It was odd to be sitting face to face with her. She looked older and tired.
She leaned over and handed me a small package, wrapped in yellow tissue paper. "This is for you."
I took it.
"Open it now, if you care to," she smiled.
I unwrapped the delicate paper to find a small, beautiful rosary waiting for me.
"This will guide you," she spoke softly. "You have the blessings of us all, Charlotte, dear."
I wanted to cry.
She pushed herself away from the table, got up and walked to the door. Then she turned and gave me a long look before closing the door behind her.
Finally, it was just me and Dr. Farbin.
He stood up and touched my head lightly, before turning to go to the door.
* * * * *
The next day, along with the stories in the papers about Duffino, there was a small item about me as well.
Headline: A Second Inmate at Bingham Released. Charlotte, a long term resident of Bingham, Mental Hospital, has been partly attributed responsible for Duffino's change. Released along with Duffino, she declines to accept responsibility for Duffino's Cure.
'It was the good angels,' she keeps saying. 'They heard my prayer and made us well.'"
I read the item over and over and then went to Dr. Farbin's office. He was there. I went in and sat down.
"For years, "I said, "I have made these mountains my home.."
"Change is good," Dr. Farbin offered, but I stopped him. "Like you, Dr. Farbin, I will stay on this mountain, and do whatever has to be done."
I thought of Dorothea and the nuns at the convent who never went out at all. They stayed in their quarters and sent the world blessings. They did their work quietly, hidden from others. What need did they have to mill around town?
"There's a world out there, Charlotte," Dr. Farbin kept trying.
"The world is wherever I am."
"You can do it."
"It's not a matter of whether I can do it. I am staying here for the benefit of all.
Unless you don't want me?"
"It's not a matter of not wanting you." Dr. Farbin broke in quickly. "Of course we want you here. Very much. You're a valuable woman, needless to say."
They wanted me. . .
"Thank you." I pushed my chair back, stood taller, and took my place at the head of the table, without a second thought.
"I appreciate the vote of confidence," I said with authority. "I accept the vote of confidence."
Dr. Farbin looked delighted. An idea came to him. "Wait a moment. I have an idea! We can announce it. Do papers about it. It's obvious we have another Cure!"
"I won't allow it," I said firmly. "Not for a second. Duffino is Duffino. I am Charlotte. Write about her, if you have to. As for me, say nothing. I choose to live in silence now."
Dr. Farbin tried to absorb what I was saying. "Both you and Duffino have gone through a difficult ordeal." he said.
I nodded quietly.
"Will she be all right, Charlotte?" he was suddenly sad.
"Yes, she will."
"You're certain?"
"I am."
For a moment I heard Dorothea's voice, and saw her huge eyes, staring at me. Then they faded away. I saw myself back at holy communion, bathed by the rays of the sun which shone through the small confession window. I saw the moment I picked up the knife.
"Sometimes we kill another," I proclaimed. "Sometimes we make them well. It's a fine line, isn't it?"
Dr. Farbin came to stand at my side. "Are you all right, Charlotte?"
"I am. I did my best for both of them."
"Accept our offer to go free."
I smiled at his concern for me. It was unwarranted though. It didn't matter in the slightest. Wherever I went or didn't go, I was free, perfectly whole, capable of everything.
"I am pleased to stay here," I said quietly.
"And what do you want for yourself, then?"
"If there is anything special I could request, I would simply like my very own room at the side of the hill to watch the sun come up every morning, and watch it go down at night."
"Is that enough?"
"I am contented."
Dr. Farbin listened. "That's an odd word, contented. We don't hear it often."
"I'm contented," I repeated.
"How did it happen?"
"Duffino is gone. Dorothea will vanish. I am ready to walk on these hills with myself. Whatever I have, or don't have, look! Now the sun, the moon and the stars are mine."
ALSO BY GABRIELLA MURRAY
LOCKED AWAY (Book #2 in the Love and Madness Series)
Confinement Page 22