by Tasha Ivey
When we’re finally home, Shane and Makenna decide to run out and rent a movie, and I decline their offer to go with them, claiming I’m going to shower and take a nap. As soon as they leave, I curl up in my bed, pull the blankets over my head, and cry. And it really makes me mad that I let him get to me. It wasn’t supposed to be complicated. I knew it would end like this, so why am I lying here, bawling like a lunatic? Oh, God, Makenna is rubbing off on me.
Determined to forget everything for a while, I turn on my side and snuggle into my pillow, trying again to sleep. But it would be so much easier if my hair didn’t smell like Wes’ shampoo. My eyes fall closed as I breathe in the scent of him, and I think back to being with him last night. The rise and fall of our one night relationship.
I imagine the feeling of his skin against mine. The way his mouth devoured mine when he settled over me. The intensity in his gaze the very first time he slowly inched into me. How his hands were always gentle, even though he took full control of me. He claimed me. Never relenting. Never releasing me, even when we finally lay down to sleep. Before I drifted off, he kissed me one last time, slow and tender. Merciful. Making me believe there just might be a tomorrow for us.
But his kisses are just as good at lying as he is.
FINALLY, SPRING HAS surrendered, giving way to sunshine and lazy days on the beach. The air grows a little thicker every day as the heat and humidity make a steady climb, but the warmth on my skin is a nice change from the bitter cold. The arrival of summer also brings with it the most important thing of all—the end of another year of college. I just survived my last final as a junior, and I can finally consider myself a senior.
Since we have to move out of the dorms for the summer, Makenna and I are both moving back home. I’ve gotten used to having her around every day, so I know I’ll miss her. Her parents moved a few months ago, so she’s going to be two hours away, even farther away than she was before. We’ve already planned to get together as much as possible, but we both know the chances of that happening too often are slim. She’ll be farther from Shane, too, so he’ll be fighting for her attention. And I know that, most of the time, he’ll win. But I’m okay with that.
As much as I love her, it won’t hurt us to have a break from each other. Besides, I haven’t been myself much lately, and I’d like some time to myself to reset, to get centered again. Between all the nonsense a few weeks ago with Wes and finals I’ve been studying hard for, I’m just bitchy, and I hate feeling that way. It’s bad enough when other people point out how bitchy you are, but when you realize it all by yourself? Yeah, it’s that bad.
“You’re finished packing already? When are you leaving?” Makenna drops her backpack in my doorway and plops onto my bare mattress.
“Tonight. I haven’t seen my folks in almost a month, and I’m kinda looking forward to getting the move over with. That way, I might actually get to enjoy my weekend.”
She frowns. “Yeah, I guess I can understand that. I thought we’d have one more night together before we’re gone for the summer, though. You know . . . my parents rented that beach house at Gulf Shores again this year. You should come with us next weekend. We had a lot of fun when you went with us a couple of years ago. Remember?”
Oh, I remember. It was Makenna’s first foray into alcohol, and it wasn’t pretty. We got invited to a beach party earlier that day while we were shopping. She didn’t want to go, but those guys were seriously hot. I wouldn’t take “no” for an answer.
It took us nearly an hour of walking in the dark to get to the secluded area of the beach, but we finally found it. There was a huge bonfire, probably fifty or more people, and lots of alcohol. Makenna never really had an opportunity to be part of that kind of scene before. Her parents kept her on a pretty tight leash, and she never even gave it a tug. She worked hard in school and really the only social life she had was with me.
I, on the other hand, wanted the full experience. Oh, I studied hard, too, but I played just as hard. Not that I ever really drank much, but I had before. And I never ever touched any drugs. I went to all the parties, but I was there for two much more important things. Dancing and boys. I considered those nights to be successful if my feet hurt from dancing too much, and I made out with a guy. As dumb as it sounds, that was my kind of fun. Still is.
