“That's because I'm reading very carefully.” I turned the page slowly—even though I wasn't done reading it.
Her eyes lit up as she giggled. “What's your book about?”
“Bees.”
Her face twisted adorably. “Bees!?”
“I'm interested in animal interaction.”
Her face softened. “Oh.”
The silence was becoming awkward, and finally I shut my book and set it aside. “Need any help with the puzzle?”
Her face reddened. “No.”
I quirked a brow and held out my hand for the book. “Let me see.”
“No!” She hugged it to her chest.
“Come on. Hand it over!” I grinned and made a swipe for it.
She held it over her head. “You can see it when I'm done!”
I made a mad grab and got it. “You haven't filled anything out!” I exclaimed.
“Well! Those are hard!” She crossed her arms over her chest.
“A likely story.” I set the book down on the vanity. “Why don't we talk?”
“Okay.” She leaned her temple against the wall.
Her mouth formed the most kissable looking pout I'd ever seen. A lesser man would have pounced on her. I was worried about where I stood on the honor scale at that moment, because the sexual gravity was strong.
“Why do you come here?” I asked. “You obviously hate it. You obviously have no interest in sleeping around. Why do you do it?”
She averted her eyes and picked at her fingernails, which were perfectly manicured. “I told you before, I'm following orders.”
“You live the lifestyle, huh? Twenty-four hours a day?”
“Is there an alternative?”
I was shocked by the question. “Not all couples engage in D/s relationships constantly. Many do sessions and then take breaks. Outside the bedroom, they're equals. They have a relationship of equality with role-playing being a side-activity.”
She shook her head. “That's definitely not us.”
“To each his own, I suppose.” I sat back in my chair. “And you're okay with it? How do you feel about it?”
“How do I feel?” She laid her head back. “Hm. He's never asked me how I felt.”
“What?”
“He's just Jack. And I'm just … me. We're in each other's lives and … this is how it is.” She shrugged. “I love him, so I do what he says.”
“Even if it hurts you to do it? Even when he sends you to men you barely know, so that he can be with someone else?” I immediately wished I could take those words back, but they were already out.
She hugged her knees close to her chest. “If he's happy, it's worth it.”
“What about your happiness?” I argued. “Doesn't that matter?”
“I'm happy if he's happy.”
“That's ridiculous. Those are the words of a woman who's given up, not one with a healthy sense of self-worth.” I was incensed by how this asshole had brainwashed her. “He's walking all over you and treating you like garbage. It's one thing to be in a 24/7 dom-sub relationship, but those are founded on respect and trust. Don't you see what he's done to you? Aren't you pissed off?”
She buried her face in her knees. “Please stop.”
I clenched my fists. “I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have said anything. It's just … I can't believe he's done this to such a wonderful woman.”
“Wonderful? You don't even know me.” Her voice was muffled by the skin and clothing between us.
“I know you better than you think. You're caring, sweet, considerate, and yes, obedient. But you're more than that. I can see the person inside that husk, behind the mask. She's peeking out and she wants so much more. She wants to get out of this. She wants better.”
“Yeah, well she has a daughter,” she bit out. “She can't get away. She has to listen to her Master. She … can't exist.” When her eyes met mine, tears spilled from them. “Can't you see he owns me? Who I am here and who I am outside of this place are different. What I want here and what I want when I leave are different.”
“What do you want?”
“I just want to be loved.” A look of surprise and shock replaced her melancholic expression. “I want to be loved,” she repeated softly. “That's all I've ever wanted.”
I couldn't hold back anymore, and yet I was still cautious as I moved to sit in front of her on the bed. “I know I'm not the one you want, but I'm here. Now. I can't offer … much.” I sighed. “This isn't coming out right.”
“I can't.” She wiped her face on her arm. “I can't have any of that. I'll lose her. I'll lose Katherine. My little girl.” The last sentence came out quiet like a secret prayer.
