It’s true.
Morgan asks me, “She didn’t tell you?”
I glance down at the table. “No. Why didn’t she?”
She answers, “Probably because she surmises what’s the use in telling you when you don’t want kids.”
She shouldn’t have kept that from me, no matter what.
I look up to see Rod frown at Morgan. “Hadders can’t have kids at all?”
“She can still get pregnant,” Morgan corrects him. “It might just take longer.” She slides her eyes over and gives me a bizarre stare. “The Pill should help lessen her periods, but there’s also a procedure she can get to make her period disappear.” I’m sure Morgan knows about why Becks isn’t on the Pill.
I weakly ask, “There is?”
“Yes, but she can’t get pregnant once she has it done. If she did by chance get pregnant, it could be dangerous for her and the baby. That’s why doctors recommend going on birth control after having it done.”
Being stunned, I have no idea what to do with all this new information.
I thought I knew everything about my girlfriend.
Or is she lying to me?
She wasn’t on the Pill because I asked her not to take it; however, I never asked her if she’d ever taken it before. I just presumed she hadn’t since she wasn’t on it at the time. Why isn’t she on it now, then, despite what I asked of her? If she had been on it for a medical condition, I wouldn’t have said anything to her about it. Then that bids the question: If she took the Pill before, why is she so against going on it again?
Even more staggering, why didn’t she ever tell me she might not be able to have kids? I'm fully aware of her bad periods, but she never told me the extent of their hold over her life. I didn’t realize how much having sex without birth control really meant to her, and how not being pregnant is tormenting her. I only thought of myself. I wanted to feel her, needing to be as close to her as possible. I took it too far and now she hates me because I teased her with the hope of having a baby and then it didn’t happen.
I’m an asshole.
Nevertheless, should I be hurt because she didn’t tell me if she was on the Pill before? Isn’t that something she would’ve at least mentioned in passing? Or conversely, should I focus more on the fact that Becks wants a baby and that her opportunities for me to get her pregnant might be few and far between, particularly when we only see each other on the weekends?
Do I cut out my selfish bullshit and give up what I don’t want so she can have what she does?
What the fuck do I do?
Movement catches my eye and I see Becks walking back to the table. Numbly, I stand to let her back in. She looks slightly better, yet I feel incredibly worse.
As I sit down, I glance furtively at Rod. Would she sleep with him to get a kid then, to increase her chances? She said she only wants mine, but is that the truth? Would she take Rod’s kid as a replacement if I don’t truly deliver? That would obliterate my soul and my reason for living.
If Hadley Beckett is ever going to carry a baby inside of her, I need to be the one to put it there.
“Where in the hell have you been, Hadders? I was ready to call the Coast Guard.”
“When I was coming back, my dad called. I stopped to see what he wanted. Sorry to worry you.”
“I was starting to imagine having to snake you out of a public toilet. Not a pretty sight.”
“Shit, you're gross, Ass Rod.”
Becks lays her head on my bicep and I peer down at her, wishing I could help her in some way, but all I do is disappoint her.
“Hadley, you don’t look that great. Are you okay?” Morgan asks her.
She nods against my arm. “I’m fine. Just crampy and tired.”
I say, “Maybe you should go home, baby. I’ll take you.”
“No, it’s not too bad right now. I think the worst is over. I look uglier than I feel.”
I move my arm to put it around her, stroking her arm and kissing the top of her forehead. “You’re never ugly. You’re always gorgeous to me.” From above, I see her cheeks rise in a smile.
“Aww!” Rod squeals. “Wilder, that is so sweet of you to tell Hadders!”
Why do I want to rip his lungs out?
Keeping my lips on her head, I indignantly peer at Rod before I state, “I forever tell her she’s beautiful, but she doesn’t believe me.”
Morgan rolls her eyes. “Listen to your boyfriend, Hadley.”
“Hadders, you’re rather fetching. I only joke when I call you a hag.”
Her laugh reverberates through my jaw. “Thanks?”
