by Joanna Larum
“It didn’t take Annie long to absorb all that had happened that night and she was ready with her sympathy for me over Simon’s death, although she didn’t waste any of it on William.”
“‘Yon lad was always too wrapped up in himself and how he was feeling,’ was her conclusion to what William had said and done. ‘It’s no surprise to me that he would put himself before the bairn, although that little mite didn’t deserve to die for his father’s weaknesses. I can understand Dennison wanting revenge for his lad’s death when he found out how it had happened, but he must have been a twisted, evil bugger to try and get that revenge by killing a child. I don’t blame him for wanting William dead, but he should have concentrated on William and left the rest of the family alone.’”
“‘But you’ve lost Peter,’ I said to her, amazed that she could look at all that had happened so logically.”
“ ‘I know that, pet,’ she answered, ‘And I’ll grieve for him for the rest of my life, believe me, but he chose the way he was going to die. Not many folk get to make that choice, certainly little Simon didn’t. I’m just glad that he didn’t have to spend years in prison for what he did. And, if I’m being honest, I won’t have to worry about what’s going to happen to him after I’ve gone. He would never have been able to care for himself, not with his handicap, and I’ve worried all his life about how he would cope when I died. He’s saved me that worry now.’”
“‘I would have cared for him, Annie.’ I cried, hurt that she thought I would have abandoned Peter. ‘I would have looked after him for the rest of my life and loved him like my own.’”
“‘I know you would have done, lass, but it wouldn’t have been fair on you,’ Annie answered. ‘He wasn’t your responsibility, even though you seem to think that you have to take on the cares of the world. No, it’s better like this and I think Peter knew that, even if he couldn’t have put it into words.’”
“I was ready to argue this point, but Sam interrupted before I could begin.”
“‘I know you want to talk about this, you two, but Bia and I need to get down to the docks. It would look suspicious if we didn’t turn up at the same time as everyone else, when so many people know that we were out searching for William and Simon earlier this evening. We can’t risk any out –of- the -ordinary behaviour at the moment. I can hear people out in the street and it’s time we joined them. Can you manage it, Bia?’”
“I assured him that I could and would do all that was needed that night and, after hugging Annie, we left her to look after Sam’s three daughters and made our way, once more, to the docks.”
Nana Lymer fell silent at this point and Victoria took the opportunity to take hold of her hand and rub it gently, rather like her Granddad Sam had done that long-ago night during the First World War. The more she heard about the events of that time, the more she pitied her grandmother, wishing that she could do something to alleviate the pain she must be feeling. She wasn’t sure if she should comment on what Nana had told her or if she should ask questions about the events (and she had a stack of questions rocketing through her brain) or if she should let Nana Lymer take the lead and wait for her comments. It was a few moments before she realised that Nana was watching her face, as though to gauge her reactions to what she had heard.
“Do you think we did the wrong thing, keeping the truth a secret all these years?” Nana asked when she knew she had Victoria’s attention.
“No, Nana.” Victoria’s reply came very quickly. “I don’t think you could have done anything else. Nobody would have gained anything by learning the truth and you and Granddad and Annie would all have suffered in other ways if the truth had come out. The pig butcher was dead, so he paid for the murders he had committed; William was dead, so he paid for his cowardice and his shameful abandonment of his son; Peter was dead, so he wouldn’t have to suffer a trial for what he had done; and Simon was dead, although, if there was any justice in this world, he should never have died. The outcome was the best for all concerned. It made the best of a bad job, as Mam would say. You don’t feel guilty about it, surely, do you?”
Nana thought about this for a while and then spoke.
“No. I don’t feel guilty about it. I’ve always felt that it seemed a neatly tied bundle, solving a lot of problems without adding more. Of course, Annie and I both lost a son, but how could we complain about that when so many other mothers lost their sons during that terrible time. And both of them died quickly, not screaming in an agony that went on for hours. You have to learn to be grateful for small mercies in this life.”
