by Annie Rains
“I did.” Shrugging her shoulders, Beth shook her head. “And I don’t want to talk about that.”
Lawson frowned. His niece was an angel in his opinion, but in the presence of others she had a less than angelic side. “The horse show’s in a couple weeks. You and the horses need to train.”
“What part of ‘I don’t want to talk about it’ don’t you understand?” Beth said, tossing his own words back at him with a smile. She stood. “Since neither of us are in the mood to talk, I’m going to go check on the child in question, just to soothe your mind that this monitor is working. Then I’m going to make lunch. Can you stay?” she asked, starting for the barn door.
“Sure. I’ll be in in a bit.” After he’d sufficiently cleaned both stalls and worked off his frustration.
His cellphone rang as he reached for a new bale of hay. Pulling it to his ear, he answered.
“Captain Phillips?”
Straightening, the stress that Lawson had just worked off came back in full force. “Yes, sir?”
“This is Commander Oakes. How are you?”
Lawson hesitated. Commanding officers didn’t usually call when you were sick. He’d no doubt heard about what happened at the Air Station yesterday. Lawson had had every intention of going back this morning, but then he’d woken in a cold sweat. “I’m well, sir. Just a little under the weather.” Which wasn’t exactly a lie.
“I see. Captain, you have an appointment at zero nine hundred tomorrow at the Naval Hospital. Dr. Pierce will be expecting you.”
“An appointment, sir?” Lawson rubbed his hand over the senior mare’s snout. “I’m sure I’ll be feeling better by that time.” Commanding officers didn’t usually make doctor appointments for their guys, either.
“It’s with Naval Mental Health. Dr. Pierce is a psychologist there.”
Lawson froze. “Sir, with all due respect, I really don’t think that’s necessary. Like I said, I’m just under the weather and—”
“Zero nine hundred, Captain Phillips. I strongly suggest you be there on time.” A dial tone replaced the commander’s voice.
Fuck.
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
He kicked the bale of hay next to him and stormed out of the barn. He’d text Beth and tell her lunch wasn’t happening. In his state, she’d just ask more questions. And Sabrina definitely didn’t need to witness his current mood.
Talking was not his forte, which is exactly why seeing a psychologist was the very last thing he needed. What he needed was something, or someone, to take his mind off his stressors.
Chapter 3
The next morning Julie entered the Seaside Café, collected a cup of coffee and a bagel, and sat in the back corner. She had a newspaper laid out in front of her and opened to the HELP WANTED section.
She doubted there’d be anything new from yesterday, but she could hope. Or people watch. She looked up, scanning the customers seated around her. It was early morning, so most of them were likely headed to a job after leaving here. Lucky ducks. Since arriving home in the fall, Julie had only managed to get seasonal and odd jobs. She bit into a sesame seed bagel and discreetly turned her focus to the young couple to her far left.
The woman was pretty with dark hair and milky white skin. She was tall, slender. Her boyfriend was taller and built like an ox. A frown was firmly set on his jaw as he leaned forward and talked to the woman.
Julie tried not to stare. She sipped her coffee and continued to peruse the ads.
DISHWASHER
MAIL CARRIER
The man’s voice carried. He was upset and the woman looked shaken by whatever he was saying.
Memories of Daren slammed into Julie’s mind as she pretended not to watch the couple. She’d had countless times with her ex where he’d been angry and she’d been…frightened. He hadn’t always been that way. He’d been gentle once, she remembered.
The woman reached for the man’s hand and he jerked it away. His frown was a sneer now.
What is he saying to her? Julie couldn’t hear, but she caught the gist of the conversation by the body language between the two. Bringing her coffee cup to her mouth, Julie sipped anxiously.
Just leave him, she mentally begged the woman. Don’t waste too much of your time, or heart, on a guy like that.
She’d made that mistake in her own life. Never again.
A finger tapped her shoulder and Julie jumped, nearly spilling her hot coffee down the front of her blouse.
