“Good. Not enough young people fear God nowadays.”
Ash nodded her agreement, but didn’t point out Jordan was only eleven years younger than Sherry. And she wasn’t even sure Jordan believed in God anyway, but it didn’t really matter because Sherry had accomplished what she’d set out to do—letting Jordan know she’d have to answer to someone if she hurt Ash.
“You’ve never brought a date to my house before. Is this one special?”
“Yeah, she is,” Ash answered.
“Where did you meet her?” Sherry smiled and patted Ash’s leg. “Tell me everything.”
Ash did, minus the speculation about the MS. Sherry already knew some of the circumstances surrounding her departure from Los Angeles, but Ash had never told her about the affair with Jordan. When she finished her story, she held her breath as she waited for Sherry’s response. Sherry shook her head for a moment before finally looking at her.
“Is this thing between you going to last this time?”
“I hope so, but I know I broke her heart before by not being honest with her.” Ash held her head in her hands. “But now she’s not being honest with me. I know there’s more to the reason she left the FBI, but she just keeps saying she got burned out and decided to pursue other things.”
“Maybe there isn’t anything more to it, sweetie,” Sherry said. “But at any rate, her reasons brought her here and back to you.”
“You sound like Maria.” Ash chuckled. “Everything happens for a reason, right?”
“Maria’s a smart cookie. How is she doing?”
“She’s doing well. She’s in the wheelchair, but for the most part she does everything for herself.”
“Tell her I said hi and we missed her and her husband here this year.” Sherry got to her feet and held a hand out to Ash. “Maybe we should head out back and see what mischief Mark and his friends have gotten Jordan into.”
Chapter Twenty-six
Jordan stood near Mark and watched as his friends tried to get a game of football going. There were probably about thirty people there for the picnic, which was an impressive turnout as far as Jordan was concerned. She’d never attended a picnic with more than about ten people.
“Come on, Jordan, you look like you’d make a good wide receiver,” one of the guys hollered to her. He was the quarterback of one of the teams, and she was pretty sure Mark had introduced him as Jeff.
“Hey, I don’t know why you have to use that cane of yours sometimes, but don’t let them bully you into playing,” Mark said. “Besides, I think if you got hurt, Ash would have my head.”
“Yeah, you’re probably right about that.” Jordan smiled to herself. It was rather nice to have a protector. She shook her head and held her hand up. “Not today, guys, sorry.”
“They’re only out there trying to show off anyway,” Mark said. She watched him flip the burgers like he’d been doing it his whole life. “For some reason they think they have to prove their masculinity.”
“But not you?”
“Hell no. I played football in high school. I’m done proving anything to anybody. And I’m quite happy with who I am, thank you very much.”
“Good for you,” Jordan said as she held her beer bottle up to salute him.
“There you are,” Ash said as she and Sherry walked up to them. Jordan leaned into her when Ash put an arm around her shoulders. “I was worried they’d talk you into playing.”
“Oh, believe me, they tried,” Mark said. “But girlfriend here is secure in her masculinity. Or her femininity, whichever she chooses to display.”
“Here’s to being comfortable in your own skin,” Jordan said. Mark picked up his beer and they all tapped their bottles together before taking a drink.
“Hey, Ash,” Jeff said as he ran over to them. “We need another player. Please?”
“Sorry, fellas, I’m just watching this year.” Ash smiled when Jeff pouted and walked back to the game looking dejected.
“You can play if you want,” Jordan told her. She didn’t want Ash feeling like she needed to babysit her.
“I’d rather just be on the sidelines with you.” Ash gave her a quick kiss on the lips.
“Now wait a minute, I thought you two were just friends .” Mark stood with one hand on his hip and the other waving the spatula he was using to flip the burgers.
“We’ve never been just friends ,” Ash replied with a grin.
“We tried it for a few days, but it didn’t work for us,” Jordan said in agreement.
