by Alice Raine
My hand was trembling so much that she leant over and gently removed my mug, placed it on the table along with hers, and took my soggy hand supportively.
‘Sorry, I was exaggerating, it’s not huge at all. It’s a, uh … a small, insignificant event. Nothing more than a bump in the road, a mere blip …’
She was flustered, which in turn was making me flustered, and I huffed out a short, grumpy breath, wishing that my usually calm friend could find the composure we both needed. Interrupting her, I gave a pleading look. ‘Allie, you’re not helping.’
‘OK. Sorry.’ A flush reddened her cheeks, but I could see from Allie’s fidgeting that she was just bursting for more information. ‘So was it good?’ My eyebrows jumped towards my hairline. I’d expected support or consolation, but I hadn’t expected that particular question at all.
My mind was screaming, yes, yes, yes! But somehow, I remained silent and calm. Outwardly, at least. Internally, I was a mess of jumbled hormones and combating emotions. Allowing myself a brief flashback to Jack’s kiss, I felt my pulse begin to race again as heat crawled up my neck. It had been so much more than ‘good’. Amazing didn’t cut it, either. In fact, I struggled to think of one adjective which could suitably describe it, one word just wasn’t enough. It had been an out of this world, pulse-raising, skin-tingling, wobbly-kneed, bone-meltingly fantastic kiss.
But of course, I didn’t actually say that, because I was Cait, the frigid freak, and as a result had this huge wall of deniability and hesitation surrounding me. A heavy sigh escaped my lungs as I wondered if I would ever manage to escape my past.
Somehow, I must have given myself away, because I hadn’t even answered Allie when her mouth pursed and she let out a long, low, whistle. ‘Wow, that good, huh?’ Frowning, I was about to deny her remark when she reached across and tapped my cheek with the cool pad of her index finger as a knowing smile lurked on her lips.
‘You’re blushing like a ripe tomato. Kinda gives the game away, babe.’ Stupid traitorous body. I felt almost dismayed by the uncontrollable reaction I kept having to Jack flipping Felton. I’d done so well avoiding men up to now that suddenly having to deal with this huge quantity of emotion in one go just wasn’t fair.
Sighing heavily, I chewed on my bottom lip, and after a long silence I gave Allie an edgy half smile. ‘OK, it was good,’ I admitted reluctantly. ‘But don’t go getting your hopes up, I don’t plan on following it up or doing anything about it.’
There was a long silence as I watched the hope drain from Allie’s face until she shrugged, seeming to shake off her disappointment, and approached the whole subject from a different view point. ‘Well, regardless, I need a full account, please, from start to finish. Don’t leave out any juicy bits.’
Sighing heavily, I picked up my tea again and took a long sip to moisten my parched throat. Keeping it as brief as possible, I explained how I’d been running, met Jack at the studio, told the lie about having not accepted the job yet, and then been knocked for six when he’d practically leapt upon me and kissed me.
It took an enormous amount of self-control not to relive every fantastic second of the kiss as I spoke about it, but seeing as my body was already feeling rather hot and bothered simply talking about Jack, I didn’t think it would be particularly suitable to indulge in further inappropriate fantasies while sitting with Allie.
‘Wow. He must have thought that kissing you would convince you to stay here.’
‘Hmm,’ I agreed in a non-committal hum. I have no idea what he thought kissing me would do, but I’m fairly sure that turning my life upside down hadn’t been his exact aim. Or perhaps it had, who knew? That was certainly how it currently felt.
Finishing her tea, Allie placed the cup down and looked at me expectantly. ‘So how did you leave things?’
Grimacing with embarrassment, I recalled our argument and began to ping the elastic band on my wrist until Allie leant across and slapped the back of my hand. ‘Oi! Enough of that,’ she warned me, grabbing my hand so she could examine my wrist. Seeing the firm look on her face, I yanked my hand back, tucked it under my thigh to avoid further temptation, and distracted her by continuing. ‘We had a bit of a fight.’
