“And?”
“It felt good to say.”
They were silent for a bit, Mia in her thoughts. Ethan wondered what was on her mind, but his own kept going to the fact that she still loved him.
He smiled, having not felt this happy in a long time. That beautiful woman still loved him. Hope surged through his body. He needed Mia. He wasn’t the same without her or their boys. She made his life complete. So damn cliché, yet so true.
“Then go home.”
“He asked me to.”
“And?”
“I’m thinking about it.”
“Go. Be with your husband. Be with your family.”
“I still hurt. I still have doubts.”
“Don’t you think he has doubts about you using drugs again? This whole time apart being a prime example. Hell, I even wondered,” Luke told her. Ethan knew how badly he’d hurt her and had been worried that she’d go down that route.
“Really?”
“Yes. He’s even asked me about it, asked me to look out for you. But we trust you. You said you were done. You’ve shown us that and we believe you. Now … you need to see if you can do that with Ethan. Can you?”
“I don’t know …”
“He made such a bonehead mistake but he loves you. You know it too, but you, my best friend, are one stubborn woman.”
“I am not.”
Luke looked pointedly down at her and she rolled her eyes back at him, yet stayed silent. Luke had hit a tender spot.
Ethan’s concentration turned to his wife again when she spoke Luke’s name. He thought about entering the room then, but then Mia looked up at Luke.
“I know you told Allie you didn’t remember what you said to me that night in the club, but I know you do. My question is, do you still mean it?”
Luke stared at her for a moment and then finally nodded. She held his gaze and put her hand to his cheek.
“I love you too,” she said.
Ethan heard them say that to each other all the time, but this was different. There was pain in her voice. He never realized just how complicated the relationship between Mia and Luke truly was. For years, he’d thought they were just the best of friends. Then he learned that they had been a couple. And tonight, he saw them as that couple, as two people who loved each other but who were too afraid to move on for fear they would lose each other forever. Lose that special connection. Eventually they got to this place of deep friendship. He wasn’t jealous of Luke. He was thankful.
“Luke, do you think Ethan and I will make it? I mean, can the love we have between us overcome what has happened?” she asked with a quick swipe at her eyes.
Fuck. She’s crying and it ripped at his heart.
“I do,” Luke answered. “Talk to him. Communicate. Stop hiding out.”
“I’m not hiding,” she said to which Luke rolled his eyes as did Ethan. She had the decency to blush.
“Yes, you’re not hiding, but you’re using the sex with him as a barrier.”
“We are using no barriers.”
Ethan almost laughed. He loved that crudeness. It was always so unexpected.
Luke shook his head and sighed, clearly exasperated.
She smiled. “So, uh, talk to him … about what?”
Holy crap. She was asking for advice. She wanted to try to make this work. He about fainted with relief. He wanted to go to her and take her from Luke, carry her to the bedroom, and make love to her. And maybe after they made love a few times, talk—talk it all out so they could be together again.
Luke looked pointedly at her and she cringed. “I’m not ready to talk about that yet,” she said. Ethan’s ears perked up. Talk about what? What was his wife hiding from him? Ethan listened closely, hoping for clues.
“Mia, he deserves to know.”
“I’m not arguing that. I don’t want him hovering. We need to work on us. We need to get our trust back. We can’t be focused on this now,” she said, making a circle with both hands.
“Sweets, even if you divorce him, you’re still going to have to tell him.”
“Ahh! I know that, Luke! I wish I could tell him now. I’ve wanted to tell him for so long,” she said but whatever was in her mind had her shaking her head back and forth. “When is enough enough? I’m tired of hard—I just want my fucking happily ever after! I don’t want this pain anymore.”
“You control that, Mia. You alone can make the choice to change that. Do you want that happily ever after with Ethan or do you want it with someone else? You decide. Do you work things out with your husband or do you move on? Neither choice will be easy. Neither choice is right, though neither choice is wrong. It’s all about what you want.”
“This isn’t a decision I can easily make. He’s done this to me twice! How do I know he won’t do it again? I cannot handle this again,” she said quietly, her hand kneading the back of her neck.
“Then don’t—walk away. Move on. Go visit an attorney.”
Mia whipped her head at Luke and stared at him in complete shock. As did Ethan. His mind screamed, Dude! What the hell?
“Are you seriously telling me to end my marriage?”
“If it’ll make you happy, yes, I am.”
“It’ll obliterate what’s left of my heart,” she replied as tears streamed down her face. Luke pulled her into his arms and she clung to him as she cried.
As much as he wanted to know what Mia was keeping from him, Ethan also needed her to talk to him. He could push her to a decision, he knew that, but he didn’t want to push her to the wrong one. He wanted her to know that her decision was the right one.
After a couple minutes, she sniffed and wiped her eyes, then sat up. “What else should we talk about?”
And with that question, Ethan breathed a sigh of relief. She really wanted to try.
“Anything. Talk about your past. Be open. Finally let him all the way in. Stay here if you must. That’s fine, but just talk to him.”
“I talk and I get angry and then I lash out. Just like I did today.”
“And after that, what happened? He went out there and …”
“We talked. I apologized. We kissed.”
