“I need to figure out a casual way to run into Sean Marcus. I hate the way I left things with him. I don’t want him to think I can’t handle being around him, you know what I mean? I want us to be friends.”
Surprisingly, she actually sounded as if she meant it. And she did, in a way. She’d rather be friends with Sean than feel this horrible awkward tension every time she thought about seeing him.
Brianna nodded, a frown of concentration creasing her forehead. “So you haven’t seen Sean since you broke up?”
“It wasn’t exactly a breakup, but…” She shook her head, unwilling to explain all the ins and outs. “No, I haven’t.”
“And you want to. I just want to make sure I have this straight. Because my track record lately is a little shaky.”
“Yes. I want to see him. I need to get that first random encounter out of the way. Except I don’t want it to be random. I want to be prepared. But I can’t think of a way to accomplish it. Any ideas?”
“Well, as a matter of fact…” Brianna glanced over her shoulder toward the door. “Can you be ready in about five minutes?”
“What?” Evie knocked a pile of napkins off the counter. They went fluttering to the floor in a shower of “Sky View” light blue.
“I ran into Sean on the street. He said he’d see me in here.”
“You’re just telling me this now?”
“I’m sorry! I didn’t know you were worried about seeing him!” Brianna dropped her head onto her folded arms. “I’m the worst friend ever,” she wailed.
“You’re not, you’re not. Just stay here for a minute while I make sure I look okay.”
“You look ridiculously beautiful, as always,” Brianna called as Evie ran toward her back office. She threw herself in front of the old gilt-framed mirror she’d stumbled across at a thrift store. Usually, she appreciated its cracked and slightly warped reflection. Now, she desperately wished for a normal mirror. She met her own panicked eyes. She looked like a Picasso painting, with one half of her face an oddly shaped cube.
“What are you doing?” she whispered to herself. “Is falling in love something to be embarrassed about?”
No. It wasn’t. People fell in love all the time. Every day. She saw them trooping into her gallery, nuzzling and holding hands and whispering to each other. It was normal. She was normal.
For the first time since she was fourteen, she’d opened her heart and made herself vulnerable. She should be proud of that!
With her head held high, she glided back toward the gallery. She might have stumbled a bit when she saw Sean’s tall figure next to Brianna, head bent down to listen to her friend. Brianna, cheeks turning pink, was chattering a mile a minute. She did that when she got nervous; she and Evie had that in common.
Sean looked up when she came toward him, his green eyes flying to scan her face. She kept her determined smile fixed firmly in place even though her heart performed several consecutive jumping jacks.
“Hi, Sean.”
“Hi. I was, uh, just walking around town and I thought I’d stop in and say…well, hi.”
Brianna piped up. “I’m going to take off, you guys. I have some mulch to deliver. Too much information, probably. I mean, who wants to hear about mulch? Even the word is unappealing, isn’t it? ‘Mulch.’ It’s like a combination of ‘mold’ and ‘gulch.’ Neither of them are attractive words and when you put them together—”
“Brianna,” Evie interrupted, for all their sakes. “Sean and I could really use a minute to catch up.”
“Right.” Bright as a firefly, Brianna whisked herself out of the gallery. Miraculously, the place was momentarily empty.
“How’ve you been?” Evie tried to sound normal and ignore the deep longing that gripped her soul. Sean didn’t feel the same as she did; that was crystal clear.
“Bad,” he said bluntly. God, she’d forgotten how he always got straight to the point. “I felt bad about how we left things.”
“Don’t.” Unable to hold his gaze, she decided this would be the perfect time to replace the photo of Venus that the honeymooners had purchased. Crossing to a stockpile of framed photos from the Observatory, she flipped through them blindly. “There’s no need.”
“So we’re cool?”
“Of course we’re cool.” So cool. Just look at her—cool and calm and collected. “Perfect Evie,” as Brianna would say.
“Yeah. Listen, Evie, I owe you for what you did.”
“Excuse me?”
