by Sarah Curtis
“I meant what I said.”
“Even if that were true, love isn’t enough.” She sighed. “I wish it were.”
He glanced at her again. “What do you mean by that?”
Instead of answering, she asked, “Why do you think I called things quits between us?”
“I assume for the reason you gave me at the time.”
“That’s only partly true. I was starting to develop feelings for you.” She shook her head. “No that’s a lie. I wasn’t starting, somewhere along the line I fell in love with you. But with you so absent, being with you was breaking my heart one day at a time.”
She watched as his jaw clenched and his hands tightened on the wheel. “And how do you feel about me now?”
“My feelings for you haven’t changed, but that doesn’t alter the fact I still need more from you.”
“And I’m willing to give it.”
She shook her head again. “You say that now, but what about when next season starts? Will I get a few months of devoted Colt only to get distant Colt again?”
“That won’t happen.”
“You can’t possibly know that.”
He turned to her then, looking her in the eyes. “I know.”
“I’m sorry, but I’m not strong enough to go through that again. I’m not willing to take that chance.”
“Give me until we get home to prove it.”
“Unless you can show me six months into the future, there’s no way you can.”
“Just promise me you won’t make any final decisions until we get home.” He turned to her. “Please. That’s all I’m asking.”
She knew it was impossible, but what the heck, she’d didn’t have anything to lose at that point. “Okay.”
“Thank you.” He reached for her hand again and this time she let him take it.
Leaning back in her seat, she closed her eyes and savored the feel of his thumb as it skimmed back and forth along her knuckles.
She had missed his touch, but she told herself not to get used to it, knowing it would probably be the last time she felt it.
Chapter Twenty-three
Colt
“Where are we going?” Ivy asked as Colt took the exit ramp off the freeway.
“There’s something I want to show you.”
Cruising the streets of his old neighborhood, it didn’t take long for him to reach Pasadena High School. He pulled into the parking lot closest to the football field and parked.
“Is this where you went to school?”
“Yeah.” With a heavy heart, he got out of the car.
It had grown dark in the five hours they’d been driving, but a full moon shone, giving off enough light that he could see not much had changed over the years.
Ivy got out of the car. “What are we doing here?”
Colt went around to her side and took her hand. “Come on.”
He led her to a low spot in the gate, jumped it, then helped her over. They walked to the center of the field.
“Are you going to tell me why we’re here?” she asked after several minutes of his continued silence.
Colt tipped his head toward the sky and closed his eyes. “I’ve never told anyone this.” He took a deep breath while collecting his thoughts. “This is where it all started.”
When he was slow to continue, she asked, “Your love of football?”
He opened his eyes and looked at her. “No, my friendship with Jesse.”
“Jesse?”
“Jesse Alverez. We met freshman year, right here on this field. They called us the amazing duo. We did everything together.” He paused, heart clenching. “He was my best friend.”
Colt looked off into the distance, past the uprights to the scoreboard, dark now, but he could envision the bright lights keeping track of the score every Friday night.
“We made a pact. We’d go to the same college. Go pro.” He looked back at Ivy, her expression rapt, eyes on him. “And one day we swore we’d both make it to the Super Bowl and win a ring. Big dream, but Jesse wanted it bad. It was all he ever talked about. I never cared as much—about winning. Just wanted to go pro and play the game.”
Her brow furrowed. “What changed that?”
“Jesse’s death.”
She reached out, touching his forearm. “Colt, I’m so sorry.”
“He was a great guy. Nice to everyone. Got good grades—the teachers fucking loved him. Best damn wide receiver in the district. Caught every pass I threw at him—even the crappy ones.
“Of course, I noticed the bruises, we played fucking football. I was covered in them, too.”
“Colt.” Her tone was soft, almost pleading as she stepped in closer.
But he was too lost in memories to stop. “I was never allowed at his house when his dad was home. Never allowed to spend the night. At first, I thought Jesse was embarrassed. His dad was a mechanic and from the signs I saw around the house the few times I’d been there, a drunk. And while my family wasn’t rich, we did live in a better neighborhood—bigger house, nicer things. But it wasn’t that. I later found out, he just didn’t want me anywhere near his father.”
“What about his mom?” Ivy softly asked.
“Died when Jesse was seven. Cancer.”
Colt took Ivy’s hand and started walking. Pent up agitation made his legs need to move. “Things got bad,” Colt shook his head, “or I should say worse, the summer before senior year. By then, Jesse was spending more time at my house than his. We were getting ready for our yearly family vacation. Mom kept going on and on about how important that one was because it would be the last before I started college. Jesse was invited every year. He was never allowed to go. Things hadn’t changed that year. I begged him to just come, said his dad would probably never miss him. But without money, he said he felt like a freeloader and that it was bad enough he ate most of his meals at our house. I didn’t care, hell, my parents didn’t care. They were more than happy to pay his way. But Jesse cared, and I just couldn’t convince him.
“I shouldn’t have gone. Or should have demanded he come. But it was like talking to a brick wall. And in the end, I rationalized it would only be for a week so…” his voice broke. He cleared it and finished, “I thought he’d be okay. I was wrong.”
