by Annie Rains
“No, I love surprises. I just also like to make my own choices.”
He shook his head. “Your ex really messed with your head, didn’t he?”
She hugged her arms around her body, hating that the answer to that question was yes. Hating that she couldn’t just relax and allow Lawson to take her wherever he pleased. Doing so wouldn’t mean that she didn’t have an opinion.
He scratched his chin as he turned onto Seaside Drive, a scenic road that led to Seaside’s touristy downtown area and pier. “I can’t fix what that scumbag did on your last birthday, but I happen to know that the bakery and ice cream shop here serves chocolate cake.”
Her heart melted a little at the mention of cake, and at the fact that Lawson was trying to make up for Daren’s mistakes. “Chocolate cake?”
“Um-hmm. It’s such a nice night, I thought we could take it out on the pier. Maybe sit on one of those benches and relax.”
She was sorry she hadn’t let him surprise her. “That’s very sweet.”
He scrubbed a hand over his cheek as if she’d slapped him. “A few nights ago you were calling me sexy. Now I’m sweet.”
“That’s a step up in my book,” she said.
Parking, he looked at her. “Just don’t tell anyone, okay? If Mel Harris catches wind that there’s hope for me, she might start showing up at the gas pump next to mine again.”
“The gas station, too?” Julie laughed. “Are you sure you don’t want to give her another chance?”
“Not my type,” he said, unfastening his seatbelt.
“If not Mel, then who is your type?” It was a stupid question because she didn’t really need to know. The only reason she’d need to know was to see if she matched the description. But they had an arrangement—friends and lovers. And she liked this new arrangement.
“My type?” He was looking at her, long and hard, making no move to open his truck door and get out. “I’d say my type is blond. With green eyes. Fair skin, a lot like yours. She’d like hokey stuff, like yoga.”
Julie swallowed. She’d been hoping he’d say as much. “I see.”
“So, what do you say? Can I take you out for a slice of cake and a walk on the pier?”
She nodded. “I’d like that.”
“Good.” He opened his door and got out, walking around to the passenger side. “Well then, darling, let’s go have our cake. And if you decide that you don’t want chocolate tonight, just say the word. It’s lady’s choice.”
She took his hand, allowing him to help her from the truck, then walked by his side across the street, thinking about his words.
Lady’s choice.
At the moment, the thing her heart was beginning to want most didn’t feel like a choice at all.
“This is the best celebration I’ve ever had,” she said fifteen minutes later, seated on a wooden bench on the pier. “Thanks for this.”
“It’s no big deal.”
But it was a big deal. “You know, every time I think I have you pegged, you surprise me.”
He grinned, softening his tough demeanor and showing off a smear of chocolate on the corner of his mouth.
“You have, um…” She laughed a little.
“What?”
With his rugged good looks and trademark hat, he should’ve looked ridiculous. Instead, he just looked delicious. “Chocolate. You have chocolate on your face.”
He wiped a hand across his mouth, only smearing it further. He tried again as she shook her head and laughed harder.
“Let me,” she finally said, reaching up to touch his face. Time seemed to slow as she did. He watched her, his smile faltering.
“There.” She started to pull her hand away, but he stopped her.
“I believe that chocolate is mine.” He covered her finger with his mouth, taking the chocolate and making her entire body sizzle with awareness.
“Um…” She gave way to nervous laughter, pulling her gaze, and her hand, from his.
He reached an index finger to her chin, urging her to look at him again. It was such an innocent gesture, but it felt like the best kind of foreplay. Every touch from him felt like the best she’d ever had.
“Congratulations,” he said. “Let’s make a toast.”
“Okay.” She grabbed her Styrofoam cup of hot cocoa and tapped it against his raised one.
“To new beginnings. And friends.”
“New beginnings and friends,” she repeated. They’d advanced well past friendship, though.
They took a sip of their drinks and then Lawson placed his down. “A toast is usually sealed with a kiss.”
She arched a brow. “I’ve never heard of that before.”