“Whoa! Hey.” Lawson was standing beside her table. He must’ve walked around, avoiding her peripheral vision. And she’d been distracted by the couple. “If you keep startling like that every time you see me, I’m going to think I’m a scary-looking guy.” He offered up a grin that poked dimples in his cheeks.
Not scary. Sexy.
“You okay?” he asked.
Julie shrugged. “Just lost in my thoughts, I guess.”
He nodded. Then, without invitation, he sat in the open chair beside her. It was just as well because she’d been hoping to talk to him.
Brushing a chunk of hair behind her ear, she met his gaze. “Lawson, I want to apologize for Monday morning. I was rude and antisocial and…” She shook her head. “You were just being nice. I know that. So, I’m sorry. And thank you.”
Lawson sipped his coffee. “Apology accepted. And you’re welcome,” he said, watching her, making her body heat. She was definitely attracted to him and definitely didn’t need to be. Not right now.
The couple at the neighboring table was still arguing. Her gaze flitted toward their rising voices. Then the man slammed a hand down on the table, making the woman jump.
Julie jumped, too. Then her body heated for totally different reasons as she turned back to Lawson.
“Glad to see I’m not the only person making you jump,” he said, his voice lowering.
Julie shifted uncomfortably. Folding up her newspaper, she tossed her bagel back in its bag. Then she stood and offered him a smile, summoning that shattered confidence. “I, uh, really need to get going.”
“Busy day?” he asked, his gaze laser sharp.
She wished she could say yes, but without any job prospects, there was just the volunteer work she sometimes did at the local elementary school for her sister, Kat. “Something like that. Good seeing you, Lawson.”
“Always a pleasure,” he said.
Passing the table with the woman, alone now after the jerk with the anger problem had marched out, Julie gave an empathetic smile; she understood how the woman must be feeling. Like she’d done something wrong, which she probably hadn’t.
Or maybe that was just Julie projecting the details of her own past on the stranger.
Julie made it to her car and exhaled. She could ride around and check storefront windows for HELP WANTED signs. There was always that. Opening her purse, she noticed her cellphone blinking. She’d had it on mute in the café.
Checking the screen, she saw that she’d missed a call from Allison at the Veterans’ Center. With her luck, Allison had called to hammer the final nail in her proposal-package coffin.
Best to get this over with and let the day go up from here.
Julie pressed redial and waited.
“Good news,” Allison said, bypassing hello. “Mr. Banks is going to give you a chance.”
Julie straightened behind her steering wheel. “What? Why?”
Allison laughed into the phone. “Because it’s an awesome program, that’s why. And maybe because I also called my mother and had her pull a few strings. Mom is good friends with the commanding officer of Camp Leon. She suggested that a wellness program might be beneficial to the local Marines. Or a yoga program. Then, of course, she told the CO about how her daughter—me—works here at the vet center in Seaside. One thing led to another and voilà. Mr. Banks apparently loved the idea when the commanding officer suggested it. He said he had a program already in the works.”
Julie’s mouth fell open. “I can’t believe it.”
/> “Well, there is one catch.” The excitement in Allison’s voice dropped off.
Julie held her breath. “What is it?”
“He wants you to do a one-month trial. He’ll offer you a room at the Veterans’ Center and the minimum supplies needed.”
“All I really need are yoga mats.” And she could make do without those if she had to.
“And you’d be volunteering your time for this trial program. No pay. You’ll move to paid status after the month, if the program is a success.”
“No pay?” Julie nodded, remembering the stack of bills currently on her kitchen counter. A job that didn’t pay wasn’t ideal, but it was better than sitting around and being depressed about being unemployed. At least with this opportunity, there was a chance of doing something she loved long-term.
“So? What do you think? Are you in?” Allison asked.
Julie didn’t hesitate. “Definitely.”
“Great. Can you start next Monday?”
Excitement surged through Julie. “Yes. I can’t wait. Thank you, Allison.”