“Of course,” he laughed. “And I bet you learned something new too.”
She nodded, worrying her hands.
“Keep at it. Keep pushing. You’re good at that.”
She chuckled and fell into him, her shoulder connecting with his chest. “Push.”
“I’m glad you’re done with touring for the rest of the year,” he said, after a few moments of quiet.
“Why?”
“You’ve been so focused on work. The band takes a break and what do you do? You make two movies, collaborate with other musicians and when that’s done, you begin work on the next album,” he paused in thought before continuing. “I remember you telling me when you signed this new deal that you’d be taking a break—a very long break. You barely had a break at all. A few months, maybe even less, before the thoughts of your music and working pulsed through your body. You don’t let yourself relax,” he paused. “Maybe …”
“Maybe what, Luke?” she asked, her voice demanding him to answer.
He shook his head. “Nothing.”
“Damn it. What?”
“How do you think Ethan felt about that?”
He hated it, Ethan answered in his head. He missed his wife.
“Do you even know?” Luke pried.
Instead of an answer, she shook her head.
“You’re still hiding. Dig deep, Mia, and fix this. You got the details of the night he slept with Kristen. Get to why he did it. Todd is not the full reason. There’s more.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Yes, he did have something to do with it,” he admitted, “but it’s not the entire reason.”
“Why would he say it was Todd then?”
“Because he doesn’t want to hurt you anymore than he already has,” he said, taking her hand. “You two need to discuss wha
t that is if you think there is any chance at all of you going back to him and it working. He had a reason for doing it, Mia. Are you brave enough to ask?”
“I don’t know what to do. I’m a product of a broken home. My parents are divorced. And look what happened to me. I was—still am—a mess. I don’t want that to happen to my kids. But Ethan hurt me. Yes, he loves me. I know that. I feel it. His love—” she stopped, tears brimming at the corners of her eyes. She took a deep breath and continued. “His love has been one of the best things in my life.”
Luke squeezed her hand and smiled. “About time you realized that.” And with that awesome admission from her, Luke stood and offered his hand to Mia. “We should go back to the party.”
And so should I, Ethan thought, but stopped when he saw how easily his wife went into Luke’s embrace.
“They are going to look at us differently now,” she said.
“Perhaps,” Luke agreed.
“Luke, they are going to wonder.”
“We wouldn’t do anything.”
“Really? I’ve learned over the past few months the things I thought would never happen have. My husband cheated on me. Now Ethan and Allie have seen us all over each other. They are going to picture it when they see us together now. And this place,” she said, squeezing him tighter, “is threatened. I cannot lose this. With you, I’ve always been safe.”
“I wouldn’t say always …”
“Luke,” she said, looking up at him. “You’ve loved me regardless of the stupid shit I’ve done. And I know you will always love me. Almost unconditionally.”
Luke scoffed and she shushed him, resting her finger against his lips. “Running into you fifteen years ago was the best thing that ever happened to me. You brought Kaitlyn into my life. As well as Ethan. You married my other best friend, making sure she’d be in my life forever.”
“You brought Allie into my life. I will always be thankful to you for that.”
“Just paying you back for doing the same with Ethan,” she said, kissing his cheek.
He smiled down at her. “We’re even.”
With that, Ethan silently headed back to the sunroom. He glanced around the room. Marty, Bekah, Clark, and Todd were standing behind Marc and Lizzie, watching something on his phone. Allie was still sitting where he’d left her, but she was resting her head back against the sofa, her eyes closed.
As he stepped down the few stairs into the room, Allie opened her eyes and regarded him. He gave her a pointed look and crossed the room and sat by her side. After studying her tired face, he slid his hand behind her neck and cradled her head to his chest, smoothing her blonde hair away from her face.
Ethan rested his head against the woman he viewed as his little sister, and thought about Mia. Ethan knew he had to tell her why he had cheated. He also had to somehow make her tell him what was going on with her. Why had she basically left him? Yes, she hadn’t really left, but she was not the same. The fun-loving Mia he knew was gone. The woman who would joke about porn, who always seemed to be laughing, had been replaced by a woman possessed with filling her time with every kind of project—for herself, for the kids, for the houses. Albums, tours, movies, publicity of all kinds, renovations. She did it all.
She rarely laughed or had fun. She took the boys all over with her. But she was hardly there for him. He had a hard time getting her alone. Always with someone or the kids. When he was finally alone with her and tried to talk, she distracted him with sex and would tell him she was fine. But something was always missing—like her heart.
But that beautiful heart of hers had returned. The times he had made love to her the past couple of months, he’d felt her. She was fully there with him and their lovemaking had been amazing.
God, he needed her back!
Mia
Free.
That’s how her mind felt. Those things Mia had kept from Ethan—even from her friends—were finally out in the open. Tom, the drug use, her relationship with Luke. All out and no longer bottled up inside of her. Though it was a little nerve wracking at the time, now she was glad it was out, glad that people took it well and didn’t freak out. Especially Ethan.
And as Todd walked over to her to say his goodbyes, she couldn’t recall why she had kept it all inside to begin with.
“Happy birthday, Mia,” Todd said to her.
