“I can’t leave my son,” I murmured, and he told me that’s why they’d brought the gurney. They would put me right beside him, and I could hold his hand if I wanted. I did. Throughout the night, I would drop off to sleep, only to jerk awake when I felt a nudge to my gurney, or heard a soft voice. Each time, terror filled me and I’d look over at Al, lying so still and white except for the hideous bruises on his legs. Sometimes, I couldn’t tell if he was breathing, and my own heart would stop until I thought to look at his vital signs monitor and assured myself that the heartbeat was there, if sometimes unsteady.
Somehow I knew it was morning at one such time. There was a different feel to the hospital, and it seemed noisier. We were still in the ER, where Al could be monitored constantly, until they could tell whether he was going to react to the anti-venom or whether he would need more. Once when I looked at my son, he reminded me of an angel I’d seen once on a child’s grave, white and lifeless. I convulsed into sobs, bringing an attendant of some kind running. Sometime during the night, they’d hooked me to a vital signs monitor as well.
“Can I help you with something, Mrs. Nielsen?” she asked.
“My son,” I choked, unable to articulate the unspeakable fear that gripped me.
“He’s doing as well as we can expect, ma’am. He’s not in any danger right now.”
“Will he recover?” I begged her, with my voice, with my eyes, with every fiber of my being, to tell me he would be okay.
“I’ll have the doctor speak with you as soon as he comes in,” was her only answer. Why wouldn’t these people answer with a straight answer? I began to shake as I feared I knew the answer…that if he did make it through the early crisis, Alma would be permanently damaged in some way. For the first time in over a year, I prayed to a God I wasn’t sure was interested in me or my children any more.
It was nearly ten a.m. before the doctor came in to examine Al. I watched anxiously for signs of anything he was thinking, without seeing any. This doctor was like the EMT who had cared for him in the helicopter. Each time he touched Al, he explained what he was doing. Again, I found it comforting. Surely he wouldn’t bother to do that for a comatose or dying child, though Al did seem to be unconscious.
Then, he came to my bedside and checked my vitals.
“Mrs. Nielsen, good morning. I’m sorry to see that you’ve joined my patient load. How are you feeling today?”
How could I answer that? All I had for him were emotions, and he wanted to know how I felt physically. How about nauseated, exhausted, shrunken into myself as if I were looking at the world through twin tunnels that led from somewhere far back in my head to my eyes. All I could think of to say was, “Terrified.”
“I understand. And I hope I can put some of that to rest this morning. Are you ready to hear how your son is?”
“Please,” I answered. “No one has answered me straight when I ask if he’ll be okay. Why? Please tell me straight. Not knowing is worse than hearing bad news.”
“Very well. Your son sustained multiple bites from a prairie rattlesnake. The good news is that this particular snake didn’t have the Mojave toxin, so there’s a good chance your son will recover fully.”
The breath whooshed out of me so fast that I got dizzy, even though I was still lying down.
“Are you all right?” the doctor asked.
“Yes, go on.”
“Unfortunately, it may be a long recovery process. We’ve run into a few problems that I’d like to address. First, we think he’ll have a better chance to avoid kidney damage if we put him on dialysis. We need your consent to do that.”
“Tell me what it means, in simple terms if you will. And then I’ll sign the consent papers.”
“All right, I’ll have a technician come and explain it to you. The other thing we need is his dad.”
“What? Why?”
“When they took your blood this morning, didn’t they tell you he has a rare blood type? Yours doesn’t match.”
“How can that be? I’m his mom.”
“Well, put simply, some of his genes, the molecular level code that tells his body whether to grow tall or short, whether to be a blond or a brunette, all of that, come from you, and some come from his dad. Since his blood type and yours don’t match, that must have come from his dad. We would like to give him a blood transfusion right away to cut down on the amount of poison that’s circulating. So, we need his dad.”
I stared at him, frightened out of my wits. “Isn’t there another option?”
“Is there a problem, Mrs. Nielsen?”
“Yes, there’s a problem. His dad’s in an Arizona prison. He can’t come here.” I wondered if I had just uttered my son’s death sentence.
