by Aneta Quinn
My hands are all over the place trying to touch every part of him, holding on to him like a life line. Wrapped around his neck then sliding down across the firm expanse of his back. I try to reach for the bottom of his sweater to pull it up, but his hand moves away from my breast and stop my hand from going further. He pins my hand up above my head and drops his hold on me to grab my other hand.
I slide down his body slowly, feeling every delicious part of him along the way, and my feet finally touch the soft carpet. I realise that we’re in my bedroom with the door wide open, and I can’t figure out what it is about him that pulls me in so much, what is it that I’m drawn to like a moth to a flame.
He presses himself closer against me, making me feel how hard he is as he groans a little against the skin on my neck, his face just inches from mine. I can feel his heavy breaths against my neck, which instantly sends a chill down my spine.
“Let me touch you” I say softly, my hands still in his firm grasp above my head. I twist my hands, but his grip tightens around my wrists.
“Let me in” he replies in answer, leaving me momentarily confused and quiet as he presses soft kisses along the base of my neck.
“Let you in where, Carter?”
He doesn’t answer verbally, but instead runs his free hand along my side and then taps my temple lightly with his finger, then slides it lower and taps the spot directly over my heart.
Oh. I close my eyes briefly and shake my head. I never pictured him as the guy to want more from a girl, I would’ve imagined someone like him to fuck, leave, and never call again. I guess I’ve been really bad at judging someone.
He loosens his grip and slides his hand down my arm, then softly presses his forehead against mine. We stand like that for a moment, before he leans down and presses his lips to mine in a soft sweet kiss once, twice, and then he steps away from me.
I’m standing there half panting, wanting him all over me, and the other half wanting to push him out of my room and out of my house, to save both of us the stupid heartbreak that always accompanies any kind of relationship. Okay it’s more like seventy – thirty, but either way I do nothing but watch as he adjusts himself in his jeans, gives me a soft smile, and then walks out of my room.
Chapter 9
Carter
I don’t know how to explain to anyone the way I’m acting right now other than I want her, no…need her to want to let me in. To open up to me and tell me shit that I’m pretty sure I’ve already figured out. I need her to trust me, to know deep down I’m not going to hurt her like it seems she’s thinking.
Whatever the fuck Mikhalov has done in the past to her has clearly messed with her fucking ability to trust people, to let them in and love her. I mean, I’m not saying I love her, which would be insane considering how short of a time I’ve known her. What I am saying, is that she’s so closed off to feeling anything other than hatred that she doesn’t even expect a little bit of sweetness from a guy, even if we are just according to her, ‘fucking’.
I may be an asshole to other chicks, but there’s something about Kayla that has me wanting to try this whole hearts and flowers kind of bullshit she so desperately wants to avoid. I can’t figure out whether it’s because she seems to love any kind of defiance, or whether it’s because there actually is a decent guy in me that I never realised I could be - a decent kind of human being.
I head outside and tell her I’m just going out for a smoke, while she sits in front of the TV with Alek. I’m yet to figure out how he fits in with her life, but clearly they’re not screwing though.
I light up another cigarette, which I leave hanging between my lips, as I fish out my phone from my pocket. I look up the number and hit dial, waiting for Jimmy to pick up.
I pace back and forth in front of Kayla’s front door, peaking in through the window every once in a while to make sure they’re both still on the couch, and out of ear shot.
“Fuck mate, that’s like fate or some such bullshit” Jimmy says into the phone after I tell him of my little break in tonight with Kayla, his British accent much more noticeable when he swears.
“Yeah, not fucking helping man” I say and take another puff, blowing out the smoke between my almost frozen lips. Fuck, it sure is cold tonight.
“Well, in my opinion it doesn’t change a thing. If anything…it helps a whole lot, right?”
“How does it help, Jimmy? She’s just going to get herself fucking hurt” I say.
“Aww, has Carter got a soft spot for the lass?” he jokes.
“I guess I fucking do don’t I. Do me a favour and get some info for me will you?”
“Sure thing, Carter” he replies and hangs up.
I finish off my cigarette and flick it away, then pop a mint into my mouth as I walk back into the living room, feeling slightly more concerned for her than I should be. I mean I barely know her, is it just this connection of similar pasts that has me feeling this weird mushy shit for her, or am I just getting sappy as I get older?
Chapter 10
Kayla
We spent the rest of the night lounging out with Alek watching movies, playing PlayStation, and eating pizza.
Carter left at about three in the morning and Alek went to bed straight after, giving me a huge idiotic grin before walking away. No words spoken and no good night, just a massive grin and that’s it.
