She scrolled and scrolled and tried to make sense of it. This was obviously not her everyday phone. That one was in the desk drawer in the office, its contents locked up tight behind a password-protected home screen. And she knew it couldn’t have been Justin’s phone because it wouldn’t have been in her purse.
She stared at the last number called. Decisions, decisions. She finally convinced herself she needed to call. She took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and pressed the call button.
It rang, and rang, and rang, and it was all a bit anti-climactic. Whoever was on the other side of that phone number was not picking up, and neither was their voice mail. Strange, but there was nothing she could do about it and no information she could glean, so she walked into the office and put the phone in the top drawer for safe keeping. She wasn’t sure what it meant but she was certain the police could never get their hands on it.
For now, the bigger concern was figuring out who the hell was Marquis Greer. She took the business card out of her purse and smelled it, hoping there was a scent of cologne or something clinging to it that might jog her memory. No such luck.
She tapped the edge with her fingernail. Marquis Greer. Marquis Greer. It wasn’t ringing any bells for her. She pulled up a search engine on her phone and entered his name. Nothing but a LinkedIn page. He was a VP at Citibank. At least she wasn’t out there cheating with bums.
She dialed the number. She didn’t want to. She had to.
“Greer.”
“Hi, Marquis? This is Gianna.”
“Who?”
“Gianna. Harris? You saw me at the mall yesterday?”
“Ohhhh, okay now I’m confused. When did you start calling yourself Gianna?”
“What do you mean? That’s my name.” She was getting annoyed. What kind of game was he playing?
“That’s your real name?” he asked.
“Yeah. Why?”
Marquis waited a beat before finally answering. “Because you told me your name was Arilyn.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
“GIANNA! WHAT ARE YOU doing here?” Arilyn asked. It was a good question. An important question. Because Gianna knew Arilyn was busy and didn’t really have time for her drama but like all things in her life of late, it was urgent.
Arilyn’s office was just like her; small, well-appointed, and elegant. Ever since high school, she had dreamed of becoming a big-time lawyer at a big-time firm. Her future looked bright until she was hit with the reality of her situation. Arilyn was the oldest of six and the first in her family to go to college. Between her parents depending on her, her siblings depending on her, and a lack of funds, Arilyn didn’t get to attend her first choice school. Instead, she picked the closest school that offered night classes and worked full-time to support herself and her family. That was bad enough, but it was compounded by the fact that she attended a lower tier law school. By the time Arilyn passed the bar, she was clear about her future. “My dream is dead,” she’d told Gianna.
In Gianna’s eyes, Arilyn was still doing amazing. She had built her little family law practice into something respectable, and although it would never satisfy Arilyn, Gianna was so, so proud of her.
She sat down across from her best friend’s desk and tried to figure out how to say it. There was no good way so she just got right to it. “I need to ask you something. It’s gonna sound crazy but I need to know.”
Arilyn frowned. “Okay...”
“Okay.” Gianna took a deep breath. “Did you and I ever...switch names?”
Arilyn scrunched her face up. “Switch names?”
“Like, did we pretend to be each other. With guys.”
“I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about.”
Gianna took a deep breath and told her best friend all about Marquis. “And then when I called him, he asked me when I started calling myself Gianna. Apparently, I told him my name was...your name.”
“Why would you do that?”
“I don’t know!” she said, her voice rising. “Sorry. I’m just so frustrated right now.”
“So was this the guy you were cheating with?”
“One of them.”
“Hold on, there’s more than one?” Arilyn asked. She seemed more curious than disgusted and Gianna was thankful for that.
“I don’t even wanna talk about it. Oh, I didn’t even tell you the worst part. Kaya found a phone. Not my cellphone, but a completely different one in one of my purses. And I didn’t recognize any of the numbers in it.
“So like a burner phone?”
“Yeah.”
Arilyn shook her head. “I don’t know how I feel about you using my name with your jumpoffs. What if they tried to look you up and found me instead?”
Okay, now she sounded disgusted. Gianna bristled and tried not to get defensive. “I know. I’m sorry. I don’t know if I’d use the word jumpoffs, though.”
Arilyn laughed, a sound that often made other people uncomfortable. It was decidedly robotic. She should have had an Apple logo on her forehead. “Do you understand that my image is important to me?”
“Well hold on, now. I do know that. That’s why I came here. I’m trying to figure out why I would do something like that.”
Arilyn shook her head. “You know what, Gianna? You consistently cease to amaze me. You never think about how your actions affect other people.”
Gianna stared at her best friend, confused and shaken. “I told you I was sorry.”
“Look, I know you have a lot going on and I know it hasn’t been easy. But honestly...forget it.”
“No, what? Tell me.”
“Sometimes...I don’t know. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were faking this whole thing.”
Gianna raised her eyebrows. She hadn’t expected to hear that and yet it sounded exactly right coming out of Arilyn’s mouth. Anytime she couldn’t make sense of something, she dismissed it. “Well, then it’s a good thing you know better.”
The two women stared at each other until Arilyn finally looked away. Gianna wondered what else her best friend was thinking.
