by Nicole Snow
If she's trying to provoke me into assaulting her, it's working.
I dig my feet into the tile, pretending my arms are chained to my sides. Otherwise, I'm going to get her out of my face when she takes another step forward, the best way I know how. Then Hayden and me will have a lot more to worry about than a misunderstanding.
“That's right,” she says, smiling like she's caught me with my hand in her shark skin purse. “I know you're just a well paid actress. Asking me to go along with this little game was on the tip of his tongue, or at least his fingertips, the last few times we texted, before he found you in the gutter. You worked for the firm in this building, for Christ's sake. Stop lying to me, and everybody else. I know who you are, Priscilla Silvers.”
Okay, I'm worried. I don't say a thing, maintaining my icy calm, staring her down. If only this were a couple hundred years ago, when we could work our problems out with a duel. I'll have to settle for staring through her instead.
“I know you, too.” I smile, closing the gap between us. “You're the one who wasn't good enough. The girl he dumped for me. Honestly, I ought to be thanking you, Brie. If it wasn't for you, Hayden might've wasted his time with someone better. And if better came along, instead of you, I wouldn't be wearing this ring every day, waiting to welcome him home with new heels and a kiss.”
Holding up my ring, right in front of her face, I look a human hand grenade dead in her eye. It takes about three seconds before she explodes.
She rushes me. Screaming, snarling, spitting as we go down fighting. I thought I was ready, but she's stronger than she looks. She grabs my hair, slamming my head into the tile, before we're surrounded by about a dozen people screaming.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa, break it up!”
“Fuck you, you rotten, dirty, undeserving whore! I'll make sure Kayla takes you and that asshole for everything you've got! The whole world is going to know what a lie you're living. You'll be back in that shitty desk job where you belong, before you can even blink!” Tiny droplets fly from her mouth as several burly security officers haul her away.
I never thought I'd smile while tasting blood in my mouth. Today, I'm making an exception. I'm sucking the tiny wound in my bottom lip when another security man helps me up.
“I'll take it from here. Tell me you're okay, love.” Hayden walks through the tiny gaggle of people around us and puts his arm around me before I have time to wipe the shitty grin off my face.
I'm frozen. How much did he see?
Enough to justify the fires burning up your cheeks, I think to myself, focusing on not tripping with my bruised knee as he walks me to the elevator.
“No, no!” I tell him, banging my hands against his chest. “I don't want to lay down. I've been sleeping off what happened this morning most of the day. I wanted to come down here and find you, Hayden. God. I just want everything to be okay.”
“Then we're on the same page for once,” he says, drinking me in with the oceans in his eyes. “We have our regrets. We'd be fools to let them eat us alive. Come on.”
“Wait, where are we going?”
“Somewhere I think we can be honest with each other, Penny. Just like a real couple should be. What happened today wouldn't have gone down this way if we knew each other. It's time we met. For real.”
Oh. I don't have a clue what he means, but I like the sound of it.
It's a relief to stop struggling as he walks me out to the limo. There's a black police vehicle with its cherry-blue lights blinking, parked across the street. Before we slide in, we see Brie staring through the window, her face twisted in rage, hot tears rolling down her cheeks.
“I'm sorry. I shouldn't have antagonized her, and made a bad situation worse,” I say, once we're safely in the back of the car.
“Forget it. That's old history looking at us, refusing to accept defeat. All she'll ever be. Tonight, let's focus on our future, the one I promised you when we decided to go to the altar.”
Slowly, uneasily, I reach for his hand. When he takes my fingers, there's no hesitation. No uncertainty.
I don't know what he has in mind, but I've already learned something new.
When Hayden Shaw makes a mistake, he doesn't do it twice.
8
A Hundred Burdens (Hayden)
It stinks like smoke inside the underground warehouse. Just the way I remember it. There's already a raucous crowd gathering. We have to push our way through them to get to the cages, where the fight is starting.
Nothing makes men scream like money on the line. I smile, remembering how their roars used to pepper my ears. Louder than the bombs going off in my skull whenever my opponents managed to land lucky strikes.