He shrugged. “It’s tradition.”
Her gaze flicked to his lips. “No disregarding tradition. We better kiss then.” Her heart pounded at the thought. They’d kissed before, had sex, but still every touch felt new. Every touch awakened a deeper desire inside her.
He slowly swept a hand behind her head and pulled her to him. His lips were hot and, with the chilly breeze blowing off the ocean, she grabbed on to the kiss hungrily, melting into it, into him. He tasted like chocolate, which made her want him even more.
“You are so beautiful,” he whispered, pulling away just for a second. “Why do you make me want you so much?”
She laughed against his cheek. “So this is my fault, huh?”
“It’s not mine. If you weren’t so damn gorgeous.” The heat of his words warmed her ear as he whispered.
“I have another way of celebrating in mind,” she said.
His eyes locked on hers. “Yeah? Well, it is lady’s choice. Lead the way.”
“You don’t even know what it is,” she said.
“I trust you.” He enveloped her hand in his. “And I have a pretty good idea what you want. It’s written all over that pretty face.”
She swatted his shoulder. “My place. Now.”
“You don’t have to ask me twice,” he said.
—
He wasn’t going to think too hard about this because if he did, he knew reasoning and Dr. Pierce’s advice would take over. And right now his brain was not working. Not with Julie’s hands running up and down his chest. Not with her naked body writhing under him, begging him for things that he wasn’t about to say no to.
He bent and kissed her neck, loving how her body arched up to meet his. Yeah. No way was reason getting in the way tonight. “I want you, Julie,” he whispered, trailing kisses to her ear and nibbling softly.
She grabbed his face and pulled his lips toward hers, kissing him as if her next breath depended on it.
“Is this the celebration you had in mind?” he asked.
“Mmm. I was actually thinking we could do yoga,” she teased, clutching the hard muscles along his back, pulling him closer until hers felt like a second skin.
“Oh, yeah? I like this position.” He kissed her along her collarbone, loving how she wiggled restlessly. “What do you call this pose anyway?”
She gasped as his tongue flicked along her sensitive skin. “Fuck,” she finally whispered.
“Yeah. That’s a good name.”
“Now. I want you now,” she said, clinging to him.
Obliging, he pushed his way inside her. “Fuck,” he said, mimicking her earlier words. But this didn’t feel like any fucking session he’d ever had. This felt like something different, more intimate. There he went, reasoning again. “You feel so good,” he whispered, pressing deeper inside her. “So, so good.”
They continued like that for what felt like hours, until they both were drained and lying together in her bed. He wanted to go get her a glass of water afterward, but damn if he didn’t think his legs would take him to the kitchen. His whole body felt relaxed lying next to hers.
“Julie?” he said after several minutes had passed.
She didn’t answer.
“Julie?”
Her breaths were slow and even. Sleeping? He tried to remove his arm from under her hea
d, but she snuggled closer into him, moaning softly in her sleep.
Okay. He’d wait until he was sure he wouldn’t wake her, and then he’d get up. Until then he’d just have to figure out how not to fall asleep, too. Because waking up in a cold sweat beside Julie couldn’t happen.
Chapter 16
Julie jerked awake, suffocating under the tight squeeze of…Lawson?
She struggled to look at the shadow of a man spooning her in the dark, his grip steadily tightening like a vise. Wiggling around she tried, and failed, to free herself. “Lawson?” she whispered loudly.
His breathing was heavy and…
Is that sweat?
She wiggled harder. “Lawson?” she said, not wanting to startle him out of his slumber too abruptly. But if he didn’t wake up fast, she might not have the breath to wake him. “Wake up. You’re having a bad dream.” At least she guessed it was bad because this didn’t feel like a hug. More like a person holding on for his life. “Lawson. You’re okay. Wake up!” she said, raising her voice and jerking her body harder. She squeaked as his grip tightened even further, pinning her arms at her sides. She kicked her legs, bucking against him. And, oh, no. She really needed to pee. “Lawson!” she said louder, not caring about being gentle anymore. “Wake up!”