The expression on Allie’s face told me that she had not been expecting me to say that at all. ‘He knows about my … problems.’ I always hesitated when picking a word to describe my past. Problems, issues, hang-ups, anxieties, fears … none of them exactly sounded great, did they?
‘You told him about Greg?’ she asked in an astonished whisper, causing me to vigorously shake my head.
‘God, no. He asked me why I was so skittish around men, and asked if someone had hurt me in the past, so he’s obviously picked up that I have issues.’ I felt heat rising to my cheeks. It was so humiliating to think that my freakishness had been that obvious.
Rolling her lips between her teeth, I could see Allie was holding off from saying anything so I sighed and dropped my head. ‘It freaked me out. I mean that stuff is really private, so I …’ Pulling a hand out from its hiding place, I dragged it through my damp hair to loosen some of the tangles that were forming. ‘Well, I might have kind of got a bit defensive and accused him of being a player and leaping on me.’
‘What?’ I ignored her squawk and finished my recount.
‘He got quite annoyed and declared that the number of people he’s slept with is still in single figures.’
‘Ooohhh … interesting. You’d think that with his job he’d have a higher total,’ Allie mused with a nod, but I merely felt my cheeks blushing at the conversation’s change in direction. Thinking about Jack in bed with someone was not helping my nerves. In fact, it was making me feel quite uncomfortable, and possibly a little bit jealous.
‘Anyway, he told me not to turn my issues with men on to him.’ Hanging on my every word, Allie leant forwards in rapt fascination. ‘And what did you say?’
My cheeks heated again, but this time it had nothing to do with remembering Jack’s passionate kiss and everything to do with my embarrassment at my childish behaviour. ‘I, um … I ran away.’ Very mature that had been too, I thought with a wince, well aware that it was by no means the only time I had done it.
‘You. Ran. Away,’ she stuttered in shock. ‘From Jack Felton.’
If humiliation had a precise facial expression, then I must be wearing it by now. ‘Yep.’ My cheeks were burning and the temptation to start picking at my elastic band again was immense, but I somehow avoided the urge. ‘Because apparently, that’s the way I roll,’ I joked lamely.
Just at that moment, my phone vibrated in my back pocket. Thankful for the well-timed interruption I pulled it out, hoping it might be my mum phoning so I could delay the rest of this embarrassing conversation with Allie.
Frowning, I saw it was a text from a number I didn’t recognise. The phone was the one I’d been using since travelling, my family had got it for me as a leaving gift so I’d be able to email them wherever I was. Really, it was more of a security measure than anything, so it was rare that I got calls or messages. Only a handful of people even had the number.
Clicking on the message I skimmed the words, drew in a shocked breath, and practically dropped the phone as if it had suddenly turned to molten lava in my palm.
From: +9012437689
Running away from me AGAIN?
We need to speak, Caitlin. Please call me.
A sad face? Really? Did forty year olds usually make a habit of using emoticons, or was that for my benefit? Sucking in a breath, I felt a giveaway flush prickle at the back of my neck, because even though I didn’t recognise the number, it was pretty flipping obvious who the message was from.
Leaning across, Allie ran the backs of her knuckles over my forehead with a frown. ‘You’ve gone all sweaty,’ she observed in a peculiar tone, ‘and your hands are shaking again. Who was the message from?’ My throat had turned all strange and tight, so I handed my phone over, not entirely trusting myself to speak.
<
br /> ‘Oh my god.’ Allie joined our gazes with a pointed look. ‘He’s certainly persistent, isn’t he? Are you going to call him?’
My insides tensed at the thought of hearing his deep, rich voice and I rapidly shook my head. ‘No.’ Pulling the phone back, I decided to play dumb. Pressing reply, I quickly typed my response.
To: +9012437689
I don’t know who this is, but this is a private number.
Don’t use it again.
‘That’ll never work, Cait,’ Allie chided from beside me, and just for once I wished she would keep her helpful comments to herself. Didn’t she know I was in denial here?
