“Well you might not be scared, but I am terrified!” I realize that I'm yelling, but I can't help it. “Yesterday we were talking about getting married, and that I can barely handle having you leave to go back to college. How do you think I feel now that you could die?” I break down into uncontrollable sobs.
Chase comes to me and lets both of his crutches drop. He steadies himself against the back of the couch and wraps both arms around me, holding me tight. He whispers, “I'm not going to die, Katie. I promise,” he adds a little laugh. I know he's trying to lighten the situation, but I am still terrified.
Apparently my breakdown has awakened the entire house. My dad walks in cautiously and asks, “Is everything all right?”
I pull away from Chase slightly and quietly tell my dad, “Chase is having surgery...tomorrow.” More tears begin rolling down my cheeks.
“Well, sir, the surgery is not tomorrow, actually. I'm checking in tomorrow so that they can do some tests before the actual procedure. It's an experimental trial that my parents and I applied for a long time ago. They just called us last night to confirm my participation. Can you believe they called on Christmas?” Chase looks hesitantly at me and then back at my dad. “We actually spoke with them about a week ago, when they first contacted us about the possibility.”
Chase turns back toward me, “I didn't want to tell you until I knew for sure. I didn't want you to worry about me.”
This triggers another round of sobbing. My dad comes over and puts his arms around both of us. “This must be really scary for you, Kate. But it sounds like a promising opportunity for Chase. I think you know that, honey. He will be fine, Kate, just fine.”
I slowly pull away and retrieve Chase's crutches. “Leave it to the two men that I love the most to conspire against me,” I try to smile and give my dad a kiss on the cheek.
“What about college?” I ask Chase. “Aren't you supposed to finish this spring?”
Chase nods. “I will have to postpone my last semester until I've recovered from the surgery. I will have to finish in the fall. Or in the summer, if I'm up to it.”
“Will you come and help me pack?” He finally asks.
I sit on his bed all afternoon and fold the items he places next to his suitcase. He laughs a little when he catches me smelling his t-shirts.
“What?” I laugh. “You smell good! I might just keep one of these to help me get through this hell.”
He laughs and gestures toward me as if to say, “Be my guest.”
I grab the t-shirt and stuff it into my purse. He breaks out in laughter and I can't help but join him.
He leans over to give me a squeeze and tells me he loves me...again.
Chase's bags are all packed, but I can't bring myself to leave just yet. He knows it, too. He pulls me into another firm hug and whispers, “Please stay with me tonight. Just to sleep, nothing more.”
I don't even think twice before saying yes, but then another question enters my mind, “What will our parents think?”
“They know I love you,” he says softly “ And that I need you,” he breathes.
I close my eyes and let that realization sink in, Chase needs me. He needs me to stand by him, to be courageous just as he has been, to support him no matter what.
On Christmas, we had decided that it wasn't a good idea for us to share the same bed. I know that we're still planning to wait until we're married to become physically intimate. But the game has suddenly changed. We don't want each other in that way right now. We just need to be close to each other.
After a quick dinner, we get ready for bed. I send a quick text to my sister, Staying with Chase 2nite; don't worry :) Tell Mom I'll be good.
Chase offers me an oversized t-shirt and some shorts to sleep in. He finds a new toothbrush in the medicine cabinet and hands it to me. He grabs a hairbrush and takes it back into the bedroom. As I climb into the bed, Chase gently brushes my hair.
“Katie,” he smiles and kisses me. He pulls me down onto the pillows, pulls the comforter over us and turns out the light. I don't want to go to sleep. I just want to stay awake all night and feel Chase's arms wrapped around me. I want to forget that he's leaving in just a few hours. But I'm exhausted from the emotions of the day.
As I drift off, I tell Chase, “Don't let me go.”
“Not a chance.”
Morning comes too soon. Chase and I eat a quick and quiet breakfast together. We linger for as long as possible while his parents pack the car.
“I can't do this,” my voice cracks.
“Katie,” he caresses my hair and then pulls my face close to his. “This will all be over in a few weeks. Then we can make some real plans for our future together.”
I smile for a moment, through the tears that are falling freely again, and I whisper, “I'm so scared.”
He whispers right back into my ear, “Don't be afraid. I'll be fine, I promise. Remember how Scarlett prayed for me after my accident?”
I nod.
“She will be praying for me again. And I'll be praying for you.”
I notice that Chase's eyes are brimming over with tears as well. Something tells me that he's not crying because he's afraid.
It's because he loves me.
Chapter 11
Chase and I talk, text, and video chat any chance we get. I learn that his procedure is scheduled for January 3. I plan to drive to Madison on January 5, after I've registered for my last semester of classes, which won't begin until January 14. I will have a little over a week to spend with him as he recovers.
As we're chatting on Skype, Chase removes his hospital gown from the waist up to show me all the wires and monitors attached to him. I've never seen him without a shirt on, so his muscular physique catches me off guard. “You're pretty buff,” I remark. “Better put that gown back on before the nurses start to swoon over you.”