I sighed and reached for her hand. She rested it in my palm, and I felt her pulse racing. “I told you before that you're free when you're in this room.” I smoothed my thumb over her knuckles. “That won't ever change.” I brought my hand up to her face. “I'm sorry I can't give you more.”
“I can't afford more.”
I dragged a soothing fingertip over her cheek. “I want you, Emily. I'm not sure when it started or why it's here, but I do. I can't keep lying. I can't watch you get torn up every time he walks away with Chastity.” She sniffed loudly at the mention of him deserting her, but it was the undeniable truth. “I can't stand sitting in this room with you and pretending I don't want to make love to you. I can't anymore.” My hand drifted to the back of her neck, where her hair fell over my skin in soft silky strands. “If you don't want me to, then you need to tell me to go. Right now.”
Her knees dropped away from her chest. For a split second, I thought she would push me off the bed, get up and storm out. Instead, without confirming or denying my request, she answered with a chaste kiss.
“Don't leave me alone,” she whispered. “Stay with me.”
Once I took her in my arms, everything changed between us. This time she was sober. We chose this. Last time it'd been sexually exciting, but this touched me on a much deeper level. I was suddenly at a loss as to what to do, as if this were my first time with a woman. It was disarming and arousing all at the same time. There was uncertainty in her eyes, and I went still. “Are you afraid?”
“Terrified.”
“Of what?”
“Falling in love.”
I couldn't go another second without kissing those lips again. I hungered for them. I'd craved them, more than I cared to admit. I held her tight as we got lost in each other. Each time her head turned, her teeth scraped my lips. The sensation rocked me to my core.
I'd never waited so long to be with a woman, but she was worth it. Every flick of her tongue, every time she gripped me and guided me, it sent pure electricity through my body.
I ran my hands over that body, that gorgeous temple where her sweet soul resided. I wanted to love her from the inside out, not just the ignored exterior.
Though it hurt to do so, I broke our kiss. Her lips were swollen and pink in the aftermath.
I wanted to see the rest of her with an impatience that was foreign to me. I pulled the straps of her dress off her shoulders, tugging insistently until her chest was bared. Her nipples puckered in the cool air. I was so glad the lights were on. I wanted to drink in the sight of her, that gorgeous, tortured beauty who was so deserving of worship.
I'd show her what love was, if it was the last thing I ever did.
I eased her back on the pillows. I smiled down at her as the scent of her perfume, floral with a hint of musk, floated up to greet me.
“Don't look at me like that,” she begged.
“I can't help it.” I ran a hand over the front of her throat, over her décolletage to the apples of her breasts. I rubbed the pad of my thumb over her rosy areolas. Her eyes floated closed as she let out a delicate sigh. “You don't realize how beautiful you are, do you?” I bent my head and settled my mouth over her heart. “How can you expect me to look at you any other way?”
I leisurely kissed a trail to her nip
ples and savored each in turn. The taste of her skin was fresh, as if she'd never been touched by anyone else. Her responses were surprising, too, as if nobody had ever made love to her before.
Had it always been sex with that barbarian? Had he never treasured her, cherished her, spent hours pleasing her and gaining satisfaction from doing so? What a fucking moron.
As soon as I'd finished worshiping her upper half, I reluctantly sat up. She was flushed pink, deliciously apprehensive as to what my next move would be.
I spent a few minutes enjoying the feel of her beneath me. This exploration ended with the search for her dress' zipper. I found it at her side. Carefully, I slid it down to her hip and eased the rest of the garment away.
If the dress could make a priest renounce his vows, her body was enough to make him sin. Easy decision.
There wasn't an inch of her I didn't want to touch, not a single hair I didn't want to make stand on end.
I took the liberty of removing my own clothes, to a point. It wasn't long before I was obeying my desire to touch her again. I'd only managed to discard my shirt and unbutton my pants. I was distracted by the features available to me. The trimmed patch of curls that crowned her pussy were soft to the touch. She was markedly quiet. My theory was that asshole preferred her this way.