A part of me thinks that Carter only stuck around because he didn’t want to be rude and just leave after I practically rejected his offer to let him into my bizarre mind and life. But the bigger part of me kind of liked that he stayed, that him and Alek got on so well, and that yes even though they spent half the night talking weird computer nerd talk, I want to believe that he stayed for me and me only.
I’ve been holed up in front of Alek’s computer dissecting every inch of the blueprint I got last night. Ways to get in and ways to get out, what the hell to even do once I was in there. Would I truly want to kill this person, would I have it in me to do something like that?
The harder I tried to concentrate and figure something out, the more my mind wandered to Carter. Would he just forget about me so easily if I asked him to? Why is he trying so hard anyway, usually guys are the ones to want non-relationship relationships, not the other way around. The more I think about telling him to forget about me, the more annoyed I get because I realise I honestly don’t want that.
I run my hands through my hair and grab onto it, pulling gently in frustration, “Arrggh.”
“Did he leave you high and dry last night?” Alek chuckles from the doorway. He steps in to the room holding a plate full of sandwiches, and places it down in front of me.
“Peanut butter?” I ask, as I push my black frame glasses up my nose.
“What else?” he laughs as he grabs one and bites into it.
“And no, he didn’t leave me high and dry. He left me confused and if you must know, kind of pissed off. I’m pissed off at you too actually.”
“Me? Why?” he says through a mouthful.
“I heard your entire conversation and thanks for making me sound like a hussy” I laugh and bite into my peanut butter bliss.
“Hey I back peddled, I was trying to make you sound like you’ve never liked someone enough to bring them home to meet your good pal Alek, and it came out wrong.”
“Yeah you’re giving him ideas, now he thinks I like him.”
He quirks his brow at me as he chews, “You don’t like him?”
“Of course I like him, that’s the problem, don’t you see?”
“Why does it have to be a problem…he hasn’t run screaming yet has he?”
“Because you haven’t told him all those stupid stories about me yet” I laugh.
He shakes his head at me as if I’m the stupid one here, and grabs another sandwich. We eat in silence now as we both just stare at the blueprint projected up on the wall. I’ve made a few minor notes, but apart from that I’ve spent my morning thinking about Carter. The boxers or briefs
mystery solved, all I had left to think about was how good it had been, how his hands felt gliding against my skin.
“Do you want to see him again?” Alek asks quietly after a few minutes.
A sigh escapes my lips, and all I can do is nod. I nod because of course I want to see him again. For the first time in what feels like a long time, I finally feel like I’ve met someone who will understand me, someone who makes my insides melt and feel like I’ve got a swarm of bees inside my stomach. Yup you heard me, bees, not butterflies, but bees – a whole fucking horde of them.
My phone pings softly and vibrates on the desk in front of me with a text message. I look up at Alek to only see him trying to hide his smirk behind his half eaten sandwich, so I lean over and grab it quickly, knowing full well that it’s Carter.
Carter: Fast or slow?
I grin like an idiot at my screen. Carter and his stupid questions, which truth be told I absolutely love.
Me: Depends what the situation is…
He doesn’t reply so I quickly type out another text.
Me: Fast…always fast
Alek clears his throat before he says, “Oh my god…are you guys sexting? While I’m in the same fucking room as you?” he laughs.
“We’re not sexting!” I yell but end up laughing right along with him.
I spend the rest of the day pigging out on chips and other various snacks behind the computer, while also messaging Carter of course. I should have been doing something more productive, but I couldn’t help myself.
Books or movies…
Good or evil…
Pain or pleasure…
It’s like he’s using this game to get to know me a bit without making me feel like I’m sharing too much, and to be honest I like him that tiny bit more for the effort.
Carter: Texting or calling?
This is his most recent message while I’m finally down in bed at around eleven at night. Trying to sleep but never fully being able to until after midnight because of everything floating through my mind. I used to tell people I had insomnia when I was younger, until I realised it wasn’t something to be proud of. No sleep equals too much time to think, and a zombie looking face.
Me: Calling, I guess…easier to talk without having to wait for an answer.
A few minutes go by without him messaging me and I think he’s fallen asleep, but then my phone starts to vibrate softly in my hand. Oh my god, he’s calling me.
“Hello?” I answer softly, but on the inside I’m practically jumping up and down on my bed.
“Hey” he says, and it’s that cute hey, where you know they’re grinning on the other end of the phone just at the sound of your voice, or maybe because you even answered the phone at all.
“Hey you” I say in answer.
It’s quiet for a few seconds, and then he finally asks, “So what are you wearing?”
I can’t help but laugh, and I grin like a total dipshit when I hear his soft chuckle in response on the phone.