“You know you're hot, so shut up.”
She shakes her head and her ponytail swishes against my arm. “Rod.”
He’s checking her out? Is Cara right? Does he want my girlfriend? Is Becks lying to me about them being like brother and sister, or am I not seeing what may be happening between them right in front of my face?
Do I even know Hadley Beckett?
CHAPTER 7
Standing in the damp sand, Morgan and I gaze out into the Atlantic Ocean. She holds onto the straw hat she’s wearing as the wind whips around us and flutters our sundresses into a frenzy. I use my head to toss my ponytail over my shoulder as I cross my arms. “Is it going to be this windy during your wedding? When I was in Delaware, the wind was like this, too.”
“I hope it won’t be. Maybe because it’s high tide now? The wedding is in the late afternoon, so hopefully the wind won’t be as strong.”
We watch the large, rolling waves as they crash onto the shore, the surf splashing near our toes. I say, “I’m glad everything is going as planned for you here. That’s one less thing to worry about.”
“We still need to find you a dress since we didn’t last night. We can look around here.”
I nod and brush hair out of my face. “Don’t forget we have practice later.”
She turns her head to look at me. “Our coach isn’t going to be there, so why should we have to be? You’re the one who has practice anyway. I’m just there to point and laugh.”
I wryly smirk. “Such a good friend you are. It’s not like I’m really needed there, being actually out in left field and all.” I glower at the ocean, as if it's denying me the answers to my boyfriend’s madness.
Morgan holds onto her red dress and lightly dances in the puddles. “Why did Finn do that to you? Does he really not want to be accused of being biased?”
“I don’t know,” I say, hating to lie about the real reason why he put me out there. Since I’m not with child, I’m going to make sure he re-evaluates my outfield position, that’s for sure.
“So, since you were asleep most of the drive here, I wanted to ask you something.”
I smooth out my brown and white dress and look up. “What?”
“Did you ever tell Finn about you maybe not being able to get pregnant?”
Artlessly flinching, I grab ahold of my ponytail and twist it around. “Um, no.”
“Why would you keep that from him?”
I shrug and watch the bubbles popping in the sand as the water recedes. “Why does it matter? It’s not like he’d care about that. He doesn’t want kids, so he’d probably be happy. I don’t think I could stand to see him trying to hide a smile on his face after I told him. That would hurt far worse than not being able to conceive.”
“Oh. Maybe he wouldn’t be happy. Maybe he’d actually surprise you.”
I shake my head and scoff, “I doubt that. Finn Wilder may have some surprises, but nothing like that. He’s pretty predictable in that regard.” Although, he did surprise the hell out of me at Bethany’s with his visit and then when he made love to me.
“Don’t you think his biological clock will start ticking a little? I know I said men can have babies forever, but do you think he wants to be a dad at all?”
“No.” That’s not even an answer I have to contemplate.
“Why? He’d look hot burping your baby, pushing a st
roller or changing a diaper.”
Anxiously chewing on my lip, I look away from her, observing a large boat in the far distance. “As much as I want to see him do those, it’s not something he wants. I have to respect that, Morgan. That’s why I’m taking this time to think. It doesn’t help, though, when he begs me to go stay the night with him. Those big brown eyes of his are so persuasive. It’s damn near impossible to say no to him.”
Picking up a tiny, white conch shell that swirls in the water near her feet, she hands it to me and says, “Aren’t you withholding sex from him now? That should sway things in your direction soon.”
“I’m not withholding sex from him to be vindictive. We have issues about our relationship. I don’t want to use sex as a bandage to cover up the wound. I want to try to fix it another way. Sex seems to be the only thing on his mind when we’re together anymore, not that I don’t think about it or want him, because I do. It’s just that recently, it seems to be the only thing he wants to do with me.”
“That’s why I told you to go off the Pill. If he wants it so much, when you do actually live with him, he’ll have you pregnant in no time. That’s when you say, ‘Oops! You’re a daddy!’” She laughs and I wince.
