And while he knew that Sean and Natalie suspected it was the fact that Karin had a kid that had scared him off, they were only partially right. It wasn’t that she was a mom that had been the problem—it was knowing that she needed someone worthy in her and her son’s lives, which had made his shortcomings even more obvious. Because while it would have been bad enough to disappoint Karin, disappointing both her and Jase… Christ, the idea of that ever happening still terrified him.
But going through life without them? Fuck no. That wasn’t something he was willing to do.
Which means I have a hell of a lot of shit to figure out, he silently muttered, taking a sip of the cold beer Sean had just handed him. Natalie had a paper to write for one of her business courses, so he and his brother had come out onto their balcony after the two of them had finished cleaning up from dinner, their forearms braced on the wrought-iron railing as they watched the storm move out over the Pacific.
From the corner of his eye, he noticed Sean nervously peeling at the label on his bottle, and it suddenly occurred to him that his brother had been acting a bit antsy all night. He’d just been too wrapped up in his own head to realize it until that moment.
Turning to face him with his elbow braced on the railing, he said, “Jesus, dude, what’s got you so on edge?”
“Nothing,” Sean muttered, still messing with the label.
“Don’t pull that crap,” Paul drawled with a quiet snort. “I’ve been able to see right through your bullshit since you were five and tried to play it like you weren’t the one who broke my Nintendo. So spill.”
Sean pulled in a deep breath, then slowly let it out as he said, “Yeah, shit, okay.” Another deep breath, and then he looked at Paul, his lips twitching into a nervous smile as he blurted, “I’m, um, going to pop the question to Nat on Friday.”
“No shit?” he croaked, his voice hoarse from surprise. “That’s… It’s fucking awesome, man!”
Sean’s shoulders shook with a husky laugh. “I know. I just… Fuck, Paul, I hope she says yes.”
He fought the urge to roll his eyes at the idiot. “Christ, man, have you seen the way she looks at you? She’s probably going to say yes before you even get to the end of the proposal.”
Sean grinned like someone who’d just been handed a million dollars. “You think?”
“I don’t think, dude. I know.”
“God, I hope so.” His brother’s blue gaze cut toward the French doors that opened onto his and Natalie’s condo, focusing on the closed door to the home office that he shared with her. “She’s… She’s fucking amazing,” he husked, his low voice rough with emotion.
Reaching over and gripping Sean’s shoulder, he said, “I’m happy for you, little brother. You deserve this.”
“Thanks, man.”
They both took long pulls off their beers, before turning their attention back to the storm. As thunder rumbled out in the distance, Paul was surprised that the smile stayed on his lips, but then, he was genuinely stoked for his brother. And he couldn’t help but be amazed by—and proud of—Sean’s bravery. After the shitshow that was Sean’s first marriage, there’d been a time when Paul had doubted his brother would ever be able to trust a woman enough again to get serious with her, much less marry her. But anyone who saw the guy with Natalie Richards would have to be blind not to see how fucking crazy they were for each other. And they were good for each other, too.
A little boy’s laughter drew his gaze down to the beach, and his breath seized up in his chest when he caught sight of Karin and Jase holding hands as they walked through the sea foam rolling up onto the sand with the crashing waves. They were dressed in jeans that had the cuffs rolled up and white T-shirts, looking like something out of an advertisement for California living. Looking like…like his goddamn future, if he could just figure out how to earn it. How to deserve it. How to deserve them—and as a searing, white-hot burst of emotion scorched its way through his chest, he suddenly realized why Karin Riley had become the fucking center of his universe. Why she was the first thing that he thought of when he opened his eyes in the morning, and the last thing to fill his mind before he fell asleep. Why he wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of his life doing everything he could to make her happy.
He loved her.
He was completely, thoroughly, crazy-about-her-until-the-day-he-died in love with her.
Which meant he needed to get his fucking shit together, once and for all, and hopefully find some way to make her love him too.
And, God, there was really no fucking question about what he needed to do, since she’d been right to call him out on his bullshit. What was he even waiting for? He needed to make a grand gesture. Show her he was for real. That he’d heard her…and was willing to do what needed to be done, because he knew for damn sure that she would do the same for the man she loved.
All of which meant that it was time to grow some fucking balls and make the call.
“What’s that?” Sean asked, when Paul pulled out the business card he’d tucked into his back pocket after going home when he was done at work and changing clothes.
Holding the card between two fingers, he took another drink of his beer and then somehow managed to pull his hungry gaze away from Karin as he slid his brother a crooked smile. “It’s the number of a therapist that Michael gave me.”
To his surprise, the guy didn’t even bat a lash. “Yeah? You thinking of calling?”
“I am,” he replied with a firm nod.
Sean smiled. “Good for you, man. You know I’m always here for you to talk to, but a professional can really help. Hell, I saw one for months after the divorce.”
His brow creased with surprise. “You never told me that.”
Sean’s shoulders shook with a husky laugh. “You never asked, jackass.”
“And it helped?” he rasped, while his heart started hammering with a hard, heavy beat that had a hell of a lot more to do with anticipation than fear, the feeling that he was finally on the right path so strong he could taste it.