“Lesbians,” he muttered under his breath as he shook his head.
“Mind your manners,” Sherry told him with a swat to his shoulder. He feigned being hurt and she just laughed at him. “Like gay men are any better.”
“At least we don’t bring a U-Haul to the second date, Granny.” He smiled and stuck his tongue out at them, which earned him a harder sounding swat.
“That joke’s a little old, isn’t it?” Jordan asked.
“Ignore him and he’ll stop,” Ash told her. She held up her beer bottle. “You want another?”
“No, I think I’ll stick to soda for the rest of the day.” Jordan watched as Ash went to find them new drinks. She wasn’t really against alcohol, but she had cut down quite a bit when her mother was diagnosed with dementia. But since she’d been in Vegas, she felt like she had a drink in her hand every time she turned around. And she loved the fact Ash didn’t question her decision to not drink.
There was a lot she was finding to love about Ash, and about being in Las Vegas, and it scared her. She was becoming too comfortable. It was just so damn easy though. The people were so laid-back and welcoming, and what was waiting for her back in Philadelphia anyway? She didn’t honestly know why she’d even decided to stay there when she left the bureau. It wasn’t as if she had many friends there. She was simply tired of moving and didn’t want to face it again.
Matt was in Phoenix and had been bugging her to move back home ever since she quit. The time she’d spent at the field office in Portland had been some of the best times of her life. And now there was a reason to consider Las Vegas. But was it really an option?
Other than her three-day-a-week injection and the occasional day when she needed her cane, she’d been able to put her MS in the back of her mind. She wasn’t so sure that was a smart move though. There had always been times when she’d hoped there’d been a misdiagnosis, that she didn’t really have MS. But then she’d have the inevitable relapse and realize thinking that way was nothing more than a fantasy.
And really, wasn’t that what she was doing here? Fantasizing about having a life she would never be able to have? She took a seat at a picnic table where she could watch them playing football. Before she realized there was something wrong with her, she’d have been right out there with them.
But fooling herself and Ash into believing they could have something lasting wasn’t doing either of them any good. She’d be gone at the end of the tournament, which at the most, would be about seven more days, and that was only if she made it to the final table. She raked a hand through her hair and sighed loudly.
“You okay?” Ash asked as she set a can of Coke in front of her. She put a hand on Jordan’s back as she sat next to her.
“Fine,” she said with a smile and a quick nod of her head. “Just watching the game.”
The look Ash gave her told Jordan she didn’t fully believe her, but Jordan had no desire to bring up her leaving. Not today. There was always tomorrow.
The problem was, she was running out of tomorrows.
*
Ash sat on the ground with Jordan in a chair behind her, her head resting against Jordan’s thigh. The fireworks would be starting any minute. She closed her eyes when Jordan’s fingers began gently massaging her scalp.
“You two need anything?” she heard Sherry ask.
“No, we’re good,” Jordan told her. “Sit down and relax. Enjoy the fireworks.”
“I intend to do just that,” S
herry said before walking away.
Ash had tried not to think about Jordan’s impending departure, and she’d actually been successful for most of the time they’d been together over the past days. But today, when she’d brought her that can of Coke, Ash knew Jordan had been thinking about it. She could tell by the sad look on her face when she’d told Ash she was fine. And the rest of the day she’d been rather reserved and quiet, which wasn’t really like her.
She’d hoped she could convince Jordan through her actions that things might actually work out for them, that a future together was possible, but unless Jordan was ready to tell her about her MS, she knew that future would never happen.
The Main Event was starting tomorrow, with Jordan’s first day of action on Monday, which meant in nine more days the World Series of Poker would be done. At least the portion played now. The final round, which meant the nine players at the final table, wouldn’t be played until mid-November. Jordan hadn’t told her she was leaving, but she had given no indication she might stay when it was done either.