—
Lawson looked at the clock. Commander Oakes had warned him not to be late, but evidently Dr. Pierce played by different rules. He’d wait for this “doctor” one more minute and then he was leaving. Maybe he’d run into Julie again in town like he had earlier this morning. He could get used to running into her, although he’d prefer if she didn’t act so jumpy in his presence.
“Captain Phillips?”
Lawson turned toward the older woman with short gray hair and emerald eyes.
“I’m Dr. Pierce,” she told him.
He nodded. He’d expected some young naval psychologist who didn’t know his nose from his ass.
The woman laid a file on her desk, sat in the chair in front of him, and smiled. “So, why are you here?”
He fidgeted with his hands in his lap. “Well, if you don’t know that, then why are you here?” he asked, only half joking.
Dr. Pierce didn’t look impressed. Yeah, he wasn’t impressed with himself these days, either. Enough of his buddies had been ordered to see shrinks that he knew what Dr. Pierce wanted, though. She wanted to label him. His friend Shawn had been labeled with post-traumatic stress disorder two years ago, and he hadn’t set foot in a cockpit since.
Lawson’s jaw tightened. “Look. I got a little spooked on Monday. That’s all.”
She continued to watch him, waiting for him to say more. He’d seen how psychologists acted in movies. Silence made the other person talk. Not him.
“And?” she asked.
“And I’m fine. It won’t happen again.”
“How are you sleeping?” she asked.
He shrugged, as if that answered anything. “Sleep is overrated, if you ask me,” he joked.
She nodded, unamused. “Any other symptoms?”
“Symptoms?” He met her gaze, chewing on his thoughts. The powers that be would see anything she wrote in his file. Depending on the language, and whether his commanding officer liked him at the moment, all those years he’d spent training for aviation could be for nothing. “I’m not sure what happened out there on Monday, but I’m over it. If I wasn’t sitting here in front of you right now I’d already be back in the cockpit. I’d already be in the clouds.”
Dr. Pierce folded her hands in front of her. “You don’t need to put on a tough guy act with me, Captain.”
“I’m fine,” he ground out, not liking this Dr. Pierce even a little.
“Is that why you’re sitting in front of me? Because you’re fine?”
“Fine as someone can be who’s been shot down from the sky.” He ran a hand over his head, missing the weight of his hat. The way it seemed to serve as a shield of sorts. “I don’t know how…” He paused, looking for the right words. Words that wouldn’t ruin his career. “I don’t know how to act as if nothing happened out there, okay?”
“You don’t. You act as if something did happen.” She leaned forward. “Something terrible. Something that no Marine should ever have to face. You tackle it head-on, instead of pretending.”
“No offense, doc, but how would you know?”
She met his gaze, holding it where a lot of brave men backed down. “I know.”
“Okay.” He shrugged. “So tell me what to do.”
“I can’t tell you that.” She sat back now and folded her arms at her chest. “I can only tell you what I did.”
He swallowed. “All right.”
“I did everything wrong, and nearly ruined my career. What you need right now is to find your new normal. Do the things you used to do. Act like your old self even if you don’t feel that way. And whatever you do, don’t make any rash decisions.”
“Like buying a new car?” he scoffed. No worries there. He liked his truck.
Dr. Pierce nodded. “Or jumping into a new relationship.”
He lifted a brow. “Why is that?” he asked. Not that he cared. He needed a woman in his life right now like he needed a hole in his head.
“Because you’re not ready. You’ll hurt yourself and everyone around you if you’re not careful,” she said knowingly. “And ease up to the helicopters. If you’re not ready to be in the sky, don’t push yourself.”
Lawson shook his head. “The problem with that is that my commander has given me a ticking clock. I’ve been given one more month of light duty.” And that in itself pissed him off. He didn’t want another month at a desk. “If I’m not flying by then, there’s a warming bench waiting for me at Camp Neally. Any other words of wisdom?” Lawson asked.
