by Primo, Jaz
She considered me at length before speaking.
“Unfortunately, and unless you haven’t noticed, you have a tendency to require very direct methods of demonstration in order to bring errant behaviors or blatant misperceptions to your attention,” she said. “For all your agreeable nature, you can be such a stubborn man sometimes.”
I stared at her.
Why am I having such a hard time trying to explain to her how I feel?
“You don’t have to be an overbearing dominatrix with me to make a point,” I said.
Her momentary look of shock was priceless and I felt satisfied I made the impact I’d hoped.
She took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and slowly exhaled. Then, she regarded me with a tight-lipped expression.
“Oh, please. Do you actually know what being, much less serving under, a dominatrix entails? You know, for an intelligent man with a Master’s degree, you’re having an awfully hard time with your vocabulary recently,” she said. “But then, perhaps my outfit and this environment contributed to your misinterpretation.”
I frowned, not sure how to respond to that. Of course, it didn’t help that she was very much looking the part at that moment.
“First of all, I’ve never asserted the role of dominatrix over you. If I had, you’d damned well know the difference,” she said.
I didn’t really know what to say to that.
“You mean, you’ve been a—”
“Not professionally, but you’d be surprised at the host of talents I’ve acquired over five centuries that I haven’t revealed to you yet,” she said. “Make no mistake; people have never paid to have sex with me. If you neither earn it nor deserve it, you certainly don’t receive it, money-be-damned.”
I stared wide-eyed as my mind reeled over her revelation.
A host of talents? Just how far out of my league is she, anyway?
“I have a pretty good idea what you’re thinking, my love, and I recognize that look on you face,” she said. “Stop doubting and belittling yourself. You’ve come a long way in the short time we’ve been together. You’re neither as fragile nor inferior as you think.”
She gazed back at me with a patient, knowing look.
Taking up my nearly empty glass, I finished off the remainder of my beer.
She arched one brow.
“It’s only my third,” I replied to her unasked question.
Jeez, I’m not some idiot alcoholic like my father was.
“And have you eaten anything?” she asked.
“Here?” I asked. “They were all out of goth snacks by the time I arrived. After all, we’re in a club, not a restaurant.”
“There’s no need to be snippy,” she said.
She glanced over her shoulder and motioned to a nearby server. It was then that I realized that the server and a number of other patrons were once again casting curious glances in our direction.
We always attract so much attention when we’re out.
Of course, I realized that it was likely to be less me and more Kat; she commanded the attention of most eyes in a room.
She’s got vampire allure on steroids.
We sat in silence as the server brought a fresh beer and a Dark and Stormy to our table. She cast a longing look at Katrina but offered me a polite smile before departing to check on some nearby patrons.
Kat frowned after her and returned her attention to me.
“Our server probably wants to ask you out for a date,” I said. “As would a number of guys in the room.”
“Not happening,” she said. “Now, where were we?”
I smirked. “You know full well where you left off,” I said. “You’re just testing to see if I’m keeping up. I haven’t had that much to drink just yet.”
She appeared amused as she took a sip of her drink.
“I think we left off at my self-esteem issues,” I said. “And your revelations about hidden talents. A dominatrix?”
She frowned at me. “Not a dominatrix.”
Hopefully, the mood was lightening between us slightly.
“I bet you’d be a really good one, though,” I said in a mock-conspiratorial tone.
The edges of her mouth curved upward slightly.
“Maybe I’ve never been an actual dominatrix, but I’ve known a couple of them over the years, and you might be surprised at how well I can fulfill that role for you,” she said with a grin that looked half-menacing. “Interested? We could take things very slowly, if you like. It doesn’t have to be conducted in a… How did you put it? Cruel manner.”
While slightly scary, there was a forbidden allure to the idea of roleplaying with her.
Crap. What the hell am I thinking?
“I don’t think that’s a very good idea, after what happened today,” I said. “Do you?”
“Caleb,” she said. “What loving couples do together, or share together, is entirely between them. I don’t care what other people think. They can all go to hell, for all I care.”
Her eyes glistened. “Dammit, I love you, and I want to be whatever you need me to be. I want to fulfill your needs. You’re all that matters to me.”
Her admission hit me with full force; like a tidal wave of emotion.
I swallowed hard, feeling a lump grow in the back of my throat. “That means a lot,” I managed to say.
The sudden emotional overload in my brain threatened to overwhelm me.
I deliberately glanced past Kat to see Paige obviously enjoying herself while dancing to the sound of Soft Cell’s “Tainted Love” with a young man who was dressed in classic Goth rave wear.
I couldn’t help but smile.
“That’s your Paige look,” Kat said.
“I have a Paige look?”
“Oh, yes,” she said. “It’s quite distinctive, actually.”
“Does that bother you?” I asked.
“That you have ‘a look’ for her? Not as long as I continue to see the ones that you have for me,” she said.