Nana Lymer suddenly snuggled further down into her bed, her eyes heavy and her face pale. Victoria was immediately all concern, knowing that her Nana had spoken for far too long that day and that she had raked up memories that must have been very painful for her.
“You go to sleep, Nana,” she said. “I’ll go and help Mam with the tea and bring it up for you when it’s ready.”
“Good lass,” Nana managed to whisper. “It’s made me very tired today, going over that terrible night. I think we should manage to finish the story tomorrow, and then I can die content that Simon and Peter haven’t been forgotten.”
“Nana! You aren’t going to die anytime soon. Don’t be silly!” But Victoria realised her protests were falling on deaf ears. Her grandmother was fast asleep, with a slight smile on her lips and the lines of old age hardly apparent.
Chapter Fourteen
Victoria was making her breakfast the next morning when her mother slammed into the kitchen, throwing some bacon and a loaf of bread that she had brought out of the shop, onto the kitchen table. Victoria managed to infer from this that her mother wasn’t in a particularly good mood, but no longer felt that she had to enquire what had upset her. She had done a lot of growing-up this Christmas holidays and there were times when it made life so much easier than it used to be. She continued to butter her toast and then decided that apricot jam was her choice for a preserve that morning. As she turned to get it out of the cupboard, she realised that her mother was still in the room, standing staring at her, with her arms folded in front of her and a face like thunder.
“Well?” her mother barked at her. “Why did she want to see her solicitor the other day, then? Tell me what she’s done.”
Victoria was shocked by the bald question and by the anger showing on her mother’s face. It made her look quite ugly and Victoria wondered if she looked like that when she lost her temper. Resolving to never lose her temper to the same degree ever again, she shrugged her shoulders at her mother’s questions.
“I’ve no idea why Nana wanted to see Mr Vine, but it’s none of my business. If you want to know, why don’t you go and ask Nana what she wanted to see him for?”
“Haven’t you asked her?” Her mother snapped, as though she couldn’t believe that Victoria could be so stupid as to miss the opportunity of grilling her grandmother. It made Victoria’s blood boil that her mother could infuse so much into one statement but, whereas before Christmas she would have been apologising for her lack of intelligence, now she could rise above it.
“If Nana wanted me to know what she had discussed with Mr Vine I’m sure she would have told me. I’ve no intentions of giving her the third degree, just to find out what she obviously wants to keep private.”
“You stupid girl,” her mother snarled, all pretence at civility forgotten. “What if she’s changed her will so that you don’t get anything out of it? You wouldn’t be so high and mighty then, would you? You will have wasted all these holidays, spending time with her. You want to think about that before you start looking down your nose at your mother.”
Bia was almost screaming now, very close to losing all self-control. Victoria didn’t want to stay near her, in case she did lose control, but she had one more thing that she wanted to say before she went upstairs to Nana’s bedroom.
“I haven’t sat with Nana these holidays just to get her to leave me something in her will. I’ve sat with her be
cause I like to talk to her and to listen to the stories she can tell about what life was like when she was young. I don’t know if she has any money to leave and I don’t care. I love her because of who she is, not because of what she has got. Now, I’m going back to her bedroom, but I’ll come down and help you make lunch, if you need me to.”
Victoria walked away from her mother, knowing that it was the first time in her life that she had answered her back successfully. She was pleased that she could sound so calm, but inside she was shaking in case Bia started screaming at her again. She decided that she really didn’t like conflict or confrontation, but that she wasn’t going to back down and let other people benefit from her peaceful nature.
Upstairs, Nana Lymer didn’t look very well at all. She was pale and her eyes seemed huge in her little face. She was resting against her pillows, as though she didn’t have the strength to sit upright without them.
“Are you ok, Nana?” Victoria asked, concerned about her grandmother’s frailty but when Nana Lymer spoke it was in her usual strong voice.
