After long minutes of silence, she turned and made out Nik’s profile in the moonlight. “Thank you for standing up for me. After the way I reacted today, I didn’t really deserve it.”
“I’ll support you when you need it. Whether you deserve it or not.”
“He’ll make you pay for standing up to him. I hope it doesn’t cost you the ranch.” Though she almost wished it would. Then there would be no question about what he wanted.
“If Harm withdraws his support, I’ll get other investors. Anguilla deserves a chance to provide for its people. Within a decade, it should be able to. Though the hotels are a different story. But the tourists don’t mind paying a premium for imported food.”
“Are you really planning to stay after Holly has the baby?”
“It started as an intellectual challenge, sure. But I’d be hard pressed to find another community that could be so improved by agriculture.” He cleared his throat. “I could talk about repairing the ecosystem for days, but that’s not why we’re here.”
“Anguilla is only eleven miles long, but you’ll find it’s big enough for us both. Though I would appreciate not flaunting your imported girlfriend in my face.”
He swore and climbed out of the car, slamming the door behind him. “You know what, Janny, I bet I hate Sebastian Prinsen even more than you do.”
His movements were outlines and shadows as he paced in front of the car. She didn’t know what to do, what he would do. She removed her shoes and opened the door, her feet finding the rocky dust she’d grown up on. Just as she’d done as a child, Janny walked to the powdery sand and toward the ocean.
Warm sea air swirled around her, the hush of the ocean soothing her raw nerves. The sand dampened as she walked, the ocean lapping at her ankles. She hadn’t been to this stretch of beach in ages but recalled playing here as a child. The small alcove was protected from the waves by a large reef just off shore.
“I’m not with Mel,” Nik spoke from behind her.
She kept walking, the water kissing her calves until Nik’s hand rested heavy on her shoulder. He wanted some kind of response, but she couldn’t go there, didn’t want to let the numbness that protected her fade.
“If that bastard had been even halfway decent to you, we wouldn’t have to battle insecurities like this.”
“Do you charge a fee, or is this armchair psychoanalysis free? Because I have a very secure life. Stable job, my own home, and I’m respected in the community.”
“And yet you won’t let anyone close enough to love you because he’s made you think you’re not worthy of it.”
“I honestly don’t think much about Sebastian at all.” She shrugged off his hand and tried to step away, but he wrapped both arms around her and pulled her close.
“I wish that were true. I wish that you could let go of the hate and disappointment and just meet life where it is. Trust in the here and now.”
“If you want to wrap yourself around a woman, there’s one waiting for you at the property.”
“Mel and I were together during an internship after college. It was never emotional, just convenient. She’s here because she wants to test some theories about poultry, not explore a relationship with me.”
She wriggled, but that only made him tighten his hold. He needed to let go, let her be safe. “Why are you doing this?”
“I love you, Janny. When you’re wonderful, when you behave badly, hell, when you’re trying to be someone else. I’m loyal to my sister, but I came to Anguilla to see if we still felt the same. Because what we have together, it’s too rare to throw away because of distance or inconvenience or jealousy.”
Her head started swimming with his declaration, but she tried to keep a distance. “We won’t work, Nik. I go back to work tomorrow, and I stay at the hospital for days at a time. You haven’t seen the real me yet. I’m nowhere near as exciting as the fantasy woman you’re chasing.”
“You read too much.” He tucked his chin on her shoulder, his stubble rough against the side of her face. “We may not match up on paper, but, Princess, what’s between us burns that paper all to hell. And I know you. Better now than before. You’re stronger than I am. There’s no way I could have stood there as calmly as you did.”
“Can you let me go now? I’m fine to drive. The shock has worn off.”
He eased his hold but didn’t let go. “When I left you this morning, everything was fine and you were begging me to stay, and then a few hours later, you’re running me over in your desperation to get away.”
“I didn’t hit you.” She pushed at his hands, finally freeing herself and walking deeper into the water.
“The bike’s fine, by the way. Your picnic basket was beyond repair though.”
“Your arms were around her.” She hugged her arms around her middle, trying to make sense of what she’d seen and what she felt.
“I was showing her how to mix compost tea. There is nothing sexy about fertilizer.” He gave a loud sigh. “It’s the truth whether you want to believe it or not.”
“It looked like more.” She turned to face him, his features a familiar outline in the dark. “She’d be perfect for you. It makes a lot more sense than you and I do.”
He braced his hands on his slim hips and stared past her at the horizon.
Her heart ached more with every beat, as if it had grown too large and was being forced to squeeze back into its original space. “You shouldn’t have started things up with me when you were bringing your ex-girlfriend to Anguilla. Or told her not to come once we were together.”
“No, Mel should be here. And if you maintained relationships with your exes, you’d know that it is perfectly normal to remain friends. But I should have let you know.”
“If you’re still friends, there’s a chance to work things out. Where with us, it’s just passion that will eventually burn out. And seeing you with her definitely put out that fire for me.”