“Fuck yeah,” Sean told him, shaking his head a little. “I went in wary, but I’m glad as fuck that I did it. If I hadn’t, I might still be carrying all that emotional baggage around with me…and might have missed out on Nat when she came into my life. And that, brother, scares the ever-loving shit out of me.”
“But you’ve got her.”
“I do,” Sean said, grinning like the lucky bastard that he was. “And I can’t wait to put a motherfucking ring on it.”
He laughed, happy as hell for his brother, and then suddenly turned and set his near-empty beer bottle down on the little table that sat between two outdoor chairs. “I’m sorry, man, but I gotta go,” he said in a rush, tucking Dr. Ross’s card back into his pocket. “But thanks for dinner and the beer.”
“Anytime, bro. And just so you know, you’re a lucky bastard too.”
“How do you figure?” he asked as he stopped at the French doors to look back over his shoulder.
“Because you’ve found that one incredible, mind-blowing, all-important thing that you want,” Sean told him, jerking his head toward the beach, where Karin and Jase were still playing in the surf. “Now you just have to lock that shit down.”
Throat tight with emotion, he said, “I’m working on it.”
“And I’ll be wishing you luck the entire time,” Sean said, and Paul had no doubt that his brother meant every word.
“Thanks, man,” he husked, his heart pounding so hard he could hear his pulse roaring in his ears. “God knows I’m going to need it.”
Chapter Eight
Three Weeks Later…
If she’d ever had more butterflies in her belly than she did in that moment, Karin figured she must have blocked the momentous occasion from her memory. As she walked down to the beach to join her friends for another one of Chris and Sophie’s now infamous bonfire BBQs, she honestly couldn’t remember ever having been so nervous.
For the first t
ime since she’d closed the door in Paul’s handsome face, she was going to see him face-to-face, and not from a distance.
She knew he’d purposefully stayed away from the complex for the past few weeks. At first because he was mulling over what to do about her refusal to move things forward with him…and then, after he’d left her the flowers and note, because he’d deliberately stayed away while he started meeting with the therapist his partner had recommended to him.
The flowers and note. Oh man, she still got chills whenever she thought about how romantic it had been. On the Tuesday morning after Paul had driven her to the hospital, and she’d spent the entire weekend texting with him, Karin had woken up to a message from Sophie telling her to open her front door because Chris had seen that something had been left for her on her doorstep, when he went out for his early-morning run. Wondering what was going on, Karin had opened her door and nearly fallen back on her ass in surprise.
There hadn’t been a bouquet of flowers—there’d been twelve of them. A dozen freaking massive arrangements, with almost every type of flower and color she’d ever seen, and she’d already been doing a strange combination of laughing and crying as she’d knelt down to pick up the white envelope nestled in the green leaves of the central arrangement, her nickname written across the paper in a bold, masculine script. With trembling fingers, she’d opened the envelope and found a handwritten card inside that read:
Wait for me, Rin. It might not be fair, but I’m asking anyway. I’m going to sort my shit out, so please, baby, fucking wait for me.
Love, Paul
That’s when she’d really started laughing and crying, completely charmed by the beautiful jerk. And while his behavior in March had most definitely been of the massive-douche kind, she would have been lying if she said she wasn’t falling for him even harder now than she’d been before.
Yeah, he’d made a mistake. A few of them, actually. But he hadn’t been thinking straight at the time, and she truly believed that he was sorry for what he’d done. And while she would never forgive him for doing something like that again, she couldn’t help but feel that this time—that this guy—deserved a second chance.
In truth, though, she’d already started softening toward him before the flowers and note had even arrived. After she’d literally shut her front door in his face that Friday night, she honestly hadn’t been sure if she would ever hear from him again. But he’d texted her early the next morning, wanting to check in on her and Jase, and her heart had freaking melted at the fact that he was worrying about her son, asking about him when his own father hadn’t even bothered to do so. She’d written him back with an update, telling him that Jase was feeling good, snuggled up on the sofa watching one of his favorite TV shows, and from there they’d fallen into an easy, ongoing conversation that had never quite managed to stop.
And while he hadn’t actually visited her or his brother’s condos since that Tuesday morning, he was surfing again with both Sean and Chris. Her cousin confessed to her that Paul had tracked him down for lunch on the Tuesday after Jase’s fall—the same day he’d left her the flowers and note—and had “laid it all out on the line.” She wasn’t exactly sure what that had entailed, though she suspected it’d involved some explaining about what had happened with Jenna, how he’d handled it, and a hefty promise that he wouldn’t ever pull that kind of crap again. Chris had admitted that Paul’s apology seemed genuine, but had wanted to make sure it wouldn’t make her uncomfortable if he hung out with him. God, she really did love the dude like a brother, and knew she was lucky as hell to have Chris in her family and her life.