She never considered Todd her brother like she did Clark and Marty—too much had happened between them for that to ever be the case. All the attraction and desire stuff then the overdose. He’d gone through that with her. One of the worst moments in her life—her bottom—and he was still by her side. He was her kindred spirit.
“Happy birthday, Todd.” She wrapped her arms around his waist and hugged him. He held her silently for a long moment. With his arms still around her waist, he leaned back, looking down at her.
“You forever changed my life. Thank you.”
“You did the same for me.”
“I almost killed you.”
“No, I almost did,” she countered.
“I hate when you take the blame.”
“The only person to blame is me. I need you to get that through your head,” she said, holding his head, bringing it down to her level. “Okay?”
He nodded. “It’s just been on my mind lately.”
“Me too,” she admitted. “With everything that’s been going on right now, the urge to take a little pill has been so great. You cannot imagine. In the seven years since that day, these past few months …” She couldn’t finish that thought and swallowed back the tears.
“And that little baby inside you appreciates that.”
“You have to go before I cry,” she responded, lightly pushing him.
“Mia,” he smiled tenderly. “It’s going to be all right.”
“You better be right,” she said. And then, on impulse, she pulled his head down and kissed him hard on the lips. She expected the electricity they’d had the day of her overdose. But there was nothing as she held her lips to his.
“Whoa! You kissed me,” he said, surprise all over his face, after breaking away from her.
“I did. And?” she asked, studying him.
“Nothing.”
“Me either,” she laughed.
“Why did you do that?”
“I had to see. Ethan had me doubting everything, Todd. I had to know. I’m sorry,” she said, looking down, hoping she hadn’t crossed a line with him.
He cupped her chin and lifted her face. “Mia, it’s okay. I’ve wondered too.”
“You have?” she said, very surprised by this.
“Yeah, but I have something better than that.”
“And what’s that?”
He smiled tenderly at her. “You’re still in my life.”
“Sex with me would have been AH-MAZING!”
“I do realize this,” he laughed. “But I’d still rather have you as one of the best friends I’ve got.”
“Now I’m gonna cry,” she said. Her voice choked, tears spilled from the corners of her eyes and she swiped them away.
“I love you.”
“I love you too.”
“Wednesday. Birthday lunch,” she ordered.
He kissed her forehead. “Of course.”
With that he walked out the door. She closed and locked it for the night. Todd had been the last to leave. Luke, Allie, and Kaitlyn were spending the night, as was Ethan. She turned around and rested against the large wooden door.
She hadn’t planned on kissing Todd. It kind of just happened, but she’d needed to know. She had absolutely no sexual feelings for Todd. Nor did she have them for Luke. The only one she had them for was her husband. Those feelings were in full force today. They’d shared many moments, many truths.
Well, except for the baby. She would tell him when she went back to him. Her eyes went wide. She just thought when, not if.
She smiled and pushed herself from the door and up the two flights of stairs to her bedroom. Ex
hausted, she sat on the bed to disrobe, but she was even too tired to do that. She fell back on to the plush bed, gazing at the ceiling, thinking of what a wonderful yet crazy day it had been.
Ethan
Ethan clambered up the stairs to Mia’s bedroom. He’d almost fallen asleep while in bed with the boys who’d woken up having to go to the bathroom. Luckily for him, the twins went back to bed pretty easily. But as he exited the room, he didn’t know whether to go to Mia or crash in the other guest room. He didn’t want to be by himself. Their connection—or should he say connections, he thought with a smug smirk—today was more than he expected. She’d initiated it. She wanted him.
With that thought fresh in his mind, he hurried up the steps to the third floor master bedroom. Standing in the doorway, he studied his wife who lay on the bed, her lean yet muscular legs dangling off the edge, her dress riding high on her thighs. She was the most beautiful woman he had ever known. Her perfect breasts rose and fell with each steady breath.
“Mia?” he asked hesitantly, wondering if she was asleep. When she didn’t respond, he turned around to leave, but her quiet yet strong voice stopped him.
“Ethan, stay.”
He spun around and found her sitting up, resting on her elbows, her sleepy eyes focused on him. Her already short dress rode up, exposing more of her beautiful legs. And that gorgeous smile on her face was full of happiness. That was the look he wanted to see on her every day from here on out.
“I just came to say goodnight …” he explained, rubbing his hands on the outside of his thighs.
“Close the door. Preferably with you on this side of the door.”
A joyful smile covered his face as he shut the bedroom door. “Did you have fun today, birthday girl?” he asked, loving the big grin that brightened her face.
“I did. I loved having my piecemeal family all together. It’s been a while since that has happened.”
“How long?” he asked, walking further into the bedroom.
“Our wedding for sure,” she answered, her face scrunched up in thought. “I don’t know if they were all at the boys’ christening. God, my memory is shit,” she chuckled softly. Crossing the room, he stopped in front of her. As he stood beside the bed, looking down at her, he wanted to crawl between her legs and rest his head on her stomach, have her fingers play with his hair, calming him down like she always did. As much as he craved sex with her, he craved those simple moments of intimacy as well. Like having her sit by his side on the sofa, leaning against him. Like she had tonight.
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