by Annie Rains
“Pleasssssseeee,” Sabrina said, smiling wide.
Julie shook her head, then lifted her shoulders. “Fine. Okay.” Not that there was anything Lawson could do or say to make up for how he’d treated her.
“And you should do it soon. Like this afternoon soon,” Beth added. “Okay, that’s it.” She pretended to zip her lips. “That’s all I’m saying. No more.” She kissed Sabrina’s cheek. “Bye, little yogi. Have fun.”
Sabrina jumped up and down. “Bye, Mommy!”
Julie watched Beth practically run from the room. If Beth thought she needed to go see Lawson again, what could it hurt?
More kids started to file into the classroom. She inhaled deeply and tried to focus on the smiling faces in front of her. “Hi, everyone,” she said in her best singsong voice. The children’s enthusiasm immediately drew her in. “Are you guys excited about learning yoga?”
Everyone cheered. The energy in the room was the exact opposite of what it usually was in an adult class. It wasn’t peaceful, it was exuberant. No way was she going to be able to obsess over her love life right now. Or her lack of love life.
Thirty minutes later, after class had ended, she rolled up her yoga mat and waved goodbye to the last child. Sabrina came back in, dragging Beth behind her.
“Mom says we’ll be back next week!”
“Good.” Julie laughed. “It was great seeing both of you today. And, Sabrina, you did so good. Maybe you can be my assistant next time.”
Beth nodded. “And maybe I’ll join an adult class one of these days.”
“You should.” Julie followed them out and stopped at the reception desk where Allison was seated.
“Looks like you’ve made a bunch of kids happy today,” Allison said.
“I feel better after seeing them, too.” Julie watched as Beth and Sabrina exited the front door.
“I feel the same way after spending an hour in the weight room, watching a bunch of muscle heads. Speaking of which, I scheduled the ribbon-cutting ceremony for the new health and wellness center for tomorrow. As my assistant director, you should definitely be there.”
Julie clasped her hands at her chest. “Already?”
“Last minute, I know, but we’re ready. We already have classes scheduled for next week, so it makes sense. And I thought since you’d be running the place, that you would do the honors of cutting the ribbon,” Allison said.
“I’d love to.”
“After that, the place is yours to get up and running. The nutritionist I hired part-time will be able to come in on Thursdays. I’ll get you her phone number so you can get her oriented.”
“Great.” New energy surged through Julie. This was exactly what she was meant to be doing. This was a job that meant something, and it was hers. A fleeting thought of Lawson swept across her mind. A part of her wished she could call him and invite him to the ribbon-cutting ceremony. He’d encouraged her so much along the way, and someone should be there with her, celebrating her successes in life.
Julie shook the thought away. Kat and Val would be there for her. And Beth and Sabrina. She had people, albeit all females. They were people who loved her, though. That was all that mattered. And if Lawson ever truly loved her, he wouldn’t have broken up with her without any real explanation. “I’m going to throw everything I have into this new job,” she said. Which wasn’t much. First Daren and now Lawson had taken a piece of her. She’d gone and seen Daren and taken back her confidence. Now she was headed to Lawson’s place. She’d given him her heart, all of it. Now she was going to take it back. For good.
—
Since joining the Corps he’d moved three times. That’s why he was a man of few belongings. Belongings that he was ready to start boxing up.
Lawson circled the grocery store parking lot, landing a spot close to the entrance. In a military community, boxes were a hot commodity. No need to put them in a recycling bin here. They were recycled by giving them to the Marines with orders, something he didn’t have yet, but he was sure were coming when he met with his commander tomorrow morning.
“Got any boxes?” he asked the young cashier up front.
She popped a bubble in her gum. “Check in the back,” she said without even looking up.
“Thanks.” He walked in that direction, avoiding the condom aisle. That had gotten him in trouble last time.
“Boxes?” he asked the young man beyond the swinging metal doors. The kid’s head was shaved, which made Lawson suspect this was a second job along with the Corps.