Dr. Pierce smiled back at him. “Yes. I’m ordering you to take an exercise class.”
He narrowed his eyes. “You’re joking.”
“No, Captain. I’m not. Your commander told me that what I say goes. There’s a new class being offered at the Veterans’ Center in Seaside. My daughter is the director there. You live there, correct?”
“That’s right.”
“It’s a stress-reduction class for Marines.”
“I don’t have PTSD,” he said, stiffening.
Dr. Pierce shook her head. “No one said you did. I’d have to do a formal assessment to diagnose you with that. And we may do that in one of our next sessions. Either way, you do have stress, Captain Phillips, just like anyone else who returns home. Combat stress is normal. What you experienced in front of that helicopter the other day is normal, too. Your body is trained to flee from danger. That’s what keeps you alive during life-and-death situations.”
Lawson looked up. So she didn’t think he was crazy. That was good.
“I think this class is exactly what you need. Plus, it’ll look good in your file. It’ll show that you’re working on your issues under our guidance.”
“You mean it’ll look good for you in case I go nuts? I don’t need an exercise class,” he said again, shaking his head. What he needed was to get back to flying, as soon as possible.
“Perfect.” She clasped her hands in front of her. “Then it’s settled. And I’d like to see you back in my office next week. Maybe by that time you’ll be ready to talk more about your issues.”
There was that T-word. Everyone wanted to do it. Except talking to Dr. Pierce could have repercussions just like it had for his friend.
She stood, signaling that their session had ended. Then she jotted down a date and time for this exercise class on a sticky note. “Be there, or I’ll find out. And my next recommended action for you might not be as much fun.”
Lawson looked down at the paper in his hand. “This class starts Monday night.” Talk about short notice.
With a smile, she walked to the door and opened it, laying a hand on his shoulder before he exited. “I’m here to help you, Captain, not hurt you in any way. I hope you know that.”
He wanted to tell her he didn’t need help, that whatever he was dealing with, he could deal with on his own. Instead, he nodded. “Thanks, Dr. Pierce. I’ll, uh, see you next week.”
Chapter 4
Julie had been sitting at her computer for over an hour. Her yoga class with the Marines started in just a few days, and she needed to do a little more research to prepare.
After pulling up Google and typing in a few keywords related to Marines and stress, she’d found several sites devoted to yoga and PTSD, even a couple specifically talking about the benefits of yoga for soldiers returning home from war. The reading was fascinating, and if she didn’t have plans to go out with the girls tonight, she’d probably fall asleep sitting right here with her reading glasses on and a half-eaten bar of chocolate by her side. Margaritas with her sister, Kat, and their friend Val were in order, though. She’d made baby steps toward securing her life in Seaside, but she still had miles to go. She needed advice, and a paying job in the meantime. The nest egg she’d saved since college had helped, but it was almost gone.
Julie glanced at the bills she’d pulled from her mailbox earlier. Unopened bills that she didn’t want to think about right now. Instead, she headed to her room in the back of the house and pulled open her closet to survey her wardrobe. After trying on and discarding several skirts and dresses, she squeezed into a pair of tight jeans that complemented a fitted knit shirt and checked her image in the mirror. She’d forgotten how much work went into being single.
She stared at her reflection. Not bad. Yoga helped maintain her figure and the push-up bra she was wearing helped showcase what she had going on upstairs. Tonight was about hanging out with the girls, though. Not attracting the opposite sex. Lawson crossed her mind again, and she wondered if he’d be out tonight. If they were going to the bar that Kat’s husband, Micah, liked to go to, then it was also the bar that Lawson might be at. Why should she care, though? She didn’t, she decided, inspecting her reflection one last time. Slipping her feet into a pair of high heels to top off the look, she headed toward the front of the house just as the doorbell rang.
Kat and Val greeted her as she opened the door. Kat was dressed in a fitted black dress. Val sported an ensemble similar to Julie’s, except her top sparkled and screamed sass, which was fitting for the smart-mouthed brunette.