“Morgan…”
Laughing again at my dismay, she shouts, “I know! I’m just throwing it out there! I know you’re honest and truthful. It’s kind of gross.” If she only knew how dishonest I am.
I sigh and toy with the smooth shell between my fingers. “He uses sex as a crutch. If something bothers him, he wants to use it as a distraction. That doesn’t exactly turn me on.”
“Oh, he’s one of those men? I guess there are worse things to complain about than your hot stud wanting to screw you.”
I laugh and kick at the sand with my maroon-painted toes. “Yeah, I know. It mostly concerns me that he has so much on his mind that he needs to get away from. I know something is eating at him, but he won’t talk about them with me. I just wish I knew what or whom. Although, I think a big chunk of his anxieties are because of me.”
“About what? Not moving in with him?”
I cross my arms again, nodding. “Among other things.”
“Are you going to let him get laid tonight anyway?”
I laugh and shrug. “I don’t know. It’s still not a good time.”
“Hadley, I don’t think he’ll give a shit.”
“I know he won’t.”
“Just let him fuck you then. All you have to do is lie there.”
I look over at her and scoff, “Jeez, Morgan. Whose cause are you backing?”
“You might enjoy it. You both look like you need it.”
“Why? Do I look wanton or something?”
“No, but your man sure does. He has to be touching you in some way when you’re together.”
“I suppose he does. I don’t mind it, though.” I love even the smallest of his touches.
“When I see you together, his hands or lips have to be on you. I can only imagine what he can’t keep out of you when you’re alone.”
I laugh. “You’re perverted.”
“Have you met Finn Wilder? He’s a walking hard-on! Don’t you ever notice the damn bulge in his jeans he sports when he’s around you?”
I dig my foot into the pool of water at my feet and kick wet sand onto her leg. “Shut up!”
She pushes at my arm and flings sand back at me with her foot. “I’m being truthful! Not to mention he always has that look in his eyes when he's around you.”
“What look?”
“Like he's a man lost in a desert and you're a lemonade stand.”
“Maybe he’s dehydrated.”
“Are you serious? Finn may be a cocky son of a bitch and doesn’t know what the fuck he’s missing by not marrying you, but shit, he’s yours.”
Sometimes I wonder just that.
“What about this dress?” Morgan holds up a sky blue frock with a double crisscross back to it.
I flip the dress over and back again. “Where’s the dress? There’s nothing to it!”
She yanks it out of my hands and inspects it again. “You always say that! It has these thin straps on the back.”
“Like those cover up my ass! It’s also extremely low-cut for a bridesmaid’s dress, isn’t it?”
“I’m the bride and I say it’s okay. It’s a beach wedding, Hadley. We could wear bikinis and it would be appropriate. Chill.”
I frown. “My one-piece might have more material than that thing.”
“It’s a gorgeous dress. There are even tiny little sparkles throughout. I know Finn will have a hard time keeping his hands to himself. If I notice you two gone, I’ll know what he’s doing with you because of this dress.”
Scouring the rack for another one, I pout, “If he’s even there.”
Morgan shoves the dress at me. “Will you try it on for me? Please?”
I dubiously grimace. “You are going to beg me now, too?”
“You won’t be able to say no to me, though.” She’s right.
“Ugh!” I grouchily take the dress from her and go into the dressing room. The material has a slight give, so that’s a good thing. I’m not wearing this little amount of material and it also be skintight.
I take a quick look in the mirror. Whoa. My boobs are out there. I can’t wear this! The lightly ruffled neckline plunges to nearly my sternum. It reminds me of the blouse I wore to the club, but this is even more daring. For a wedding? Thin straps hold up the thing and double-sided tape will again be my only hope of not flashing parents, grandparents and children alike.
I peek my head out the door. “I look like a substitute prostitute.”
Morgan incredulously laughs. “A what?”
“A substitute prostitute. You know, in case the regular one is unavailable. Dressed up for lower pay. All the specs, but zero respect.”
