by Sara Wood
She eyed him uncertainly. ‘I do. I think it’s gorgeous! But I don’t think I’d be able to afford it—’
‘Your…leaving present, then,’ he suggested in clipped tones, finding the words ridiculously hard to say.
Her eyes widened in consternation. ‘Leaving! Oh, yes. Leaving.’ She gulped. The idea was obviously terrifying to her. He thought of the frightened deer. ‘I—I don’t know—’
‘I do.’ Feigning a frown, he stood up and handed over his credit card. ‘I’m not hanging around any longer,’ he said, with a good attempt at irritation. ‘People to see. I’ve got an office to set up.’
‘An office?’ she repeated in amazement. ‘You?’
‘For a colleague,’ he growled. And realised he’d have to be careful if he was to keep his business a secret. ‘Come on. That outfit is fine.’
And so with a little judicious bullying and much tutting at his watch, he rail-roaded her into accepting an expensive designer outfit, the shoes too, and a handbag which the assistant hastily found.
By the time they drove back later that day he’d leased a large Georgian building overlooking the green and had ordered the necessary office furniture and computer equipment. Sheila was due any time and he didn’t want his charitable foundation to suffer any delays.
He wasn’t the only one who’d had a successful day. Laura had four good job offers to consider. Success had wiped away her earlier distress and made her glow with pride. She looked utterly ravishing and he found it hard to keep his mind on the road.
This was a turning point for her, he thought. And wondered if she’d change, and become hard, efficient and slick.
Hopefully not. Since the incident in the restaurant when the waitress had flung banoffi pie over his arm, she’d mellowed towards him. That meant she had a soft heart. May it never harden. Wherever she went.
His stomach sucked in. There it was again. A pain. He didn’t want her to go. Suddenly it was difficult to pump breath through his lungs. He felt as if he was panicking and set his mind to conquering his weak and wayward body.
‘I’m in a total whirl!’ she confessed as they bumped through Grassington’s cobbled square. ‘Which job do you think I ought to accept, Cassian?’
‘It’s your decision.’
His tone was abrupt enough to make her sink back into her seat and work out the pros and cons of each offer in silence.
Cassian couldn’t understand why her success should bug him. What was he afraid of? He wanted her to extend her horizons and to become self-assured. Wanted her to have a better standard of living. Yet her imminent departure filled him with unease. No—be honest—misery. How could that be?
Appalled, his thoughts winged back to Jai again. It must be that he felt lonely. He and his son had never been apart for so long. That was it!
With a screech, he brought the car to a halt overlooking Thrushton village, the relief surging through him in waves.
‘Got to ring Jai,’ he explained, before leaping out.
Even in her bewildered state and with several job offers to consider, Laura noticed his urgency, the way he fumbled with the mobile attached to his belt and punched numbers with an almost frantic haste. He dearly loves his son, she thought soberly.
And the happiness that lit up his face when he spoke to Jai made her heart somersault. He didn’t trouble to disguise how he felt. He looked thrilled, amazed, tender and amused, all in the space of a few moments.
He couldn’t keep still, but strode about, gesticulating excitedly with his free arm, occasionally pushing a hand through his hair till it tumbled about in gypsy curls and made him look boyishly appealing.
If only she could be that free, that much at ease with Adam!
‘Good news?’ she queried, unable to hold back a smile. Cassian looked elated, his eyes sparkling like black diamonds.
‘He’s heading back!’ Cassian leapt energetically into the car, beside himself with delight. ‘Arriving later this week, depending on when he can get a flight. Isn’t that fantastic?!’
His happiness was infectious and she found herself beaming. ‘Wonderful,’ she said huskily, wishing she could bring such a light to his eyes. ‘We’ve both got something to celebrate.’
The light died a little. ‘Yes. We have,’ he said slowly.
And he suddenly jerked around, setting the car in motion again, his profile a confusing mix of pleasure and regret and anger.