She gave him a sidelong glance. He stood a few steps away from her as she extracted a framed print of the Horsehead Nebula. He was dressed more formally than usual, in light wool trousers and a creamy sweater. Did he really have to look this good? Was he trying to kill her?
“I know that you wanted to stop Brad’s bullshit before it snowballed on me. That’s one of the reasons you decided to crash his press conference. I haven’t really thanked you. So, thank you.”
“Maybe I should thank you. It was the best thing I ever did.”
Maybe the simulation of a supernova imploding would be better. She pulled that one out too, then stared at it for a long moment. The intense colors, the vivid flares of pure light and energy…
A thought flashed through her head. She and Sean were together in the same room. When would that happen again?
This is your life, Evie. Live it.
She abandoned the photos and closed the gap between her and Sean. Startled, he stepped back, but she grabbed him by the shoulders and stood on tiptoe. She pressed her lips against the firm, curved contours of his.
Fire streaked between them, hot and real and all-consuming. He let out a groan and devoured her mouth as if it was the only thing standing between him and starvation. He put one big hand on the small of her back and tugged her close.
This was where she wanted to be, the only place she wanted to be. This was where she belonged, and every rapid beat of his heart told her “yes, yes, yes.”
Relief and joy sent her head spinning. She’d wondered, late at night, sleepless in bed, if she would ever kiss Sean again. Now she was kissing him and he was kissing her back. He did feel the same as her. He felt the same passion, the same longing, the same love.
It was all there in his kiss.
Until he stepped away.
He dropped his hands from her body, his face going blank as the empty space on her gallery wall. “Sorry, Evie. I’m sorry.”
Her jaw fell open. Her stomach gave a sickening plunge. Part of her wanted to run away and hide under the desk in her office. But the other part, the more important part, refused.
“You coward,” she told him in a low voice. “You feel the same things I do. But you’re afraid to face them.”
He watched her silently, not agreeing, not disagreeing. She wanted to pick him up and shake him. Or maybe toss him to the ground and pummel him. Her frustration felt almost violent.
“And the only reason I can say that is that I used to be afraid too. I know how it feels. And I know it when I see it.”
With a tormented look, he scrubbed a hand through his hair. “I didn’t mean…I came here to…”
“Don’t bother with trying to concoct some kind of line. That’s not you. That’s why you can’t spit it out.”
“Look, Evie, it’s not…” He trailed off, which proved her right. Whatever he’d come here to say, he couldn’t do it.
“I know you, Sean. You don’t tell lies. So look me in the face and tell me you don’t feel something for me.”
He said nothing. His gaze dropped to the floor, to the wall, to anywhere but her.
“Goodbye, Sean.”
She spun on her heel and snatched up the first photograph her hand landed on. Turning her back on him, she carried it to the fastener protruding from the wall. It fit perfectly in the space.
His footfalls echoed through the gallery on his way out the door. She kept her gaze fixed on the photo, even though she couldn’t see anything through her tear-blurred eyes. Her
entire being was focused on Sean disappearing from her life.
When the door jingled closed, she finally allowed herself to blink. Slowly the photograph came into focus.
Jupiter filled the frame, big and bold, with the distinctive eye-shaped giant storm dead center. That storm had been raging for hundreds of years. It was bigger than the entire planet Earth.
And yet it was nothing compared to what was going on inside her heart right now.
31
Every kiss from Evie seemed to change Sean’s life.
This one was no different. He left the Sky View Gallery and drove right to the station house. He had no trouble finding Chief Becker’s office—the station practically felt like a second home. The chief was on the phone, but Sean didn’t need to actually talk to him.
He pulled out the papers that had been burning a hole in his pocket since Brad dumped them on him a week ago. If the choice was sell the airstrip to Brad or he’d leak the bank statements—well, he’d save Brad the trouble.
He planted the sheaf of papers on Becker’s desk. Right away he felt a huge burden roll off his shoulders. He snagged a notepad and scrawled a message for Becker. “More material for your Marcus investigation.”