Of course, if Jordan made it to the final table, she’d have to come back again in four months. Ash didn’t want to wait that long to see her again. She’d lost Jordan once due to her own reluctance. She had no intention of losing her again simply because Jordan was afraid of what the future held for her.
The first loud boom of the fireworks caused her to jump, and she felt Jordan’s arms slide around her shoulders, pulling her back against her. This felt too good—too right —to only be a short affair. Ash covered Jordan’s hands with her own to keep them where they were on her chest above her breasts.
She wasn’t going to let her go without a fight.
Chapter Twenty-seven
Jordan was eliminated from the Main Event on day eight, her sixth day of play. If she’d managed to hold on for just one more day, she would have had a real shot at making it to the final table. She thought for sure she’d win that last hand with pocket kings, but no king came up in the flop, the turn, or the river. She’d lost to a guy who went all in with pocket deuces. She had the hand won until the river, when the dealer turned up another two.
She spent the rest of the day in her room, waiting for Ash’s shift to end. She’d had five hours to sit and think about the bad beat, and it still pissed her off to realize she’d lost to an idiot who went all in on pocket deuces. But poker was ultimately a game of chance, and more often than not, luck trumped skill. She knew she’d done the right thing calling the bet, but that didn’t make the loss any easier to take.
When it was almost time for Ash to punch out, she headed down to Starbucks to wait for her. It had become their routine during the past week, and it was beginning to become a little too comfortable. But she had to admit it was nice. But the time had come for her to head back to Philly. Unfortunately, she had no clue how to bring it up to Ash. It had been so easy to immerse herself in the fantasy they’d created, Jordan simply hadn’t given much thought to it.
“I’m so sorry you lost, baby,” Ash said as they walked into her house. She got a beer for each of them and they settled in on the couch. Trixie jumped up into Jordan’s lap, which had become routine for her on the nights they stayed here.
“I came closer than I probably should have.” Jordan shrugged it off and tried to fight the nervousness she was feeling. She concentrated on scratching Trixie’s chin and chuckled when the cat stretched out on her lap.
“She really likes you.”
“I never really liked cats, but she’s kind of grown on me,” Jordan admitted. Ash scooted closer on the couch and took Jordan’s hand, lacing their fingers together. Jordan risked a look at Ash’s face and saw the dismay there. It was obvious she was worried about what was going to happen to them now.
“You’re going to leave, aren’t you?” Ash was trying not to cry, and it chipped away at Jordan’s resolve when she saw her eyes water. “Don’t answer that right now. I just want to enjoy tonight. After tomorrow I’m off for a couple of days. Will you promise me you’ll wait until then, so we can sit down and talk about it?”
“Ash…” Jordan swallowed hard and brushed the tears from Ash’s cheeks with the backs of her fingers when they began to fall.
“I just want you to promise me you’ll wait. I really don’t want to get off work tomorrow night and find out you’ve disappeared,” she explained.
Jordan nodded, but she could see Ash wasn’t convinced. She wiped away another tear before leaning in and pressing her lips to Ash’s. She looked her in the eyes and nodded again.
“I promise. I will not disappear tomorrow. I will wait until your days off so we can talk.”
“Thank you,” Ash said, her entire body sagging with relief. Jordan held her like that until they both fell asleep.
*
They agreed Jordan would pack up her things and check out of the hotel so she could stay with Ash for a few days until she headed back to Philly. Jordan was surprised Ash hadn’t asked her to do it earlier. It wasn’t like they didn’t spend every night together, either at Ash’s house or Jordan’s hotel room, but it was nice knowing if she’d wanted to, Jordan had a place to go to be by herself.
They got back to the house just in time for Ash to turn right around and go back to the hotel for the start of her shift. Jordan leaned against the counter in the kitchen with Trixie sitting on a chair at the table. They were engaged in an old-fashioned stare down. Jordan wondered briefly if the cat would turn on her now that they were alone for the first time. But after a few moments, the cat blinked lazily and she looked away before jumping down and trotting up the stairs.