Laura was puzzled. In fact he’d been odd ever since they’d met up after going their separate ways and she’d announced with pride how well she’d done in her interviews. His praise had been less generous than she’d expected and it seemed as if he was almost…sorry, yes, sorry, that she would soon be out in the world of commerce.
Had he hoped she’d fail? It didn’t seem like Cassian. He was too big-hearted, too adamant that she should stop hiding herself away.
She glanced at him surreptitiously. He was frowning, his mouth grim. The tension in his hands would have been obvious to anyone. Perhaps his day hadn’t been to his liking.
‘What’s wrong?’ she asked softly.
His body contracted. He continued to glare at the road. ‘Thinking.’
From the harshness of his tone, he didn’t want to be disturbed. He shifted in his seat, drawing her attention to the flatness of his stomach, the stretch of soft moleskin over his thigh.
She drew in an involuntary breath before she knew what she was doing. He flicked her a sharp glance and the air seemed to thicken. She could feel her blood racing around her body, scalding her from within and she looked away, quickly.
Already she’d made a fool of herself. Perhaps that was what he was worrying about—wondering if she’d embarrass him in front of his son. She groaned inwardly. He must have been shaken by the way she’d responded to his kiss. Or had she made the first move? It had all been so sudden, so inevitable.
Whatever had happened to her? Had she unwittingly encouraged him? Had he—being acutely perceptive—read the signals she’d tried to hide…and acted on what he knew had been surging within her body?
She cringed, remembering with shame how abandoned she’d been, taking that kiss several stages too far. Cassian must have been appalled.
But… She bit her lip, frowning. Something had snapped inside her and she hadn’t been able to stop herself. Her lack of control scared her. She needed to keep a tighter rein on herself.
So what about Cassian? Why had he taken up her unintentional invitation? Racking her brains, she remembered that they’d been talking about Jai. Heaven help her, she thought. She was a love-substitute. Cassian had wanted to be with his son—and he’d kissed her in an expression of his own loneliness.
Idiot! Stupid, arrogant dummy that she was! She stared into the window, seeing her own blurred reflection. A dull mouse; now dressed up in fabulous clothes, but clad in ghastly bottle-green yuk when they’d kissed.
She couldn’t believe that she’d imagined he’d been interested in her. Would a man like Cassian ever be attracted to a homebody? Her eyes darkened. No. He’d go for the Bathsheba type: hot, passionate, simmering and unpredictable.
Her fingers touched her lips, every nerve in her body reliving the pressure of his mouth. It seemed that she had become hopelessly addicted to Cassian. Ever since he’d arrived there’d been a current of electricity linking them, setting her on fire.
Adam might hero-worship Cassian, she thought soberly, but so did she, after his behaviour today. His actions had proved him to be the kind of man she’d always admired. Thoughtful to others, courteous, easy company.
Lunch had been such fun. And he’d been so nice to the waitress, when the rather shaky-handed older woman had dropped the pudding onto his sleeve then burst into floods of tears.
To her amazement, he’d jumped up, put an arm around the woman’s shoulders and drawn her aside, talking to her for a while and calming her down—totally ignoring the tight-lipped head waiter.
‘Her husband’s up for shoplifting
,’ he’d explained, when he finally returned to the table with profuse apologies for his absence. ‘She thinks he might have Alzheimer’s.’
‘That’s awful!’ Laura had said, her eyes rounding. ‘The head waiter was awfully mad—’
‘Not any more, he’s not.’ Cassian accepted a substitute banoffi pie from a smiling waitress.
‘Got you a big helping,’ the young girl whispered. ‘And thanks. That’s my Mum you saved from the sack.’
‘She’ll be OK,’ Cassian assured her quietly. ‘I’ve arranged with the management that she can have time off to organise a decent defence—and a medical check for your father.’
For Laura, the rest of the meal had been spent in a haze of admiration. Now watching the houses of Thrushton loom nearer, Laura leaned back in her seat, her head filled with thoughts of Cassian and his kindness to people.