“Are you coming to Kaya’s birthday party?” she asked.
“When is it?” Arilyn asked, as uninterested as Gianna knew she would be.
“I sent you an email.”
“I get a million emails, G.”
“Saturday.”
“I’ll try.” They both knew what that meant. Kaya would get a package in the mail in a day or two and that would be the extent of Arilyn’s involvement. It was fine.
“How are you feeling?” Arilyn asked.
“Better. I’m tired a lot but my doctor said that will pass as I continue to heal.”
“I’m glad to hear that. I hope once your body heals you can start working on your spirit.”
“Ouch,” Gianna said. It was time to go. There was no support for her here. Not about this.
“No, I just...this isn’t the only time you’ve done something like this. I know you don’t remember but you were cutting up for a while before that night.”
“In what way?” Gianna asked, not really wanting to know.
“Just...away from home all the time, not telling anybody where you were. Justin even called me once...it was October, I think.” Arilyn frowned and picked up her phone.
“Arilyn, it’s fine, it doesn’t matter exactly what day. What happened?”
“You stayed out all night. Justin was worried. He called me and was wondering if he should call the police. It was a mess.”
“Where had I been?”
“I don’t know.”
A sense of dread began to settle over Gianna. She recalled being young, alone, and scared and calling Emmy because her own mother hadn’t come home. She also remembered the point at which she stopped expecting her mother to come home and, finally, when she stopped caring one way or the other. They eventually learned that she was wrapped up in a cult, but to a twelve-year-old girl, the explanation was moot. She needed her mother.
>
AS SHE DROVE TO THE bank, Gianna debated calling Marquis and asking him to tell her the whole story. Just to finally get it all out. But did she even wanna know? If she were to take an inventory of all the shit she was dealing with, Marquis would just be one entry on a long list of shitty decisions she’d made.
But she wasn’t the only one. Justin had his own list, one that contained secrets he’d kept and lies he’d told. And although Gianna had forgiven Tremaine, she would never, ever forget that he was complicit.
Ross Fogerty was in his office with a customer. Although there was no one else waiting, Gianna signed her name on the check-in sheet, sat in the lobby, and waited.
She felt a mix of emotions. She was both afraid of and excited about what she might find in that little box inside the vault. Whatever it was, it was the key to everything. She could feel it.
Mr. Ross Fogerty finally emerged from his office. He peered at the sign-in sheet before greeting Gianna warmly. “Mrs. Harris, it’s good to see you again. I take it you want to get into the safe deposit box?”
“Yes.”
“Right this way, hon’.” She had never had occasion to notice his walk before. He was a petite man, but spry, and he had a delightful bounce in his step. He radiated happiness, and she couldn’t remember the last time she felt like that. All she seemed to do these days was mope.
The two entered the outer doors of the vault and Ross reminded her of the stipulations. He put his key on one side and the corresponding key on the other, and the two turned the locks in unison. Ross pulled the heavy metal box from the slot and carried it into his office, Gianna following closely behind him.
He stood off to the side to give her space. She took a deep breath and steeled herself. This was it. She was about to know her dead husband’s most closely guarded secret.
The first thing she saw was Justin’s passport. Then Gianna’s. Then Kaya’s. Hmmm, she thought. Maybe the secret was under the passports. She put them on the desk and picked up a short stack of papers. It was the only thing left in the box. This has to be it.
Except it...wasn’t. It appeared to be a document from Unity South, their life insurance agency. Gianna scanned each page, but it was the last one that caught her eye. Instead of the modest $150,000 policy the Harrises took out on themselves twelve years ago, the number on the document was $750,000.
Gianna shook her head in disbelief. This was it? This was the big secret?
“Are you okay, Mrs. Harris?” Ross asked, his brow knitted in concern. “Do you need to sit down?”
She cleared her throat. “No, no I’m fine.”
“If you want, you may take photographs or scans of the document.”
“No, it’s okay,” she said as she threw the papers back into the box. “I have everything I need.” She turned and left before giving Ross chance to say goodbye. She was sure he thought she was rude and maybe even shady, but really, she was aghast. Justin’s big secret was that he was taking care of his family. Of all the things.
GIANNA SAT IN DR. FERRIS’ office the next day, tears streaming down her face. “I can’t do this anymore. I’m always on edge, always looking over my shoulder, always worried about what new sin I’ve committed that lets me further know how horrible of a person I am. Or was. It’s weighing me down.”
She stopped to blow her nose.
“Frankly, Gianna, it sounds to me like your sleuthing didn’t give you the results you were looking for. I get the feeling you needed Justin to have a terrible secret so that you wouldn’t feel so guilty.”
Gianna scoffed. “That’s crazy.”
“Is it?”
“Shit, I don’t know. I’m not that person anymore. Whatever happened back there, I don’t wanna know. I wanna leave it in the past. Can I do that?”
Dr. Ferris looked at her patient, concern on her face. Gianna waited, certain she would admonish her, or at the very least, attempt to convince Gianna that it was important to remember. That she owed it to herself and everyone else who cared to tell them what happened and why it happened. But when she spoke, Dr. Ferris surprised her.
