I Take It Back

by Liza James

  When I felt like things couldn’t feel any better, he surprised me against by sliding a finger inside me while his tongue glided across my heat. The combination of feeling him slip inside me while his hot breath and tongue worked my body was absolutely mind blowing. My breathing became shallow while my head fell back and my fingers gently tugged at his hair. I tried to stay as quiet as I possibly could, but the closer I got to release, the louder my moans became.

  “That’s it, Bambi. Come for me.”

  Cade urged my inner release as I exploded all around him, pulsing against the finger that he held inside me. He stood up and brought his lips to my neck while he continued pumping in and out of me, allowing me to ride out every single wave that swept through my body.

  My chest was heaving with each, ragged breath. I leaned my head forward onto his shoulder as my hands rested on his neck, gripping onto the back of his shirt to keep myself steady.

  “Damn, Cade,” I said, a small smile making its way across my face.

  Cade brought his lips back to mine, claiming me in a deep, powerful kiss that reminded me how I was also affecting him.

  “I wish I could do the same for you,” I said, breaking our kiss and looking into his eyes. I searched his for any signs of regret for what we just did, but I found nothing except pure passion and desire.

  “Don’t think like that. There will be plenty of other opportunities for us. I love every second of what just happened, and I wanted that to be about you.” The way that he was so devoted to my pleasure caused that warmth to fill my chest and a smile to spread across my face.

  “Yes, there will be other opportunities. Don’t think you can run away from me so easily this time, Cade Davenport.” I ran my fingers across the nape of his neck and pulled him back to me, stealing another kiss before I adjusted my dress and we made our way out of the hidden room and back to the crowded event outside.

  Chapter 29

  The rest of the evening ran relatively smoothly. The auction had finished and Theta Chi had raised over $10,000 in one night, an incredibly impressive success. Tyler and Emily had found other seats across the banquet hall and Cade had taken their space at our table. It felt nice, having the five us relaxing and hanging out together as friends. Savannah hung all over Logan, and he was absolutely eating up the attention. I loved seeing them together and happy like this. Jake was constantly mingling and making friends with new “potential sugar daddies” and we all couldn’t help but laugh along with him. Cade stayed close to my side all evening, and I truly appreciated it. I felt safe with him and knew Tyler wouldn’t try anything with me when Cade was around. Cade was touching me at all times, whether it was a hand grazing across the small of my back, a light caress on my thigh, or even lacing his fingers through mine. I knew he craved our touch as much as I did, but I also think he was touching me in a possessive, protective way. Silently claiming me, and I loved every minute of it.

  The only parts of the evening that sent those familiar, sickening shivers up my spine was when I would catch Tyler watching us from across the room. What made it uncomfortable though was that his face completely lacked any emotion. It was the most vacant, haunting stare I had ever seen from him. Emily continued chatting his ear off, or turning and speaking with other people; she didn’t seem to mind his lack of attention to her at all and I found that rather odd. I could have sworn I had seen her glance longingly at Cade a couple of times, but I shook it off, reminding myself that she had been spending a lot of time with Tyler lately. I knew they were together.

  At one point, toward the end of the night, Cade had gone to get him and I a couple of drinks when I saw Tyler stop him in passing for a brief moment. He placed one hand on Cade’s shoulder and I saw him tense under his tight grip. Tyler’s other hand was laced through Emily’s, but she didn’t seem to notice their uncomfortable interaction. Tyler leaned over and whispered something in Cade’s ear, which caused him to snap his head up and meet my eyes. I wasn’t sure what I saw in his expression in that moment, but it was something closely resembling anger and hurt, maybe? But just then, a smug grin came across Cade’s face as he turned to face him, grabbing Tyler’s hand in a strong, threatening way and tossing it to the side before continuing to walk toward me.

  “What was that about?” I asked Cade, trying to stay quiet so I didn’t bring attention to us.