But that night, it was Makenna who wanted to experience it all. She’d never had any alcohol before, and she’d never been kissed, so she was determined to remedy both that night. Problem was that she drank so much trying to get up the nerve to kiss someone that she could hardly walk, and it didn’t take long before she started telling me that she wasn’t feeling well. We ended up leaving the party, and we didn’t make it halfway back before she was throwing up. Since her parents had also gone out that night, I was able to get her showered and in bed before they got home. The next day, she was violently ill, but her parents believed our food poisoning story.
“I’ll see if my parents have any plans for me, and if they don’t, I might come with you. It’ll be nice to relax and read on the beach for a few days.”
She stares at me, her eyes bugging out of her head. “Are you kidding me? Every other time you’ve come with us, you’ve had these grand plans of shopping and partying. What’s with the sudden geriatrics?”
“I don’t know. I’m just tired, I guess. I’ve been really busy the last few weeks.”
“No, you’ve been really depressing these last few weeks. Tell me the truth . . . is this about Wes? You haven’t said a word about him since he walked out of his parents’ house that day, he hasn’t been calling, and Shane said he hasn’t seen him much lately. I’ve been patiently waiting for you to finally give up and talk to me about what’s been eating at you, but my patience is wearing thin. What really happened that day?”
I roll my eyes while taping the last box. “Mak, there’s nothing more to tell. He got pissed at me for speaking my mind. It was just a one night kind of thing, and we both agreed to that before it ever started. Wes has his own life, and I’m not really a part of it. We’re just friends. Not even that, really. We’re acquaintances, who used each other for sex. It’s that simple.”
“You’re not a very good liar.” She snatches the tape dispenser from me and tosses it onto the bed, glowering at me. “Why don’t you just admit it? I can see it. Shane can see it. You like him.”
“Of course, I do. Most of the time, he’s a decent guy, and he can be fun to hang out with. That doesn’t mean I’m pining over him or anything.”
But I am.
“Well, whatever. I know something is up with you. I also know it has something to do with Wes. But I’m going to drop it for now because you’re clearly not going to own up to it. So to make it up to me, you’re coming with me to Gulf Shores. It is your twenty-first birthday next Saturday, after all. I’ve been around for every one of your birthdays since you were eight, and I’m not about to start missing them now.”
My eighth birthday was where it all began for us. My parents were really busy with starting their careers, so they planned my party last minute. I wanted to invite the girls from my dance class, but they sent out invitations so late that everyone already had plans. Only one girl showed up, and she’s stuck with me ever since. Even though Makenna is a year younger, we seemed to click right from the start. She made me forget that no one else showed up to my party, and that birthday ended up being the most memorable I’ve ever had.
“Okay. You have yourself a deal. I’ll go, but you have nothing to prove now. You’ve already had alcohol and your first kiss—among other firsts—so there’s nothing left to experience. Let’s just keep it low key this time, okay?”
She wraps her arms around me and squeezes tight. “It’s only going to be a week before I see you again, and I already miss you.”
“I know what you mean,” I say, leaning my head over onto hers. “I love you, too.”
GETTING SETTLED BACK into my old bedroom is a lot less fun than I imagined. I was looking for
ward to being back, but as I look around at all of the junk from high school plastered all over my walls, I almost feel like I’ve been transported back in time. I’ve matured a lot over the last few years, so seeing all of this is a little weird for me. I don’t know why it’s never bothered me before, though.
“Hey, sweetie,” Mom sings, rushing into the room to hug me. She’s still wearing her lab coat over her scrubs, and the sterile scent of her office clings to her. But as always, her makeup and short blond hair are flawless. “Sorry I’m so late. I had a couple of procedures scheduled this afternoon, and they both took longer than I thought. What do you want for dinner? Your dad was hoping to be back home tonight, but he won’t be coming in until the weekend. They’re having some major issues at that nuclear plant he’s working in right now. Maybe we can all go to dinner for your birthday when he gets in Saturday. I know he’s excited to see you.”
Sometimes, I feel like I need to keep a notepad to keep up with everything she says in a conversation. “I don’t really care what we eat. I’m not really all that hungry. And I won’t be home this weekend. Remember? I’m going to Gulf Shores with Makenna for the week.”