“No!” His arms flung open as his body jerked upright, nearly knocking her out of bed and onto the cold, hard floor.
She screamed, rolling away from him and filling her chest with air.
The sun was just starting to peek softly through the window, casting enough light that she could see the sweat trailing down his bare back. He scrubbed his hands over his face, as if washing the sleep off him, and then looked around. She guessed he was realizing where he was.
“Hi,” she said quietly, pulling the white sheet over her breasts as she sat up. Not that he hadn’t seen all of her last night. “You fell asleep at my place.”
He turned to look at her. She was breathing much easier now that his python squeeze had stopped.
“That was some dream you were having.”
“I’m sorry.” He shook his head and stood, collecting his shirt and jeans off the ground as if he were late for something. She hadn’t even seen him look at his watch to see what time it was.
“Don’t be sorry. What were you dreaming about?”
“Nothing,” he said, buttoning his jeans and avoiding her gaze.
“You know, you can talk to me if you want. I’m a good—”
“Listener. Yeah, I know.”
Fully dressed, he faced her, a dull look in his eyes instead of the sparkle she’d seen last night when they’d been together. Or the glazed look of a man undone after they’d made love.
“I don’t want to talk. Look, I shouldn’t have fallen asleep here. I’m sorry,” he said.
“It’s okay.”
He gestured behind him. “I have to go home and shower before heading to Beth’s to tend to the horses.”
“Okay. Well, I’ll get dressed and come with you.” She draped her legs over the side of the bed, reaching for her own clothing.
“No. You stay and rest. We were a little active last night.” He was teasing her, but he didn’t smile. She recognized exactly what he was doing—pushing her away. “I’ll see you later, okay?”
“You don’t have to be embarrassed, Lawson. It was just a nightmare.”
His gaze narrowed. “I’m not embarrassed. I just need space.”
She straightened at the sharpness in his voice. “Okay. Sure.”
Then without another word, or a kiss, he left her lying there, naked and alone. Her chest shuddered as she took another breath. What just happened?
—
“He just left you lying there?” Kat asked on the phone later that day, as Julie recounted what had happened.
“Pretty much.”
“Typical man. He doesn’t want to talk about his feelings,” her sister said. “Which is fine because he’s just a fling, right?”
Julie glanced in the living room at Sabrina, who was drifting off to sleep on the couch. “Right.”
“Wrong,” Kat corrected. “If he were nothing you wouldn’t be on the phone worrying about him right now.”
“We’re friends, too.”
“Friends and lovers. Gee, that sounds like a full-fledged relationship.”
Julie walked to the couch and sat, folding her legs under her. “I’m not ready to fall for someone. I haven’t even faced Daren since I left. I’m still figuring out my life. It’s not a good time to go for anything more from anyone.” She was spewing out all the reasons she’d been repeating to herself for the last month as she’d grown closer to Lawson. None of them seemed true anymore, though.
“I never thought I’d be ready for love again,” Kat said. “Then Micah came into my life and boom.”
Julie stared at the soft pink polish on her nails, the same color she’d painted Sabrina’s earlier in the afternoon. “I’m happy for you, sis, but Lawson and I aren’t the same. He’s not ready, either. He’s obviously dealing with stuff, and he won’t talk to anyone about it. It’s not healthy.” She frowned. “The next relationship I get myself into is going to be healthy.”
“We all have unhealthy areas in our lives. Maybe you can help him.”
Julie frowned to herself. “That’s what yoga is supposed to be doing.”
Kat coughed. “No offense, but yoga doesn’t replace talking things through.”
“I know that.” Julie continued to inspect her nail polish. “Speaking of talking things through, I miss you. Let’s go do something sisterly soon. Just us.”
“Sounds like fun. What do you have in mind?”
Julie fanned her nails in front of her. “A mani-pedi?”
Kat sighed dreamily. “You’re on.”
“Great. I’ll set us up for one tomorrow afternoon,” Julie said.
“Perfect.”