  “Nothing, don’t worry about it,” Cade replied as he ran one hand up through his hair and down to the back of his neck.

  I knew from the second he was near me that he was tense; his body language was throwing signals left and right with his distant gaze. The way he rubbed the back of his neck and twisted his head back and forth creating a popping sound in his joints.

  I let it go, but I had already decided we would have to talk about it later. Cade continued to keep a hand on me, but it was different now. Instead of the way he would lightly graze my hand with his thumb, or lean over and softly kiss my head, or how he would absentmindedly rub my back when we sat down, his touches were completely stilled now. I didn’t think he was mad at me necessarily, he wasn’t acting like that. It was more that he was uncomfortable, possibly? Or frustrated? I wasn’t sure.

  Savannah’s laughter broke me out of my spiraling thoughts. I looked over our small group of friends, loving the time we were spending together. This little trip felt like exactly what we needed, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that Cade was once again pulling away ... even just little bit.

  It was nearing ten PM and I could feel my eyes getting heavy with exhaustion from all of the events today. I found myself leaning into Cade’s shoulder as the night wore on and, while he didn’t pull away from me, he also didn’t engage with me either. The frustration and uneasiness that sifted through me was draining, I didn’t know what had happened that had made him switch gears, but I wasn’t sure if I wanted to take on that battle tonight.

  The five of us made our way out of the banquet hall and started to head upstairs towards each of our rooms when I tugged Cade back a few steps, separating us a bit from the group.

  “Are you okay?”

  His stormy blue eyes met mine, holding tension in his shoulders. He was silent for a couple of beats before he lifted my hand and pressed a soft kiss against my palm. “I’m fine, Bambi. Just tired.” His words were final as he turned his head back to the group, signaling our conversation wouldn’t continue.

  Disappointment filled my chest, and I fought the sting of tears that pricked my eyes.

  No way would I let myself cry in front of him. But I couldn’t help the dread I was feeling with this roller coaster of a relationship I had going on. One second, he was making me feel things I had never felt before, and the next he had me feeling like I wanted to hide away in a closet for the next week as I cried through the rejection pawing between us.

  I didn’t push the subject. I was nearing a point where I honestly wanted to say screw it. I had spent the last few weeks without him, and I would eventually move on . . . wouldn’t I?

  Then why was I instantly wanting to cry at the thought of potentially not having a future with him?

  God, he made me so damn emotional. I hated it.

  Jake was the first to wave his goodbyes after giving Sav and I a quick kiss on the cheek. He slid into his bedroom as we continued down the hall, toward the room where Savannah and I were staying in.

  “Are you and Cade roomies?” Sav asked Logan, glancing over her shoulder at Cade and me.

  “Yes, we are. You could say Cade is my date for this big shindig.” Logan laughed as he pulled Savannah up against him in a sweet embrace, stopping on front of our door.

  Cade gave a small, tight-lipped laugh at the joke, and I couldn’t help hiding the look of frustration on my face. I turned my back toward Logan and Savannah, giving the illusion that Cade and I had a little more privacy.

  “I wish I knew what was going on inside that head of yours,” I said, reaching up and laying my palm across his cheek.

  Cade reached u
p and gently pulled my hand away from his face as his lips pressed together, forming a tight thin line. I could tell he wasn’t trying to blatantly reject my touch, but the fact that he didn’t seem to need it as much as I did stung all the same. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow, okay?” He leaned forward and pressed a quick kiss to my forehead, giving my hand a light squeeze before turning around and nodding toward Logan.

  The two men waved goodbye as Savannah and I stepped into our suite. I glanced down the hall one last time at Cade’s retreating back, hoping that maybe he’d turn and steal one last look as well.

  Shutting the door behind me, I reminded myself of the tough truth.

  He didn’t.

  Chapter 30

  The short remainder of the evening that I spent with Savannah getting ready for bed was filled with her constant chattering about everything that happened tonight. About how insane Tyler was, how stupid Emily was, how sexual Cade was when he stepped in, and how much Logan had looked like he was going to rip Tyler’s head clean off his body.

