I just couldn’t be so rude as to leave him standing outside, but I didn’t want to be alone with him, either. Celeste was an angel to stay with us, though Cody kept looking daggers at her. I guess he hoped she’d go away, but she didn’t. Sisters have to stick together, we always said.
Thank goodness he didn’t ask to see the kids, either. I wasn’t up for a fight, I’d had too exhausting a week. After all that happened before, the dinner with Jason to celebrate my license being approved was nice, but tiring. I didn’t know what to say to him when he gave me a compliment, and I wasn’t at all sure about this dating business. I felt quite uncomfortable, in fact, when Jason held my hand, or put his arm around me. But, he was the perfect gentleman, never going further than that, and never doing even that in the office, after that first day. He was just what I needed right now, steady, kind, considerate and a little boring. Boring was fine; I’d had enough excitement for a while.
I had to admit, though, I missed being in Cody’s arms, missed the heart-pounding ecstasy he brought me when we made love. Even though Jason hadn’t suggested anything like that, I wondered if he could give me the same passion. Somehow, I doubted it. So I had to weigh what was most important, and I was rapidly coming down on the side of steady. My children needed a father figure who wouldn’t run off to a rodeo every weekend, someone who could provide for them, the important things like a roof over their head, food in their bellies, clothes on their backs, and insurance in case they had terrible accidents. I hadn’t received the hospital bill yet, but I was sure it would give me even more to worry about.
Shutting the door behind Cody after he left, I leaned on it for a minute, regretting the sensual kisses I’d no doubt missed. But, it was for the best. I went to get the kids bathed and ready for bed, wishing Cody were more like Jason, or Jason more like Cody. Together, they’d be the perfect man. Instead I had to choose, and I was afraid that tonight’s encounter had been that choice. Cody was gone. He probably wouldn’t come back.
Monday I was back to work with as light a heart as I could manage after the previous night’s upset. Jason waved at me as I walked in, while soothing an upset seller whose open house hadn’t attracted enough attention. I started my day as usual by putting any files in order that Jason had used over the weekend. By the time he had finished returning calls from Sunday, I was done with the files and asked him if I could get him some coffee. Jason got up immediately and said he’d get me some. He was so good at that, making me feel special and valued with the smallest gesture. It wouldn’t have bothered me to bring him coffee, but instead he insisted on getting it for me. What other assistant had it so good?
I smiled and recited my order. Jason winked and said, “Same as usual.” He had it memorized already, after only a couple of weeks. When he came back, he had a huge muffin to split with me, too.
“You’re going to make me fat,” I chided.
“Not gonna happen. You’re too thin. Are you eating?”
“Maybe not as well as I should have, until Al came home. But I’ll get there. I like food too much to starve myself, just didn’t have the time to eat right while he was in the hospital. What about you? Who does your cooking?” I asked. It had suddenly occurred to me that one thing I could do to pay back his kindness was offer him a home-cooked meal, if he didn’t get that all the time.
“Oh, Marie Callender does most of it,” he joked.
“Don’t tell me you eat her TV dinners all the time,” I said, horrified that he might say yes.
“No, not all the time. Sometimes I have DiGiorno’s, or I go out. I see your sister at the truck stop for breakfast, sometimes.”
“You don’t even fix your own breakfast? That must get expensive.” Not to mention fattening and boring.
“I don’t notice, I’ve been doing it so long. Ever since my mother passed,” he said, matter-of-factly. His face betrayed no emotion as he said it, but my heart clutched.
“Oh, Jason, I’m sorry. I didn’t know,” I said, thinking sadly of my own mother, who was somewhere in Mexico with my dad, I didn’t know where.
“No reason why you should. I should tell you about myself, though, since you shared your story with me. My mom and dad started this brokerage, so I grew up knowing I’d be a real estate broker when I was done with school. Never even went to college. I took my real estate classes right after high school was out and got my license a week or so after my eighteenth birthday. Went to work for my dad in the same position you’re filling, until I got my own clientele. I thought I’d still be working with him and mom until they retired, but a log truck had a different idea.” His delivery of this bombshell was completely flat, as if it hadn’t affected him at all.