“Pyjamas” I finally answer.
“Yeah…Lace or cotton?”
“What do you think?” I snicker.
“Lace?” he asks hopeful.
“What if I told you I sleep naked?”
He groans into the phone a little as I giggle.
“You have an amazing laugh you know that?” he says, his voice soft like a sweet caress through the phone speaker. This is what normal people enjoy, what they look forward to when they meet a new attractive guy that wants nothing but to know them, both intimately and personally. Maybe Alek’s right. Maybe Carter won’t run when he knows more of me, I mean look at what we’ve already done and all that he’s seen.
I sigh a little in hope, “I really want you right now Carter” I say in almost a whisper, as if I say it too loud I might ruin the moment somehow.
“Yeah? How badly?” he asks, obviously still grinning.
“Badly enough to want to drive to your house right now and keep you up all night” I laugh at my honesty.
“Some of us have work in the morning…actual work I mean” he chuckles.
“Hey I have work too.”
“Do you really?” he asks. Does he know I don’t actually work for him in a way… is that what he’s insinuating? Did he figure out I was only there to get close to Abram? Before I can ask or even think too much about it, he steers the conversation back to the sexy talking.
“I wish you were here…in my bed with me” he says, his voice low and husky.
“What would you do if I was?”
He chuckles but keeps going, “I’d slowly work my lips against your smooth skin, down along your neck, before taking those perfect tits of yours in my hands.”
Holy shit, I’m getting so turned on. I don’t think I’ve ever really talked like this on the phone to anyone before. I mean there’s something purely intimate about having to explain in detail what you would or wouldn’t do to someone. Just their voice, describing every detail, having to paint the image in your head of them touching you.
I find myself sliding my free hand down along my skin, my fingers lightly tickling the skin on my stomach, before sliding into my undies.
“Mmhmm…” is all I manage, trying to get him to keep going.
“Are you touching yourself?”
“Yeah” I answer quickly, breathlessly.
“Fuck…”
“Keep going Carter” I say, my fingers sliding though my wetness. I try to picture him here with me, his hands on me right where I need them instead of my own.
“You have no idea how crazy you drive me when you say my name like that.”
“Carter…ohhh Caaarter” I joke, but I still sound hoarse and breathless.
I hear his soft growl in the phone and chuckle, but don’t stop my movements.
"Keep going" he almost whispers into the phone, and I realise how incredible his voice actually is. He could be reading me a how-to-manual on how to fix the engine in his car, and I'd still probably find it sexy as all hell.
"Carter...you're leaving me second guessing everything I've always done" I tell him truthfully, because the usual me would not be giggling like a sixteen year old on the phone while we talk dirty. The usual me wouldn't be sitting with him in my living room eating pizza with Alek, or even god forbid taking him along to break into an office and steal things. I'm confused as to why he still wants to know more about me after the little act as a criminal, especially because he figured out it was to do with Abram Mikhalov. The one man that I'm guessing he answers to now that his dad is gone after taking over his business.
"I don't mean to" he answers apologetically.
"I'm sorry, I just totally killed the mood" I chuckle, "I just don't understand you that's all. Why me? Why do you want to know more about me and not someone like...I don't know, Jimmy's sister?"
He laughs lightly but then sighs, "You really want to know why? Liz's well...she's just Liz that's why. And you...you're this mystery, but that's not why I'm trying, not because I'm trying to get inside your head, or solve the mystery that is you. You just remind me a lot of me I guess, of the kind of person I really am underneath the stupid suits, or behind the office desk."
I mull this over a little in my mind before I answer, because I'm still pretty confused.
"What are you saying? That you're not who you appear to be?"
"Kind of" is his only response, but after a few silent seconds that feel like long minutes he adds, "It might be easier if I show you one day, but not just yet though."
"Gee well thanks for clearing all that up for me" I laugh, because now I'm left more curious than before. He chuckles softly and I'm finding myself pushing all this crap into a box inside my mind, locking it up, and leaving it for later...way later.
I hear him yawn softly so I finally say, "I should let you go...some of us have work tomorrow."
"Hey Kayla..."
"Yeah?"
He doesn't answer right away, as if he's debating with himself whether to say whatev
er it is that's on his mind. In the end he just says, "Night babe."
"Night Carter" I say in response with a stupid grin on my face, which I know is evident in my voice. I don't hang up though but listen intently to his soft breaths through the speaker.
"Is this the part where I tell you to hang up first and you giggle, then tell me that I have to hang up first?" he teases.
"Oh god no...We are not doing that" I laugh a little too loudly.
"That laugh of yours is going to kill me."