‘How the heck did he get my number?’ I mused out loud as I stared at the screen. After years of hoping that Greg couldn’t – and wouldn’t – track me down, I should probably have been freaking out at just how easily Jack appeared to have traced me. But as I searched my body for signs of an imminent meltdown, I couldn’t find any. What did that signify exactly? That I trusted Jack? That I subconsciously knew he didn’t mean me harm? Who knew? Certainly not me, my brain was like a bowl of useless mush at the moment.
Deciding it might be safest to save Jack’s number so I didn’t accidentally pick up a call from him in the future, I quickly stored it, but no sooner had I put the phone down it vibrated again.
I drew in a breath, flashed Allie a cautious glance, and stared at the phone as it merrily danced its way across the table with each vibration. Allie shifted herself closer to me and after I had sat staring at the phone for several seconds, she gave me a helpful nudge in the ribs with her elbow. ‘Ow!’ I complained, rubbing my side with one hand and picking up the phone with the other.
From: Jack F
I think you know very well who it is. Or have you run
away from many men today? Jack
I couldn’t help but snort in surprise. His words were almost teasing and I could feel a peculiar type of excitement welling up inside me … but it was accompanied by a sharp wave of annoyance at my reaction to him.
Leaning over my shoulder to read the message, Allie joined in and smirked at me. ‘I think you should joke with him. It’s only a text message after all, no real danger in anything coming of it.’
‘I don’t want to lead him on, it’s not fair.’ Seeing my hesitation, Allie snatched the phone, her fingers flying over the screen at the speed of light before pressing send and grinning at me proudly. Oh no. She had a sly, smug expression on her face that I didn’t like the look of one bit.
‘What the hell are you doing?’ I yelped, grabbing it back and checking what she had sent as my pulse rocketed in my veins. Didn’t she realise this was serious? He was a man, not some inexperienced idiot like me that I could fool around with.
To: Jack F
I’ve lost count.
Besides, I didn’t run away, I jogged.
‘I can’t believe you sent that.’ My stomach was fizzling nervously, flipping and swirling so violently that I felt sick. I’m not sure I was even blinking as I sat on tenterhooks waiting for a response. Seeing as my nerves were now frayed to the point of near panic, it was a good thing I didn’t have to wait long. The phone beeped in my hand, and even though I’d been expecting it, I made a little squealing noise, which had Allie’s lips twitching in amusement. She was loving this. I however, was hating it.
From: Jack F
I could have caught you.
Easily.
That made me tremble with a mix of suppressed excitement and gut-wrenching fear. Greg had chased me. And he’d caught me. I could still remember the sharp taste of fear on my tongue, the coppery scent of my own blood as it flowed from cuts on my lip and temple, and the utter hopeless I’d felt as he’d dragged me across the rough ground.
Was he still chasing me? Following me as I travelled around the world and waiting for the time to pounce again? Shuddering, I dropped the phone on the table and rested my head in my hands for a second or two before sitting up and pinging the elastic band on my wrist as I felt panic rise up inside of me.
‘Hey, it’s OK. It’s OK,’ Allie said, seeming to understand my reaction as she leant in and gave me a firm shake to pull me from my panic.
‘He didn’t mean it that way, sweetie. He was just joking with you.’
Looking back to the text message, I wondered why the thought of Jack chasing me wasn’t nearly as terrifying as it should be after my experiences with Greg. But it wasn’t. In fact, the thought of Jack Felton chasing me, catching me, and kissing me again was almost too appealing to handle … especially seeing as my brain was now imagining exactly what he might do to me once he caught me. Not to mention just how much I might enjoy it.
Straightening my posture I nodded at Allie to show I was OK, and even though I knew I should stop this madness, I began to type out another message.
To: Jack F
I did athletics in college, so I can be surprisingly quick
when I need to be.
How did you get this number?
Barely a second passed before my phone registered another message. Blimey, he must be sitting staring at his phone waiting for my messages. I couldn’t quite decide how I felt about that thought.
From: Jack F
I’m sure you can be, but I think I’m faster.
I knew your surname, and I have a friend at US Mobile
who owed me a favour.