“I think moving forward could be very healthy for you.”
Gianna’s eyes widened. “You do?”
“I do. Despite how difficult it’s been for you, you’ve come here and talked about some things that most people would be deathly afraid to admit to themselves, much less to another person.”
“Does that mean I’m shameless?”
Dr. Ferris smiled. She seemed to be used to Gianna’s humor. “It means you’re brave. And despite what you’ve told me in here, I do believe you have the capacity to love. My only caveat is that you need to start there first,” she said, pointing at Gianna.
“What do you mean? I love myself.”
“I mean you’re hard on yourself and I think it would serve you well to practice self-love.”
Gianna nodded, a tear rolling down her cheek. Dr. Ferris had tapped into something. “What would that look like?”
“This. What you’re doing right now. Putting Gianna first. I think you’ve reached a point where reliving the past is costing you too much, and you will be no good to anyone, including yourself, if you continue to suffer.”
“What about the police?”
“The police aren’t my patient. And listen, we can always revisit the past at a later time. It’s not going anywhere.”
Gianna smiled at that. It was the first time in a long time that she felt someone was truly on her side. “My daughter’s birthday party is tomorrow. It’s gonna be the first time I’m seeing my mother-in-law since everything happened.”
“How do you feel about that?”
“Nervous. Frustrated. A little angry. To this day, she still hasn’t reached out to me.”
“It’s Kaya’s day. Place her at the center and keep your focus there. Whatever needs to happen with your in-laws can wait for another day. Remember, you’re working to create new moments and memories. Make them good ones.”
“So this is okay, then? It’s okay for me to move forward?” Gianna asked, practically giddy at the prospect.
“It’s okay, Gianna. But you don’t need my permission. You need to give yourself permission to move forward.”
Gianna thought that through on the long drive home. There was no telling how long the process would take, but she knew exactly what the first step would be and she couldn’t wait to see him.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
THE BALLOONS WERE FULL of air, the cake had been delivered, the streamers were hung with care, and the meat was on the grill. The weather was a delightful and unseasonably warm sixty-two degrees because Georgia winters were always indecisive. All had gathered to celebrate a young girl’s entree into teendom.
Gianna was nervous. She wasn’t concerned about the party details; she had planned everything down to the smallest detail. It was the guest list that had her on edge.
Emmy and Cathy hadn’t been in the same room since Kaya’s twelfth birthday and there was no telling how their reunion would go. But there was something else. Simone, one side of Tremaine’s Nassau sex triangle, would also be in attendance. Thankfully, Gianna had too much to do to really stop and think about it but it was never far from her mind.
All day long, Tremaine and Simone, Tremaine and Simone. She even gave them one of those annoying ship names. Semaine. She decided she didn’t like that so she bandied Tremone around in her head before finally telling herself to knock it off. It was gonna be a long day.
She walked over to the grill where Tremaine was hard at work. “Hey,” she said. “How’s it looking?”
He wiped his forehead with the back of his hand. “Everything’s done except for the ribs. Y’all can go ahead and start on the chicken and hot dogs.”
“Okay.” She gazed into the billowing smoke as it made its way off the grill and debated telling him about Simone. She wondered if they had spoken at all since the wedding.
“What’s wrong? You okay?” Tremaine asked.
His raised eyebrows and puzzled expression indicated that he didn’t believe her but she didn’t have time to worry about it. She had a party to host and landmines to dodge.
As she made her way back into the house, she spotted Reagan, Kaya’s on-again-off-again best friend, an irritating imp of a girl who was always doing little shady shit to Kaya. Gianna finally had to tell Kaya not to tell her anything bad about her friends because it only made her angry. This was a girl who rescinded Kaya’s sleepover invite all because the boy Reagan liked walked Kaya to class the day of the science fair, when Kaya had a poster and all of her books to carry. It was some real petty high school stuff.
Parenting is hard because it’s frustrating to see your child hurting and you can’t really get involved without police being called. There’s simply no good way to beat the living shit out of the kids who do your child wrong. All you can do is grin and bear it. “Reagan, when did you get here?” Gianna asked, giving the girl a half-hearted hug.
“My mom just dropped me off,” Reagan answered. “Where’s the birthday girl?”
“Still getting ready. She’ll be down in a minute.”
“Okay, I’ll just hang out with you until she comes out.”
Gianna smiled. “No, thank you. I have a lot to do. You can just go have a seat.” You little bitch.
Kaya’s friend Janiyah arrived a few minutes later and Gianna was relieved. Now that was a girl she could stand the sight of. “Come on in here!” she told her, punctuating her welcome with a big hug. “Kaya’s not ready yet but you can go on and hang out, grab some food, whatever.”
Janiyah wouldn’t let Gianna go. It’s a rare thirteen-year-old who knows exactly what to say to an adult, especially one as quiet as Janiyah, but the hug said more than the words the girl seemed to be searching for. She was happy Gianna was okay.
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