“Oh, yeah. I do remember. Well, maybe we can plan a little birthday party for when you and your dad are back home. Whatever you want to do. But why aren’t you hungry? You always have an opinion about what we eat, and ever since you got here last Friday, you’ve been . . . well, unopinionated. About everything. That’s not like you at all. Something wrong?”
“No, I’ve just been really stressed out lately, and I’ve been using this time to wind down.”
She smiles sweetly and nods. “Well, winding down is exactly what you need, then. You and Makenna are leaving tomorrow, right?”
“Yeah, I need to finish my laundry and get packed.” I glance over at the last pile of dirty clothes in the basket by my door. “Shouldn’t take too long.”
“Okay, baby. Why don’t you get that started, and I’ll go throw together a grilled chicken salad for us.” She starts out the door but stops short. “Oh, and make sure you pack lots of sunscreen. I have some really high SPF in my bathroom cabinet you can take. And don’t forget to stay under the umbrella if you go out on the beach this week.”
The joys of having a dermatologist mother. “Yes, ma’am.”
As soon as I get my clothes in the washing machine and start back to my room, my Breaking Benjamin ringtone echoes down the hallway, and I have to run across the house to catch it in time.
“Hey, Mak,” I answer breathlessly.
“Hey, you! How’s life back at home going?”
I flop onto my bed. “Weird. You?”
“The same. But I have some good news. No, better than good. Amazing news.” She’s bouncing around like a lunatic. I can hear it in her voice.
“What is it? Don’t tell me you got engaged or something like that.”
She laughs. “Do I sound like I’m crying? Do you know me at all?”
Good point. She’d definitely be crying about that. “True. So what is it?”
“I can’t tell you.”
Huh? “What do you mean by that? How can it be ‘news’ if you’re not telling me what it is? Why can’t you tell me?”
“Just can’t. I’ve been sworn to secrecy, but you’ll find out in the morning when I pick you up. Be ready to leave around ten in the morning, and don’t forget your sunscreen.” She loves to joke about my mom’s affinity for sun protection, but she’ll be slathering it on as much as I will.
“Yeah, yeah, I’ve already been reminded. And for the record, I hate it when you know something I don’t. It’s just plain creepy.”
“Knowledge is power, and I have it all for a change. Now you know what it feels like to be me. Sleep on it and stew in it.” She cackles, thoroughly enjoying this. “See you in the morning. Goodnight, Cal!”
“Night, Mak,” I grumble.
But honestly, not knowing the big surprise isn’t really bothering me. I still have a feeling it has something to do with Shane. These days, everything Makenna gets excited about has to do with Shane, not that I can blame her for that.
I’m surprisingly more anxious to leave than I would’ve imagined though. A week ago, I was trying to talk myself into going with her, and now I can hardly wait to get away for a few days. Sure, hanging out with her brainiac parents isn’t exactly the epitome of a relaxing vacation, but it beats sitting at home alone all day while my parents work. It stresses me out. And I really have missed Makenna.
Finally, after waking up every hour to check the time, morning comes. Of course, by the time my alarm clock goes off, I am sleeping soundly. It always seems to work that way, for some reason. After rolling out of bed and getting ready, I drag my suitcase into the living room and set it by the front door with just enough time to spare for a cup of coffee.
My mom breezes into the kitchen, looking much the same as she did last night—perfect, as always. “Morning, sweetie. Sleep well?”
“Could’ve been better,” I yawn, topping off my coffee with my favorite caramel creamer. “I was too excited to sleep, I guess.”
She sweeps her bangs across her forehead as if they weren’t already in perfect place. “Well, I bet you’ll catch up while you’re on vacation. You and Makenna can just be as lazy as you want, and you’ll have the place all to yourself, so you can do whatever you want to.”
I screw up my face and look at her like she’s totally lost it. “Mom, I told you we’re going with Makenna’s parents. Just like before.”