I gasped, and covered my mouth with my hand as it fell open full of muffin crumbs. I swallowed quickly and took a sip of coffee to wash the muffin down. “Jason, that’s awful!”
“I know,” he said. “It was just so unreal. One minute, I’m an eighteen-year-old licensed assistant, and six months later, I own the business. I had to hire a broker to work under until I could qualify for the advanced license. The only thing good about it was that it was quick. They probably never saw it coming, and they were both killed instantly. No lingering, no pain, no living without the other. That was a mercy.” Jason continued to recite his story as if he’d practiced it, only at the end of his narration showing what I interpreted as regret. He either felt nothing for his parents or his grief had burned through any display of emotion. It was unsettling, but I took it at face value at the time.
“I’m sorry,” I said again.
“Don’t be. It was more than ten years ago. Water under the bridge,” he said, taking my now empty cup and throwing it with his into the nearest wastebasket.
It was so surreal to hear him saying ‘water under the bridge’ about the death of his parents. I knew there had to be more to the story, but I was unsettled enough now that I didn’t want to dig into it. Instead, I laid my hand on his arm and thanked him for sharing his story. Then I went back to my desk and began making cold calls to home owners, to see if they wanted us to represent them in the sale of their home.
It was mind-numbing work. Eight out of ten had no interest in selling their homes, a fact that some of them conveyed by hanging up on me without a word. Of the other two, one might already be listed or the owner had a favorite real estate agent. One out of ten would make an appointment to talk with me, and of those, one or two of every ten would keep the appointment. But, it was the way to gain a clientele, or so Jason said.
I was determined to become a successful agent. It was the only way I could see to ever pay off the looming hospital bill, which I had decided must be over ten thousand dollars. I could support my kids and myself on my salary, but that bill would take the rest of my life to pay off if I didn’t make extra money.
One day Jason took me to the Board of Realtors meeting with him and explained the difference between a Realtor and a real estate agent on the way. When we got there, he introduced me to several members. When I saw how nicely dressed the other women were, I felt dowdy and underdressed. In my navy slacks and white button-down shirt, with black flats on my otherwise bare feet and my hair put up in its usual topknot and bun, I looked like an assistant, not a licensed agent. The other women wore flattering business suits or dresses, pumps and chunky jewelry to set it all off. I wore no makeup other than a little lipstick; they were done up to the nines, with smoky eye shadow, long mascara’d lashes, foundation, blush and maybe powder. They had bleached hair in short, spiky styles that proclaimed them modern, competent and business-like. Mine still looked like I’d worn it back in Bethel City. It didn’t escape me that if I wanted to succeed, I needed to look more like these women than my dowdy self.
On the way back to the office, I said to Jason, “I need to find a beauty salon.”
He retorted, “You’re as beautiful as you need to be. Why do you need one of those?”
“Because I don’t know how to put on makeup, and I need
to cut my hair, and maybe someone there can teach me how to dress.” My cheeks were hot, so I knew I was blushing, but I rushed on with my litany anyway. “Jason, I need to look like those women, or I’m not going to get any clients.”
“Whoa, honey, take it a step at a time. For one thing, you can’t cut that spectacular hair until I’ve seen it down. Then we’ll see.”
I was shocked speechless. It was a surprisingly intimate statement. Jason had seen me in the office, at home and in public, so he knew I never wore my hair down. The only exception was the bedroom. For him to say that was practically a proposition.
~~~
I forgot about all thoughts of beauty salons and hair cutting when I got home from work that afternoon. The mail had the dreaded hospital bill in it. I sat down, afraid to open it. Fortunately, a distraction caused me to set it aside for the moment. Jason was on the phone, asking if I’d be able to go to dinner. Quickly checking with Ciara, who was on helper duty this week, I agreed, and he said he’d pick me up at seven. That left two hours to play with my kids and get ready, so I took the coward’s way out and set the envelope aside.
