face when he saw James sitting with you?” she asked with a wicked laugh, her dark eyes shining with satisfaction. “I love the guy, but he deserved the metaphorical ‘kick in the balls’ that he got from seeing you with another man.” Nat frowned as she looked back over at James, who had his arm thrown over one of his friend’s shoulders, the two of them drunkenly singing along to the CCR song that was playing on the radio. “It’s just too bad that James has the maturity level of a teenage jock.”
She sighed, wishing she were more disappointed that the date hadn’t worked out. But… God, the sad truth was that she was feeling a huge, frustrating wave of relief at the way the evening had gone. And the reason for that relief was the tall, gorgeous, tattooed cop who was working his way so deeply under her skin, she was starting to think she wouldn’t ever be able to get rid of him.
And, damn it, she was no longer even sure that she wanted to.
She’d have never thought it was possible, after the horrible way that Paul had acted, but the surprising reality of the situation was that his texts were getting to her, each one revealing more of his sometimes wry, often charming, undeniably fascinating personality.
It was crazy to admit it—even in the privacy of her own head—but he was getting to her. Every hot, rugged, mouthwatering inch of him.
And that right there was the main reason she’d agreed to meet James tonight. If ever there was a woman who needed a serious distraction, it was her.
Reaching for her glass of wine, Karin had just started to take a sip when she suddenly shivered with a warm, vibrant wave of awareness that swept all the way down to her sand-covered toes—and she knew, before she even turned her head in his direction, that Paul was finally moving toward her. The hard set of his jaw when she looked his way told her he wasn’t happy, even as his beautiful blue eyes did a hot, appreciative sweep of her chest, the hunger in his gaze making it clear that he loved the silk, bronze-colored blouse she’d paired with dark denim shorts and sandals. She’d curled her hair, letting it fall around her shoulders in soft waves, and had used an amazing new bronze eyeshadow palette on her eyes, while going with a new nude gloss on her lips that Sophie and Natalie had both gushed over.
Her pulse leapt as she did her own visual sweep of his tall body, and she didn’t know how it happened, but the man somehow seemed to get even better looking every goddamn time she saw him. His dark hair was a bit longer these days than he usually wore it, and she could tell there was a bit of curl in the thick locks, which looked great on him. He was dressed in a pair of cargo shorts and a casual white button-down shirt with the sleeves rolled up on his masculine forearms, his feet bare and somehow as sexy as the rest of his incredible body. God, how unfair was it that the guy even had great feet?
“I, um, need a refill,” Natalie murmured, just as Paul reached them, and she shot her friend a dirty look for abandoning her to the wolves. Or a lone wolf, in this case. Of course, Nat missed her scowl, since she was already hurrying away, and Karin resisted the urge to call her back, unable to believe the woman would just bail on her like that.
Then again, Natalie had been bitching about James’s behavior only moments before, so maybe she was going to talk to Sean about dealing with him, saving her the hassle. But even if that were the case, Nat was still in the friendship doghouse for leaving her to talk to Paul on her own. She’d told both Natalie and Sophie about the conversation she’d had with him when he’d walked up to her balcony, and the ensuing text messages, and both women were as confused by his behavior as she was. She could tell they were wary of encouraging her to go for it and give him another chance, but could have sworn they were both secretly rooting for a miracle to take place that resulted in her and Paul somehow finding a way to be together.
“So you haven’t taken any of my calls or had the time to return a single one of my texts,” he said in a low voice, as soon as he came to a stop by her feet, a beer in one hand and the other one shoved in his pocket, his expression tight with frustration as he stared down at her, “but you can waste an entire night with the blond jackass?”
Even though he was right, his words still pissed her off. “Are you seriously going to stand there and lecture me about returning texts?”
Disbelief creased his brow. “Are you seriously going to tell me you’re enjoying spending time with that drunken asshole?” he demanded with an irritating snort.
“I’m not going to tell you anything,” she replied, experiencing her own wave of disbelief. “Believe it or not, I have no desire for us to discuss our dating lives with each other.”
His confusion was immediately replaced by an unmistakable look of frustration. “Since you keep refusing to give me a second chance, I don’t have a fucking dating life,” he ground out. “And you know damn well that you could do better than him. That prick is bad news.”
She blinked, unable to believe what she was hearing. “I can’t freaking believe that you of all people are going to stand there and badmouth my date!” she snapped, glaring up at him. “You’re pushing your luck, detective. And don’t forget that I saw what kind of women you’re interested in first-hand, so you don’t have the right to judge anyone. That blonde was practically eating your face off in front of a group of strangers and you had your hand down her pants!”
Color flared across the top of his cheekbones. “On her ass. Not her—”
“Don’t,” she all but growled, cutting him off as she surged to
her feet. “I don’t… God, it doesn’t even matter.”
Voice soft, but gruff, he gently grabbed her arm as she tried to storm past him, saying, “I know it looked bad, but I… I didn’t fuck her, Rin.”
Eyes wide with shock, she gave a bitter laugh. “You announced to everyone at the bonfire that night—including me—that you planned on going down on her to make up for the shitty reception you both got.”
To his credit, he looked more than a little disgusted with himself, but he stood his ground. “I didn’t mean it,” he said in a low voice. “And I swear to God, I didn’t do a damn thing with her after we left. Hell, the only time I kissed her was while we were here.”
Understanding hit her like a kick to the chest, her breath catching as she tried to wrap her head around the mountain of implications in that quiet confession. “So then it was all for my benefit?” she said sadly. Searching his dark eyes, she asked, “Do you have any idea how much of an asshole that makes you?”
He flinched at her husky question, then hardened his jaw. “For the hundredth time, Rin, I’m sorry. It was a fucking mistake.”
She shook her head in amazement as she stared back at him. “And that’s supposed to make it okay?”
His nostrils flared as he pulled in a deep breath. “Like I told you before, and repeatedly over text, I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
“Like hell you didn’t,” she quietly argued, still searching his guarded, beautiful gaze for the truth. Softly, she said, “I’m starting to think that entire night was for the sole purpose of hurting me.”
He turned his head to the side, but not before she caught the flash of something in his eyes that made her feel like she’d definitely struck a nerve. One that was raw and exposed. But before she could push her advantage, her phone started vibrating in her pocket.
Pushing His Luck (Surf, Sun & Sex Book 3) Page 4