“It's so loud. How did you do this without bursting your ear drums?” Penny says, leaning into me.
“Never minded the noise. Quite exhilarating when you're in the thick of it. The best noise was always last, when I walked away undefeated. The guys who bet against me out here screamed like pigs. Should've heard them.”
“You're insane.” Penny smiles, looking from me to the fighters circling each other like bulls looking for an opportunity to charge. “Didn't you ever worry you'd get hurt? Or maybe someone would find out who you were, and try to get money? Doesn't seem like the most upstanding citizens into this sport.”
I put my arm around her while the boys in the cage duke it out. The younger one, a kid with bulging muscles and a motorcycle club's logo tattooed on his back, does a rookie dodge when the big guy bearing down on him throws his next punch.
“Risk is half the fun, love. Also a great fundraiser, because I gave my winnings to charity. The MCs and mafias coming through here don't fuck with you when you're doling out money for orphans and medicine. Money is power. Respect. Even the outlaw groups like the Grizzlies know what this lion means.”
I motion to the young guy, finally getting the jump on the gorilla going after him. He's got the roaring bear of the Grizzlies MC on his chest and his back.
“Thought my damned eyes were playing tricks! It's really you, isn't it?” A familiar hand slaps me on the shoulder. I turn, coming face-to-face with the weathered old man. His long gray hair goes past his shoulders, and he's still in the same leather vest I last saw two, maybe three years ago.
“Hello, Blackjack.”
“This the reason you stopped fighting, son?” He motions to Penny, a twinkle in his eye. “Sad as shit to see you go. Every time I came back here, and you were on that stage, we made a lot of money.”
We sure did. Every fight I had drew huge crowds, some with dangerous people. The Grizzlies, the Prairie Devils, and all the halfway decent biker affiliates I was on decent terms with made plenty of money working security. They skimmed their cut off the gambling pool, too, of course, but the old President staring at me learned fast how to place his club's bets when I was in the cage.
“This is my wife,” I say, pride in my voice. It actually feels real after everything else that's happened tonight. “Penny, this is Blackjack. Toughest man you'll ever meet on the road.”
They smile at each other, and shake hands.
“My, my,” the old man says, impressed with the woman wearing my ring. “You're a lucky woman, tying the knot with the only man in this city who did the circuit behind those chains without getting punched out cold. Congrats on doing what I couldn't, tying him down. Nearly got this boy to prospect in my club a few years ago.”
“More like ten, almost,” I remind him, smiling. “Another lifetime ago.”
“Well, if you're standing here, I hope you're counting your lucky fuckin' stars just the same. Always had a soft spot for redheads, Hayden, and you've landed a nice one in your prime. Make sure you keep her.”
I'm grinning. If only he knew the truth.
Intellectually, the old man would probably appreciate the scheme to keep my company and my fortune. But the other side of him would want to throw me up against the nearest wall and tell me to stop shaking down her heart. Aren't I too old not to se
ttle down for real, and act like a man, anyway?
“I will. Sounds like the club's doing well out west.”
“Ah, you know, a little peace and quiet is nice after all these years.” He swings his hand swiftly through the air. “Boys getting married, popping out kids left and right. New deals with our friends in Dixie. Kicking ass, taking names, riding free. Crossing country when we need to, and having some fun along the way. Me, I'm spending time with my wife and boy, when he's home on leave. Feels good to reconnect with family after a long time apart.”
Penny just stares at us, suppressing a smile, her nervous eyes shining. It's like she can't believe I was telling her the truth about the brawls in the underworld I used to do. By the time we walk out of here, she's going to be a believer.
“That's what I like to hear,” I say, sharing a knowing look with Blackjack while the crowd explodes all around us. His boy on stage has definitely got the upper hand now. Everyone in the audience is either celebrating their imminent wins, or getting fighting mad over bitter losses.
“I'd better get going, and so should you, long as you've got a lady here. You know how this place gets when we've got an upset victory. My boy, Stryker, up there, he only got about thirty percent of the chips on him tonight. It's gonna be a riot when he lands the knockout.” Blackjack watches me nod, then leans in as I'm grabbing Penny's wrist. “Just between you and me, this place hasn't been the same since you quit the cage. Good news is, I don't give a damn anymore. Seeing you with your baby girl tells me you did good, son.”