He flexes his bare muscles like a body builder. “I've been working out, you know.”
His lightheartedness helps my fear to dissipate. I'm a little more relaxed, now that I can connect with him throughout the day. We both try to have constant access to our phones or leave a video chat option open on our laptops so that we can see each other whenever possible. He watches me putter around the house, or I watch the nurses poking and prodding him. I can't stand the fact that I can't touch him or kiss him, but I'll take what I can get.
Chase has listed me as one of his emergency contacts. He tells me that he has made it absolutely clear to his doctors and the hospital staff that they have permission to communicate with me about anything and everything.
Sam calls me early on the morning of New Year's Eve. He asks me to do one final shift on the trolley so that he can give me a proper send-off, whatever that means. I guess I have been his right-hand man – or woman – for the past four years. It only seems right that I give him this one last shift.
Besides, my New Year's Eve will stink without Chase. Fiona and I are planning to meet some friends after we're both done on the trolley. It will keep me distracted, hopefully.
Fiona and I agree to ride the trolley together – I will do the first two tours and she will do the last two. It will be the official “passing of the baton.” Sam agrees that it's a great idea.
I bundle up in my wool socks and warmest gloves. I smile when I think about the night I first met Chase and how he teased me about my freezing hands. And how he warmed them for me.
I decide to dress up, fix my hair, and put on makeup for the evening, even though I'd rather just go in yoga pants and a sweatshirt. After all, I am going out after work, and I don't have to look like I feel, which is miserable.
My first – and last – two shifts on the trolley are flawless. I get a little choked up near the end, but I distract myself to think of how much fun it will be to watch Fiona take over. I'm certain she will be fabulous, and I'm right. Fiona has a knack for this tour guide thing. She has a wonderful way of connecting with the passengers. I feel confident that this is the rig
ht timing for her, for me. I wonder what my life will look like at this time next year. Hopefully Chase and I will be together, wherever we are.
After the last tour ends and all the passengers have gotten off, Fiona sits down in one of the front seats and waves me over. “Come here, sis. Sit down with me.”
Sam has gotten off as well, but he is puttering around just outside, probably making preparations to put the trolley in storage now that the season is over.
She must be getting nostalgic about me leaving after this school year. I oblige her by sitting down and putting my arm around her.
“There's a song I want to play for you,” she says. She pushes play on the tiny CD player that I hadn't even noticed on the seat next to her.
I close my eyes. I can't believe she chose this song to create a special “sisters” moment. Any other song would have been fine, but in my heart, this song is for Chase and me.
Fighting tears, I absorb the lyrics of “Strong” by One Direction.
However, when I hear the middle doors opening and the wheelchair ramp lowering to the ground I open my eyes and look behind me to see what's happening.
I see Chase.
Chase.
How can he be here? He's in Madison, in the hospital.
But he's right here.
When he steps onto the main deck of the trolley, I notice that he is wearing a crisp white dress shirt under his leather coat. His hair is perfect and his smile is spread wider than I've ever seen it. He stops to pick up a single rose from the seat nearest the back door before he heads to me.
Then I know what's happening. My chest begins to heave with a mixture of laughter and tears. I stand and turn to face him. The love of my life is standing right in front of me.
He leans in and kisses me ever so gently. “Hi Katie,” he whispers. He places the rose in my hands and I catch sight of Chelsea and Mike quietly climbing on board behind him and take a seat near the back.
“Katie,” he begins. “Ever since I met you – right here – you have changed my life. You have accepted me, encouraged me, and loved me more than I ever thought possible. I fell in love with you so fast, but what I truly can't believe is that you fell in love with me.” He reaches into the pocket of his jacket while I desperately try to control my happy sobs.
“The truth is, you are the one who makes me strong. I have no doubt that God gave you to me. I can't imagine my life without you. Forgive me that I can't get down on one knee, Katie.” He opens the box that he has pulled from his pocket. “Will you marry me?” He takes the most gorgeous ring I've ever seen and places it on my finger as I'm nodding wildly.
I throw my arms around Chase's neck and kiss every inch of his face as our siblings clap and cheer wildly. “You're here, I can't believe you're here!” I whisper into his ear. “I love you so much! I can't believe you're here!”
I don't want to let him go, but I sense the others waiting to congratulate us. Fiona squeezes next to me, grabs my finger and starts squealing with delight at my perfect engagement ring.
“You were in on this?” I laugh.
“Well, yes, we all were.” She gestures to Chelsea and Mike. They move in as well to shower us with hugs and kisses.
“Sam was in on it, too,” Fiona informs me.
Sam squeezes in to hug me and says, “Congratulations, honey!”
Once the craziness dies down, I get a moment to interrogate Chase: “How did you get here? Why aren't you at the hospital?”
“Mike and Chelsea's taxi service,” he laughs. “I begged and pleaded with Dr. Carbondale. I told him that I had to do this tonight.” He sneaks a quick peck on my lips. “He finally agreed, but on the condition that I head straight back in the morning. Well, that, and we have to invite him to our wedding,” he laughs.