“Take as many as you need, man. Where’re you going?” he asked.
Lawson shrugged. “All I know is I’m going.” He gathered up several boxes that were already broken down and nodded at the guy. “Thanks.”
He carried them to his truck, thankful that he hadn’t run into anyone he knew. He hadn’t grown up in a small town, but one thing he’d learned since living in Seaside was that you should always be prepared to see a familiar face. He hoped he wouldn’t see anyone today, though. Hope dissipated as he approached his driveway.
Julie’s car was parked there. Great. As if he hadn’t hurt her enough.
She stepped out as he parked and leaned against her closed door. She was dressed in fitted yoga pants, just like she’d worn when he’d run into her at the Veterans’ Center a couple of months back. She had her hair swept up in a ponytail, revealing a long kissable neck. “What’s going on?” she asked, crossing her arms in front of her.
Lawson mirrored her posture, crossing his own arms. Hers was to guard herself from being hurt by him again. His was to guard himself from pulling her into his arms and carrying her inside. “Hey, Julie. What are you doing here?”
“I spoke to Beth this afternoon.” Her chin lifted just slightly.
Oh, shit. Beth had promised him, and he was going to let his sister have a huge piece of his mind once he sent Julie on her way. Then he was going to pin her to the ground like he’d done when they were kids and muss that don’t-touch-me hair of hers. Payback was a bitch. “She shouldn’t have told you.”
Julie’s eyes narrowed. “I would have preferred to hear it from you.”
He shook his head, then opened his passenger door and pulled out the boxes from the grocery store. “I didn’t want to discuss it. I still don’t. I knew that being ordered to move at the drop of a hat was part of the deal when I joined the military. I’m a Marine. This is my job.” Turning back to her, he paused.
Her eyes were wide, shimmering with what he feared were tears. “You broke up with me because you’re moving?” she asked quietly.
“Beth didn’t tell you that?” he asked, cursing under his breath. “You tricked me.”
“And you were planning on moving without even telling me.”
He sighed. “I thought it’d be easier that way.”
“Easier for who? You? Because I’ve been tormented wondering what’s wrong with me, that you love me one day and decide I’m unlovable the next.” Her voice was rising along with the flush color of her cheeks.
“I never meant to hurt you, Julie,” he said. “I only wanted to—” Love you. I only wanted to love you. Protect you. And instead he’d done the opposite of those things.
She was watching him intently. She took a step toward him. “You said you love me the other night. Why are you pushing me away now? Was I just fun while you were here? And now that you’re leaving, I’m baggage? Is that it?”
He shook his head. “No.”
“Uh-huh.” Her eyes were brimming with tears, but she was doing her best not to cry. She was strong. “You made me fall in love with you. How could you…?” She swallowed. “I told myself that I was going to wait before I fell in love again. If I ever fell in love again. And then you came along and swept me off my feet. Did I ever really mean anything to you?”
She’d never know how much. “Look, we moved too fast,” he said. “I never should’ve said I loved you. That was a mistake, and I’m sorry.”
The tears st
arted sliding over her cheeks now. He resisted lifting his finger to wipe them away. She shook her head. “A mistake. I agree. Good luck and goodbye, Lawson.” Opening her car door, she got in and backed out as quickly as she could. He felt like punching something as hard as he could. Felt like jumping in front of her car, pulling her out of her driver’s seat, and kissing her stupid.
Instead, he carried his boxes inside and started packing. The quicker he got his orders tomorrow morning and moved to Camp Neally, the sooner everyone could move on with their lives.
Chapter 26
On Friday morning, Lawson knocked on Commander Oakes’s door. This was it. He was ready to get this dreaded meeting over with.
Commander Oakes opened the door, his movements efficient. Not one wasted muscle twitch. He gave half a nod and walked back to his desk. “Have a seat, Captain Phillips,” he said, gesturing toward a chair.
Lawson closed the door behind him. He could fight this decision. He hadn’t done anything wrong. He sat on the plush leather seat and looked at the older man seated across from him. His commander was solid, every square inch of him, even his stiff, iron-set lips.