Julie hung up the phone and stared at Sabrina, who was lying next to her. Since she was still sleeping, Julie pulled her cellphone out and started Googling news articles. She knew there’d been an article on Lawson’s helicopter crash. She remembered seeing it, although at the time she hadn’t paid too much attention. After the way he’d acted this morning, though, she was curious what exactly he’d been through.
She scrolled through the articles that popped up from her search, and then stopped on one that mentioned Lawson by name.
HERO RESCUES FOUR IN CREW; ONE FATALITY.
She skimmed the article covering the details of what had happened. Lawson was a hero. Four men had gotten out of the helicopter after it’d crashed. One had lost a leg. And one man had lost his life.
She swallowed, reading the details of the crash, her eyes burning as she imagined what Lawson must’ve gone through. The helicopter had come under enemy fire. It’d continued to stay in flight almost to camp, thanks to the pilot. By the time the helicopter had combusted into a ball of fire, all but one had gotten out alive. Julie thought she recognized the name of the man who’d lost a leg. He lived in Seaside not far from where she stayed. She’d seen him at the grocery store once, limping on a prosthetic. Allen Rogers. He was cute. Single. He’d had a friendly smile, and she remembered admiring him for being able to smile after all he’d been through.
But Lawson had been through a lot, too. His scars weren’t physical. He carried them inside and smiled on the outside. He was brave, a hero who’d saved the lives of others.
“Julie?” Sabrina laid a hand on Julie’s lap, staring up at her with angelic blue eyes. “Are you going to cry?”
Julie shook her head, but a tear slipped down her cheek anyway. “Maybe just a little. I was reading a really sad story.”
Sabrina stared at her a moment. Julie could almost see how hard she was thinking, trying to come up with something worthy of a four-year-old to say. “Did you get to the end of the story? Because it’s always a happy ending.”
Julie laughed, pulling the little girl up onto her lap. “You are s
uch a smart girl. I haven’t gotten to the end just yet, but I think you might be right.”
“Read me a story?” Sabrina asked then.
Julie sat her phone down and reached for one of the fairy tales at her side. “Cinderella or Peter Pan?”
“Peter Pan!” Sabrina said, cheering. “He’s my favorite,” she said of the boy who loved to fly.
“Mine, too.”
—
Lawson had spent his Thursday afternoon teaching a Marine whose IQ he seriously doubted was high enough to drive a car, much less operate a gun. And this guy would be standing next to him or one of his men on a future deployment. Scary thought.
Even more aggravating than the grunt was the fact that, when he wasn’t trying to hammer sense into a hopeless cause, he’d been thinking about Julie. He regretted the way he’d stormed off on her this morning. She probably thought he was nuts. Maybe he was.
He glanced at his watch. It was nearly eight P.M. Great. Julie had offered another yoga class tonight, eager to start filling her schedule. He’d told her he’d attend, but he hadn’t. He hadn’t missed it intentionally, not entirely anyway. Time had just gotten away from him.
The Veterans’ Center would be closed by now. Julie would be home.
He debated waiting until the morning, but he didn’t like the idea of letting things sit between them. When a man was wrong, he owned it. His father had taught him that, even if his old man had never owned any of his own mistakes.
Lawson was a different man than his father, though. He drove to Julie’s house and parked behind her car, slamming the truck door so she could hear him coming. He didn’t want to startle her. Nerves and anger were never a good combination. He rang her doorbell and waited, wishing he’d brought something like candy or flowers. Women liked that stuff, and he might win her forgiveness faster with gifts.
Movement stirred behind the front door.
“Julie. It’s me,” he called. “It’s Lawson.”
Her response was dead silence.
“I came to apologize.”
More silence.
“Please,” he said quietly, unsure if she could hear him anymore.
The lock clicked and the door opened.
“Hey, stranger,” she said, crossing her arms. She was already dressed in a pair of pajamas. Her hair was pulled back out of her face. Her skin was clean, without a trace of makeup, which only made her prettier in his eyes.