“Say hello to the whole crew for me,” I tell him. We shake hands one more time, and then I'm leading her back to the limo, before heads start getting slammed together.
“Next stop won't be nearly as exciting,” I tell her, when we're halfway to the car.
“I appreciate the time you're taking to show me all this. You act like you're not a good man, but you are, Hayden. You care.”
I don't say anything. Just squeeze her hand tighter until we're in our leather seats.
What she's saying isn't so different from what the hardened outlaw told me. But I'm not doing this out of the kindness of my heart. I care because I want my wife to know me. I want her to see it all, so we can put on a better act, plus maybe a few more reasons I'm not ready to admit.
Penny deserves to know me. The good, the bad, the ugly, and everything in between.
We're in the limo when I get another call. I look down and see GRANT on my screen.
It was only a matter of time.
“Yeah?” I tap the key to answer, putting it on speaker for my wife to hear.
“Finally done avoiding my calls? Why the fuck were you too proud to tell me you were this hard up, brother?” His deep smokehouse voice matches the lumbersexual look he's cultivated to intimidate the smooth shaven boys on Wall Street.
I look up, across the seats at Penny, and see her smile.
“Hard up? Grant, if this is about the wedding, I'm not anything except –“
“Yeah, yeah. Madly in love with her, right?” I can practically hear him biting his tongue over the phone. “Luke said you'd feed me a line or two like that. I get it, you're afraid, and I'm not blaming you, brother. No more games. You need help. Let's cut to the chase – you're scared shitless of being poor, and you're too afraid to ask me for backup.”
“I don't need your money, Grant. If you're on board with Luke, willing to forfeit your inheritance without a fight, that's your choice. I'm not afraid of losing either. If Kayla takes every penny, I'll earn it back. I did it once, and I can do it all again. Hell, you're living proof it just takes brains for a man in this family to make himself a fortune.”
Obviously, I'm sucking up, so he'll leave me alone. He's always been a fool for compliments. Penny reaches over, takes my hand, and squeezes. Her eyes tell me she's impressed. She believes in what I've just said, too, more than I believe it myself.
There's a long pause. “You're selling, and I ain't buying, Hayds. This is about the money. How much do you need?”
“Nothing! Not a dime.” It comes out harsh. I pause, letting out a sigh. “I'd love it if we could stop talking about Kayla for a second, though, and maybe talk about my damned wedding?”
“All right, sure,” he says, sarcasm dripping through the receiver. “I'm game to hear all about this romance, how Luke says you fell head over heels in a couple weeks, and snatched up one of your bimbos. One neither of us ever heard of.”
“She's not a bimbo,” I growl, stroking Penny's fingers, meeting her eyes. Heat flushes her cheeks red, and she turns her head. “She's a wonderful, smart, caring woman. I'll level with you, Grant, there's a lot we're still learning about each other.”
“Fuck, at least you're honest about something.”
“I made the right choice. I've never been more sure of it in my life. Don't care how long it takes you, Luke, and whoever the hell else to suck it up and believe me. In fact, I'll do you one better – I'd like you to meet her. Come west when Wall Street closes for Christmas, and –“
“No can do, brother. I'm meeting a pack of new wolves in a couple weeks to see about investing in their latest tech startups. This money doesn't make itself.”
I flash Penny a look, begging her with my eyes. Please, love, forgive me for my utterly judgmental, self-absorbed brothers who have plenty of time to crap all over us, and none to prove them wrong.
“Okay, brother. You want to do something for me? Make a few million more so you can finally take a vacation. Then come to Chicago, hang with me, and find out for yourself how lovely and real my wife will always be.”
I end it there. Her eyebrows shoot up as soon as I slam down the phone, throwing it against the seat.
“Wow. I'm kind of glad you didn't let me cut in like with Luke.”
“Grant spits a lot more crap than he takes,” I tell her. “I'm not just trying to get under his skin. Just trying to make him think.”