“I know what you said.” She grins. “And I also know that when her parents were asked to go museum hopping in Washington D.C., they called me to see if your dad and I would like to take their reservation at the beach house, so you and Makenna could still go. I told them you girls have been working hard in school and deserved a vacation on your own. So . . . that’s what you’re doing. We’ve split the cost of the house for the week, and . . .” She reaches into her scrubs pocket for a pink envelope. “Open it.”
For one of the few times in my life, I’m speechless, so I open it. The card boasts “Happy Birthday” in bright, bold lettering across the front, and as soon as I open it to read it, one-hundred dollar bills fall out. Ten of them. “Mom . . . a thousand dollars?”
“Just read the card.”
A thousand times a day, we’re thankful for the amazing person you’ve become. A thousand times a day, we’re thankful for the opportunity to love you. Enjoy your birthday, sweetheart, because a thousand times a day, we’re thankful you were born. We love you more than you’ll ever know.
Love, Mom and Dad
“Mom.” I’m not going to cry. Damn it, I’m not Makenna. “I don’t know what to say. This is too much.”
“Oh, hush and take it. Your dad and I want you to have it. You’re about to start your last year of college, then comes the job hunt, so this may be your last chance at a vacation before you start teaching. We want it to be a good one.”
I drop the card on the counter and fling my arms around her waist. “Thanks, Mom. And tell Dad for me, too, when he calls.”
“You’re welcome, sweetie.” She rubs her hand up and down my back. “I want you to just rest and enjoy yourself. I miss my mouthy, opinionated daughter, so why don’t you see if you can find her down there and bring her back. Once your dad gets home, I’m going to need someone to help me keep him in line.”
She’s not kidding either. “I’ll see what I can do. Love you, Mom.”
“I love you, too, Cal,” she says, smacking a kiss on my forehead as the doorbell rings. “Come on in, Makenna.”
The front door swings wide open. “You and me, alone in Gulf Shores, baby!” Makenna sings, pumping a fist in the air.
My mom and I look at each other and shake our heads. “She’s way too sheltered,” I say. “You’d think a couple years of college would’ve remedied that, but clearly I still have some work to do.”
Makenna gasps and puts her hands on her hips. “Shut up
! You know you’re excited.”
“I’m really excited, but I’m going to let you look like the idiot.” I feel a huge grin creep onto my face when her eyes grow wider. “But you’re my favorite idiot.”
“Damn, right I am!” She slaps a hand over her mouth. “Sorry, Mrs. Kristie.”
Mom laughs and kisses my cheek after slipping my card into the front pocket of my suitcase. “Bless her heart. Get Makenna out of here and hunt down some sailors to show her how to really curse. Have a good time and call me if you need anything. I’ll call you tomorrow and wish you a happy birthday.”
“Consider it done. Love you, Mom.” I call out to her while dragging Makenna with one hand and my suitcase with the other out the front door.
I’m beginning to wonder just how relaxing a week alone with Makenna will really be.
AS SOON AS I spot the turquoise water, the rest of the world just fades away. The beach is my happy place, and I’m not going to let any of my worries follow me here. Including our stops for gas and lunch, it takes us just a little over five hours to make it into Gulf Shores, and with every mile that we traveled, my tension level has decreased.
Of course, it could also be the fact that we’ve actually had a lot of fun on this trip. The entire time, we’ve had the radio cranked up, so we could sing along at the top of our lungs, which also attracted the attention of quite a few truck drivers along the way. Oh, and the old man that was staring at us, causing his wife to smack him with her clutch. It’s been quite an entertaining trip. And much needed. I haven’t smiled this much in a while.
Makenna flicks on her turn signal and stops singing. We both look down the narrow, sandy lane that leads to the familiar beach house. It’s been the same bright yellow color for as long as I’ve been coming here, but it appears to have had a fresh coat or two of paint recently. The garage is underneath the house, and there’s a flight of stairs you have to climb that leads to the main level of the house, which has a deck wrapping all the way around. The side that faces the ocean has a much larger deck, and the last time we came here, I spent a lot of time out there.