by Sawyer Belle
“And I would be even more proud to have you on my arm for the rest of my life,” he continued. “Will you marry me?”
She was frozen. Her eyes could no more blink than her lungs could breathe. Rick was peering up at her with eyes full of love and adoration and all she could feel was terror. She felt the muscles in her face slacken until her mouth hung open. She could hear her mother weeping softly and other women in the vicinity gasping with romantic awe. Rick’s gaze never faltered even as she remained silent.
“I’ve already asked your father and he’s given his blessing,” he said and Mackenna turned her head to meet her father’s eyes. He gave a proud smile and a nod. Her mother’s eyes were glazed happily. Everyone was thrilled but her.
“This is too fast, Rick,” she whispered, not wanting to humiliate him with an outright rejection. He blinked and his face flushed.
“Can we have this conversation later?” he asked in a hushed voice. “People are staring.”
She looked around at all of the expectant eyes.
“Yes,” she said with a nod and he grinned from ear to ear.
“Did you hear that everyone?!” he shouted. “She said yes!”
Applause and whoops rent the air as Mackenna felt the cold band and its princess-cut diamond slide onto her finger. Anger filled her to the brim as she glared at him. Before she could say anything, she was pulled to her feet by her father who wrapped her in his arms. Next, her mother squeezed her tight and soon Rick was by her side, smiling and thanking everyone around the restaurant for their congratulatory remarks.
Mackenna was seething, tempted to remove the trinket and toss it in his face, but instead she plastered a thin smile onto her face and only nodded when she was spoken to. She would rip into him the first opportunity she got.
Brent stared at the food on his plate, pushing chunks of steak around with his fork. The meat was tough and overdone. He could forgive that since she didn’t eat meat. She probably didn’t know how to cook it. But her mashed potatoes were crunchy and the broccoli was over-steamed and soggy. Now he remembered why he always did the cooking or ordered food in. Leann tried to mask her culinary failure by constantly refilling his wine glass.
“You know, forks are made for eating your food, not playing with it,” she told him.
“Leann,” he warned. “Don’t talk to me like I’m a child.”
“Well, then don’t act like one,” she returned. “You’re moping around here all the time and I’m tired of it.”
Brent leaned back in his chair and stared at her. Soon, laughter was rumbling through his chest taking a long moment to reach his mouth. Leann watched in irritated impatience as he continued to laugh. After a full minute of it, she couldn’t take it anymore. She slammed her fork angrily onto the plate.
“What is so damn funny?” she snapped.
“It’s obvious you’re an only child because you scream spoiled brat,” he answered, shaking his head sadly. “You’re used to barking orders, getting all of the attention, and getting everything you want.” He lifted a limp piece of broccoli into the air, “and you have obviously never had to cook for yourself or anyone else.”
Her spine straightened and her eyes narrowed.
“Don’t get all high and mighty with me,” she spat back. “You’re an only child, too, but what’s worse? You’re a pathetic mama’s boy. You can’t do a thing without Mommy’s blessing.”
Brent’s humor vanished completely, replaced with a pungent loathing. Did he really lose Mackenna for this woman? How could he have been so blind and stupid? He had spent the last year and a half trying to convince himself that Leann was who he wanted. He should have known better when he stopped sharing his cares with her. He should have known better when he drove to her place out of nothing more than routine. All of these months later and she still knew nothing about him.
Ty had said that he couldn’t stand to be away from Leslie, couldn’t stomach the idea of another man stealing her away. Brent had not even the slightest bit of those feelings toward Leann. He did, however, feel them very strongly toward another woman, the woman whose picture he stared at every night before he fell asleep. So, why the hell was he wasting his time with Leann?
“Thank you,” he said calmly. She flinched, expecting a different reaction to her insults.
“Why are you thanking me?”
“For making me realize that you are the last person I want to waste even one more minute of my time with. I should have known that you meant nothing to me when I refused to even tell you that I once had a sister named Natalie who died the same night my mother lost her legs. The fact that I wouldn’t even share that precious part of me with you after all of this time should have been my clue.”
He stood and grabbed his keys off of the counter near the table.
“Thanks for the sex, though,” he said. “At least that part of this was good…at least for a while.”
He gave her one last long look, gauging her reaction. He was surprised to see relief on her face. Perhaps she had felt trapped with him for reasons of her own. He wouldn’t know because the truth was that he didn’t really know Leann Pearson all that well.
He shut her door behind him and drove away from her place for the first time in a long time with a smile on his face. He felt an odd sense of freedom and his mind conjured Mackenna’s face in response. Everything had fallen into perspective and he was surer than ever who he couldn’t stand to be apart from, and he was tired of keeping himself away. He would do whatever it took to be with her. He would move to Reno. He couldn’t leave his mother, but he could take her with him. He didn’t know why he never thought of it before.
His phone rang, jolting him from his thoughts. He saw Ty’s name on the screen and answered it.
They chatted about work details for the following day. Once the business end of things was resolved, Brent broached the next subject on his mind.
“I’m going to need to take some time off soon, within the next week or so,” he said.