She smiles. Slowly, she undoes her seat belt, crosses the space between us, and slides in next to me. “You're very good at that.”
Her head falls on my shoulder. I bury my nose in her hair, inhaling her luscious scent, coconut-spice-something that relaxes every muscle in my body, except for the steel between my legs. We doze for the next half hour, while the city retreats into the distance, happy in our embrace.
I'm thinking about the harsh words I used on my brother. Plus the strange, defensive urge to stand behind us, even when Grant called me out. It wasn't about business, or some fucked up sense of honor, nursing my wounds because I'm afraid they'll think less of me if I stoop so low to get married over saving my empire.
It's not about that anymore. I've fought it between the acting, kicked and clawed at it when I was smiling, telling the whole world a big fat lie. Every time she's close, like tonight, I'm not sure what kind of lie I'm living anymore.
How can this be make believe if it's starting to feel real?
We're awake. I crack open a fresh bottle of wine and run it through the car's aerator. We sip the burgundy sweetness the whole way through the outer 'burbs, passing into rural Illinois. Urban monoliths transform into hills, and the spaces between houses grow like mad. When we're on the familiar two lane road and I see the palatial house on the hill, I start tensing up.
“What's wrong?” she asks, sensing the change in my hand on hers.
“You need to see where I started, and what I've lost,” I say, gesturing to the window, and instructing the driver to pull up near the gate over the intercom.
There it is. My childhood home looms high over more than a hundred acres, surrounded by the teeming gardens I used to play in for hours. The plants are dead brown, a cracked tangle of trimmed vines and stems covered by a dusting of snow.
It's rustic, rural, and beautiful. My old man pulled my brothers and me into the city plenty of times growing up, but he believed in raising us outside it.
“Home,” I growl, wrapping an arm around her shoulder, seeing the questions in her sw
eet green eyes swell. “It belongs to the bitch now. Dad's inheritance was very clear about that. Irony is, they barely spent more than a few weeks here as a couple.”
“It's gorgeous, Hayden. And no limits to her greed, I see.” Penny stares out the window, taking in my ancestral home. Both of us watch a lonely silhouette moving through the upper floor's windows, either a servant, or maybe the devil herself.
“Cruel irony, if it's her up there. She always said this place was too far from the good entertainment. Guess she's changed her mind now that it's her name on it.”
“God, what a bitch,” Penny whispers. “If a man left me a house a tenth of this size, I think I'd be set for life.”
“It's bigger than it looks, too. Growing up, we had entire floors to ourselves, with just our nannies and instructors watching us. Dad liked to keep family time to the happy parts, and leave the grunt work and messes to everybody else. We practically raised ourselves.”
“What about your mom?” She turns, wrapping her hands around my neck, studying the darkness I can feel invading my eyes.
“Bush plane went down with her in Alaska. I was only five or six. She was doing survey work for wildlife preservation up there, some place crawling with bears. Small miracle the crash took her out instantly so she didn't have to get eaten in the darkness.”
“That's horrible!” Sympathy curls her expression. For some reason, it turns my stomach. “I'm sorry.”
“Don't bother. Save your sympathy for someone who really needs it. I've had a good life, Penny, even without my ma. I barely remember her. Grant was a little older than me, and it hit him the hardest.”
“I know what it's like, losing a parent.” She turns, giving me a sad, lost look. “My dad died several years ago. Heart attack. Just as sudden as the plane crash that took your mom, I'm sure.”
“There's one more thing in common,” I tell her, melancholy appreciation in my gaze. “Who knows. There's no telling how things would've played out if my mom came home from that trip. Maybe it would've been better if we'd had both our parents to enjoy the huge house, to walk with us through the gardens. We managed. My old man mentored us when we got older. Luke didn't take to it like me, he had more of mom in him. Grant took off ahead of me, got the young and dumb out of his system, and then started making his own fortune in New York. Dad had his drinks and his flings, buried himself in work, before he decided to put a ring on a gold digger he couldn't have possibly cared about past her looks. I don't think he ever got over losing our mom, if you want to know the truth. Just sad his grief planted landmines, and now I have to pick up the pieces.”