They were rounding a bend and Ivy stopped them with a hand on his arm. “You couldn’t have possibly known.”
Colt shook his head. “But I should have. His dad had been drinking more and working less. Bills were piling up. And every day Jesse was there, it was a lesson in survival.”
Colt took Ivy’s hand and started walking again. “He was in the hospital when we got home. Tubes fucking everywhere. Down his throat, up his nose, in his arms. He was in a coma with weak brain activity from a blow to the head. I sat at his side for three days willing him to wake up. Talked until my voice grew hoarse about all our big plans. How he only had to wait five more months until he would turn eighteen then he could come live with me until we got a place of our own.
“My family wasn’t religious, but I prayed to God those three days, pleading with Him to spare Jesse’s life. And when that didn’t work,” Colt shook his head at his teenage naivety. “I turned to the devil and offered my soul.”
Colt veered them toward the bleachers and sat. Leaning his forearms heavily on his knees, he stared at the ground between his feet. “He never woke up. An aneurysm ruptured in his brain and the doctors couldn’t save him. He died eight hours later.”
A hand touched his shoulder and then Ivy’s sweet voice near his ear. “I’m so very, very sorry.”
“I made him a vow after he was gone. Promised him one day he’d get his ring he wanted so badly. I would win the Super Bowl and bury it at his grave. I’ve lived every day of my life since trying to make that happen. I may have failed him in life, but I sure as hell wasn’t going to in death.”
Ivy moved her hand to his jaw, caressing a thumb over the stubble there. “I understand now.”
Colt lift
ed his head, removed her hand from his face, and sandwiched it between both of his. “No, you don’t.”
A line formed between her brows. “What do you mean?”
“When I saw the news about the plane crash, thinking you were on it, I realized how stupid I’ve been. I’ve been living my life trying to atone for failing Jesse. When I first suspected, I should have gone against his wishes and told my parents or got a teacher involved when he wouldn’t reach out and ask for help. It took thinking I lost you for good for me to realize I’d made the same mistake with you.”
She shook her head, confusion written all over her face. “How?”
“By not taking action and being sorry when it was too late. But unlike with Jesse, I’ve been given a second chance with you, and I’m not going to blow it. Jesse is gone and winning the Super Bowl won’t bring him back. I’ve been killing myself for a ghost when all along I should have been living for you. Worshipping you. Making you feel special. Because we only have one shot at this life, and I don’t want to waste any more of mine being sorry for something I should have done.”
Keeping her hand clasped between both of his, he slid off the bleacher and got down on his knee. “I want you back, Ivy, but this time I want to do it right. No more friends with benefits or fuck buddies or rules. Just two people who love each other, living a life together with all the ups and downs, good and bad, and all the crazily wonderful shit that comes with it. And not just for one month or six or ten years.” He pressed her hand to his heart so she could feel the strong, steady beat. “I want to live my best life, forever, with you.” He cupped the side of her face, using his thumb to brush away the tears that slowly fell down her cheek. “Please tell me I’m not too late. Tell me I haven’t lost you for good.”
Ivy
How many nights, in the solitude of her room with no one to see, had she lain awake, creating the scenario she was faced with now—Colt telling her he’d been a fool and asking her to forgive him? She never had an answer for him in her daydreams.
She had the answer now.
Heart aching for the boy he once was and for the man he thought he had to be, she said, “You never lost me. I was always yours. You just needed to hold on.”
His hand cupped the back of her neck as he rested his forehead on hers. “I’ll never let go again. I love you, Ivy.”
“I love you, too.”
She had barely gotten the last word out before Colt’s lips were on hers. His fingers dug into her scalp as hers clawed at his shoulders. Their tongues went to war, battling for supremacy. His won, but she was a willing captive.
Ending the kiss, he skimmed his nose alongside hers, whispering, “I’m so damn sorry.” He pulled his head back, staring into her eyes, rubbing a thumb along her jaw. “I’ll never take you for granted again.”
Her fingers skimmed up the back of his neck, ruffling the shorts hairs she found there. “Colt’s Kids. You started that for Jesse?”
“So kids didn’t end up like Jesse. Colt’s Kids gives them options, a place to get help. A fighting chance.”
A chilly gust of wind hit them, and she shivered.
“You’re cold.”
“A little.”
He got to his feet and held out his hand. She took it, and he helped her up. The moment felt surreal as she looked up into his eyes. “I’m not dreaming this, am I?”
His arms tightened around her. “If you are, I don’t want you to ever wake up.”
“Promise me one more thing.”
“Anything.”
“Don’t give up the fight. I want you to win the Super Bowl. For Jesse.”
He shook his head. “I won’t go back to the man I was. I can’t lose you again.”
She smiled up at him. “Then that just means you need to win in two weeks.”
“That easy, huh?”
“Yeah, piece of cake.”
He lost his smile as his expression grew serious. “I love you so damn much.”
Her lips quirked. “Prove it.”