“Is everything okay with Alora?”
“Yeah, mom is fine. I need to go see Mackenna.”
Ty could hear Brent’s intentions in his voice. “I think there’s something you should know before you do that,” he said.
“What’s that?”
“Leslie and Mom got a text from Mackenna’s mom.” He paused, knowing how his words would hit Brent. “She’s engaged.”
Chapter 30
Brent felt the news like a sledgehammer to his gut. He knew a sudden urge to vomit and almost dropped the phone, slamming on his breaks in front of the red light he’d nearly missed. The adrenaline sent his pulse bouncing between the walls of his throat and he pressed the phone closer to his ear.
“I’m sorry,” he said to Ty. “Did I hear you right?”
“If you heard me say that Mackenna is engaged then you heard me right.”
Brent shook his head, his mouth unable to say what his heart was screaming. She couldn’t be engaged. She was in love with him. She said so herself. Who cares if that was a year ago? She couldn’t have gotten over him, met and fallen in love with someone else in that short amount of time. She just couldn’t have. He realized that Ty was still on the line, waiting silently as always.
“Thanks, Ty,” he said calmly. “I’m going to let you go.”
They hung up and Brent tossed his phone onto the seat, his thoughts racing around his head faster than he could comprehend. This couldn’t be happening. How cruel of fate to tamper with their hearts that way. How cruel to have Mackenna suffer her love for him only to have it dissipate the second he was sure he could return it. The unfairness of it all settled inside his chest until the truth spat it back out.
This was more than fair. Mackenna had spent two years of her life aching for him. It was only right that he did the same. If she had found happiness with someone else, who was he to begrudge her that? He had been selfish, stubborn and careless with her, and the price he would pay was to lose her completely.
He pulled into his parking spot and made his way numbly to his kitchen table. Alora was nowhere in sight so he buried his face in his hands, passing weary breaths through the cracks in his fingers. His chest hurt with restrained emotion. Without thinking, he pulled his wallet from his back pocket and reached for what had become his source of comfort in recent months.
The photograph had been folded and unfolded so many times that permanent creases snaked across Mackenna’s black and white face. Brent studied her features, wondering if he would ever see her smile at him like that again. If she had found someone else, he knew the answer to that question. How foolish he had been to let his anger control him at a time when he should have listened to his heart. Mackenna had given him the opportunity to love her back. Even after she confessed her love she had paused, waiting for him to offer his.
He scolded himself once again. He should have reacted differently. He should have said something to reassure her, to soothe her. He should have done something that would have stopped her from running away and cutting him out of her life. His heart clutched in his chest as a solid lump formed in his throat. He should have told her that he loved her.
He felt a cool hand on his shoulder and he laid his own on top of it. He hadn’t even heard his mother wheel down the hallway toward him. She must have sensed his heartache. He had apologized for shouting at her that night at the wedding, but since then they’d not spoken once of Mackenna.
“Go to her, Brent,” Alora said softly behind him.
“She’s engaged, Mom,” he said, feeling the words stick in his dry mouth.
“Then, this is your last chance,” her voice soothing. “Go to her.”
He loved his mother and the support she always gave him, but he had been selfish with Mackenna in the past, and he wouldn’t do that to her again. If she was in love and happy with someone else, he wouldn’t selfishly ruin it. He would respect that she no longer wanted him in her life.
His eyes blurred slightly, overcome by too many emotions at once.
“I can’t, Mom,” he said quietly.
As soon as her parents pulled away from her apartment, she whirled around and slapped Rick hard across the face. Her palm stung and she shook it until the tingling subsided. Rick stared at her, aghast.
“What the hell was that for?” he hissed angrily.
“How dare you do that to me?”
“What? Propose to the woman I love?”
“You know what I’m talking about,” she returned. “I did not say that I would marry you. I was agreeing to us talking about it later.”
“Well, we are talking about it later.”
“Yes, but now you’ve made everyone think that we’re getting married!”
“But we are getting married,” he said.
“We are NOT getting married.” She pulled the ring off of her finger and handed it to him, but he refused to take it.
“I don’t understand why you’re so mad. I love you. You love me. People get married when they’re in love.”
Mackenna stared at him as if he’d gone crazy. She had never told him that she was in love with him. He had told her often enough, but she had never returned the sentiments that she knew she didn’t feel.
“Rick,” she moaned as if she were talking to someone dimwitted. “What I said was that it was too fast. I’m not ready to get married yet.”
“We don’t have to get married yet,” he said. “We can have as long an engagement as you like.”
“I don’t even know if I want to be engaged, either, Rick.”
His brown eyes brightened as worry stretched his features. “I don’t want to lose you, Mackenna.”
“What are you talking about? Lose me to what? What’s wrong with just dating?”
“You’re going to go away and leave me. There’s no vet school here so you’re going to have to go somewhere. You haven’t even told me where you’re planning on going. What else am I supposed to think but that you don’t want to be with me anymore?”
Tears glistened in his eyes and Mackenna felt her anger crumbling in response. She sighed.