Of course he did. A man as rich as Jack Felton probably had ‘friends’ in all the bloody mobile phone companies across the world, I thought with a sigh, as another message came through before I’d even had a chance to respond to the first. Wondering how he knew my surname, I paused with a frown, suddenly recalling that night at the art gallery where I’d been wearing a name tag. I’d noticed at the time when he’d clocked my surname, not that it really mattered, I suppose.
From: Jack F
Can’t we just try being friends?
Raising an eyebrow, I shook my head and tilted the phone so Allie could see it. Instantly I saw hope on her face.
‘You could try being friends, Cait. You like him, and you did say you were going to make more effort with getting some male friends.’
‘Be friends with Jack after the kiss he’s just laid on me?’ I stuttered, flabbergasted by her idea. ‘That hardly seems sensible, or feasible,’ I added. After that kiss I wasn’t sure I could trust Jack as far as I could throw him. What was worse though, was that I didn’t think I could trust myself around him, either. I was way too affected by him to be just friends, and seeing as I didn’t want anything more than friendship it looked like I only had one option.
To: Jack F
I don’t think so. In fact, I find your behaviour quite
stalker-like. It’s making me uncomfortable.
I meant what I said in the park, I’m not interested.
Allie looked thoroughly dejected when I plonked my phone down on the table, but she gave me a supportive smile anyway, even if it was a bit half-hearted. The trouble was that that last text was only a half-truth. His behaviour was freaking me out slightly – I mean, who goes to their ‘friend’ at a mobile phone company and breaks every privacy law to get someone’s phone number? Is nothing sacred any more? But really, this only freaked me out because thoughts of Greg and his overbearing nature kept floating to the surface of my mind.
Jack finding out my number within half an hour of me leaving was a bit stalker-ish, but because it was him, and not Greg, I also found it quite flattering, and the only reason I was uncomfortable was because I was getting myself hot under the collar imagining Jack chasing me through the woods.
If I were truly honest with myself, my line about not being interested was a complete bag of lies. Jack Felton completely fascinated me. More precisely, the way I responded to him and felt when I was near him fascinated me. It was a freeing sensation that I wasn’t used to.
‘Shall we go shopping now? I still need to get some clothes for work next week,’ I asked, hoping to distract Allie from pur
suing the Jack conversation any further. Wandering to the cupboard, I grabbed two chocolate bars and offered Allie one.
As I peeled back the wrapper and took my first bite, I couldn’t help but glance at my phone and feel a small stab of disappointment when I saw no new messages. Jack had obviously taken me at my word and decided to leave me alone. Which was probably a good thing, wasn’t it? At that moment though, as I recalled our mind-blowing kiss again, it didn’t feel great at all.
FOURTEEN
Jack
Ben had come up trumps, and less than twenty minutes after Caitlin had careened away from me, I had her mobile number programmed into my phone. It was some pay-as-you-go travel sim, basically a throwaway, so Ben told me I was lucky that she had registered her name to access the free internet minutes otherwise he wouldn’t have been able to trace it at all.
I was still in my sweaty running gear and sitting in my car because Ben’s message had come through to me before I’d even had a chance to make it home. So now I was pulled over at the side of the road trying to decide whether to call Caitlin or message her.
Pondering this, I rubbed my chin and sat back with a grimace – judging from the way she had run away from me she wouldn’t want to hear from me at all, regardless of what form I chose.
Shit. This girl had seriously got under my skin. If she was going to be working at Dynamic then there was the possibility that I might – just might – manage to build some sort of friendship with her in the future. Who was I kidding? I wanted way more than friendship with the illusive Miss Byrne. If that were to ever be possible then I needed to find a way of gaining her trust.
There was no way she would ever trust me again if she thought I made a habit of kissing women in the woods, so I needed to make things right, and I needed to do it now.
I drew in a deep breath for confidence and opened up the messaging app on my phone. Having witnessed the way her eyes occasionally flared with fear, I decided that texting was the safest bet, and hopefully she would find it the less intimidating option.