She tilts her head and glowers in confusion. “Shut up and get out here.”
“I can’t. You haven’t paid for an hour.”
“Hadley Bliss Beckett, get out here!”
Sulking, I step out of the small room and into Morgan’s loud gasp. “Hadley! Look at you! Oh my God!” She circles me like a shark while I fidget with the material covering my breasts, making sure I’m not committing indecent exposure.
As she orbits me, I inspect the jewels clustered at my waist. “I like the sparkly thing on my stomach. That’s pretty.”
Ignoring me, she squeals, “You are so hot!”
I whip my head up to scow at her. “What? You’re nuts.”
She puts her hands on her hips and reproaches, “Don’t you listen to your boyfriend at all? He’s right! You are gorgeous!”
Tugging at the material, I resentfully whisper, “My boobs, Morgan! I can’t wear this!”
She grins at my dismay. Nice BFF. “Your tits are fabulous. Don’t tell me Finn doesn’t think so, too.”
I again sourly whisper, “They’re falling out!”
Waving her hand dismissively at me, she continues, “I’m sure Finn will thank me for you wearing this. He doesn’t even have to take it off of you to get to them.” No kidding!
“That’s what I’m worried about. After a few drinks, his hands will be all over me.”
She beams. “You’re welcome!”
I gape in horror. “Are you for real, Morgan? You really want me to wear this?”
Her grin nearly envelops her entire face. “If you don’t, I’ll make sure you dance all night with Shane and Rod.”
I bluntly cringe. “Eww to Shane. Rod’s not a problem.”
“Yes, but I’ll make sure Rod plays music from a special playlist, and gets nice and wasted before you dance with him.”
I cross my arms, mostly to hide my too-exposed breasts. “You really do hate me, don’t you?” She mockingly smirks. Sighing in defeat, I walk back to the changing room and she follows me.
“Strike a pose.” Entering the closet-sized room, I turn to see what Morgan’s talking about.
She motions above my head with her fingers. What the hell?
“What?”
Morgan rolls her eyes. “Just do it. Stretch your arms over your head. I want to see if your boobs pop out.”
I look at her in trepidation as I tighten my arms over me. “Hell, no.”
“I’m serious. You might need taped again.”
“No shit, I’ll need taped.” I roll my eyes and slowly raise my arms, draping them over my head.
“Give me a sexy pout.”
I laugh. “Shut up.”
Before I realize what she’s doing, she pulls her phone up and takes my picture. “Good!”
I yelp and drop my arms. “Damn it!”
“I’m going to blackmail you.” She taps her chin and looks to the ceiling. “Hmm. What do I want?”
Pushing her out and shutting the door, I loudly reply, “A bloody lip!”
After picking out low-heeled, silver espadrilles to go with my hooker special, we head back home. Morgan takes me back to her apartment so we both can drive our cars to the ball field.
Morgan takes a seat on a bench and I walk out on the field where everyone is playing catch, making it only to the pitcher’s mound before I’m stopped. “There you are, Hadley. I was wondering why you were so late.”
I speedily pivot in the dirt. “Cara, hi. I had an appointment in Virginia Beach. I’m here now. Where do you need me?” She does have pretty, blue eyes, unlike my dull, swamp green.
She nods, indicating behind me. “Your boyfriend is out there with Crick. I’m sure he’ll be happy to see you.” I blink at her in uncertainty and turn to the outfield.
Puzzled, I look back at her. “Finn isn’t out there.”
She laughs. “Oh, I meant your other boyfriend. Rod?”
I shake my head and giggle at the thought. “Rod? Oh, no. He’s just my friend.”
Why does she look so doubtful?
“He is? I thought you two had something going on?”
I again shake my head with another confused laugh. “No.”
She stiffly smiles. “Oh. You two have mad chemistry.” Rod and me?
Squeezing my glove, I say, “We do get along great. He’s one of my best friends.” I suppose he is. Why didn’t I ever consider him that before?
Igniting the Wild Sparks Page 11