“Of course I’m ok. Why shouldn’t I be?” she said. “I’m just a bit tired, that’s all. I didn’t sleep very well last night and I think it was because I hadn’t finished telling you the entire story. I’m worried that I’m going to kick the bucket before we get to the end and then you’ll never find out what happened.”
“You aren’t going to kick the bucket, as you put it!” Victoria said. “You are as strong as a horse and you’re far too young to be talking about dying!”
“Death comes when it wants to, Victoria, not when it suits the person. But let’s not be morbid, let’s enjoy today. Did I hear raised voices downstairs? Or should I re-phrase that? Did I hear your mother having a tantrum again?”
“Yes, you did. She seems to think that I should be asking you why you wanted to see Mr Vine, instead of wasting time listening to stories.”
“And what did you tell her? Presumably whatever you said, it didn’t suit her and that’s why she was ranting.”
“I told her that if you wanted me to know, then you would have told me. I’m not going to pry into your private concerns, just to satisfy her curiosity and greed.”
Nana laughed out loud. “It’s lovely to know that you’ve finally got the measure of her, lass. I’ve wondered for a long time when you would turn on her. She’s had it coming for years and it’ll do her a power of good to be bested, for once. I’ll tell you what I discussed with Mr Vine, if you want to know.”
“I don’t want to know, Nana.” Victoria was quick to reply. “I want to know what happened in the rest of the story so, if you are feeling strong enough, shall we start? I’m going downstairs at lunchtime to help with lunch, but I’ll come straight back upstairs when I’ve done the washing-up and we can talk again. If you’re up to it, of course.” Victoria added hastily.
“Of course I’m up to it. I’ve done nothing for months but stay in this bed, so I should have energy and to spare. But let’s get on with the story. I’m not pegging it until I’ve told you everything!”
“Sam and I had left Annie looking after the three girls at the shop and we made our way back to the dockside area. Compared to how it had been when Sam, Peter and I had been looking for Simon and William, the place was crowded. The whole of the town was awash with humanity, huddled in small groups and talking in hushed voices as they tried to come to terms with the havoc and destruction which had been wreaked on the town by the might of the Hun forces. There was a wave of movement towards the docks, some going slowly because they didn’t want to get there and hear bad news and some going quickly because they were desperate to find out what had happened to loved ones and friends and couldn’t wait an extra second to find out. It was such a contrast to the silence and emptiness which we had waded through when we were conducting our search.”
“As we got closer to the docks we could see that the whole of the area was ablaze, lighting up the darkness as though it were the middle of the day. It was eerie in that the fires made the night as though it were day, but if you looked away from the docks, everywhere else seemed to be so much darker and blacker by contrast. There were gaps in the skyline that used to be filled with houses and warehouses which had been bombed out of existence, but everywhere there were people running hither and thither trying to fight the fires and save the lives of people trapped in the burning and partially demolished buildings.”
“It was like a scene from Hell with the red glow from the fires and the leaping flames, contrasted with the pitch dark of areas hidden from the inferno. It’s difficult to describe how frightening it was to look at that tableau and to listen to the crackling flames and the noise of crashing timbers, bricks and stones as buildings fell. The heat was intense, juxtaposed with the heavy frost which lay around the town, so that those people standing and staring at the fires were being roasted from the front and were being frozen from behind.”
“There was a harsh contrast between that scene of Hell’s destruction and the people gathered at the dock gates, which was the closest that they could get to the centre of the fires. The crowd, mostly consisting of women and children, made no noise at all as they waited for news, hoping against hope that their friends and loved ones would be the people who were saved from the inferno. They waited in absolute silence while men could be seen silhouetted against the conflagration, desperately trying to put out the blaze and search for survivors.”
“It was easy to join the crowd, melding with one of the groups as we all stood and stared at the devastation. Our presence was accepted into the fold and we didn’t have to answer any questions or give reasons why we too were waiting for news. The shock emanating from the townsfolk was a palpable entity, but it moulded us all together and Sam and I were absorbed into the horror of the moment.”