  But I didn’t mind her talking, I actually found it comforting. Because then I didn’t have talk about everything I was feeling. The confusion, the frustration, the fact that my body was still trembling at the thought of where Cade’s hands had been on me tonight, where his tongue had touched me. A shiver soared up my spine, and I had to physically close my eyes, willing myself to think about something else.

  Get your shit together, girlfriend.

  I also noticed how frequently those words crossed my mind.

  My mind bounced between my classes and the fact that Thanksgiving was around the corner, and then to the feeling of Cade’s lips on my neck, his warm breath trailing across my skin. The words he spoke so effortlessly when we were together, the ones that made me blush and caused that familiar ache to grow between my legs.

  Okay, back to Thanksgiving.

  “Are we going home for the holiday?” I asked, completely switching gears on Sav. She blanched at me, taken aback by my random question.

  “What? Are you talking about Thanksgiving? Yes, of course we are. Just like we did last year ... That was random,” she said dryly, and quickly got back on track and continued raving about how amazing tonight was.

  “Em, are you okay?”

  “Yeah, I’m just tired. I’m going to take a shower and head to bed, if that’s alright.” But before she could answer, I was already rounding the corner into the bathroom and shutting the door behind me.

  Her soft rapping on the door had me fighting back tears again.

  “Emma, seriously. What’s going on?”

  Damn, I suck at lying.

  But I kept playing along, not wanting to discuss any of my sordid thoughts at the moment.

  “I promise I’m fine, Sav. I just want to go to bed, please. I’m just a little overwhelmed after everything tonight. I’ll feel better in the morning.” Well, that wasn’t technically a lie, overwhelmed was definitely an emotion I was currently feeling.

  “Okay, just know I’m here if you need to talk.” Her voice was sad. I knew she only wanted to help. And after all the years we had spent together, everything we had been through together, it only made sense that I’d confide in her about this. But at that moment, I couldn’t even speak the words out loud.

  I let the hot water from the shower flood the bathroom in steam before I finally stepped under the falling water.

  It was scalding hot, just like I wanted it, and the immediate sting that spread across my body at the first touch of droplets made me wince for a split second. But I quickly adjusted and tipped my head back, letting the water soak my head and trail down my skin. I brought my hands up in my long, dark hair and pulled it up off my neck, dropping my chin against my chest and letting the water envelope me in the most all-consuming, powerful way I could manage.

  In this moment, it felt like the water was stripping away every bit of tonight. The feeling of Tyler’s hands stealing touches that I had never given him permission for, Cade’s devouring rejection after he had so passionately made me feel like he’d finally wanted me.

  The first tears I had released all day sprung to my eyes and spilled through my lashes down my face. I tasted the salty mixture with the hot, steaming water across my lips and on my tongue.

  In that shower I let it all out, I let myself cry for the guy that had disgustingly stolen too much from me, and for the one that didn’t want what I so desperately found myself wanting to take from him.

  Chapter 31

  I stirred all night, twisting and turning as thoughts of Tyler and Cade swirled through my mind. I tried to go over my monologue lines, a surefire way to force my mind to absently fall asleep.

  Nothing worked.

  Not a damn thing.

  And before I knew it, I was glancing at my phone and reading one AM on the small, bright screen.

  Savannah was still asleep, surely reveling in how memorable last night was. I couldn’t disagree with her on that point. Last night was definitely something I wouldn’t forget.

  Instead of torturing myself through another rendition of my showcase piece, I climbed out of bed, grabbed our room key, my cell phone and a book and quietly made my way downstairs to the area lined with giant, comfy couches and warm fireplaces. If I couldn’t sleep, I could at least do some reading on playscripts and acting. At least that was productive toward my degree in performing arts.