The doctor frowned and didn’t speak for a minute. “Okay, we’ll send to Casper or Cheyenne for it. Don’t worry, Mrs. Nielsen, the dialysis will help a lot. I apologize, I didn’t know about your husband.”
“We’re divorced,” I said, automatically. It was always easier to say that than explain the whole bizarre truth.
“I see. Do you have any more questions, Mrs. Nielsen?”
“No. Thank you doctor. So, he’s going to be fine?”
“We can hope so. There can be complications, but we’ve done everything we can to prevent them, and you did get him here in less than an hour after he was bitten. That’s a big plus.”
The doctor left, then, and I was left alone to think about all of the things that could have gone wrong, or that had gone wrong. If we had been out in the desert somewhere, instead of at the ranch, or if Russ hadn’t called ahead to guarantee the bill, since we had no insurance yet. But worst of all was the legacy that Al’s father had left him, a rare blood type that wasn’t on hand here where he needed it, and that I didn’t match. That made me sick. I hated that he even had his father’s name, or that I went by it so there would be no confusion.
~~~
We had been through the dialysis and settled in a room in the intensive care unit when a commotion outside let me know that my family had arrived. By this time, I no longer needed the gurney or the vital signs monitor. I’d been discharged, though of course they allowed me to stay with my son through all of his treatments. In addition to the dialysis, they had given him several more vials of anti-venom. I learned later that in the first twenty-four hours, he’d had over thirty vials, and that while I slept in those jerky, interrupted periods, the staff at the hospital had fought for Al’s life harder than I knew. When I asked why he stayed asleep most of the time, they said it was because of the pain medications. I was glad. At least my baby wasn’t in much pain, as far as we could tell.
I got up from the chair where I was watching him sleep, and went into the hall to shush the girls. To my surprise, Tali was in Celeste’s arms, and only Ciara was with her.
“Where are Amber and Janey?” I asked.
“In the courtyard entertaining the kids. We’ll switch off in a little while, but we thought you’d want to see Tali. My little girl was staring at me with big round blue eyes, her thumb in her mouth. When I reached for her, she made no move to come to me. Stung, I fought back tears and said, “Celeste, what’s wrong with her?”
“She’s ready for her nap, but also, have you looked in a mirror?” Her tone was grim.
“No, why?”
“Go look.”
I stepped into a restroom just a few doors down, and for the first time since we’d arrived, looked up at myself in the mirror. What I saw shocked me and made me understand too well why Tali wouldn’t come to me. My long blonde hair, pinned up in a topknot and bun neatly yesterday morning, was sticking out in stiff, dirty strands from the mess that had been the bun. My eyes had such deep, dark circles around them that it appeared I had two black eyes, and I looked like I’d aged ten years. Horrified, I started pulling pins out and finger-combing my hair as best I could. If Al woke up and saw this face, it might scare him back into unconsciousness. Tali had been brave not to cry.
When I c
ame back out, Celeste was standing at the door with a brush. I took it and went back inside. Fighting the snarls in it, I managed to get my hair under control, though it still looked greasy to me. It wouldn’t look better until I could get a shower and wash it. Newly aware of my condition, I also realized I smelled pretty rank. Though I was torn about it, I could see that I was going to have to go home and get cleaned up, and soon. I went back out into the hall.
“Celeste, do you think…”
“Yes. I called in for me the same time I called your office this morning. I’m off tonight, and I’ll sit with Alma while you go home and get cleaned up and spend some quality time with Tali. Then you can come back and trade places with me.”
I hadn’t even thought about work. Consumed with guilt, before I left the hospital I called Mr. Clark. “I’m so sorry! I wasn’t in very good shape to remember to call this morning,” I confessed.
“Annalee, don’t you worry about that. How’s your little man?” he responded.
“He’s holding his own, thank you. The doctor says it may be a long recovery. I don’t know what to do.”
“I’m sorry our benefits didn’t include health insurance, Annalee. I know it’s going to be rough, and you can’t afford to be off for very long. If you can make arrangements for after, I can give you this week off with pay.”