He did, by kissing her.
They drove for another hour before Colt called it quits, googling a hotel they could stay at for the night. Ivy knew he had to be exhausted. Not only had he been up before dawn, but he’d also had the scare of his life and won a championship game. Not to mention, they’d been driving for over six hours.
Armed with the duffle full of new clothes and essentials they’d picked up at a supercenter, Colt pulled her through their hotel room door, barely waiting for it to shut behind them before he was pushing her up against it. “Finally. Alone. With you. In a room. With a bed.”
He took her mouth as he grabbed her just under the ass, lifting her, using the door as leverage as he pressed himself into her. His kiss was not gentle, but that of a man desperate, devouring her mouth with lips and teeth, nipping, biting, and sucking. One of his hands reached under her shirt, found her breast. Her sex clenched as he found her nipple through her bra and pinched.
He pulled away from her mouth to kiss along her jaw. “God, I missed you.”
“Wait,” Ivy panted.
He raised his head from her neck to look at her. “What’s wrong?”
“I need to shower.”
“No you don’t.” His lips landed back on her neck as his fingers found the clasp of her bra and unhooked it.
She pushed at his shoulder. “I don’t feel clean. I’ve been on an airplane and those things are full of germs. And then at a football game for over three hours. Not to mention the rental car. Do you know how many people have sat in that seat I was just sitting on?”
Colt dropped his forehead to her shoulder and his started to shake.
“Why are you laughing?”
He lifted his head. “It’s either that or cry. It’s been six very long weeks since we’ve had sex.”
“And another few minutes won’t kill you.”
“It might.” His tone was dead serious, but he ruined the effect when his lips twitched. Letting her drop to the floor, he kept hold of her waist until she got her balance.
“I’ll be quick.” Ivy gave him a peck on the cheek and scurried around him, grabbing the duffle and tossing it on the bed to dig through it. She pulled out the two-pack of toothbrushes, box of toothpaste, and the cute pink with black polka dot short and cami PJ set they’d picked up. On second thought, with a small grin, she shoved the PJs back in. She wouldn’t be needing them.
Her steps faltered at the threshold to the bathroom. She turned back around. Colt sat on the edge of the bed, head down, untying his boots. “Hey.” He raised his head to look at her. “You said we haven’t had sex, as in you and I. Have you…” Her sentence trailed off, her throat closing, unable to get the rest of her thought out.
He toed off his boots and stood, coming straight for her. His hands cupped her face, and he tilted her head back and kissed her. Softly this time but with just as much feeling. He ended the kiss, looking her in the eyes. “No.”
Relief filled her chest, and she took a deep breath before smiling. “Okay, good. I haven’t either.”
He kissed her lips one more time then turned her by the shoulders to face the bathroom. “Hurry up and shower.”
“Jeez, impatient much?”
“Yes,” was growled by her ear as he gave her shoulders a little push.
She chuckled as the bathroom door closed behind her.
Dumping the stuff she held on the counter, she flipped the shower on and stripped out of her clothes.
She hadn’t thought she had taken that long, but when she opened the door, she found Colt passed out on the bed. She padded her way across the carpeting, holding the towel in place around herself, stopping at the edge of the bed to gaze down at him.
Bare chested with the sheet pulled to his waist, he slept with one arm draped over his stomach while the other was tucked under his head. “Colt?”
All she got for an answer was the rhythmic rise and fall of his chest.
Her eyes darted to the duffle now s
itting on the dresser. Welp, guess she’d be needing those pajamas after all.
The feel of calloused fingers trailing up her leg and warm lips pressed to her neck slowly woke her. She shifted, her legs parting, the fingers finding the inside of her thigh.
“You’re awake?” Colt’s heated breath tickled along the underside of her jaw.
“Hmmm.” She stretched, arching her back.
“I’ll take that as a yes.” His touch grew more aggressive, his fingers dipping under the hem of her shorts to find her heat. They paused for the barest of seconds when they encountered no panties barring their path and felt him smile against her skin.
A finger slid between her folds, collecting the wetness there, before finding her clit. And he worked it, her hips moving in tandem with his finger until she was right on the brink.
“Come for me.” The gruff words so close to her ear sent her over the edge.
Still coming down from her high, he stripped her of her clothes, pulling the camisole over her head and sliding off her shorts. Positioning himself between her legs, his touch was light, almost reverent, as he caressed up her thighs, over her hips and ribs, the sides of her breasts. Hovering over her, pushup style, he brought his face close. But he didn’t close the distance to kiss her. Instead, he stared into her eyes as he slowly entered her. And he kept her eyes as he just as slowly moved in and out.
He didn’t fuck her.
They weren’t having sex.
They were making love.
And it was beautiful.
He waited for her to come again before he let himself go, and he held her eyes for that, too. She saw everything he wanted to show her. Love swirled in the dark depths of his eyes along with the remorse he still clung to.
She ran her hand up his arm, over his shoulder to cup his jaw. And she finally lost his eyes when he closed them to nestle into her hand and kiss her palm.