“Rick, I haven’t told you where I’m going yet, because I don’t know,” she said gently. “I’ve applied to several different schools, but I haven’t heard back yet. I wasn’t keeping anything from you. In fact, I only applied to schools that are a few hours’ drive away. It’s not like I’m planning on going across the country.”
“But I’m already a year into dentistry here,” he returned. “Two years left and I’m done. You’ll have at least four years to study.”
“So, what are you saying?”
“I’m asking if you can wait until I’m done with my certifications before you leave. Then, we can leave together and I can actually work wherever you want to study.”
Mackenna flinched, her spine straightening. “You want me to put off my career for two years?”
“Maybe not two years,” he said hurriedly. “I may be able to complete a year earlier if I study really hard and load myself up with courses. If you stay here, you can tutor me and help me finish early. Just a year. That’s all I’m asking.”
The emotional desperation in his voice was the only thing keeping Mackenna calm. She had pushed through her studies so hard to be able to become a vet sooner, not later, and he was asking her to give that up.
“I’ve accommodated your schooling in this relationship,” he said. “Ever since we met, even before we started dating, I’ve never complained about how many courses you’re taking, or how much time you spend away from me so you can study. I’ve never asked anything of you. But I love you, and I know that I want to be with you for the rest of my life. Long-distance relationships don’t work. I just know that if you leave, we’ll be done. I can’t bear that thought. Just give me one year, and then I promise we will go wherever you want.”
Mackenna’s breathing grew heavier as she tried to steady her world, which seemed to be spinning rapidly out of control. Give up schooling for a whole year, possibly two? For Rick? Was she at that point in their relationship?
“I need to think about it, Rick,” she said sincerely. “I need some time alone tonight.”
He nodded, relieved that she hadn’t outright refused. He took a step toward her and brought his arms to rest around her waist. She let him hold her, but it didn’t bring her comfort. He cupped the bottom of her chin and lifted her face so he could look at her.
“We have our whole lives ahead of us,” he said intimately. “A year or two is just a speck. If you’re sure that you want me in your future, just as I am sure that I want you, then let’s plan it together. All I ask is that you take some time and think about where I fit in your life. There’s no rush to get married, but if you look ahead and you see me there, please keep the ring on your finger. If not, I’ll take it back and we’ll go our separate ways. If you don’t know by now, you never will and I’d rather have my heart broken today than tomorrow.”
His eyes were so full of love that she knew she had some real soul-searching to do. She nodded and he gave her a light kiss that she returned sincerely. He ran the back of his knuckles softly down her cheek, and then departed with a smile.
Mackenna went into her apartment and sat down at her computer desk, massaging her temples. He had drawn a line in the sand. She either needed to put her career on hold and become engaged or break up with him. She didn’t want to do either. Six months was such a short time together. It was not enough time to determine whether she wanted to be with him forever.
Her eyes strayed to the bed. They had spent countless evenings cuddling in it, kissing in it, watching TV in it, chatting in it. Still, whenever she looked at it the first memory to appear in her mind was the one night she spent with Brent in it. The memory challenged her former thoughts. It had taken far less than six months for her to decide that she wanted Brent forever.
She admitted that she didn’t feel that way about Rick, but she also truly believed that she would never feel that way about
anyone again. The love she had borne Brent was pure and unblemished, an innocent and thorough first love. She had trusted him with her heart completely only to have it given back to her in shreds. She knew she would never give herself to someone that completely again.
If that were the case why not marry Rick? If this was all she was ever going to give or feel for someone, what was the point in putting off a commitment? Rick treated her decently enough. He made her laugh more than he annoyed her. True, his impulsiveness and erratic emotions could tire her, but that just meant he was passionate. Perhaps his passion would set her body aflame like Brent’s had, if she’d just let it.
She thought of the way Rick looked at her and she saw herself looking at Brent. Rick loved her like she had loved Brent. She knew the devastating heartbreak he would feel if she refused him. She remembered that pain all too well, and she couldn’t fathom putting someone else through it.
As far as putting off her schooling, well that thought bothered her more than being engaged. Her work with animals was the only part of her that felt familiar and good. She had changed so much in the past few years, her character twisted by her emotions, and she was becoming someone she hadn’t envisioned.
On the other hand, if she did stay for another year she could move back home and help her mother out with the horses. The thought brightened her mood considerably. Perhaps there was something positive in this conundrum after all. It would be good for her to leave her apartment anyway. It held too many memories of tears and despair, memories of hot kisses and warm caresses, memories of rejection and loneliness.
Throughout her relationship with Rick, she’d not once gone to his place. He always claimed it was too dirty from his roommates. He preferred the coziness and privacy of her apartment, but she never felt comfortable with him there. Too many times her thoughts strayed to Brent. She saw him in her bathroom, brushing his teeth. She saw him on her steps with daisies in hand. She saw him bare-chested in his black jogging pants. Always, he was there, like a phantom spying on her as she allowed Rick to run his hands over her body and kiss her. Perhaps if she were with Rick away from this place, she would let herself love him.