To test the idea, I traced a finger down the glistening skin between her legs.
She shut her mouth and moaned, more or less confirming what I'd guessed.
“You don't have to hold back, Emily. I need to know what I'm doing feels good.”
I didn't give her the opportunity to answer. Instead, I silently demanded a reaction by sliding two fingers down around her clit.
She inhaled sharply and her hips lifted.
I began to massage, not satisfied with the muted sounds. I wanted her so invested in her own pleasure that censoring her screams didn't even occur to her.
There was no question she deserved a good orgasm. I was determined to give her that, and spent a good ten minutes warming her up and trying to make her forget the man who'd taught her she wasn't worthy. I wanted to erase every evil, shitty thing he'd ever done to her. I wanted her to feel.
Patiently, I waited for the change, and finally I saw the care melt from her face. The whimpers turned into moans, then into panting and crying out. At the peak of her ecstasy, she lost herself in riding the waves. Her muscles tensed, locked, and then went slack. I could see the blood rush from the top of her head down to her feet and back.
I slowed to a stop. She was throbbing and slick. When her legs spread ever-so-slightly, it was a tempting invitation.
The final straw was seeing her face in the wake of the orgasm. Her eyes fluttered open and she looked at me. Her lips spread into a smile, genuine and small, but pronounced enough to showcase the dimples in her cheeks.
I struggled with and nearly fell out of my pants. In my frustration, I almost decided to do the deed with them on. Luckily for us both, I managed to get free.
After regrouping, I saw that her gaze had shifted to my crotch. I hadn't noticed just how hard I'd become watching her get off. I'd trained myself, over the years, to keep my reactions at bay. This time, with her, I didn't feel trapped by promises not to love. I was promising just the opposite. I would always look at her like this. As long as she let me, I'd always touch her like this. I'd make sure that as long as she was with me, she always felt loved.
We breathed deep together and I shut my eyes as I savored the moment the gap between our bodies closed.
Mingled with my disbelief at how tight she was, was a strange, new feeling of wholeness. We fit together perfectly.
I supposed there were many ways one could feel complete: emotionally, physically, mentally. But I never thought it was possible to experience all three at once.
Holding onto the wave of euphoria, I picked up my pace. Her moans soaked into my being. I couldn't seem to get enough of her. Everything, from her smell to her touch to the sound of her voice, surrounded me and filtered through me.
I held her against me as I loved her. The full-body contact worked up every nerve. I cradled her upper body in my arms and listened to the music of her ecstasy as it crescendoed.
She was so damned beautiful. This was so beautiful.
I'd never experienced being inside of her during an orgasm, so when she spasmed hard around me, I wasn't ready for it. My body seemed to react without my permission. I spent myself inside of her and was utterly drained by the time my own orgasm was complete.
Out of breath and dizzy, I attempted to steady myself. “I'm sorry,” I said in between deep breaths.
I expected to see a look of disappointment on her face when I opened my eyes.
Instead, she appeared disheveled, flushed and worn out. Her curls had been crushed into the pillows and matted around her moist forehead. I pushed up and onto my knees.
“Are you okay?” I asked.
She nodded in response.
I reached down to brush a lock of hair from her face. Her flushed cheeks turned a deeper shade of scarlet, and she gave me a small smile.
I smiled right back. “I'll get us some water.” Before I left the bed, I covered her with the comforter.
The lounge was beginning to empty. It was getting late, so it made sense that most of the patrons had departed for the back rooms or hotels, or had gone home.
I walked up to the bar. “Water, please, Rock.”
Rock narrowed his eyes at me in suspicion. “What did you do?”
“Do?” I chuckled nervously. “Nothing.”
His expression turned incredulous. “I've never seen you looking like this before.”
“How do I look, exactly?” I stopped to consider what had just taken place between Emily and I. My knees were still shaking.