The bruises around Al’s bites were fading, finally, but he still had random flashes of pain that made him cry out. Tali had cried every time he did it at first, but when we told her it was because his boo-boos hurt him, she turned into a little nurse. It was so cute to see her put her chubby little hand on his shoulder and say, “It. Be. Okay. Al.” Sweetheart that he was, he’d smile at her and say, “I know, Tali. Thank you.” My kids were the most precious things in the world to me. I shuddered to think that there could come a time when I wouldn’t be able to support them, and that forces beyond my control might try to take them from me.
After playing with them for an hour, I took a shower and changed into a light summer dress, perfect for the long hot evening ahead. From last year’s experience, summer monsoon rains were about two weeks away, and then fall chill would soon follow. Wyoming didn’t have the normal four seasons. What we had was bitter cold, muddy cold, dry heat, and then a few mild, beautiful days before bitter cold again. But, with my sisters and Russ and Charity all within fifteen miles of me, it never would have occurred to me to leave.
Jason picked me up on the dot at seven. When I opened the door and invited him in, his face broke out in a big grin to see that I was wearing my hair different. In honor of the special occasion, I had divided it down a center part and French-braided it into two plaits that flowed over my shoulders and down to my waist.
“Well, it’s not all the way down, but I like the progress,” Jason said, winking at me.
I know I blushed. Didn’t have much choice, with my fair skin. Unless I missed my guess, that remark was meant to be racy, though it was innocent on the surface. “Thank you,” I said, unable to express anything else.
Jason took me to the nicest restaurant in Rawlins that night, ushering me in the door with his hand at the small of my back as if he owned me. He ordered for me, a big steak that I knew I couldn’t eat, baked potato and a glass of wine. “Jason,” I hissed, “I’m not twenty-one yet.”
“I won’t tell if you don’t, honey,” he said casually. I didn’t know what to think, and I didn’t like the wine much, but I drank it just to be polite. Jason asked me questions about all my sisters at the ranch, Charity and Russ. Seemed like he kept me talking all the time, and didn’t give up much himself. After half the glass of wine, I was a little dizzy, flushed and warm, and everything he said was funny. I was having a good time, though I didn’t know why.
“Annalee, do you have room for dessert?” Jason asked when the remains of the meal had been cleared.
“Noooooo, I can’t have dessert. I didn’t clean my plate,” I giggled.
He laughed with me, then teased, “What if you broke the rules just this once? If I ordered a brownie with ice cream and Kahlua sauce, would you help me eat it?”
“Sure,” I declared. “I like brownies.” I had no idea what Kahlua was, but how bad could it be? The dessert came a few minutes later, with whipped cream and a cherry on top and two long-handled spoons so we could share. I got whipped cream on my lip, and next thing I knew, Jason was leaning toward me, I thought for a kiss. When he licked the whipped cream off my lip, my stomach lurched. Warmth flooded me, and along with it, a flicker of desire.
“Want to go for a ride?” Jason asked, his voice a low growl.
God help me, I did. I wanted to ride out somewhere where it was really dark and have sex with Jason. One corner of my mind recognized that this wasn’t normal and probably not advisable, but the rest of me outvoted it. “Yes, I do.”
Jason took me way out on a ranch road that wound around the hills, then parked with the front of the car pointed up the hill at the spot where the moon was going to rise any minute. He put his arm around me, and pulled me close, without saying a word. The ride had sobered me up, and I no longer wanted to have sex with him, but I recognized I might not be in a position to object, so I sat stiffly in his embrace and said nothing.
After a while, Jason sighed, and said, “It’s probably too soon. We haven’t known each other that long. But Annalee, when you’re around, something in me wants to grab you, throw you over my shoulder and carry you off to my cave. I’m sorry if I’ve overstepped any boundaries.”
With my eyes cast down, I said, “No, Jason, you haven’t. You’ve been a perfect gentleman. But I think I’d better get back home now.”
Slowly, he moved his arm out from around me and reached for the ignition key. “You let me know when it’s okay to not be such a gentleman, okay Annalee?”
“Okay,” I gasped.
By the time we got home, Ciara and all the kids were asleep, so I didn’t invite him in, but I told him why and he seemed okay with that. He bent to kiss me chastely goodnight, and then went back to his car as I closed the door softly behind him.
