by Sawyer Belle
Ty nodded toward the front of the church. There, sitting on his own while bodies went past, was Brent. His head was bowed and Mackenna’s heart clenched. She squeezed Bev’s hand and the women exchanged a knowing look.
“I’ll see you guys later,” she said and they all nodded before making their way to the hall.
She waited until the crowd thinned and as the last few bodies left the church, she headed slowly down the center aisle. The clacking of her dress boots echoed off of the wooden pews, but Brent did not look up. She studied him from behind. His hair was as short as the last time she saw it. She could tell from his profile that he hadn’t shaved in days.
She rounded the bench and came to a quiet stop when she was at his side. He didn’t move so she sat down. His hands were lying on his lap, his eyes fixed on the floor. He looked frozen. Her hand reached out to grab his and his fingers curled instantly around hers. She watched and waited. After a long moment a single tear slid out of the corner of his eye and ran down his cheek.
Her face twisted in grief to see him in such a state and she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled his head to her chest. He bent willingly and his arms went around her waist. She felt the full rise of his chest as he sucked in a deep breath and let his emotions spill quietly onto her shirt. There was no noise, save an occasional sniffling. She said nothing, and neither did he. They held each other until their eyes and hearts were spent and the shifting daylight darkened the stained glass window above the altar.
When he finally sat up, his red eyes met hers and he took a steadying breath as she used her thumbs to wipe away the remnants of his tears beneath his eyes. He took hold of one of her hands and kissed its palm. She smiled softy in reply, her entire body filling with warmth to be near him again, to be touching him.
“You’re here,” he said with tapered surprise in his voice.
“Of course I am,” she said breathlessly. “I wouldn’t be anywhere else.”
He nodded, biting the inside of his cheek to hold back his emotions. She rubbed his bicep with her hand.
“Are you ready to face the reception hall?”
He shook his head. “I don’t want to go in there.”
“Then, we won’t,” she answered.
He nodded appreciatively. “Let’s get out of here, Mackenna,” he pleaded in a whisper.
“I’ll go anywhere you want to go.”
As she said the words, she knew in the depths of her soul that they were true. They stood as one and as they left the dim church for the blinding light of a snow-white Montana morn, their hands were clasped tightly together.
“Do you want me to drive?” she asked him as he led them to his truck.
“I’m good,” he answered solemnly. “Where’s your car?”
“I wasn’t able to rent one,” she said. “So, I walked.”
He stopped them in mid-stride. “From where?”
“I got a room at the Lazy J.”
His eyebrows shot up and he actually smiled. “What? Do you have a drug deal going down later?” She laughed, and he continued. “That’s the only reason people stay at the Lazy J.”
“Well, it certainly isn’t for comfort.”
“That’s our first stop then,” he said, holding the passenger door of his truck open for her. She gave him a confused look. “We need to get your stuff. You’re not staying there. You’ll stay with me.”
“I’m not going to argue with you,” she quipped. “I think one cold shower in a Montana winter is enough for me.”
They collected her bag and checked out of the motel and Mackenna filled the cab of the truck with tales of her days working on her mother’s ranch since her graduation. She purposefully left out any mention of Rick, and as they stopped at a gas station so he could grab some drinks, she worked up the courage to ask him about Leann. Once they were back on the road, she cleared her throat.
“So, I didn’t see Leann there today,” she said.
“Yeah,” he said morosely. “She wouldn’t have come even if we were still together. She never did like my mom.”
Mackenna’s pulse sped up. “You’re not with her anymore?”
“No. Not since June.”
“Oh,” she said, but her heart was leaping. A fire she thought long-banked sparked with new life. The conversation ended there and within minutes he was pulling into a parking space in an apartment complex.
“Where are we?” she asked, leaning forward to peer out of the windshield.
“My place,” he answered.
“Are you sure you want to be here right now?”
He eyed the building before him as he thought for a moment. “I’m going to miss my mom wherever I am,” he said solidly. “At least here I’ll feel closer to her.” He turned sad eyes onto her. “I don’t want to run away from the memories. Not the ones with her.”
She showed him that she understood with a nod and they left the truck, crunching through the snow until he let them into the apartment. A synthetic Christmas tree stood beside the door, alight and hovering over a dozen wrapped gifts. The tiny kitchen to her right held a handful of cupboards and a round table. The living room stretched into a hallway that was too dark to see down. Brent moved behind her and pulled her jacket off, hanging it on a peg near the door beside his. He tossed his keys on the kitchen table and stuck the twelve-pack of beers in the fridge.
“Make yourself at home,” he said. “Do you want one?” He held a beer aloft and she nodded, more out of solidarity than thirst. He snapped the metal top off and handed her the bottle as she settled onto the couch in front of the tree. She took a long, icy drink, finding it rich and flavorful.
“Missoula’s own Moose Drool,” he said, settling on the other side of the couch. “Love this stuff.”