“Like you've done something very bad … or risky.” He pulled two tumblers down from the shelf above his head.
“It wasn't … risky.” I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair. Had I done something risky? Had I put myself on the line too quickly? “At least I don't think it was.”
“Uh huh. Okay.” Rock grinned as he poured two glasses of water on the rocks, then sliced lemons, limes and cherries and added them to the mix. He gave each cup a stir, then slid them both toward me. “Tell her I said hi.”
I shook my head, a grin on my face. He was older than me and could read me well. In short, he knew exactly what had happened, and no amount of lying could convince him otherwise.
When I got back to the dressing room, Emily's eyes were closed and her smile had softened. Her eyes were closed. It was amazing to me that a woman could be so beautiful in the aftermath of lovemaking. Maybe I'd just never paid much attention to my past partners' moods before.
“Sit up and have a drink with me,” I said, taking my seat at her side.
She carefully rose and propped herself up on the pillows. I handed her a glass and watched as she drank half of it in one shot. “Thanks.”
“No problem. I hope you're … okay. I didn't hurt you, did I?” The citrus-laced water cooled and refreshed me.
She sighed. “Hurt me? God no.” She shook her head and tipped her heart-shaped face in my direction. “It was wonderful.”
“Sorry about the end. I didn't expect … ” I cut myself short, not wanting to recount the event. “Anyway, you looked a little frazzled at the end.”
“Drake, it's okay.” She giggled. “It's just … never been like that before.” Her hand crept over the comforter and laced her fingers with mine.
I never realized just how badly I'd ached for our joining. I'd wanted to hold her, and love her. I'd wanted to make love to her all along, from the moment she'd told me how neglected she was. Discovering Doe was her husband had only intensified my desire for her. And now it had finally being satisfied.
She squeezed my hand, and I had to think hard about my previous thought about being satisfied.
I studied her face as she finished her drink. The covers had fallen into her lap. H
er chest was exposed. It hadn't been an hour since my tongue had slid over those pretty pink nipples, yet I already missed the taste of her.
My lungs ached, and I realized I'd forgotten to breathe. Would she always have that effect on me?
Was there even going to be an always?
(Jack)
The door closed behind Lily. She'd left wobbly-kneed and satisfied. I was completely drained. Two women in one night. It hadn't been my first rodeo, but boy had these women put up a fight.
Chastity rolled over after putting her third cigarette out. I folded her into my arms. “Good?” I asked her.
“Mm hm.” She snuggled against my side. The tip of her nose tucked against my pectoral muscles. Her blood was still pumping fast through her veins. “You?”
“I'm always fine.” I rubbed her arm idly as we basked in the afterglow of our wild sex.
“Not always.” I gave her a squeeze. “I don't want to hurt you.”
“That's only because Drake won't let you come back.”
Is it? I thought.
She strung an arm over my stomach. “You'd better go. Your wife is probably drunk again.”
“I don't want to go.” I shut my eyes and pretended I didn't have to.
Chastity laughed darkly. “Poor baby.”
I sighed in frustration. “I guess I'll have to.” Getting up wasn't easy. A mixture of laziness and exhaustion made the process slow. I sat up and rubbed my eyes.
“When will I see you again?”
“Uh. Let's see.” I mentally flipped through my planner. “Ugh. I'm almost completely booked up until next week. Wait, you work for the bakery right?”
“Yeah. What about it?”
“Aren't you going to be at the retreat?”
“I was going to stay behind and manage the store.”
“Don't.” I grinned. “Come up instead. We can spend the whole weekend together.”
“Won't your business partners wonder where you are the whole time?”
I laughed. “I'm sure I can make some time for them.”
She tsked. “I don't know if I can. The store needs me.”
I eased down on top of her, my body sexually awake for her again. Smiling, I gazed into her eyes. “You'll be there.”
Traded for Love Page 24