“Oh, thank you so much!” I breathed. I never expected that kind of concern from my employer. I liked him well enough, and he seemed like a nice guy, but he didn’t have to do that. I remembered my real estate licensing exam, scheduled for Thursday, and told him I’d be sure to get there. I was going to have to rely on my sisters, all of them, not just Celeste, but that was one good thing about a big family. There was always someone you could count on.
Who I couldn’t count on was my children’s father, serving a five-year sentence in Arizona for sexual intercourse with a minor under fifteen, Amber being the primary complainant because she was only fourteen when Jed brought her into the covenant. The judge was inclined to add the one-year sentence that each of the rest of us would have brought, consecutively, but didn’t want to give Jed a reason to appeal. If I had anything to say about it, he would never see Al or Tali again, but it could be a legal fight if he chose to make it one.
For some reason, though it was the one thing he didn’t choose to do to us, the thing I was maddest about was his genetic contribution to Al, his AB-negative blood type. It meant that I could never give blood directly to Al, since I was O-positive. The doctor explained that only in the rarest of emergencies would they do a direct transfusion anyway, since most of the time they’d want to be sure someone’s blood was safe. They had only considered it for Alma because of his dangerous situation. I would need to have Tali’s blood tested, too, to save time if an emergency ever arose for her.
I also couldn’t count on Cody, but I’d forced myself to put any thoughts of him aside in the month we’d been away from the ranch. As far as I knew, Cody and I were over. So it annoyed me when my thoughts constantly turned to the wish that he were here to hold me, to tell me it would be okay, and to tease and reassure Al like he used to when he played with the kids. I mentally kicked myself for letting them get close to him. They didn’t really remember their biological father, but they missed Cody.
It was a shock almost as bad as seeing Al in pain on the ground when I learned that he may have to stay in the hospital for as much as a month. Even though it was a not-for-profit hospital, the bills were going to be staggering, and we had no insurance. My salary and the fact that I was sharing a house with Celeste meant that we weren’t eligible for Medicaid; I made too much money. But, like many low-income people, I didn’t make enough to afford insurance. I was still trying to sort things like that out, and hadn’t yet signed up for the affordable health care alternative. I had three months to do it, I thought, and there were so many other things to take care of. Now we were in big trouble for money, as well as needing the support of all my family to be with Al in the hospital once I needed to go back to work.
By Thursday, the date of my real estate licensing exam, I had more or less pulled myself together. Ciara, Janey and Amber had worked out a schedule for one of them to be with Celeste and me at all times, while the others took care of all the children, including Tali, at the ranch. While I worked and Celeste followed her usual schedule, one of the others was there with Al in the hospital. Then she’d babysit Daniel while I took over the hospital shift. Al continued to be sedated quite heavily, so after nine p.m. we left him to sleep, though I worried about him every minute I wasn’t with him. I even managed to study some for my exam while sitting with Al while he slept.
So, on Thursday morning, I took the car and drove to the exam venue in Casper, determined to pass the first time. I needed to be able to make some serious money, and this was the quickest pathway I had available. I finished the multiple-choice exam in less than half the time they gave me, worried that I hadn’t paid enough attention to the questions. But, I had learned with the GED prep studies with our tutor that more often than not when I second-guessed a multiple-choice answer, I had the right one in the first place. So, I took a deep breath, turned in the flash drive with my answers, and drove back home to see my baby and wait.
It would be two weeks before I’d have the results of my exam. Knowing that I needed something to sustain me in that time, and exhausted from the ordeal with Al, I took Janey back to the ranch and handed over the keys to the car to Ciara. I was going to spend the weekend with Tali, and Ciara would be back to trade places with Amber by the time I was ready to go home.
I didn’t even think about Cody being there, since most weekends were devoted to rodeos. But there he was, unloading Abo from the horse trailer as we drove up. He looked up, saw me through the window and waved as if he hadn’t even noticed I wasn’t living at the ranch anymore. My heart lurched at the sight of him, tall and handsome as always, with that slight squint against the Wyoming summer sun, and knew I was in trouble. I still wanted him, so badly. All the weeks of trying to forget had been a waste of time.