What a strange night, I thought. I wondered if I had been drunk on only one glass of wine, and counted myself lucky that Jason was a gentleman, who wouldn’t take advantage of me.
I spared that hospital bill only a passing glance as I made my way to bed. No use spoiling what looked to be a good night’s sleep by opening it tonight. I’d see to it in the morning.
The next morning, I thought about putting it off again, but I knew I’d eventually have to open it and face the music. All I could hope was that they would let me work out a payment schedule. Expecting it to be somewhere in the neighborhood of $10,000, I pulled out page after page of itemized bill, looking frantically for a total. I found it on the last page, and nearly lost my breakfast. Eighty-four thousand dollars, and some change! I stared at the figure, unable to process it. It was more than three times what I made in a year. How in God’s name was I going to pay this?
In despair, I laid my head on my arms and wept. That’s where Ciara and the kids found me a few minutes later.
“Annalee, what’s wrong?” Ciara gasped. Tali had come to me and was patting my arm like she did Al’s when he cried from his pain.
“God, Ciara, I’m in so much trouble!” Thinking nothing of speaking in front of the kids, they were just babies, I told her. “Al’s hospital bill is over eighty-four thousand! I don’t know how I’m going to pay it.”
“Oh, my God,” she echoed. “What are you going to do?”
“I don’t know. I just don’t know. The only person I know with that kind of money is Russ, and he’s already done so much for us. This is my fault. I should have applied for insurance as soon as we moved off the ranch.”
“Wait, the accident happened on the ranch. Do you think Russ’s insurance will cover it?”
“I’m not going to ask that of him, you hear me Ciara? Don’t say anything to him!”
“But, Annalee…”
“No, I mean it. This is for me to figure out. I’ll call them, see what I can work out.” Even with my brave words, I knew I’d be paying off this bill for the next eight or ten years, if they’d even work with me. Earning commissio
ns on top of my salary was now critical.
As usual, Jason knew something was wrong the minute I walked in the door of the office. He knew me so well, could read me like a book. At the moment, I was glad of a friendly shoulder to cry on, never thought about how creepy it was for him to know me that well after such a short acquaintance.
“Annalee, what’s wrong? What happened since last night?” His deep voice held only concern for me, and I wanted to sink into his arms for comfort, but this was the office.
“I opened the hospital bill,” I confessed. Understanding flooded his face.
“What’s the damage?”
“Over eighty-four thousand dollars. Jason, I can’t pay that!”
“Well, the first thing to do is let them know your financial situation. It’s a non-profit hospital, and I know they’ve got some leeway. Don’t panic, let’s see what they can do for you.”
I hadn’t thought of that. With Jason’s encouragement, I called right away and made an appointment to go talk to the financial counselor at the hospital. He told me to go ahead and take the time off with pay, he needed me alert and able to work, not worried about that bill.
At the hospital, after a brief explanation, the woman there gave me a big handful of forms to fill out and bring back. “Don’t worry,” she said, “we’ll try to work within your means.” She never told me I could declare bankruptcy and wipe out the whole bill. Guess that wasn’t her job.
Jason told me though, and asked if I wanted to talk to a lawyer. I couldn’t decide. It didn’t seem right, somehow. Maybe I’d see what the hospital could do before I took that step. I took the forms home that night and filled them all out as best I could. When it came to the spaces for ‘spouse’ and ‘spouse employment’, all of that about Al’s father, I did the best I could. Next morning, I dropped them off at the hospital before I went on in to work.
Jason insisted on taking me to lunch every day, and that helped with my grocery budget, so I let him do it. He acted like I shouldn’t have a care in the world, and it was a relief sometimes just to be with him, laughing and joking, and forget all the troubles that were out there waiting for me. One day, we went into the diner and found a group of women who reminded me of me and my sisters before Russ and Charity took us in. They all had long-sleeved cotton dresses that came down close to their ankles, white socks with black flats over them, and their hair was done like I remembered. I didn’t know where to look, because I was embarrassed by them.
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