“Look, I’m not contemplating leaving you, if that’s what you’re implying,” I said. “I’m just really disappointed, shocked, and still a little hurt.”
God, how over-the-top-emo did that just sound? What the hell’s wrong with me all of the sudden?
Her body language appeared more relaxed. “Well, at least we’re finally talking, and you’re being honest with me about your feelings.”
The fact wasn’t lost on me that vampires were the world’s best lie detectors; not that I was trying to mislead her about how I was feeling.
We sat for a few minutes, sipping our drinks and staring at each other.
“So, where do we go from here?” I asked.
“You could start by telling me what’s really bothering you,” she said. “That is, if you’re ready to talk about it.”
What? Somebody hasn’t been listening very closely, it seems.
“That’s funny. I thought we’ve been discussing what’s bothering me,” I said.
“No, it’s not about today. The heart of the matter isn’t so much about me, neither my dominance nor your perceived embarrassment over your submissive nature, my love,” she said. “Although the real topic of concern, the true culprit here, has affected your sense of masculinity.”
I frowned.
Is there a psychologist in the house?
“This is about your recent job loss,” she said.
I felt bewildered as I stared back at her.
Chapter 8
Katrina
The look on Caleb’s face was nearly alarming to me.
On occasion, my intuition has failed me, but most of the time it has been rock-solid accurate.
Like right now.
At first, he sat stunned; almost statue-like. Then he rubbed at his forehead with a pained expression, and I knew that my revelation regarding his recent behavior had been spot-on.
“We’ve been home for a couple of weeks and you haven’t even made a concerted attempt to clean out your offic
e at the college,” I said.
“They gave me all summer to do that. I’ll do it soon,” he said glumly.
“You know full well, my love, they’re not likely to change their minds about your layoff,” I said, though I took absolutely no pleasure in saying it.
He needs to accept the stark truth.
“Shit,” he said. “I know that.”
I wanted more than anything to hold in my tightly arms and kiss him. But that’s not what he needed at that moment.
Unfortunately, tough love often hurt the giver as much as the receiver.
Besides, he needs to be the one to make the next move.
We sat in silence for a time, and I inspected my surroundings while sipping my drink.
Finally, he said, “I feel…discarded.”
My head whipped around to stare at him as he looked at me with a weary expression. My heart sank, wondering what he was referring to.
“Discarded,” I said.
“Yeah, being let go from the college felt like being casually discarded,” he said. “Like my role as a professor was somehow optional. We’re a college, for God’s sake.”
The relief that coursed through me was palpable.
For a moment, I thought he was referring to how I’d made him feel.
“That’s a completely understandable emotion, Caleb,” I assured him. “But you’re not worthless because of what happened. And you’re certainly no less of a man because of it, either. As I recall, you were more than enough man for me last night.”
He offered a wan smile.
I reached out to grasp his hand in mine and gently squeezed it. Then I lightly caressed my thumb across his skin.
“There’s no way I could have anything less than the utmost respect for all you’ve accomplished in your life,” I said. “You should feel very proud of all of the crap you’ve overcome. I’ll do anything I can to support you and help your dreams come true, including another teaching position if that’s what you want.”
He nodded. “I appreciate that,” he whispered in a tight voice.
“And I’m so sorry if I overreacted earlier today, or humiliated you in any way,” I said.
“If?” he asked.
I stifled a sigh.
“Fair enough,” I said. “But you didn’t exactly give me time to de-escalate the situation, either.”
“I-I just needed to leave,” he said.
I detected an elevation in his pulse and his pupils dilated slightly.
Tension. There’s something else he’s not telling me.
I pondered how to best broach the topic.
“You do have a maddening tendency for flight when you’re upset with me,” I said. “It worries me.”
He looked up at me with a curious expression. Then his lips pressed together in a fine line. “And you have a tendency to pursue me before I can sort my thoughts.”
“It’s been hours since our spat,” I said.
“Spat?” he asked.
Touché, I suppose.
I stalled for time by sipping my drink, which I had to admit, was tasty.
“We’ve argued before, but this time it was different,” I said.
He rubbed one hand across his forehead.
“Was it only my overreaction?” I asked.
His jaw tensed as he raised his hand and signaled to a server for another beer.
He’s so not driving home tonight.
“Look, it’s moot,” he said. “What’s done is done. I’d rather not dwell on it. In fact, I’m already beyond it.”
His response only made me insatiably curious. And I didn’t have any intention of ‘letting it go’ until I understood it myself.
“No, you’re not,” I said.
He has a self-destructive tendency to repress his emotions and then later turn them inward on himself.
Risking another explosive reaction on his part, I stared at him with my best impassive expression, which, in the past, has normally done the trick.
Ellie delivered a fresh beer to him and then looked at me curiously. I nodded my head and she departed with the empty glass.
As he took a sip of beer, his eyes caught mine and widened. I continued projecting my thoughts.
I’m waiting…
“What?” he asked.
I continued staring at him, mentally nailing him in place before me.