  I entered the empty space, thankful that no one else was around, and walked over to a small table that had been placed out with small, styrofoam cups and a hot jug full of cocoa. I poured myself a cup and shifted over to the couch that sat directly in front of the fire. I let the heat wrap around every inch of my body, covering me in a blaze that oddly reminded me of the same fire Cade seemed to ignite within me. Pushing those thoughts away, I forced myself to open my book and begin reading, actively using my mind to think about anything other than Cade.

  I don’t know how long I had been reading for, but I do know that I read the same paragraph at least seven times before I finally looked up and sighed in frustration.

  Why couldn’t I just clear my damn head?

  Maybe this was why people drank away their problems. I could suddenly see the appeal.

  My attention was quickly stolen by a muffled, high-pitched laugh outside. I glanced over to the window, where a few jacuzzis scattered the patio along with tall heater lamps and lounge chairs. Around the corner, I could barely make out the arm of a girl as she leaned forward and rested her hand on someone else’s strong arm. I tried to tune them out and return to my book, but the incessant laughter kept piercing through me, and I couldn’t help the bubbling curiosity.

  I stood up and discreetly walked toward the wall of glass windows, peeking around until I got a better view of the blondie who was losing herself in a fit of giggles, her hands pressed tightly against the chest of someone who was wearing low-riding, dark jeans and long-sleeved, black shirt that clung tightly to his broad shoulders and muscular pecs. My eyes were stuck to her though as I took in the sight. She had brought her fingers down to the hem of her shirt and was pulling it upward, slipping it over her head and dropping it to the ground. She wore a small, black lace bra, and the two were obviously sharing some sort of moment. I laughed quietly to myself and just before I shifted to turn around and give them privacy, my gaze shifted up and met a pair of cold, deep blue eyes that pierced through my chest.

  Cade was standing there, his elbows casually rested on the railing behind him, and after he had looked up and down the girl who was so readily giving herself to him, he had caught me peering from inside and around the corner.

  My eyes widened and an uncontrollable laughter spilled out of my mouth. I didn’t think this was funny.

  I actually found it fucking hilarious. Here I had been, wasting my time and my sleep thinking about this guy who I thought maybe, could possibly, having feelings for me when I was so incredibly mistaken.

  I stumbled backward, hastily moving toward the couch a
nd grabbing my belongings before I quickly ran upstairs. But before I could even reach the staircase, I heard the slamming of a door behind me and heavy footsteps following in my wake.

  “Bambi.” My feet cemented in place. I mentally willed them to move forward, to not waste any more time on this mistake of an accidental friendship. Was friendship even the right word? I didn’t think so, but I also didn’t know what word would better describe what I thought we shared.

  Friends with benefits.

  My mind won out over the longing in my heart and I pressed forward, completely ignoring his words behind me.

  “Stop. It’s not what you think, I can explain.”

  And then the laughter was back in full force. The deep, uncontrollable laughter that plagued me when the hot tears pooled in my eyes and I refused to look at him.

  “Don’t do that. Don’t blatantly lie to my face after I literally just saw you with her.” I couldn’t let him see me cry. I tried my hardest to steady my voice, not allowing him to hear the cracks in my façade.

  “I’m not lying, I promise. Let me explain, Bambi.” He reached forward and I felt his hand on my arm, tugging me back to look at him.

  The frustration in his eyes was unmistakable, but beyond that was something else, a passion I hadn’t seen before.

  “Yes, you are. I’m not stupid, Cade. Well, actually I guess I was. I’ve let you lie to me constantly since we met. Making me believe you actually cared about me, in any sense of the word.” I laughed again, this time a low, mechanical laugh as my own realizations played out in front of me.

  “Of course I care about you. You think I don’t? I care about you more than I wish I did. I wish I could forget about you, drive you out of my thoughts, but I can’t seem to push any of that away. Nothing was happening with her, I swear. We were just talking and she made the move, I hadn’t even touched her. I don’t want to touch her.”