He watched as Becker scanned the note, registered the meaning of the bank statements. When the police chief, who still had his phone to his ear, finally met his eyes, he gave the man a little salute, and a thumb’s up.
Whatever happened next was up to the Jupiter Point Police Department, and Sean was more than okay with that. Whether it looked bad for him, or Brad, or Jesse, or all of the above, it didn’t matter.
Unless he was cleansed of the past, he’d never be worthy of Evie McGraw and her kisses.
Over the next few weeks, Sean threw himself into work. The weather forecasts were alarming; the entire fire community was on watch. Even though it was only mid- April, this part of California was like a tinderbox, and a wildfire could spark at any moment. As he’d promised Vargas, from now until the fire season began, he intended to be one hundred percent focused on getting the Jupiter Point Hotshots ready.
Working nonstop, he completed all the paperwork required for a Type 1 Interagency Hotshot Crew. He and his two captains—Josh and Baker—began planning an initiation ceremony that would mark their crew’s official entrance into the firefighting world.
In the meantime, they trained, and trained, and in their spare time, trained.
Chief Littleton had finally stopped keeping his distance and invited Sean to meet with him about coordination between the hotshots and the JP fire department.
“Gotta tell you, I’m glad you guys are here,” the chief said as he showed him around Station Eleven. “These dry conditions are making me antsy.”
“You and me both.” Sean nodded to one of the firefighters, who he recognized from that drunken night at Barstow’s Brews. “Hey, Rabbit, how’s it going?”
“Not bad, man.” They exchanged fist bumps. “Good to see you slumming it here with the locals.”
Littleton excused himself to take a phone call. “Rabbit, do you mind showing Marcus here the rest of the rigs? He needs to know what resources we can offer up if need be.”
“Sure thing, Boss.”
Rabbit, a good-looking, lanky guy with a cocky grin, led the way into the apparatus bay. It was empty and its back door wide open. In the sunny open lot behind the station house, several firefighters were busy polishing a ladder truck and an engine until they shone.
“Guess you missed your chance with Suzanne, huh?” Rabbit said as they walked through the apparatus bay. “I’m thinking that night at Barstow’s was one of her last nights of freedom.”
“Sorry?”
“Suzanne Finnegan. The blond you left with that night. I heard she’s engaged to some lawyer from the Bay Area.”
“No kidding.” He’d probably know this news already if he was still spending time with Evie. “She’s a good kid, I hope she’s happy.”
“So…uh…I heard you were seeing her cousin. Evie McGraw.”
Sean’s entire body tensed at the sound of Evie’s name. “Yeah, I guess you could call it that.”
Rabbit was watching him curiously. “Not anymore?”
“No, I haven’t seen her recently.”
The other firefighter blew out a breath and beamed at him. “So I’m clear to step in, right? I’m just checking as a courtesy, one firefighter to another. Which is more than some of the others are doing.”
Sean froze, nearly stumbling over a crack in the apparatus bay floor. “What are you talking about?”
“Asking Evie out. Following protocol, dude. You were seeing her, so—I want to make sure that’s all in the past before I make my move.” He kept moving toward the lot, not waiting for Sean.
Sean shook himself out of his paralysis and hurried to catch up. “I wouldn’t waste your time. Evie isn’t interested in dating. She despises dating.”
“You’re behind the times, bro.” Rabbit laughed as they stepped out of the apparatus bay into the sunshine. “Evie has entered the singles scene. She’s put out her single shingle. And you know what that shingle says? ‘Open for business, but you better take a number.’ I heard she’s been seeing a cop. That ain’t right. She deserves better.” He winked and put out his fist for another bump, but Sean ignored it this time. “Anyways, we’re cool, right?”
“Yeah, yeah, we’re cool.” Sean made himself speak those words because what else could he do? He didn’t have any say in what Evie did or who she dated. But he walked through the rest of the firehouse tour like a zombie.