“I could feel the tears drying on my face in the heat from the conflagration, although I hadn’t been aware that I was weeping. My sorrow was reflected in the faces of the rest of the crowd, where shiny tear tracks were obvious on so many of those faces, men and women alike, as we all waited for news. It took a very long time before any of the fire-fighters’ efforts were rewarded by a reduction in the scale of the inferno but, eventually, we could all see that they were finally winning their fight against the flames. This realisation led to the first sounds that any of the crowd had made that night. Although it seemed impossible for the gathered throng to concentrate any harder than they had been doing for hours, this first sign was greeted by movement, almost as though we had all been holding our breath for that moment and we collectively released it. It made a sound like a gentle wind rippling through a field full of ripe corn and the crowd, as a whole, moved slightly closer to the dock gates.”
“Not long after this, a man appeared walking towards the gathered throng, carrying a bundle wrapped in a blanket. He placed his bundle reverently on the pavement and then looked about him at the crowd. He picked out a face he recognised and headed towards it, gathering the whole family about him as they listened to his news. He could be seen shaking his head vehemently until the oldest member of the family laid his hand on the fire-fighter’s arm and spoke a few words. The fire-fighter nodded once and then led the old man to the bundle as it lay on the pavement. He raised the blanket from its contents and the old man staggered as he looked at what the blanket had concealed. The fire-fighter dropped the blanket immediately and supported the old man back to where his family were waiting for him. The family gathered round and there was a lot of head-shaking, until the group split apart and the whole family turned their faces towards the town. The women were holding handkerchiefs to their faces and the men looked at the ground they were walking on as they made their way towards their home. The crowd parted willingly to let them pass and many patted backs and shoulders in commiseration as they passed, and then closed ranks again and looked towards the docks.”
“The rest of us continued with our vigil, once again standing in silence as we watched the black figures of the
fire-fighting teams moving amongst the broken teeth of the buildings. We were all shivering in the cold, now that the heat radiating from the fires was reducing, but nobody would give up the self-imposed vigil until we had the answers we were waiting for. This was when Sam turned to me and spoke for the first time in what seemed like hours.”
“‘Do you think I should go and help the rescue teams to see if I can do anything?’ he asked me.”
“‘Please, don’t leave me alone Sam,’ I wailed. ‘I can’t stand here on my own.’”
“‘There’s not much you can do that they aren’t already doing.’ A man in the crowd said. ‘Stay with the lass and keep her company. We all need our friends and family with us tonight.’”
“‘He’s right, Sammy,’ I moaned. ‘I can’t stay here alone tonight. I need you with me.’” I could feel panic rising inside me at the thought that Sam might leave me. What if anyone asked me any questions? How would I answer them? I didn’t know if I could hold it together if I was asked any questions. I might make the authorities suspicious if I said the wrong thing. To my great relief, Sam listened to the man and stayed with me.”
“‘Don’t panic, Bia,’ he said, soothingly. ‘I’ll not leave you alone. I just didn’t want to look as though I wasn’t prepared to help. It might make me look suspicious.’”
“‘It’ll look suspicious if we both put too much effort into not looking suspicious.’ I answered, quite tartly. I was astonished when Sam managed a small smile and squeezed my hand under cover of my coat and shawl.”
“‘Good lass. I knew I could rely on you if I started to go overboard with my acting.’”
“I couldn’t help but smile at him and the wound tension inside me unrolled itself a little so that I could breath. We carried on standing there; watching as more and more fire-fighters and policemen came out from the docks, carrying bundles in their arms which they placed, each as reverently as the last, onto the pavement. Each one then looked around for a relative and went and spoke quietly to them. Not many wanted to view the mangled remains underneath those blankets, not after watching the old man’s reaction at the beginning of the rescue, so most people, once singled out, left the dockside either to go home, or if home no longer existed, to go and stay with other relatives.”