She knew that it hadn’t been a show for her benefit. Kindness was ingrained in him. When she’d arrived early at their arranged meeting-point, she’d wandered through a department store and had seen Cassian unfolding a baby buggy while a young woman juggled child and shopping. Carefully he had tucked the toddler in, making it giggle while the mother had stowed away her laden bags. And they’d parted in smiles.
More important to Laura, a few moments later he’d checked to see if she was in sight—not knowing she was following behind him—and made a point of going around the square to slip money into the hands of the young men who were begging there.
That had really touched her heart and melted any doubts she had about his values. It always upset her to see people reduced to such terrible indignities. Maybe some of them were ‘fake’. But plenty were not. How did you ever know?
‘Cassian…’
‘Uh,’ he grunted.
She searched for a diplomatic way to bring up the subject. ‘Did you notice the beggars today?’
‘Hmm.’
She waited for him to announce his generosity, but gradually realised that he wasn’t the kind of person to boast about his good deeds.
‘I never know what to do,’ she confessed. ‘Whether I’m condoning a drink or drug habit by giving them money, or if I’m actually helping them to buy a meal… What do you think?’ she asked anxiously.
His mouth softened. She saw his shoulders drop and realised he’d been holding them in tension.
‘There’s no easy answer, no right or wrong. It’s a question of conscience and judgement, isn’t it?’ he said gently. ‘I like to make contact with them. I look into their eyes and talk to them and see if they’re still on this planet and then decide. The method works whether you’re in Yorkshire or Egypt, Russia or Columbia. However, I do give to the support groups—the hostels and so on. One day I hope that no one will be without a home. It’s a basic human right.’
Laura considered this, remembering how he’d stopped to chat to each one, touching them, treating them like human beings instead of parasites or objects of loathing. He is compassionate, she thought shakily. And the knowledge brought her a quiet joy.
‘It breaks my heart to think they have nowhere to be warm and safe,’ she said in a small voice. ‘I can’t bear it. So I always give them money even though I don’t know how to tell if they’re on drugs or not.’
‘But you’re on the breadline yourself,’ he said huskily.
Her eyes were big and dark with distress. ‘And I have a home and a child who loves me! They have nothing, nobody! Imagine what that’s like, Cassian!’
‘I do,’ he muttered bleakly. ‘Often.’
She felt intensely disturbed by the depth of his caring. He was very special. Even as a child she’d known that. On several occasions she’d come upon him, secretly nursing an injured animal back to health. He had a way with animals; strong, gentle hands and a softly reassuring voice that encouraged trust. Dogs, cats, horses…they all fell under his spell.
Whenever he’d been with animals, there had always been a softening of the surly, angry expression he’d habitually shown to the world. And she remembered thinking how lovely it must be, to be tended with such devotion.
Laura hung her head. What must he think of her? That she was cheap and easy? She shuddered, wishing that she hadn’t kissed him with such desperation. More than anything in the world, she wanted him to like and admire her. It baffled her why that should be.
Trying to unravel to mystery, she stole little glances at him, compelled to look, driven to gaze on him so often that he might have been her lover.
She stopped breathing for a moment. Lovers couldn’t tear their eyes away from one another. Love… Could that explain the huge swelling sensation in her chest? The feeling that her mind had been electrified by a thousand volt charge? That she wanted to bury herself in him, to hold him and never let go?
Her muscles tensed. The extent of her passion was terrifying. Hot and trembling, she slid off her jacket after a complicated manoeuvre with the seat belt. And her senses screamed when Cassian’s helping hand brushed her bare arm.
‘I can manage!’ she croaked.
‘I’m sure you can,’ he replied in a low and husky voice. ‘But it would have been bad manners not to have come to your aid.’
‘Sorry,’ she muttered, feeling awful for snapping at him.
‘It’s OK. I imagine you’re a bit preoccupied thinking about the jobs you’ve been offered,’ he said generously. ‘I’ll leave you in peace.’
Peace! If only!
There was a brief touch of his hand on hers. She almost clasped it and gave it a fierce squeeze. Instead, she merely trembled.