Evie was dating? Why hadn’t she told him?
Of course she hadn’t told him. He’d walked away from her and lost all right to know about her life. When a girl told you she loved you, and your only response was, “I’m sorry,” you pretty much lost all say in her love life.
Love life.
He hated the sound of those words. How far was Evie planning to take this? Who was she going out with—the police officer who had written a poem about her pearly teeth? It could be anyone—half of Jupiter Point probably wanted to date her.
She’d put up all those emotional walls and he’d helped tear them down. And now she was dating.
Of course she would want to find someone else. She was a warm-hearted, caring, passionate, kind, sensitive woman who deserved to find true love. Her physical attractiveness was just icing on the cake. Her true beauty lay within. But would the “pearly teeth” guy even recognize that? Would all these dudes asking her out see her as the miraculous woman she was—or as some kind of trophy? Would any of them feel a fraction of what he felt for her?
* * *
Without bothering to say goodbye to Littleton, Sean left the firehouse and drove straight to the police department. As he walked through the bullpen area, he looked daggers at each police officer he passed. Which one was Evie going out with? The one who looked like a GQ model in blue? The good-looking Latino guy speaking rapid-fire Spanish into his phone? The one who looked like he could lift a Harley with each beefy arm?
When he reached Chief Becker’s corner office, the man unfurled himself to his full six-foot-seven height and reached over the desk to shake his hand. “Good to see you, Marcus. You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
Sean raked a hand through his hair. “In a way.”
“Sit down.” Becker gestured him to a chair, but Sean couldn’t bear to sit yet. The need to be doing something had transported him here. He didn’t know exactly what to do, but here he was.
He paced back and forth in front of Becker’s desk. “I don’t want to take up your time. I just…I’ve been hearing some rumors about your guys.”
“My guys?” Becker raised his eyebrows up to his grizzled hairline. “Someone doing something they shouldn’t?”
“Yes. No. I mean, I’m sure they’re doing their jobs just fine. Serve and protect. Solve crimes, keep Jupiter Point safe. All that.”
“Uh-huh.” Becker got that look Sea
n had seen on many a police officer’s face, that wary, ‘ready for whatever the crazy person might do’ look. “I hope so. That’s what we’re paying them for.”
“Yeah, but are you paying them to pester your female citizens?”
Becker walked to his office door and closed it. “What’s on your mind, Marcus?”
“Word has it your officers are lining up to go out with Evie McGraw. I have to question their motives. As their superior, you should keep them under control. Tell them to back off. Evie’s a sensitive person and she doesn’t need a bunch of Neanderthals beating down her door. No offense.”
“Oh really? What about your guys?” Becker folded his arms across his chest. “Are you going to tell them to back off?”
Sean came to an abrupt stop at the random spot he’d reached, halfway across the office. “My guys? What are you talking about?”
“I’m pretty sure that was your boy Josh Marshall I saw with Evie at the Orbit the other night, when I took my wife out for her birthday.”
Josh and Evie…dating? “He wouldn’t do that. He fucking wouldn’t.”
“That’s between you and him. I’m just the police chief. And I’m pretty sure, no, almost a hundred percent sure,” Becker scratched his head as if trying to remember some obscure police regulation, “that I have no say in who my subordinates go out to dinner with, or who they fall in love with, or who they marry.”
“Marry?” Horror flashed through Sean with the force of a lightning bolt hitting an oak tree. “Who said anything about marrying?”
“That’s generally what people do when they love each other. Unless they have problems with the institution or deep-seated issues they haven’t worked through.”
Sean stared at the older man, who seemed to be struggling to hold back a laugh. “You’re saying I have issues?”
“You saying you don’t?”
“You don’t even know me.”
“Boy, you put your fist in my face. I arrested you.” He jabbed a finger in the air toward him. “I interrogated you. I listened to you rage in a jail cell all night. I investigated your parents’ death. That means I investigated them and I investigated you. I know you.”
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