“We’ve waited long enough,” Commander Oakes said. “If you’re not ready to fly—”
“One more chance,” Lawson said, surprising himself. He hadn’t planned on asking for another try. In fact, he’d loathed the idea of asking. It felt desperate, and a Marine wasn’t desperate. He didn’t want things to end this way, though. Being a pilot was the thing he’d wanted most in the world. He’d never wanted anything more.
Until Julie. He wanted her more.
Commander Oakes stared at him. “I saw how you looked in that cockpit the other day. You aren’t ready, Captain. That’s obvious.”
“I’m ready. I had nerves, but I’m trained to override my nerves. I’m trained to fly. It’s what I love, even after being shot out of the sky. I deserve another chance.” His voice was steadily rising. He’d worked hard to get where he was, and it pissed him off that someone was going to take it from him now. Not without a fight. Julie was worth fighting for, too. She mattered more to him than anything else, even this. Beth was right. He was a stupid idiot for letting her go. Why had it taken him so long to figure that out?
“I’m not taking away your wings. Not permanently. I just think it’s best for the Corps if you teach for a while,” Commander Oakes continued. “You are a valuable resource and we can utilize your knowledge at Camp Neally.”
Lawson’s back teeth clenched tightly. “No offense, sir, but teaching isn’t my dream. I’ve been dreaming about being a Marine Corps pilot since I was eight years old.” And he was a fighter. He didn’t just lie down and take whatever punishment life had to offer. He didn’t just walk away. He wasn’t like his father. Or Sabrina’s father. He stood strong. “Sir, I—”
The phone on the commander’s desk rang. Lawson bit back his words and waited.
Commander Oakes cursed into the phone, drawing Lawson’s attention. “How bad is it?” he asked. His features had gotten impossibly harder. “I see. I’ll start putting together a crew. We just sent our largest squadron for training in the desert, though.”
Lawson read between the lines. Someone was in trouble and they needed Marines to help. When his commander hung up, Lawson leaned forward over the desk between them, bracing the weight of his body with his arms. “What happened?”
Commander Oakes sighed. “A parachute accident during training at Camp Beaumont. They can’t find the Marine.”
Adrenaline surged through Lawson’s body. “I learned to fly with a small helicopter. I can fly most anything out there.” He gestured toward the distant airfield. “Let me help.”
“No. We already have one man missing. If I send you up and something happens—”
“So come with me, sir. I assure you that nothing will happen. This Marine needs us and the longer you stand here arguing with me, the longer he waits, possibly dying.”
Commander Oakes’s steely gaze met his, but Lawson wasn’t backing down. Not when he knew he could help.
“Fine. Gear up, Captain. Let’s go save a life.”
—
A ribbon-cutting ceremony sounded like a much bigger deal than it actually was. There was a thick yellow ribbon—yellow because it was the color of ribbon the community wore to support the troops—wrapped around the posts in front of the building’s entrance. Julie had a large pair of scissors in hand. She was wearing a fitted black dress because the Seaside Daily News was here to document the moment. She hoped they wouldn’t be documenting anything else, like how her legs were shaking or how her palms were sweaty when she’d shaken their hands.
This was a big deal to her.
Despite the short notice, a nice-sized crowd had gathered outside the building. The weather was perfect, which she was thankful for. She’d give a small speech, if you could even call it that, and then cut the ribbon. No biggie. Except it was huge.
“Quit stressing,” Kat said, stepping up to her and hugging Julie’s neck. She’d taken the morning off work just to be here. “You’ll be great.”
“Right.” Julie nodded. She’d been giving her own self a pep talk all morning.
Val stood beside Kat. “Break a leg,” she said, raising her brow line playfully.
“Something tells me you really mean that,” Julie joked, feeling better because of the presence of her friends. She’d already spotted Beth and Sabrina in the crowd, too. And despite her earnest efforts not to look for him, she hadn’t seen Lawson.