He still couldn’t believe that she was there, in Montana, in his apartment, in his life. How did she know about Alora? He didn’t really care. Whatever force brought her there, he was grateful. He had felt her presence all throughout the service so strongly that he had looked back into the crowd several times. He never saw her, though, and had begun to believe he was imagining her. When the church had emptied and an echo of boot heels approached, he knew it was her. Then, she took his hand and a stream of warmth traveled through him, melting the coldness he had forced there and before he could stop them the tears came. Her presence shattered the loneliness and the fear of grief holding him in shadow.
She had changed since Ty’s wedding. Her face was careworn with mature lines and angles. Her hair had grown to the middle of her back and had been dried straight with layers tapering up in the front to just below her chin. She was more beautiful than he remembered, but something seemed off. She was slimmer, and the thinness coupled with the new lines of her face did not speak of a woman happily engaged. One glance at her ring finger told him that she was either hiding her status or that it had changed.
“So, what made you take time off of school?” he asked. “I thought you were hell-bent on becoming a vet as quickly as humanly possible.”
Mackenna gulped in mid-swig at his question. She didn’t know how to answer it.
“Um…my mom…uh…”
He listened and watched as she hedged, and he saw the exact moment in her eyes when she decided to offer the truth.
“I got engaged,” she admitted, “and my fiancé wanted to finish his degree before we moved for my degree.”
It sounded shallow and sheepish to say out loud given the total lack of love she had for Rick. She cringed hearing the words come from her mouth.
“He must be quite a guy,” Brent mused sarcastically, “for you to give up so much for him.” Jealous anger roared to life inside of him. It wasn’t as though this was the first time he’d heard of her fiancé, but somehow Mackenna’s presence made his love and possession of her more intense. He thought that talking about her engagement might lead to the subject of his love for her, but all he felt was bitterness and jealousy, and it showed in his tone.
Mackenn
a flinched at the harshness of his voice. It was biting. It was accusing. She’d heard it enough in Rick’s voice to recognize it. It was almost…jealous. The very idea set her nerves on edge. What reason would he have to be angry or jealous of her and Rick? He’d passed her up years ago.
“Well,” she answered defensively, “If you are committed to someone there’s no sacrifice too big.”
“If you really love someone, you wouldn’t ask them to give up something that important.”
“What makes you think he asked me?”
“Because the Mackenna I know wouldn’t give up her dream for anybody,” he said solidly.
Mackenna’s eyes widened, wounded. When she spoke her voice was no more than a whisper. “I can’t believe you think that of me.”
“What? That you’re driven? That you’re determined and focused more than anybody I’ve ever met? These are compliments, Mackenna. Don’t act like I’ve insulted you.”
“I’m insulted that you think I would let something like school come between me and the man I love.”
Brent’s heart dropped on site. There it was, the truth he was looking for. She really was lost to him. As a fresh layer of emotional pain peeled open inside of him he couldn’t help but think back to the day she told him that she had loved him. He clamped his teeth together and slowly shut his eyes, choking back the regret living so strongly within. When his eyes opened again, she was studying him.
“He did ask me,” she admitted softly. “But I was just making a point to you.”
“What point?”
“That if I love someone, I would do anything for him, give up anything for him.”
“Well, I hope this man is worthy of your love, Mackenna,” he whispered painfully then planted his lips around the rim of his beer bottle to keep them from revealing his anguish. The earthen, buttery brew slid down his throat easier than the emotions clustered there. “Does he make you happy?”
His eyes latched onto hers so intensely that she blinked nervously and looked away. She didn’t know how to answer his question. Rick had never made her happy, truly. The simple truth should suffice, but she didn’t want Brent to know how miserable her past year and a half had been without him. The pretense that she was happily engaged was like armor against the ache in her heart already throbbing back to life.
Inside Brent, something flickered. A biting protectiveness. If this man wasn’t making her happy then he was causing the new lines around her eyes and mouth. He watched as Mackenna’s features drew down deeply. She was struggling, and struggling hard, to answer what should be a simple question. For a brief moment, Brent wondered if he was interpreting her expression correctly when she looked up at him.
“He doesn't make you happy?” he asked.
He bore a hole into her with his gaze and all she could feel was anger. Why did he have to see right into her soul after so much time apart?
“What are you doing, Brent?” she asked in a harsh whisper.
“Are you happy with this guy or not, Mackenna?” was his answer.
“Why do you care now?” she asked.
“What do you mean now? I’ve always cared. You’re the one who cut me out, remember?”
“Oh, that’s rich,” she sneered. “What did you expect me to do?”
“I don’t know. Perhaps ask me what my thoughts and feelings were about everything.”
“And what would you have said differently than what you’d already said before?” she set the beer down and sat up on the couch, facing him. “I already knew your feelings for Leann.”
“It doesn’t matter now, does it?” he tossed. “It obviously wasn’t too great a love you felt if you could have gone and gotten yourself engaged a year later.”
She gasped.
“It’s not like that,” she said while tears rushed to her eyes. “I did love you. I suffered terribly over losing you.”
“You didn’t lose me, Mackenna,” he returned. “You threw me out. There’s a difference. You want to talk about suffering? I have suffered over you, too. I mourned the loss of my best friend only to realize that you were more than a friend to me. And just as I was ready to pull you back into my life, guess what I got? I got the news that you were engaged.”