“I can’t go there,” he insisted, visibly uncomfortable.
What the hell happened that he’s so reluctant to talk about?
The music pounded around us, so I wasn’t concerned about anyone overhearing our conversation. Still, I scooted my chair closer, my eyes never leaving his the entire time.
I slowly leaned forward until my face hovered before his; deliberately invading his personal space.
To his credit, he didn’t move an inch.
“You no longer trust me,” I said.
“W-What?” he stammered. “Yes, I mean, no. Dammit, of course I trust you.”
I arched one of my eyebrows imperiously.
I’m no amateur at this game.
He swallowed, and I detected his body’s mounting tension. His breathing increased and his eyes dilated again, and I was suddenly very concerned with what he might reveal.
Whatever it is, I’ll be supportive. I’m not a completely cruel, heartless bitch after all. At least, not usually.
And, of course, I love him.
His face flushed. “The way your treated me earlier—”
He frowned.
“I felt so angry and embarrassed,” he whispered.
Wait, he said something about that earlier.
“And I resented you so much,” he said. “I didn’t want to even be around you anymore.”
Oh…anymore?
His revelation was certainly something that I felt we could overcome, or at least I could understand. I could temper my behavior.
Dominance was an art that I had long ago become innately skilled at.
I reached out to caress the side of his face and adopted a sympathetic expression.
“There’s nothing to be embarrassed about, my love,” I said.
“No, it’s pretty fucked up, actually,” he said.
His strong language surprised me, but perhaps it spoke to the conflict that he’d been wrestling with.
“You can’t treat me that way,” he said, his words pouring from him like a floodgate. “I can’t go there again. It’s just too much…way over the top for me. It was just too demeaning; too cold.”
Then he stopped but his eyes still brimmed with emotion.
“It’s all right. I understand, my love,” I said, gently patting his hand. “It was a harsh mistake on my part, more so given the abuse you endured as a child.”
He merely nodded, visibly shaken.
A fresh wave of intense guilt hit me.
Shit.
He must’ve felt like I was an abuser from his past.
Once again, I was happy I’d killed the son-of-a-bitch, abusive drunk-of-a-father of his. Caleb might not have lived to see adulthood at the hands of that bastard if I hadn’t intervened.
Enough of the past; move forward. He needs me now.
“I was wrong to mistreat you,” I said. “It won’t happen like that again. I promise.”
He appeared relieved, yet I still sensed an underlying sense of anxiety in him.
“There’s something else?” I asked.
“You know I accept how you are, don’t you?” he asked. “I accept that you’re an assertive woman. I mean, it’s your alpha vampire nature, right?”
I nodded.
Then something else occurred to me. “But it’s more than that, isn’t it? You like it, don’t you?”
I heard his pulse racing, even above the music blaring around us.
His eyes narrowed. “Sometimes.”
I reached up to grasp his chin between my thumb and forefinger and nailed him with another penetrating, impassive look, my face only inches from his.
“You not only like it, you want it from me,” I said.
His facial muscles visibly tightened. “Yes. Maybe,” he said. “I don’t know.”
Better. Much better.
“To both, wanting and liking it,” I said.
“Usually,” he said in a wistful tone.
I smiled knowingly at him.
I know you better than you think, my love. I’ve studied your reactions. I’ve heard your pulse race and felt your desire rise on those occasions. I’ve seen your pupils dilate and heard your breath quicken.
You can try fooling yourself, but you can’t fool me. I know what to give you…what you expect from me.
I’m more than prepared to give it to you.
“What I do to you…it’s erotic for you. It arouses you,” I said.
“Yes,” he said intently, heat and passion lacing his voice.
I love this. He makes my heart sing.
Intimate recesses of my body ached for him. My hunger for his blood reached a crescendo that raged through me.
“You need this from me,” I said. “You need me to handle you in this special way.”
I need to handle you in this way, so very badly, in fact. The control and power; neither of which I’ll relinquish to anyone.
He nodded, and his eyes still blazed with a kind of fervor that was delicious to drink in.
“Yes,” he said.
Such a simple response; and yet, so satisfying to hear.
“Would it surprise you to know that I need to treat you this way? That I want to,” I said. “It’s exhilarating.”
His pupils dilated and his breath caught.
Oh, yes, he understands.
“Why?”
His question intrigued me.
“You spark such strong feelings and hungers within me, Caleb,” I said. “All the men who I’ve attempted relationships with in the past were so disappointing. They betrayed me; tried to manipulate me for their own designs. Over time, their greed was tiresome. Each time, they grew even worse; shallow and too risky to endure. Ultimately, my only satisfaction was the blood I drained from them.
His eyes widened.
“But then you came along; quite unexpectedly, in truth. Your innocence and earnestness was so honest and unexpected; not self-serving or manipulative, so unlike the others. Instead of setting your sights on what you could take, you focused on what you could give to me; your trust, your love, your blood, your body. You were the polar opposite of all the other men who came before you.”