“I’ve never wanted to shake a woman so bad in all my life. How can you be so brilliant and yet completely clueless?”
“Clueless. Nice.” Her shoulders hunched as she started back toward the beach. He grabbed her arm as she passed.
“Relationships aren’t a balance sheet or a business plan. I want to be with you, Janny. Even when you’re scrambling to pretend you’re not breaking, when you’re trying to outthink a problem that makes no logical sense. I love that you stood up to Sebastian, that you walked out rather than listen to his excuses. Hell, I love that you didn’t feel the need to stay and battle it out with him. I wouldn’t have been strong enough to do that. But I hate the way you’re taking your anger at him and burying me in it.”
She shook off his hand. “Do I need to take you back to Harm’s or to the property? We’re done here.”
“Not by a long shot, Princess.”
“I’m not a princess. I’m not a damsel in distress. I don’t need you to ride in on a white horse and take me away. This is my life, not some fairy tale. I love my island towns, families I’ve known forever and my place in all of it.”
“And a rancher is a step or two down for the beloved Dr. Baird, is that it? You’re worried what people will think of you if you’re with someone whose hands are dirty?”
“That’s ridiculous.” She sat on the soft sand, hating how hard he made this.
He lay beside her, cupping his head in his hands as he stared up at the stars. “I’ll have my doctorate in two years, more if the hurricanes are bad. I’m not going to be a hayseed ploughboy forever.”
“You should be. You should do what you love. Have the life you dreamed of. We’re just a distraction from that. I’m letting you off the hook. Be happy with someone who’s not so tilted.”
“I like your particular brand of tilt. I’m hooked on it.”
Janny pulled the skirt of her sundress to cover her legs as she hugged her knees.
“The haze of afterglow will fade.”
“You’re crazy. We spent two months apart and it only intensified. Maybe it won’t be easy, but neither of us are afraid of hard work.”
“Loving someone shouldn’t be hard.”
His laughter rang down the beach. “Where did you get that?”
“Maybe your stars told me. They have all the answers, remember?”
He rolled to his side and propped his head on his hand. “My parents have been married forever, and I’ve never seen their relationship be easy. They’re together because they choose to be. Every day, they commit to something bigger than themselves. Sometimes it looks like love, sometimes it looks like barely restrained rage. No one can piss you off like the person who loves you best.”
“I wouldn’t know.”
“Sure you do. You want to kick me right now.”
She turned her face so he couldn’t see the smile. She’d love to kick him, pick him up and throw him at the hometown honey back at the property.
He traced his finger over her toes. “What would it take for you to believe in me?”
“This isn’t about you. I don’t want to be—”
“Vulnerable? I know the feeling. I’m lying on a beach telling a woman I love her and she’s focused on getting as far away from me as she can. Vulnerability sucks.”
She laid her head on her knees and studied him. “You should be with someone who knows what love looks like.”
“You know what love is.” He wrapped his rough hand around her ankle. “You let me chase you because I was a fantasy. And while that’s fun, I’m still here because of the reality of you. You’re everything I’ve ever dreamed of. You’re gorgeous and exotic, smart and sexy, but what I won’t live without is the way you love me when no one is looking. You open up and I fall in and I won’t give up on that.”
“Why would you want to be with someone who might never trust you?”
“I don’t want to be with someone. I want to be with you. And you’re sure. If you weren’t sure, we’d still be playing fantasy games. Come here.” He tugged at the hem of her sundress.
She wiped her eyes. “I just want to go home.”
He took her wrist and pulled her to him, her body far more willing than her mind as she settled atop him, resting her head on his chest. His heart beat a sure and steady rhythm beneath her ear.
Nik smoothed his hand over her curls. “You are home, Janny.”
She allowed herself a moment of melting into him, letting his strength shore up her own.
“Wherever we’re together is where we’re supposed to be. Hell, making dirt out of sand and dust is hard. Compared to that, we’re easy.”
“Easy enough, until you get tired of the baggage and the drama and realize you want someone who makes your dinner and goes to bed with you every night. I don’t want what you want.”
“Yes, you do.” He tightened his hold on her. “I get that you love your community and your part in it. That’s one of the things I love about ranching, having a purpose. And whether you’ve ever admitted it or not, you want to get married and have a family. Give your kids everything you missed out on. And I don’t see children in my future unless they’re with you. Because I won’t be with someone else when I want to be with you. That would be too disrespectful to everyone involved. So either we’re smart enough to figure out a way to make this work, or well…dammit, no. We figure out a way to make this work.”
“I don’t know how, or where we would even begin.” Her throat tightened, her chest squeezed tight. She wanted it, all of it, so desperately it hurt. But the fear of losing it, of having it not be as she saw it, loomed larger.
“Let’s start by going home, making love and getting a good sleep. And then we’ll do it a day at a time. Until you’re sure about us. And then I will come up with some romantic fantasy proposal. You’ll say yes, of course. And we’ll have the simplest wedding ever.”