She was looking for something to eat in Ash’s barren cupboards and refrigerator when she realized they probably should have made a stop at the grocery store. How could anyone live like this? She found a pad of paper and a pen and started writing out a list before she realized she didn’t really live there. It felt like she did, and the realization both scared and excited her. She shook her head and ripped the sheet of paper off the pad, balling it up in her fist and tossing it in the trash.
A can of soup, a loaf of bread, and perhaps something for breakfast would suffice until they could get to the store the next day. And maybe a bag of Doritos. She was suddenly craving Spicy Nacho Doritos. She grabbed the key Ash had left for her and ventured out to the store.
After putting things away, she took the bag of Doritos and a beer into the living room with her where she made herself comfortable on the couch. Only seven more hours, give or take a few minutes, before Ash would return home. She took a pull from the bottle and leaned her head back as she closed her eyes.
These past couple of weeks had been invigorating. More than once Jordan had found herself wondering if they could possibly make things work between them. But then she’d remember her disease was real, and it would eventually relapse. She couldn’t just pretend everything was fine.
She knew the only person who could ever make her happy was Ash. But Ash deserved to have a future with someone who would be active for years to come. Not to be tied down to a lover as a caretaker. It wouldn’t be fair to either of them.
Jordan had a feeling Ash would fight her every step of the way on this, which was why she had no intention of telling her about the MS. She still wasn’t sure yet exactly what she was going to offer as reasoning behind her leaving, but it wouldn’t be that.
She jumped with surprise when Trixie hopped in her lap, purring and rubbing her face against her hand. She flopped down and turned onto her back, showing Jordan she wanted her belly rubbed. Jordan smiled and did as the cat requested. The normalcy of the situation tried to take hold somewhere in her mind, but she refused to let it. She couldn’t allow herself to think of being in Ash’s house as normal. She would never have a normal life —at least not like other people did.
When her phone rang, she jerked, causing Trixie to take off running from where she’d been sleeping on Jordan’s chest. She saw by the clock on the wall it was a little after eight. She
grabbed her phone, surprised to see her brother’s name on the display.
“Matty, what’s up?”
“I woke you up.”
“No, I was just napping. Barely asleep.” She sat up and stretched her back before running her hand through her hair. “Is everything all right?”
“No,” he said, sounding so much like the little boy he used to be. He almost sounded as though he might cry at any moment. “Mom had a stroke.”
“Shit, Matt. When?”
“This afternoon. They don’t think she’s going to make it. Something about an aneurysm. They want to do brain surgery but I told them they couldn’t before you get here.”
“What?” Jordan stood and paced in front of the couch. If she left in the morning, she could be there in the early afternoon. “Matt, they can’t wait. Aneurysms are bad news. It could rupture and kill her almost instantly. Let them do the surgery, and I’ll be there as soon as I can.”
“She asked for you, Jordan.”
She stopped pacing abruptly, not sure she heard him right. She shook her head but didn’t say anything. It was strange enough to hear she even remembered having children, but to ask for Jordan of all people? She wiped away a tear and tried to swallow around the lump in her throat.
“You must have misunderstood what she said.”
“No, Sis, she said, ‘Where’s Jordan? I want her here.’ What’s to misunderstand about that?”
“It’ll take me almost four hours to get there, and I can’t leave till morning.”
“Why? If you left now, you could be here by midnight. Of course, the way you drive, maybe eleven.”
“Very funny, smartass,” she muttered. She couldn’t leave. She promised Ash she wouldn’t. If Ash came home and found her gone, Jordan knew she’d think she got scared and ran off. Even if she left a note, Jordan was pretty sure she’d still think it. But what choice did she have? Her mother asked for her. And Jordan knew damn well Matt would be a basket case if she didn’t make it through surgery. She needed to be there for him if nothing else. “All right, I can probably get out of here by nine. I’ll do my best to get there around midnight. Where should I go?”
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