Cody ambled over as I parked the car, and leaned on the roof before I could open the door. Janey glanced from him to me and jumped out of the car, saying she’d see me later. I couldn’t ask her to stay without raising a question in Cody’s mind, so I let her go and steeled myself to speak to Cody.
“Hi. How’ve you been?” I said, taking the bull by the horns.
“Not so good. I hear little Al was snake-bit. How’s he doin’?” Why that should concern him escaped me, but I did the polite thing and answered.
“He’s holding his own, that’s all. Not much progress yet. He was bitten several times.” A tear rolled down my cheek as I thought of Al and wondered if he’d miss me while I was out here with Tali. He didn’t respond much when I would arrive at the hospital and kiss his little face, and it broke my heart. But the nurses assured me that it was just the meds they were giving him to keep him comfortable and to counteract the venom.
“God, Annalee, that’s plumb awful. I’m so sorry it happened.” Cody looked genuinely sorry, thawing my heart toward him a little.
“Thank you. Cody? I think you guys owe Bill an apology. There must be a rattler nest somewhere near the corral, and that must have been what spooked Abo last year.”
A thoughtful expression crossed his face as he answered, “You could be right. We’d better try to find it before somethin’ else happens. I’ll talk to Russ.”
“Okay, that’s good. I need to get into the house, I haven’t seen Tali in days. See you at dinner.”
“Wait, Annalee, don’t I get a kiss or a hug or nothin’?” He had opened the door and was holding out his hand to help me out of the car.
“I didn’t think you were interested in that anymore,” I couldn’t help but accuse.
Cody’s eyebrows flew up under his hat brim and his mouth formed a perfect O. “What give you that idea?” he said.
“Cody, I really need to get in to see Tali. I do
n’t have time to talk about it right now.” I brushed past him, heading for the back door into the kitchen.
In one stride, he caught up with me and grabbed me by the upper arm, twisting me into his arms and planting a hard kiss on my closed lips. “We’ll talk about it later, then,” he said, then let me go and strode off, leaving me astonished and indignant. I touched my bruised lips with my fingertips. What was that? And what was I going to do about it?
~~~
It was good to be back at the ranch table for dinner after a month away except for that terrible day when Al got hurt. It felt like coming home, though of course this was no longer my home. Still, two of my sisters were here, and the hands all nodded or spoke politely. All except Cody, who seemed to be brooding over something, and Hank, who was glowering at Cody then at me. I decided to ignore him; he no longer had the power to hurt me, since Cody and I were over. Janet bustled around as usual, but I caught her more than once patting Hank’s shoulder quickly as she passed by. Russ asked me how Al was doing, and everyone made appropriate noises of sympathy when I detailed his condition.
Charity said, “Russ, we need to do something about snakes in the yard. Any of the children could be hurt as they get old enough to run around on their own, and they might not be as lucky as Al was to get immediate medical care. Honey, he could have died!”
“I know, sweetheart. Cody and I have discussed it, and we’re going to hold a rattlesnake rodeo here as soon as we can organize it.”
“What are you talking about? I never heard of such a thing,” Charity responded. She didn’t sound too happy about the idea.
“It was Cody’s idea. Invite the other ranches around here, and there’ll be a prize for the most snakes captured, the biggest and so on. We’re thinking we could have a snake-meat cook-off, too.”
I put my fork down, suddenly queasy at that thought. Charity gave a little yelp and glared at Russ, but the damage was done. The hands, most of them, were whooping and talking excitedly. Russ raised his eyebrows at Charity as if to say ‘see how excited they are?’ Charity palmed her head, resting her elbow on the table, and muttered, “What craziness are you going to think of next?” But it looked like it was a done deal. I was glad I could escape the ranch for the event, because the very thought of a bunch of snakes together, even if they were dead, made me sick. Not to mention that they were planning to eat them. Ugh.
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