“Wait, what?” She raised her head to look down at his shadowed face. “How simple are we talking? Because folding chairs and a courthouse will not be happening. Beach weddings are lovely, and Anguilla has miles of them. But the ranch would be better.”
“She loves me.” Nik reached for her, trying to pull her down into a kiss.
“I do love you, Nik.” She lowered her head to his for a soft kiss. He kissed her back, expressing all the love he’d just proclaimed. The kiss continued, their lips entwining in heated passion.
He took her face in his hands and broke the kiss. “Tell me you have condoms and a sex on the beach fantasy.”
She wrinkled her nose. “Only one of the two.”
“It’s okay, the beaches aren’t going anywhere. But we are.”
She rolled off him and they both stood. He took her hand as they walked to the car.
“I never dreamed I’d have my own cowboy.”
He chuckled and wrapped an arm around her. “And biker. And tycoon.”
“Oh, I’ve been meaning to ask you. What size would you be in a kilt?”
Epilogue
“I bet a screaming orgasm would make this a lot easier.” Nik held her hand as they walked through the garden that led to Beachside, the most exclusive restaurant on Anguilla.
“If we didn’t have to deliver the surprise, we could have stayed home and drowned ourselves in real orgasms.” Too bad you didn’t get very far when you ran away on an island.
He squeezed her hand. “We don’t have to stay long.”
She returned the gesture. Like he’d been telling her all week, the longer they put this off, the harder it would be. “We have to stay for dinner. Sassy’s mother was the pastry chef here when we were kids. We’d come here after school and fill up on honey lobster and durian tarts.”
“That puts muktuk to shame.”
“Do I want to know what that is?”
“Whale.” He shrugged. “My mom is full-blooded Inuit. Food traditions are important to her.”
“You know I’ll be terrified to eat anything she serves, right?” When he’d asked her if she’d come home with him for Thanksgiving, it had seemed too far off to contemplate. And then he’d said he wanted to be engaged before then and something in her had shifted. Marrying Nik wasn’t a question. Their timeline was fluid, but the outcome was not.
“I don’t trust a thing at Harm’s grain-free house, so I think that makes us even.”
They reached the private patio behind the restaurant. Twinkling lights were strung across the bushes and between the trees and the frangipani blossoms had opened to release their sweet fragrance into the night air.
She paused on the cobblestone path, taking in the vision of her best friends and the men that now knew they were her brothers. It felt strange to think of them as a part of her life. But they would be. Her relationship with them was separate from her relationship with their father. Harm and Joe and Antonnis weren’t any more Sebastian than she was.
There was something in her brothers that the women she respected most had chosen to love. That alone was reason enough to try.
“Janny,” Holly cried out, rushing toward them. “This was the worst idea I’ve ever had.”
She couldn’t help but laugh. “But it’s fun.”
“For you!” She put her hands on her hips, her dress tight across her belly. Yes, it was definitely time for this announcement. “Wait a minute, why is Nik carrying a box? You didn’t tell him, did you?”
“Tell him what?” Saskia asked, waving them closer to the table. “Who’s the present for, Nik?”
They joined their circle of friends around the large square table. Sebastian sat at one corner with Dutch, his best friend and Saskia’s father. The old salt gave her a nod and she knew he’d been brought in to keep the old man in check. He was the boys’ godfather, and she figured in a way, he was hers as well. It was Dutch who’d made sure she’d
never wanted for anything monetarily. Her mother would have been too proud to ask, and Dutch had ensured she never had to.
“The box is for Holly.” Nick handed it off to his sister, who held it against her middle.
“Open it,” Kristin said, leaning her elbows on the white tablecloth. “Is it some kind of belated wedding gift?”
Holly shook her head and looked up at Harm. Janny couldn’t recall a time when Harm hadn’t seemed gruff, annoyed when people didn’t do things his way. But now, when he wrinkled his nose and smiled down at his wife, the old animosity faded.
He cleared his throat and pulled Holly close against him. “This has been a big year for all of us. Engagements and marriages, reconciliations and new beginnings. Holly and I have another big change ahead. And Janny helped us out with a surprise, which is what the box is about I think.”
Janny nodded and pulled Nik’s arms around her. This family moment felt good, right. She’d never had this kind of sense of belonging before, and she wanted him close.
“This gift,” Harm started, but then had to clear his throat before continuing. “This gift changes everything for all of us. Turns us into something I wasn’t sure we’d ever be.” Holly reached up and touched his face, and he turned to kiss her palm.
Harm tried to take the box, but Holly held firm. “I want to peek.”
“You can’t peek,” Nik said. “Opening it is a one-shot deal.”
“Open the box, Holly.” Kristin gave a quick clap. “I have to know if it’s what I think it is.”
“Okay,” Harm said with a nod. “Holly is making sure everyone here gets a new title. Aunt, uncle, grandfather.” He tilted his head and looked at Dutch. “God-grandfather?”
Caribbean Cowboy: Under the Caribbean Sun, Book 4 Page 13