She stood from the couch, feelings flooding her chest and head at his words.
“You suffered?” she barely squeaked. “I waited for you for two years, Brent. Two years! I would have done anything to be with you. I would have gone anywhere. You talk about me sacrificing my career for my fiancé? I would have given it all up for you, if you had wanted it! But you know what I got for my feelings? I got a nice phone call from you saying ‘I met someone.’ That’s what I got, Brent!”
He stood to face her as the intensity filled his face and words.
“Well, it doesn’t matter now anyway, does it? Now, you’re engaged and happily martyring yourself for someone else.”
“No, I’m not!” she yelled.
“What?! Happy or engaged?!”
“Neither!”
“And why is that?!”
“Because…” She held in the words threatening to spill.
“Because why?”
“Because…”
“Because why!”
“Because I’m still in love with you, you horse’s ass!”
Chapter 35
Brent stared at her tear-filled eyes and her chest rising and falling with building anger and emotion. He let the words sink into his skin, then into his heart, and finally into his soul. She was still in love with him. In that moment his grief, his jealousy, his anger all dissolved into a hungry and grateful passion and he reached out and grasped her face in his hands, pulling her to him to press his mouth to hers.
The only resistance she put up was a mild cry of surprise as she was jerked toward him and she placed her hands atop his. The heat of his mouth was pouring through her, awakening a wild response that only he could rouse. Her arms flew around him and she kissed him back with all of the strength she could gather from years of aching and want, even as tears streamed down her cheeks.
The second their lips touched he felt it, the perfection of one body fitting to another, the sweet homecoming of drinking her essence yet again. Every ounce of their love, every measurement of feeling was flowing between them, serving the commands of their hearts, stoking the fires of their bodies. He needed to feel her body against his. He moved her back until she pressed up against the wall.
With his hands still cradling her face he deepened their kiss, stroking and tickling her tongue until a tiny whimper escaped her throat. When they finally broke for air, he peered into her eyes, glazed with tears and the effects of his kisses.
“Tell me you love me,” he panted and she took her own deep breaths before answering.
“I love you,” she answered.
He covered her mouth with his again, pulling on her lower lip before letting it slide between his teeth.
“Again,” he said. His hands ran down her throat and over her breasts until he took them in his hands and squeezed gently. She moaned softly and shut her eyes.
“I love you, Brent,” she said breathlessly. “I love you. I love you. I love you.”
His kisses replaced her words and her hands went to his waist, reaching up beneath his dress shirt. His stomach was warm and rigid with a lifetime’s worth of hardening and work. Her palms moved upward, soft and searching, smoothing over the bulges of his chest and she sighed against his mouth. This was what a man was supposed to feel like. This was what a man was supposed to make her feel. She tried to reach around to savor his back, the rippling back she’d admired from the first time she’d seen it, but the shirt was too tight.
Without thinking, she brought her hands to the front and tore it open. Buttons went flying and the view she longed for was presented to her. She swore that she heard a deep chuckle, but she was too caught up in her exploration to pay it any heed. Her fingertips ran along the contours of his muscles until she pressed her lips to
his nipple, giving it a flick with her tongue, just as he’d done to hers years ago.
Brent groaned and placed his hands on her waist and lifted her up. Her legs went instantly around his waist and he carried her to the couch and laid her down, settling in between her thighs. All of a sudden, her black turtleneck felt too tight, but Brent was already removing it. Once she was free of the sweater, her black lacy bra was bare, pushing her breasts up toward him. He stopped and stared and she felt a rush of fear and panic well in her, remembering his rejection. She threw her arms around his neck and pulled him close, his mouth hovering above hers.
“If you even think of stopping this time,” she warned, “I’ll kill you.”
The corners of his mouth lifted in a smile and he ran his fingertips down the length of her arms from wrist to tricep. She shivered.
“No chance of that,” he said.
He lowered his mouth to her neck and nuzzled his way down to her shoulders. He lowered one bra strap, trailing it with his tongue, and then the other. He reached behind and unclasped the bra and tossed it across the room, where it snagged on a branch of the Christmas tree. As he lavished the full attention of his lips and hands on her breasts, her body came alive beneath him. She felt her center heating and throbbing until she grabbed him by the hair and raised his eyes to hers.
“Now,” she begged. “I can’t wait any more.”
He sat back and removed the rest of his clothes. Mackenna worked on her own until she saw his swollen shaft waiting for her. The differences between him and Rick were staggering. The sheer size of him made her at once excited and fearful. Brent pulled the last of her clothes free of her ankles and set her legs down over his shoulders as he eased in between them. He kissed the side of her knee and ran his hands up and down her calves.
“This isn’t your first time, is it?” he asked softly.
Mackenna frowned, fully regretting the nights she ever gave herself to Rick. She shook her head. Brent, too, felt regret, but it was for not claiming all of her when she had offered it. It didn’t matter though. She was his now and forever, and he would make her happy for it. He ran his hands down her thighs and held them slightly apart as he thrust himself up into her.