“Stop it,” Val said, swatting her shoulder.
“Ouch! What?” Julie said, rubbing the spot that Val had hit.
“You’re thinking about him. Stop it. This is your moment. Don’t let anyone ruin it for you.”
Julie sucked in a breath. “Good advice. Thank you.” She hugged Val’s neck. “And thank you both for coming.”
“Wouldn’t miss it,” Kat said. “Now go cut that ribbon.”
Julie nodded. She’d never been good at interviews and this felt like one big interview. She was the new assistant director for the Veterans’ Center. The town was meeting her in this role for the first time today and she wanted to make a good impression. She planned on staying in this job for a long time. It was going to demand a lot of her time and energy, and she had plans to add more than just yoga classes. She was thinking about possibly offering a meditation class, too.
Allison waved her up toward the front of the building. Mr. Banks stood beside her, along with a few other people that Julie recognized. She stood with them and waited to say something that was somewhat intelligent. At least she prayed it would be.
Allison spoke first. Then Mr. Banks. Then they ushered her in front of the microphone.
“Hello, everyone. I feel honored to be here today, among so many people who have fought for this country. You are all my heroes, and I consider it an honor to be able to work with you, to give back, and hopefully help in some small way.” She smiled, looking out into the crowd. She hadn’t jumbled or stuttered any of her words so far. “Thank you.” She was unconsciously looking for Lawson as she addressed the crowd. How long would she do that? Would she look for him everywhere she went from now on? Would she wonder if it was him every time the phone rang?
Rose was standing in the front of the crowd. She’d been coming to Julie’s yoga classes from the beginning. She had PTSD from her war experiences, but she was fighting for some kind of normalcy.
Julie stepped over and placed the scissors in Rose’s hands. “You do the honors.”
Rose’s mouth fell open. “Me?”
“This building is for our heroes. It’s for you. You should cut the ribbon,” Julie said quietly enough for only Rose to hear.
Rose curled her fingers around the handles of the scissors. “I would love to.”
It was a small crowd, but they went wild as the scissor’s blades chopped through the yellow ribbon. Julie’s throat tightened as she looked out at the people surrounding the fro
nt of the building again, hoping to see one particular face.
But she didn’t.
—
Lawson focused on the missing Marine and not the fact that he was in a cockpit for the first time in months. He went through the motions that he could do in his sleep.
“Don’t kill us both,” Commander Oakes advised through the headset, looking over.
Lawson nodded. “Not today, sir. We have a life to save.” And that’s what he focused on. Not the sounds of metal gnashing in his memory. Not what had happened the last time he’d gone airborne.
He took a deep breath in through his nose, and exhaled. In through his nose and exhaled, watching the ground disappear as they lifted and started flying east toward the coordinates of the missing Marine. There was a search party on the ground, but there’d been no success, which meant the dense expanse of trees needed to be searched overhead. It was a fifty-fifty chance, in Lawson’s mind, if they were looking for the living or the dead.
A chill ran over him and those pesky memories of death on his last flight niggled in his mind. He focused on his breath and the memory of Julie’s voice telling him to release and let go. She’d been a calming force in his life since he’d met her. Better than any therapy the Corps could offer.
And now he was being torn away from her.
They approached the area where the Marine had gone missing, and he started to look down, praying silently that this flight was about life and not death.
Please let him be alive.
Please let him be alive.
It became a mental chant. He breathed in and chanted. Breathed out and chanted. They searched for over an hour, flying over the trees with nothing to show for their efforts. They were just turning to head back when Lawson saw something. At first he thought it was his mind playing tricks. It’d been good for that over the last few months. Then he realized that he was looking at a parachute caught up in one of the pines, its strings holding on to its lifeless passenger.
“Please let him be alive.” He said it out loud this time.
“Captain?” Commander Oakes glanced over and Lawson pointed. “There. In the tree.” He called out the coordinates to the local search and rescue chopper several miles away, breathing in and out. Then they circled and waited, the minutes ticking like hours.