Horrified, she realised that she was utterly infatuated with a man she hardly knew. A ridiculous situation.
Except…she felt as if she did know him. Perhaps she’d had these feelings before—when they were younger. She frowned. When he and Bathsheba had left Thrushton, had her sense of loss been so heart-wrenching because she’d believed herself to be in love with Cassian? Even at the age of fifteen?
And…had she unwittingly carried a torch for him all these years, perhaps even flinging herself at the salesman from Leeds because he too was dark and travelled about the country and had an air of independence like Cassian’s?
Restless with the significance of her half-formed thoughts, she crossed her legs. And noticed his eyes lingering on the curve of her thigh. Her heart beat faster. Then she told herself that all men looked at legs. What she wanted, was a man who was interested in her. And that was highly unlikely where Cassian was concerned.
Anger set her eyes flashing and a fierce shaft of longing tightened her entire body. She wanted him with a ferocity of purpose that she’d never known before. Yet sheer common sense told her that at the best she’d be a woman to kiss and fondle. Nothing more. Nothing deep and lasting.
And in only a few days they would part, perhaps never to see one another again. She felt frantic at the thought, her heart cramping now that they were drawing up to the school to wait for Adam. It was all too late. Cassian would for ever remain a man she adored, his heart untouched.
Overcome with misery, she flung open the door and jumped out, her pulses thumping chaotically. It felt as if her life was disintegrating into tiny pieces. She knew at that moment that she had fallen headlong in love with Cassian.
It was a certain and instant knowledge. She’d always dreamed of being in love. But in her dreams her love had been returned and her lover had proposed marriage. She had imagined a Happy Ever After scenario but life wasn’t like that. It was cruel and kicked you down whenever you got to your feet. One step forwards, two steps back.
Cassian had released her emotions; making her angry, afraid and defiant. With the opening of the flood gates, her passion for love had been also released from its prison of restraint, and she had joyfully emptied her heart to him.
But if you stuck your head above the parapet, there was a chance that you might get wounded. And wounded she was.
Choking back the sobs, she stood in forlorn silence, steeling herself to the
fact that for the rest of her days she’d never find another man to match Cassian.
She loved him. Wanted him. But knew, with a sense of utter desolation, how hopeless her desires were.
CHAPTER EIGHT
LATER, she changed out of her finery and after a monosyllabic evening she sat pretending to read in the sitting room, while a silent and thoughtful Cassian sat opposite working on his laptop computer.
After school, he’d touched her heart still further by taking Adam for a walk then helping him with his homework and cooking supper. Steak and chips. Treacle sponge. Which Adam helped to make. Then treating Adam to a thrilling bed-time story, all off the top of his head.
Why did he have to be so flaming perfect?! she thought crossly. She was useless. OK, she conceded, maybe she’d landed those jobs and everyone had seemed more than anxious to have her on their staff… That was quite an achievement…
‘You’ve been deep in thought for hours. I suppose you must have decided by now,’ Cassian said quietly.
His eyes bored into her and she dropped her startled gaze in case he saw her naked adoration.
‘Not yet. Toss up between the legal secretary and admissions clerk in the clinic,’ she fudged, having hardly given them a thought at all.
‘You must have been a brilliant interviewee.’ His gaze held hers and she tried not to sink into a jellied heap but his voice was soft and dark as chocolate and persisted in rippling through her in silky rivers. ‘Now do you believe me when I say you can do anything you want, if you want it badly enough?’
She smiled sadly. If only he knew what she really wanted! ‘I hope that’s true! But my references helped. People said some kind things about me.’
‘They told the truth. Anyone can see how genuine you are; that you’re honest and sincere and totally trustworthy,’ he said quietly. ‘It’s plain that you’d be a conscientious and dedicated worker, and wouldn’t contemplate giving anything less than one hundred per cent to your work.’ He laughed at her open-mouthed amazement. ‘I’m not kidding! Workers like you are few and far between. You have rare qualities, Laura.’