After that, the three guys had started surfing together again nearly every evening, and more often than not, Chris would come up to get Jase when they were done, and then they would all play soccer down on the beach with her son, while Max, Chris’s adorable black Labrador, ran around in the surf. It had just about fucking killed her the first time she’d stood on her balcony and watched Paul playing soccer with Jase—something that Ben had never done, and would undoubtedly never do. And the more time that Paul spent with Jase, Chris and Sean in the evenings, having a kick around in the sand, the more her little boy talked about him. He loved that Paul was a surfer and a cop, which made him a hero in her son’s eyes. And Paul actually paid attention to him, listening to what he said and making an effort to get to know him, which made Jase like him even more.
And as for Jase’s mom… Well, she was starting to realize that she actually more than liked him, which was as terrifying as it was exciting. Especially since she still wasn’t sure exactly how deep his feelings for her went.
Paul had texted her that morning to let her know that he was going to be at the bonfire that night—adding that he couldn’t wait to see her—and in light of the occasion, she’d taken extra care with her appearance, curling her hair and wearing a new silky, bronze sundress, since Paul had seemed to be a big fan of the similar-colored top she’d worn the night he’d driven her to the hospital. She’d also made arrangements with her parents to watch Jase for the night—not that she was planning on jumping the sexy detective’s bones or anything. But…that also didn’t mean she was going to pass up the opportunity if it presented itself.
And that thought really got the butterflies going in her belly.
It was a beautiful summer evening, with a gentle breeze and the smell of Chris’s BBQ already filling the air, and she couldn’t stop a smile from curving her lips as she stepped out onto the warm sand. And, yeah, the smile got even bigger when she saw that Paul was already there, his tall body standing by the grill that Chris had brought down, talking with her cousin while Chris basted what had to be nearly two dozen ribs. Paul was dressed in a casual gray button-down, with the cuffs rolled up on his tanned forearms, and cargo shorts, his dark hair windblown and still in need of a trim. His profile was so rugged and masculine, she had to fight the impulse to run across the sand and launch herself into his powerful arms, kissing her way up the side of his strong, corded throat, until she was once again lost in the delicious heat and taste of his mouth.
As if he could feel the weight of her hungry stare—of her bone-melting need—Paul suddenly glanced her way, his body seeming to jolt a little when he caught sight of her, the heat in his gaze making her feel a bit lightheaded as he looked her over, from the top of her head down to her bare toes that were digging into the sand.
He walked away from Chris without so much as a word, and she smirked at the sound of Chris’s loud chuckle when he looked over his shoulder and figured out why Paul had suddenly bailed on him.
Shooting her laughing cousin the bird over his shoulder, while he kept running his warm, appreciative stare over every tingling inch of her, Paul huskily said, “You look fucking gorgeous, Rin.”
Her lips twitched with a smile as she responded with a soft, “So do you.”
“We have about twenty minutes before the food is ready,” he rasped, his deep voice sounding even rougher than usual as he lifted his molten gaze—from where it had settled on her braless breasts—back to hers. “Walk with me?”
“I’d love to,” she said so enthusiastically, it brought a smile to his handsome face.
The second he took hold of her hand, giving it a little squeeze, she could literally feel the excitement—the heady anticipation—coursing through her veins. They headed toward the surf, then set off north, the crashing of the waves providing a soothing backdrop to the frenzied rushing of her pulse in her ears.
They’d been walking for less than a minute, when Paul’s deep voice broke the charged silence. “I’ve been too chickenshit to ask over text, but are you seeing anyone?”
She shook her head. “Of course not. You…asked me not to.”
“Good,” he breathed out with a heavy sigh of relief, his hand tightening around hers.
“Um, how about you?”
He shot her a sharp look, dark brows knitting over his intense blue eyes. “Are you serious?”
She
gave a nearly imperceptible nod, her breath held tight in her chest as she waited for him to answer the question.
“No, baby, I’m not seeing anyone.” Her instant relief must have been easy to read, because his lips curved with one of those crooked grins that always looked so freaking sexy on him…never failing to make her pulse race, and he shook his head as he said, “Hell, I don’t even notice other women anymore.”
She probably would have rolled her eyes if any other man had ever said those words to her, but hearing them fall from Paul Cartwright’s rugged, beautiful lips… Call her crazy, but she definitely believed them. Believed him. Because if their continual text conversations had taught her anything the past few weeks, it was how fiercely he wanted to be open and honest with her.
“Good,” she said softly, and his lips twitched at the way she’d just given his earlier response right back to him.
Pulling in a deep breath for courage, since she was about to ask him the all-important question, she said, “So now that we’ve established that we’re both still single, where do we go from here?”
“I know what I want, but I…” He paused, turning to face her as he pulled her to a stop in the sand, his big hands settling on her waist as he stared down into her wide eyes. “I’ve been trying not to come across as a pushy bastard, which hasn’t been easy, seeing as how I want to push you right into a serious relationship with me. You just need to tell me what you’re ready for, Rin.”
She pulled in another deep breath and licked her lips—loving the way his gaze went even hotter as he followed the movement of her tongue—so many words and thoughts jumbling together in her head, she knew she needed a moment to sort them out so that she could say them the right way. But before she could murmur a single one of them, he said, “You can ask me about it, you know. The therapy.”
Pushing His Luck (Surf, Sun & Sex Book 3) Page 9