It turns out that Fiona has indeed arranged an outing with friends. It is a small engagement party at the Westchester. There are a few friends of mine from high school along with a few of Fiona's long-time pals.
“Dani's sorry that she couldn't make it,” Fiona tells me. There wasn't enough notice for her to take off of work. Chase only called me to work this out yesterday!”
I'm happy that Dani knows. I will have to be sure to fill her in on the details as soon as I can.
Chase informs me that our parents don't know about his proposal, and that he asked Fiona not to say anything. “I hope you're not mad, Katie, but I only had one chance to do this the way I wanted to. I didn't want anyone to try to talk me out of it. I wanted this to be our night.”
I don't think that anything can dampen my mood until I have to say good-bye to Chase again in the wee hours of the morning, for the second time in a week.
But this time, I have a ring.
And I will see him in a few days.
And I'm going to be Mrs. Chase Nichols.
Due to the previous night's festivities, I awaken quite late on New Year's Day. I throw on a robe and head to the kitchen, hoping it will be deserted. I need some coffee to wake me up and some time to clear my head.
How am I going to tell my parents that Chase asked me to marry him?
Apparently, everyone is getting a late start. My mom and dad are still sitting at the table, finishing their late breakfast. I pour a cup of coffee and join them. I don't make any attempt to hide the ring on my finger and I'm absolutely not taking it off.
My mother sees it right away.
“What's that, Kate?”
As if it's not obvious.
“Chase and I got engaged last night.”
“What?!” She nearly shouts. “How? He's not even here!”
“Chelsea and Mike drove him up from Madison, just for the night.”
If I didn't know better, I'd think my dad was hiding a small smile in his cup of coffee. My mom is stunned to silence for several minutes and then launches into her stream of reasons as to why it's foolish for us to be engaged so soon.
“Kate, he's having surgery this week. You have no idea how long it will take for him to recover. He is going to go to medical school and you don't even have a job. You're just not using your head.” She pauses to take a sip of coffee and then continues. “Besides, you don't even know him very well. You can't possibly be ready to get married.”
I look down at my ring. My beautiful, white gold Claddagh ring, with a perfect diamond in the middle of the heart. Chase told me that he chose it because of the design. There are two hands holding a heart, and the heart has a crown on it. He told me that his heart is in my hands and that I will hold it forever.
It just happens that the Claddagh is another of my favorite Irish designs. The hands represent friendship; the heart represents love; and the crown represents loyalty. I know that Chase could have chosen something much more extravagant with the money he had set aside. But I'm deeply touched that he chose something so meaningful to both of us.
I'm beginning to understand why Chase is so convinced about God's hand in our relationship. I would normally agree that six weeks is too short a time to fall in love and get engaged. But somehow I'm so sure about our relationship and I don't have a reasonable explanation. It can only be that God brought us together.
“Can't you just say you're happy for us, Mom?” I finally ask weakly. “I don't know how to convince you that Chase and I are ready for this, but you just have to trust me. We're old enough to make our own decisions.”
Mom sighs, “But you're not that old. This is such a challenging time in your life to start a marriage. With Chase's condition and having to finish college. And then of course, there will be huge bills to pay for medical school, and who knows how much his treatments will cost....”
“Mom,” I plead. “Will you please stop saying condition like Chase is defective or something?! We're aware that we'll face challenges. So what if we don't have much money? Chase has a little bit saved, from the settlement after his accident. Am I supposed to wait until I'm financially independent before I get married? Whether you like it or not, I am already in love with hi
m. Am I just supposed to abandon him now because you think we're moving too fast?”
“You know that's not what I'm saying!” Mom's voice starts to get higher and agitated. “It's just..it's so soon. I can see that you're in love, but you have time. You don't have to rush into anything.”
“We're not rushing...and...” I pause to take a deep breath. “You know what? I don't really think there is any point in us arguing about this. I guess I'll just have to be okay with it if you and dad don't agree with us. This decision belongs to us and no one else.”
My mom tries to say something more, but my dad gives her “the look” that says she should just drop it for now.
Fiona stumbles in and grins at me like a madwoman. “Good morning, Mrs. Nichols,” she sings.
Again, I see Dad's little smile hiding behind his cup.
I approach my dad a little later.
“What do you think, Daddy?” I dare to ask.
His response is immediate. “I told you he was the right one,” he smirks. “You two are perfect together. Congratulations, honey.” With that, he kisses my head.
I decide to address a thought that has plagued me since last night. “I'm sorry that he didn't ask you for permission to marry me. He told me that he wanted to make sure no one tried to talk him out of it. I'm sure that he wasn't trying to deceive you or -”
He cuts me off, “It's all right, Kate. I trust Chase. I would have liked it that way, but your relationship has been far from anything we expected. I just hope you understand Mom's point of view, too. She knows you and Chase are right for each other. She just doesn't want you to rush into marriage when you're so young. Just because you're engaged now, it doesn't mean you have to get married right away. I trust that you will both stay in love and stay committed to one another.”
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